To think i ANBU to make him pay

(42 Posts)
Fishwife1949 Mon 15-Oct-12 16:06:01

Right my son has braces he is 12 nearly 13 and lost them about 4 months ago they cost me £70 to replace them he has come home today and broken some how the bottom lot and told be me cock and bull about a boy who pushed and and wouldnt yu know he cant remebr what boy or the year he was in.

So i demanded the france money he had earned to pay for them i cant afford to keep getting new ones if he brakes them again he will go with out as we cant afford to keep replacing braces and £70 and £40 a pop

When he gose to france he will have no spending money and at the moment i dont really care because i am so cross

Am i being unfair

MmeLindor Mon 15-Oct-12 16:08:02

Well, yes you are cause making him go to France without spending money is a bit cruel - is it a school trip or a holiday with you?

If the former, then YABU.

If the latter, then YABabitU

Can he 'earn' them by doing chores around the house?

MrsKeithRichards Mon 15-Oct-12 16:09:04

I think you a being totally unreasonable.

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 15-Oct-12 16:09:55

i think yabu, and thats very harsh. you could have taken a token ammount off him and made him earn the rest.

Gumby Mon 15-Oct-12 16:10:43

Do you think ge broke them on purpose because he doesn't want to wear them ?

LadyBeagleEyes Mon 15-Oct-12 16:11:15

I hardly think he went out and broke them deliberately Op.
It was surely an accident.
How do you think he broke them, short of pulling them out of his mouth and stepping on them?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Mon 15-Oct-12 16:12:08

Yes, you are being very unfair.

The poor kid probably doesn't want to tell you the name of the boy who did it because it was either an accident and he doesn't want you to go ballistic and embarrass him, or someone did it while they were being horrible to him and he doesn't want any more fall out.

Punishing him for it is not the way to go. You need to reassure him that you will be calm about dealing with the situation if he tells you the truth about what happened, and mean it!

Also, the braces are something he has to have, not that he wants to have. It's unfair to punish him because of something he can't help.

LFCisTarkaDahl Mon 15-Oct-12 16:12:22

Why don't you just not replace them ?

I told dd I would have her braces removed if she broke them again - the ortho agreed - neither of us are inside her mouth so she had to learn to be more careful.

McHappyPants2012 Mon 15-Oct-12 16:13:08

I would be asking the dentist why are they getting broken so easily. I don't know much about braces but ain't they fixed into the mouth

Fishwife1949 Mon 15-Oct-12 16:15:25

He wasnt wearing them thats how they hot broken they are supposed to be in his mouth and when he is eating he has a box which they go in

Clamis he was pushed no futher explaintion has been given when i ask for details suddenly he cant remember hmm

Fishwife1949 Mon 15-Oct-12 16:15:53

He jas the ones which click in and out

Fishwife1949 Mon 15-Oct-12 16:17:15

LFCisTarkaDahl trust me this wil be the last time and now the braces ARE IN HIM he will be more carful i find when his money has gone into things he trats them a lot better

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Mon 15-Oct-12 16:18:03

He an remember, he doesn't want to tell you. You need to think about why that might be.

Mummiesarescary Mon 15-Oct-12 16:18:52

I don't think yabu. Tell him he can do some chores to earn money for France

Fishwife1949 Mon 15-Oct-12 16:19:50

Because most likey he was not wearing them and they were in his pocket like last week when he naerly sat on them gurrr

NatashaBee Mon 15-Oct-12 16:20:56

Bit harsh unless you're absolutely certain he was lying - and it doesn't sound impossible that some other child could have broken them. I agree, if this is the second time they've broken he should chip in towards replacing them - but i probably wouldn't want to leave him without any spending money in another country - what happens if he needs to get a taxi/transport/food?

SoupDragon Mon 15-Oct-12 16:22:34

DS1 (13) lost his brace at a cost of £165. Then he broke one at a cost of £165.

He is now doing chores to pay the money back so that he feels the cost.

Can you not get him permanent rather than removable braces?

SoupDragon Mon 15-Oct-12 16:24:27

The same DS also had to start ironing his own school shirts at £1 a shirt to "pay back" the 2x£10 bus passes he lost.

SoupDragon Mon 15-Oct-12 16:25:23

Quint, that would be down to the orthodontist. Different braces do different things. Certainly DSs can not be replaced by train tracks.

digerd Mon 15-Oct-12 16:25:44

I agree, and feel concerned for him. If it was just carelessness on his part and trying to blame someone else, he should have to pay in some way, but do not refuse him any money for his school holiday in France, when he's back then he should " pay the price" for his silly behaviour. But I am concerned he could have been bullied, and does not want to tell you.

MacyGracy Mon 15-Oct-12 16:27:35

As a 35 year old wearing night retainers (same thing really as Invisalign) I have already lost 1 set after two months. I just don't think this type of brace is suitable for a child. Realise you have already paid for them (quite a lot), but I think it will happen again to be honest. YABU.

Bogeyface Mon 15-Oct-12 16:28:42

I wouldnt send him away without spending money, but I would take something of his as "security" that he can have back when he has worked off the debt to you.

Outraged I think the reason he doesnt want to tell the OP is because he wasnt wearing them, was buggering about and they got broke. The same way my sons brand new phone got broke. He wasnt supposed to have it in school, he lied and said he handed it into the office, as is the rule and some kid kicked him on the way home. Funnily enough, he confessed when I said I would ring school and then the police hmm

McHappyPants2012 Mon 15-Oct-12 16:30:27

How old is he

Bogeyface Mon 15-Oct-12 16:30:27

If he was bullied, why wouldnt he want to tell the OP if it stops him being in trouble?

No, I dont buy it. "I cant remember" is a classic tactic. It means "I cant think of a good lie right now, so I will say I cant remember and how you let it go".

Bogeyface Mon 15-Oct-12 16:31:03

hope, not how

McHappyPants2012 Mon 15-Oct-12 16:31:55

When he had them, phone playing up yet again

IneedAsockamnesty Mon 15-Oct-12 16:32:13

jobs for money towards a replacement is much better than just taking money already earnt for a important thing.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Mon 15-Oct-12 16:36:53

Maybe he did do something wrong, but plenty of children hide it from adults if they are being bullied. It's certainly not unheard of.

OP is obviously in the best position to judge, so if she thinks it was because he wasn't wearing them when he should have been, then fine. But I still think that making a special trip hard for him is unfair. It's shit having to have braces at that age, and it's even more shit that he gets punished for it. How many adults have accidentally broken or lost their glasses? These things happen.

Fishwife1949 Mon 15-Oct-12 16:37:23

QuintessentialShadows he has to have the click in ones before he has the fixed ones

He is not being buillied ladies he is carless

We already lost

1-i pod ( which he didnt even look for)
3- lots of pe kit (so now he was the no name stuff and trainers form tesco)
1- penicil case
And one trainer which he chucked over next door garden trying to scare a fox but his trainer laned on the roof and the fox didnt budge

SoupDragon Mon 15-Oct-12 16:40:41

I just don't think this type of brace is suitable for a child

But Macy, different braces do different things. In my DSs case, you can't get the results he has seen had through having train tracks.

Fishwife1949 Mon 15-Oct-12 16:40:51

I am fucked off which replacing things and him not really careing * because its not his money*

When he lost his i pod he didnt even look for it

And dont get me started on the frigging pe kit i didnt even tells oh the 3rd he would of had a stroke

Fishwife1949 Mon 15-Oct-12 16:42:00

SoupDragon i do agree thatthey should really expect them to get broken but i guess its because they do get lost and broken all the time is the reason why hey charge

ENormaSnob Mon 15-Oct-12 16:44:54

Yanbu

I got pissed off with ds1 constantly losing stuff. Easy come easy go.

The last time he had to replace it himself by doing chores to work the debt off iyswim.

Funnily enough he hasn't lost anything since!

lunar1 Mon 15-Oct-12 16:46:31

I don't thin the brace it the thing to make a point over. I was very careful but lost one after I had to take it out to eat, it hurt too much after tightening to eat with it in. I also broke it twice, they are quite flimsy. Ask to make the plate thicker next time

SoupDragon Mon 15-Oct-12 16:47:50

To be fair, our orthodontist has made many many repairs to both DS1 and D2s braces, free of charge. It is only when they are lost or beyond repair that they, quite rightly, charge. Sometimes when a break has happened for no reason they go halves!

IMO, "charging" DSs via chores they wouldn't ordinarily in order to earn the money back means they see that money has to be earned, it doesn't just appear magically. It also means that I don't have to do those chores grin

DS1 has certainly been more careful with his Oyster card since I made him pay back the cost with ironing. (famous last words!)

Gosh, I should hope he is carless! shock

<limps into Pedants Corner>

digerd Mon 15-Oct-12 17:02:57

How could he lose 3 lots of PE kit? Good for the fox. - I'm an animal lover. he shouldn't have done that. Your son seems to have his head in the clouds as people told me I had as a teenage girl. I lost loads of stuff on the buses, in shops etc. My sister refused at 7 years old to wear her glasses, but wasn't reprimanded as parents knew it would do good and she'd have a tantrum but she was a determined to have her own way type, and was very focused and organised. He may grow out of it as he matures, but no, if you are sure he is not being bullied and it's because he just doesn't care, then he is out of order. But still tackle him after his french holiday. Perhaps by warning him that if he carries on like this , it will be his last school holiday you will pay for, and he has to pay for everything he has carelessly lost out of his pocket money.
My parents couldn't afford to pay for school holiday trips abroad in the 60s (!) so when my sister was 14, she got a Saturday job in a shop and saved to pay for hers - I said she was determined. Think 14 is too young to work now ?

digerd Mon 15-Oct-12 17:12:46

ps" as parents knew it would do NO good " -correction

whois Mon 15-Oct-12 17:20:57

I had those kind of braces. I had a case they were meant to go in while eating too.

Lunchtime, braces in pocket, jumped onto a wall... Broken braces.

Mum got the truth out of me after my half baked attempt at a lie!

MmeLindor Mon 15-Oct-12 17:24:05

Is he going alone to France, ie with the school? Or with you?

Fishwife1949 Mon 15-Oct-12 17:30:24

With the school its a christmas shopping trip

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