To be a little surprised as what the MW just said?

(40 Posts)
bonzo77 Sun 07-Oct-12 14:17:35

In hospital following a little bleed at 27 weeks. Possibly brought on by shagging on Thursday. So I mentioned we might give it a miss till baby is a bit nearer term as i cant deal with the stress. Otherwise very sweet MW said I shouldn't starve my DH, he might go elsewhere! I honestly doubt it!

thebody Sun 07-Oct-12 14:18:51

Good grief, was she trying to make a poor joke?

McHappyPants2012 Sun 07-Oct-12 14:19:17


WorraLiberty Sun 07-Oct-12 14:19:33

Perhaps she's speaking from experience?

Either way, it's a weird thing to say and she shouldn't have said it.

missmalteser Sun 07-Oct-12 14:20:24

What on earth did you reply to that shock

GoldShip Sun 07-Oct-12 14:21:31

Very weird thing, I wasn't aware men could starve from lack of sex

Maybe she meant it in a very fecking stupid jokey way.

Not a good one mind

marriedinwhite Sun 07-Oct-12 14:24:00

They've form for inappropriate comments haven't they?

GoldShip Sun 07-Oct-12 14:26:52


'They'? Midwives? Think most professions have people that come out with inappropriate comments lets not tar all midwives eh?


If you have bled at 27 weeks shouldnt she be advising you to avoid sex?

And women are not to blame for men cheating because they dont have sex with a valid reason. My god that attitude is ridiculous!

bonzo77 Sun 07-Oct-12 14:35:59

I said he'll manage, after all I will. And he will be too worn out from fetching and carrying for me and DS to think about it anyway. I do think she was serious though. She's otherwise lovely but I think I'll have to ignore most of what she says now!

marriedinwhite Sun 07-Oct-12 14:38:05

Actually GoldShip I haven't come across any other profession with quite the same capacity for inappropriateness. Casts mind back many years:

waves hand in air and says "if you don't do your pelvic floor exercises, your husband will be complaining sex feels like this"

"has this one got the same father as your first child"

"did you want it" after a mc

Doesn't quite equate to "The profit and loss statement indicates your company may be in trouble" from the accountant or "the entirely black hall stairs and landing may detract from the value of the property" from the estate agent does it really.

bonzo77 Sun 07-Oct-12 14:38:27

Don't know about "form" for odd comments from MWs. I think anyone can make them. Though I have been consultant lead this time and feel I have been treated with far more respect than with DS.

marriedinwhite Sun 07-Oct-12 14:38:49

Hope you are OK btw Bonzo

WorraLiberty Sun 07-Oct-12 14:41:15

Everyone makes ill thought out comments at times.

Hairytoe Sun 07-Oct-12 14:41:15

One of my midwifes (with dc3) came to do the booking in appointment and gave me a leaflet on domestic violence saying '60% of domestic violence cases start when the woman is don't go winding him up" !

GoldShip Sun 07-Oct-12 14:41:48

Married - well since estate agents wouldn't be discussing pelvic floor exercises and sexual relationships no it wouldn't compare

But people in all professions make inappropriate comments, the subject matter may depend on the profession?

It's unfair to say theyve 'form'.

GoldShip Sun 07-Oct-12 14:42:46

That's bloody terrible hairytoe ! Why in earth would anyone give those out. Why on earth would they be made?

GoldShip Sun 07-Oct-12 14:43:11

How are you feeling now OP?

Hairytoe Sun 07-Oct-12 14:45:06

Sorry the leaflet didnt say that, the midwife herself said that as she handed it to me. I just read my post back and I maybe didn't make that clear!

marriedinwhite Sun 07-Oct-12 14:45:52

Well as they are discussing sexual relationships and other sensitive issues I think many of them need to do so a little more sensitively - just saying - because from experience they were a little too inappropriate a little too often in my experience and didn't know when to back off.

rogersmellyonthetelly Sun 07-Oct-12 15:47:32

I think I would have commented he would be a poor man indeed if he can't restrain himself for 3 months for the sake of his child!
Can you imagine someone commenting that a woman going elsewhere because her other half had a condition that meant they couldnt have sex for 3 months? me neither. Sexist ridiculous comment and frankly insulting to most men.

bonzo77 Sun 07-Oct-12 15:53:32

Glad it wasn't just me being a bit hmm!

Thanks for asking, all seems to be fine and should be home tonight, after a ctg and said MW inspecting my pad <boak>.

NervousAt20 Sun 07-Oct-12 15:56:45

shock I can't believe she would say something like that even in a "jokey" way. Hope your okay OP

fedupofnamechanging Sun 07-Oct-12 16:08:23

OP, if you think she's bad, wait until you meet your Health visitor wink

OrangeImperialGoldBlether Sun 07-Oct-12 16:49:55

My friend is a midwife working in the clinics and says they ask every pregnant woman about domestic violence and give her a leaflet. Some have partners who are very reluctant to leave their girlfriends/wives alone for a second and the midwives are very suspicious of those men. Virtually no woman admits it to the midwives, hence the leaflet.

Bloody hell, the last time we had sex was before I found out I was pg and I'm nearly 22 weeks. We won't be having sex until the baby is born.

Dp seems to be managing fine

itwasallyellow Sun 07-Oct-12 17:14:01

How innapropriate, I'd have replied with.

Well if he does he obviously wasn't dh material so it will have done me a favour.

bonzo77 Sun 07-Oct-12 17:14:38

This is dc2. I know about health visitors my last one came in, played with my cat and had a quick look at my reasonably tidy house and sleeping baby and said she couldn't imagine there were any problems, this looks lovely. Where did I get the cat? And left. Never saw her again!

Fakebook Sun 07-Oct-12 17:18:03

It sounds llike a joke to me.

cory Sun 07-Oct-12 17:22:40

She sounds like my GP, who when I went to consult her in tears about dd's failure to thrive told me sternly that my first concern should be to go into hospital to have my fanjoy re-stitched "because the best gift you can give your little girl is a father" hmm

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Sun 07-Oct-12 17:34:49

Put in a complaint. Women like her need bringing up to date.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Sun 07-Oct-12 17:35:33

Fake a misogynistic joke...therefore...unacceptable.

monkeysbignuts Sun 07-Oct-12 17:38:18

I was worried about my baby being big (I am 39 weeks now) & my midwife told me massive"don't over eat!" wtf lol
My last baby was 8lbs 15 & she was really long! my first was 8lbs 2 & also long so i really don't think food comes into it.

dondon33 Sun 07-Oct-12 17:49:20

Christ!! that was unprofessional of her.
Her concern should be for the safety/health of your unborn child and not whether your other half is getting enough sex.

She probably was joking but it's in bad taste.

honeytea Sun 07-Oct-12 17:49:46

I hope you are ok OP, what a stupid thing for your midwife to say!!

fertility specialists also say stupid things, before my DP's sperm test she said to us "you should avoid ummm.... ummmm... um (blush) ummmm "being together" for 3 days before the test" my DP said do you mean we shouldn't have sex? and the fertility specialst blushed and said yes, then DP said I assume I should also avoid masturbation? she was very very flush. It was crazy that a person who's job it is to try to help people get pregnant couldn't talk about sex.

monkey daft isn't it, ds1 was 11lb 2 and I'd spent most of the pg in hospital on a drip because I couldn't keep anything down!

monkeysbignuts Sun 07-Oct-12 18:35:34

moomin I put different weight on with each pregnancy (less with my larger baby) & still had big un's.
some times midwives are a little clueless ;)

bonzo77 Sun 07-Oct-12 23:19:19

Jesus. It was a day of it. Said MW had some trouble getting a trace as baby very active and has lots of space so said I should press a finger on the sensor as it can help. It didn't an another came in, sorted it and told me off for fiddling and shouted at me to relax. I told her I was following instructions and her grabbing at my hand was not relaxing. Stupid fucking cow. Then when she was discharging me told me to stop worrying as it would make things worse. I can't be arsed to complain, I've got a lot on and better things to do. But I have resolved to have as little contact with MWs as possible now. Had considered a vbac, but will now be pushing for ELCS at 39 weeks. And for early discharge after. Physically I now think I'm fine but am knackered and very emotional.

LadyEdith Mon 08-Oct-12 19:23:58

Some years ago I had a prolapse of the uterus and had surgery. The consultant came round afterwards and I had a list of things to ask him along the lines of 'how long before I can do x y z' - swimming, driving, that kind of thing. I got to the last thing and blushing, (unbelievably really considering how many times he's looked up there and had his hand up there), I said 'and how about sex?'.

His response was 'Not today thanks I've got a full clinic!' grin

LadyEdith Mon 08-Oct-12 19:25:24

Pressed send too soon.

Good luck Bonzo.

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