Mumsnet Talk

where are all the women who describe themselves as "bone idle sods who happen to have some kids in a cupboard somewhere"?

Well most mums are pretty busy for at least some of the time! What's the problem?

But...mums are usually busy in some way? Most people are! YABU

Ha ha YANBU!

It sounds marginally better than "Bored Housewife"

Unless you're looking to attract a certain crowd....

I was only thinking that last week. something was 'ideal for busy Mums'. I wish I could remember what it was.

How about some Ovaltine?

Would be funny if something was described as 'ideal for lazy Mums'. Would anyone buy it?

I was only thinking that last week. something was 'ideal for busy Mums'. I wish I could remember what it was

An intravenous drip containing wine and chocolate?

Depends what is was Rosanna.

Would be funny if something was described as 'ideal for lazy Mums'. Would anyone buy it?

Hell yes!

Rosanna I could identify with that no problem

Ah yes, 'busy Mums on the go' is the full phrase, as we see in that patronising Ovaltine ad.

X post!

This maybe ? <arf>

I want one of those! That would really improve my life

An intravenous drip containing wine and chocolate?

Where do I order one?

I hate the word "Mum" to be honest. It reminds me of this and this

And is just not a pretty word.

I hate 'busy mums' as well, such a cliche, often said by women with northern accents on Asda accents.

I am certainly not a busy mum today, I am sitting on the sofa, watching Goldfinger, eating chips and mumsnetting.

Fuck the laundry.

I'm a mum. I have three DC under 4yo. I am busy ergo I am a busy mum.

Whats the issue here

I would love to be lazy but my DC do not seem willing to let that happen

Risotto anyone?

Sirzy yes, it could have been the drip. I still can't think what it was....

I think the phrase 'busy mum' seems to mean 'martyr mum'

Love it Sparkling!

I'm a lazy mum, at least I try to be. 4 dc's have other ideas, can't believe how often they need feeding - it's bloody inconsiderate if you ask me!

I would like to hear the phrase 'busy Dad' a bit more often. Busy Dad on the go...

There's a cereal advert that makes my blood boil at the moment. Dh is in charge of breakfast - I don't give a shit as long as there's enough soya milk in the house to pour on top.

Oh aye, the advert start with "Mum's know ..." or some such shit.

Are busy mums the ones wot go to Iceland?

It seems Dads don't go to Iceland to stock up on prawn rings and the buffet of beige.

Or maybe they are the ones which are sponsored by P&G

Or the ones who buy Philadelphia as she has 3 "kids" to cater for (2+DH)

Gah.

I have always described myself as lazy. I have more or less set my life up as though I worked full-time and had small children, when actually I don't work at all and my youngest has just started school. Basically, during term time, I have the whole morning to myself with nothing more urgent to do than MN or walk the dog.

its a glib cliche.
and doenst suggest dads should be sodding busy too

All articles in Prima and The Daily Mail etc start with As a busy mum of two......or Denise is a busy mum of a toddler..... Or s any busy mum knows...

Ffs. Drives me illogically insane

No, dads aren't busy!
They are buffoons who don't know how the household works, don't do the cooking, washing or shopping, and fall into an exhausted heap after looking after their own children.

Tbh the stereotypes in either direction are equally offensive.

OMG there is a whole website

You never see articles stating "As a busy Dad, do you"

I'm sure Dad would love to go to Iceland.

If DH went to Iceland I dread to think what he would arrive home with.

rikers I could have sworn I saw an advert recently showing a Dad making a meal for his children without sarcasm, hassle or the need for his wife to help him. And the children even liked it as well.

Not sure if he washed up though or was too exhausted afterwards to do anything else.

I want advertisers to look at the waffle on the loo thread from yesterday and the one about Hs being away and REASsES how idle most of us are

MrsDV I think you'll find that it's: Denise (34) is the busy mum of a toddler. Let's not forget her age, that's important just like her busyness. Or even blonde Denise (34).

I'm rarely busy

Do you mean "busy mums" who "run around after their toddler all day". Such a terrible slavish image.

That's how they keep 'trim' goinn.

I sat on the sofa mostly when mine were toddlers <looks at muffin top>

i was quite trim then- didnt drink much either.
was like a cave dweller for 7 years

YABU
I bloody hate that phrase. I hate all the 'thanks mum' adverts, all the ones that suggest its only the female of the house that cleans, cooks, looks after the children.

And what was that one with the tag line 'so simple even a man can do it' it was for a cleaning thing?

DH won't buy muller little stars yogurts for the DC because their advert was so bloody sexist.

rikers And the house value. You've got to mention the house value so a judgement can also be made.

Denise (34) is the busy mum of a toddler. She spoke to us in the designer kitchen of their £250,000 house in Surrey ....

Or Denise (34) is the busy mum of a toddler. She spoke to us in the kitchen of their £80,000 house in Leeds ....

Denise (34) is the busy mum of a toddler. She spoke to us in the kitchen of their £80,000 house in Leeds .... where she had just bleached the surfaces as someone had shopped at aldi

Loving tip one here

I'm a lazy mum. It's the teaching that keeps me busy.

Busy working mum sometimes too.
I am very busy, mostly cos I am disorganised and incompetent.

I'm loving the hire a nanny tip

I love the fact it's Tip One usual. Before anything else.

I'm a bone idle sod whose children are away with their father.

[proud]

not as bad as 'the start up wife' !!!

Yes I hate it, but not as much as the phrase "mum tum". Yack!

What is a 'start up wife'?

YANBU.

I hate it with a passion bordering on mania.
I hate the term "mumz" used in advertising, as though "mumz" are some homogenous group.
I hate busy mums, busy working mums "as a mum" "mum of two Denise", all of it.
Grrr.
And , yeah, busy Dad's? Busy working Dad's? Dad-of-two?
They are not, are they? They get to be just Men.

Also, I think mumsnet should change it's name. I vote for foulmouthedharpynet.
Anyone?

What is a 'start up wife'? - an incredibly irritating blog

Oh, I thought of another one:
"Mumtrepreneur"
<gag>

my personal hate is 'that's why mums go to asda'
and 'mums are heroes' or something from iceland....

I heard someone from a supermarket being interviewed on the Today programme the other day, she must have said "busy mums" at least 10 times, I was getting more and more cross, thinking that I had to listen to the end of the interview to find out which supermarket she represented so I could boycott it.
I should have guessed, shouldn't I? It was ASDA.

Are these the same women who never eat a meal, but instead 'grab' something while 'on the go' (usually the noxious log in a packet that the advertiser is trying to shift?) Then they get constipated or indigestion from the combination of busyness and noxious log, and need a laxative, or a Martine McCutcheon endorsed yogurt to put them right again.

sauvingnonblanc I was just going to post about that interview, it was so bloody annoying. Mind you, she only started on about how much Asda care for 'busy mums' when cornered about sweets on tills. Really glad someone else was annoyed by it.

I've been very busy eating chocolate cake.. and watching x factor again...

Does that count!?

sorry SauvingnonBlanche

gin?

good point about grabbing things

Like "popping your top off" at the doctors

It was bloody patronising wasn't it halfnhalf?
They shouldn't be allowed to distract me like that when I'm driving.

Absolutely, she must have been fairly high up in Asda, how could she have thought that was ok I don't know. As you say, it wasn't just once, she kept on repeating it. I can only think that it was because she was so rattled at being caught out about sweets at tills. Or she was an idiot.

Or a 'busy mum'!

I'm lazy by nature and that will never change. But I must confess I do play the 'busy mum' card if it covers my ass.

Busy Mum makes me barf, or most other media phrases about Mums. I work full time and have children, I share a house with my husband who also works and has the same children. We are both busy parents. I'm not saying that we're busier than anyone else but it pisses me off when there's anything to do with cooking, cleaning, mundane organising then It's all about Busy Mums FFS.

Pendulum your post just made me cry with laughter - DH is in my direction as he had to pause Homeland while I recovered myself.

I don't like the busy mum/silly old lazy husband thing either. The thing is though, we have a cleaner, me and DH share things to do in the house and although we are not rich there's money to ease things a bit when we feel stressed. Eg. money for a takeaway and to shop online.

I do wonder if some of the people on this thread being dismissive really know what it's like for some women who REALLY are busy. I have a suspicion there's a bit of a class difference going on here.

autumn But it's also busy for many Dads as well. There are some Dads who do a lot of the childcare / running the house stuff as well. Not just come home and put their feet up.

But it's only Busy Mums. And you never see a Busy dad / busy parent being referred to.

Inside this 'busy mum' is a lazy mum trying to get out.
If only she could be arsed...

Sorry. I normally take the time to reply.

But I'm a mum. And I'm dead bizzzy

I'm not dismissive of women with children who really do have a very busy stressful life. Or anyone who is relentlessly ground down and run off their feet. As a family unit we are busy but still have plenty free time.

I do find the phrase Busy Mum patronising, it's like a pat on the head, yes dear we know you're busy with all that cooking and cleaning. It pissed me off when I was a SAHM.

It also insinuates, to some extent, that 'mums' are the only people who are busy. Not just excluding dads, but all those people without children who could be, for a multitude of reasons, far busier than the average mum.

It's a bit like "hardworking families" - the cliche of choice for politicians. What about all those people who are single but still work bloody hard and are affected by the current economic crisis.

I hate this expression. All mums are busy. I don't see why it has become such a thing.

In those Sky adverts, Lily Allen is a singer and 'busy mum'. There used to be an advert for business cards and they were marketed as ideal for plumbers, hairdressers, etc. and 'busy mums' - wtf? Why would you need a card with your phone number on as a mum?!

Someone I work with describes herself as a busy mum all the time. It's on her FB profile - 'busy mum to Alice and Oliver' (not their real names, obvs) and she precedes half of what she says with 'as a busy mum...' It's like she's trying to justify her existence - there's no need, she's a very competent person but very annoying.

One of my pet hates is the way politicians always go on about 'hard-working families.' During the last election campaign but one I used to make my father laugh by saying 'Yes, but I'm a feckless singleton, who should I vote for?'

busy mums buy a certain washing powder, and microwave healthy, appetising meals so their family can tuck in while they wash endless white sheets with the washing powder and pat their back pockets

xpost with Eldritch

most people are busy. Few people describe themselves as having loads of free time.

Rikers - 'the buffet of beige' is one of the most genius things I've read in ages.

FWIW I don't like the phrase. It's cliched and lowbrow.

Kim147 let's start a new website 'Can't be reduced to a soundbite.com' and try and get some political influence!

Sorry; thought the thread was '...phrase "busy mum"'. So I didn't need to say that about it being clichedCas it had been said by the OP already.

I have an acquaintance who is a "busy mum", it's exhausting hearing how bloody marvelous she is and thereby how we are all crap in comparison.

I just smile wryly.

I don't think a busy Mum is a cliche it's a simple fact. I just was simply rushed off my feet when my children were small. And sometimes seemed to achieve totally nothing all day.

yes to all above
I also hate "community" used by everyone to describe any grouping usually where all the people are at loggerheads and anything but...

I once heard somebody use the description 'criminal community'.

OP, YANBU.

where are all the women who describe themselves as "bone idle sods who happen to have some kids in a cupboard somewhere"?

Hello, here! [waves]

Busy mum means busybody ?

I hate industry being overused.
IMe if there's no welding or blow torches it ain't an industry

It's a bit like 'hard working families'. What does that meeeeeeeeean?!

The terms "busy mums" and "hard working families" set my teeth On edge even though that's essentially what we are. I feel patronised when I hear them especially when pronounced by a politician or a supermarket trying to sell me something. It's as if by just coming out with these phases they feel they are empathizing with me but in reality have no clue what our lives are really like.

Oh yes, we are all just so BUSY these days what with our employment laws that mean we can't be made to work 14 hours a day in a factory or up a chimney 7 days a week anymore, oh and all those labour saving devices like hoovers and washing machines. It's just awful, our great grandparents would feel so sorry for us

I am not so busy that I can't find time to give whoever calls me a busy mum a kick up his/her arse. Just try me.

I have an acquaintance who is a "busy mum", it's exhausting hearing how bloody marvelous she is and thereby how we are all crap in comparison.

Made me laugh - applies to about a dozen people I know!

It's busy mum as part of hard working family that is the real doozy. Had some doorstepper for looking for vote last election. He said, " I can see you are a busy mum and as a hard working family we know that you will support....etc guff cliche etc

YES! Hard working families!
Because single people don't ever work hard!

I also hate the cliche that seems to get trotted out as a matter of course that "OUR lives are so busy and fast moving these days.."
Are they??
People go to work, pick up the kids, cook food, wash up.
How has that changed, other than now we get more holiday and flexitime than we did 50 years ago, and we don't have to wash the clothes by hand and put them through a mangle!

I have a job, a kid, no husband,no car and no dishwasher (and feck all money) but I don't feel any busier than I did when I was single, childless and with a career.
You are as busy as you choose to be, and a lot of the time people who claim to be "soooo busy" (I have a friend like this and she has a job and 2 kids and is sooooo busy,)spend a lot of time farting about on their I-phones or watching telly.

Loved reading this thread. YANBU!

Thought a cold caller once implied that I was not as busy as I claimed and could listen to her selling whatever, and I think her eardrums have not recovered yet...

I don't mind "busy mum" but "hard working families" always got my goat. How about "Trying to have a nice life balanced between work and leisure" families.

"Hard work is its own reward". Yeah, bollocks to that.

most people are busy. Few people describe themselves as having loads of free time - I do - I have an 11 year old at school so out of the house 8.15 - 4pm (on average) DH often works abroad - I don't go out to work, I have various voluntary jobs but in all honesty they don't take up that much time (although people often say to me 'don't know how you do so much in the community - I must just give the impression of being busy ).

I spend most of my day mumsnetting, going to the gym, reading or pretending to do housework.

So flame me .........

Without doubt people have more not less free time. People used to work 6 or 7 day weeks and now they t end not to. Working hours were much much longer. I was not even entitled to maternity pay for my first 3 children.

I hate it. It is the word "busy" that I do not like. It makes me think of "busy" patterns - ie lots of tiny pointless stuff combining to make an overall horrible mess with nothing major to give it any kind of focus.

I would prefer "individual capable of multitasking whilst still achieving"

A Sky leaflet came through my door with a photo of Lily Allen and a caption saying "Lily, singer and busy mum". She must be needing the money.

There's a book called Time Management for Busy Mums. Can't remember who it's by. It's very good actually. Full of lots of hints for time saving. Don't suppose there's one Time Management for Busy Dads.

Did anyone see that "thanks mum" advert showing lots of photos of kids with mum half cropped out? It was something like "she's the steadying hand, the fuzzy presence in tha back of the photo". Yeah thanks. Now I'm not even a person any more, I'm a fvcking hand.

Oh dainbardiva the Lily Allen Sky ads really annoy me. "Baby asleep in bed, Sky box sets... bliss." Now, I have very small people and I do love the moment they nod off and we turn our attention to a bit of dinner and the Sky+ box for a wee hour before I go to bed, but if I were Lily Allen I feel I wouldn't care quite so much because I would have a bloody maternity nurse who would carry them off at about 6pm and deliver them back at 8am, fed, changed and in a good mood. Has Lily spent the last 45 minutes of the day manically singing "Old Macdonald had a farm" over and over to increasingly grumpy 6 month old twins while trying to get the dinner ready? I do not think so.

So what? Are Mums not busy then? I've never come across a non-busy mother myself. It's not really a cliche is it? It's a matter of fact.

beyoglu And who was the person behind the camera who never even featured in the photo

Yes, oxeye 'community' aaargh! It is overused to the point of being meaningless. Especially re minority ethnic groups. Witness the 'community leaders' who pop up who don't actually lead jack shit but are clearly on the call list of every overworked and unthinking media production assistant/researcher /whatever in the country. I don't recall giving any of them authority to speak for me.

Yeah but who isnt busy?
I was busy before I had kids.

It's used to make mothers think they need to buy a certain product or use a certain service.

Busy - an adjective only applied to mothers
Hardworking - adjective only applied to families

Feel free to contribute more adjectives which appear now to have only 1 specific use.

I am a busy person. Being a Mum is part of that. But I do think 'busy mum' sounds patronising as hell!

I think for some mums its just competitive parenting. Some mums just seem to list how tired they are becasue of .... ds3's swimming/rugby/endless classes, cupcakes she's making for this/that/and the other etc etc.
I make sure I have lots of free time. I don't over-committ. Thats my choice.

given we spend -all the bloody time-- on here we are not that busy!

on a par with "I dont need to diet, running after the kids keeps me slim"

that said, when I am home with the kids, i do move more !

I mumsnet at work. I'm far too busy being a busy mum when I'm at home. Lazyarseitis at work is the key.

I don't like the 'busy mum' cliché either, it just reminds me of tools like Kerry Katona in those Iceland ads of yesteryear.

I know mums are busy, I am one, but most people are busy in their own way, aren't they? I don't like competitive busy-ness!

Its up there with people droning on about how much unpaid overtime they do because their job is so important that the company can't possibly function without them. Oh yeah? Just go on kidding yourself if it makes you feel better, but after the initial shock, the world would keep turning if you were abducted by aliens tonight.

Agree. I'm so 'incredibly busy', yet I find ooodddles of time for Mn'ing.
Err, that just doesn't quite add up then, does it?

I'm proud to be a lazy mum I have a car, dishwasher, washer/dryer, hoover, get my supermarket shop delivered to my door, in fact I do bugger all compared to my parents and grandparents when they were raising kids!
My personal pet peeve is the line trotted out by the "busy" celeb mums who always claim they lost their baby weight simply by "running around after their kids". Nothing to do with the personal trainer then??

Can busy people not have times when they relax?!

yanbu - i hate that phrase too. I also hate it when everything that might affect people - eg tax rises, motorway charges, is referred to as 'families' eg 'families will face tax rises', 'families will be foreced off motorways' - people are affected, and some of them might be infailies but many of tehm won't - how about them???

It's almost as bad as yummy mummy. Awful! Why inflict this on people?

This makes me retch. Mainly because it's unfair to DP, we work the same hours out of the home and split child care housework equally. Well meaning people often say to me "ooh,I don't know how you work FT with children, I couldn't " etc, but no-one ever says that to him!

But then I am a teacher and work with (mostly) empathetic people and he is a printer who works nights - probably less likely that he will have that conversation with his colleague "Big John" and "Skinny Mike" . Who also incidentally do more childcare / housework than the media might present..

Loving this thread. I am a lazy mum and proud !!!
<polishes lazy badge>
< well, sprays it with febreze, tis the same really>

So tired & bleary eyed I read 'bossy mum'. Works for me.

I always thought that 'hard-working families' was code for 'families in receipt of tax credits' - with the 'hard-working' being used to distinguish them from those less worthy recipients of other welfare benefits.

'Busy mum' sets my teeth on edge. It has a kind of knowing, patronising stance about it with the way that it insinuates an understanding, almost a familiarity if you like, about the virtuous nature of the subject's busyness that the speaker is talking about.

Ragwort I am of you!

I overhear this from a lot of the BusyMums at school...always rushing off here, and dashing off there...what further intrigues me is that very few of them have jobs

How busy can you be, exactly, when all your DCs are in full time education, you don't have a job (and you don't need one) and you have a cleaner

On further investigation (well, eaves-dropping) it t'would appear that most of their busy-ness is completely self-inflicted and compromises of hurrying off to a coffee morning, or rushing off to the gym or racing off to meet a friend for lunch.

To add - I actually have 2 jobs, and take care of the DDs and run a home. Despite this I have engineered my life so that it's as busy-free as possible - I like to relax.

I think too many women think that engineering a constant attitude& appearance of busy-ness makes them appear more worthwhile and important.

I'm a busymum, most definitely . But then, French school, with its midday break and Wednesday off, means that there aren't great swathes of free time...

laqueen I agree with your observations but...saying that you run a home is just as bad surely?

Agree with LeQ. It's almost as of SAHM's feel the need to prove how busy they are as they know society places fuck all value on their contribution. I am busy but am looking forward to the lazy years when all 3 are at school! I often feel the need to tell people that I work freelance at home in addition to caring for a 5,2 and 4 month old.

See? I did it then too.

corny how do you mean?

wasa I think you're right. Basically, these BusyMums (and I mean BusyMums who don't have a job) are only doing what most women (who have a job) do on a daily basis, as well.

But, I think BusyMums feel the need to make out that it's all so much more taxing and demanding, and complicated that it actually is. I was a SAHM for a while before the DDs went to school...I found there was always plenty of time for coffee mornings, and shopping and general chilling out...which I built into my daily routine.

So, I'm always a bit when I hear SAHMs protesting at how busy they are

'run a home'
that phrase I hear a lot and I just don't like it

See what you mean...yep, I know what you mean. It's all a bit corporate speak isn't it

A lot of the BusyMums at our school, are ex-career women and they have brought all their skills and vocabulary into their new role as a SAHM.

To me the term 'busy mum' makes me think of women rushing around doing activities of little importance to the big picture. Women too tied up in the small details of everyday life they are unable to critically think about anything else and therefore believe the claims in adverts that celebrate their busyness and their mumliness.

The implication I think, is that being a busy mum is the standard. If you're not running from football practice to cupcake sale to big pile of ironing to making gourmet meal for the family then you're not doing mumming right. This can only be done apparently with a hapless husband standing around ineffectually whist you whirlwind around icing biscuits and removing imperceptable stains and planning christmas dinner for fifteen with a smile on your face and a cheeky wink for your fella.

I guess if there was a busy dad stereotype he would be rushing home from the boardroom to home where his adoring kids would latch onto him like limpets and he would emanate a saint like glow as he put some washing in the machine (on the right cycle! With the right laundry stuff!) and some fish fingers in the oven. His beautiful out of his league wife would be stood gazing at him in deep admiration and would probably offer sexual favours as a reward for his busy dadliness.

yes - exactly that!

If I was feeling pithy, I would observe that if your life is incredibly busy, when all your DCs are at school and you don't have a job...then your Time Management skills are pretty shit.

I'm not impressed by overt busyness...I'm impressed by a Mum who manages it all without having to travel with a 3-Ring Circus and marching band, to announce how terribly, terribly, terribly busy she is all the time.

Any "Mums on the go" need a new handbag?

Busy Dad?

Nah. I'm stilll in my PJs and DSs are going to another SAHMs house all day. I suppose I ought to get a shower and put something decent on before she arrives.

what Laqueen said, 1000 times over

my beloved SIL is a sahm, and now the kids are at school she plans to go to Museums and have some "her time"

which I do NOT resent, really, she cant work really as my BIL works silly hours

But I did find it a tad insensitive given I work FT and do all the house shit at weekends

anyway, I am off topic now, majorly./...

Love it disembodied!

To be honest though, I think I do this "busy mum" thing rather well, to the extend that one of my SAHM friends said slightly resentfully to me that "it's all right for you, you don't have to juggle". I take that to mean that my juggling of work etc appears so effortless that I am the envy of the nation. << takes a bow >>

Just seen a new one

"Happy mum" - yes, it involves feeding children.

Feeding them chocolate boobies? That one?

I remember years ago I was working full time and going to college at night to do my degree and a SAHM friend with two children suggested I do some task or other rather than her because "you have more free time than I have". I was a bit .

Jus

That reminds me of someone I know who kindly suggested I take up twice weekly yoga and spinning classes with her (she's a SAHM with teenage children).

Apparently, 'it would get me out the house and kick start my day'

Well, "#BusyMumFact" is a common put-down on Twitter when someone posts an opinion (usually a biased right-wing and spectacularly ignorant opinion) on there. Implying that the archetypal "busy mum" has no spare time to actually find out anything about the topic she's writing about and she's just "shooting from the lip". It parodies the over-developed sense of martyrdom that some mums have, so it's accurate in that respect, I suppose.