to ask school to not let this parent helper work with my DCs? (long, sorry!)

(75 Posts)
WeAreSix Fri 05-Oct-12 12:58:50

Back history so I don't drip feed - 2 years ago I was good friends with one of the mums from school (friend A). She introduced me to her friend (friend B) and we socialised a few times together - only coffee after school runs and play times with our younger DCs.

We all shared a mutual hobby and agreed to meet up one evening, no concrete plans were made. One morning friend A asked if I was going to an arranged meeting at friend B's house that evening (to do with the hobby). I hadn't been invited by friend B - I felt a bit hurt that I'd been excluded but genuinely didn't make a big deal of it. Friend A knew how I felt and told Friend B that she'd hurt my feelings.

The reaction from Friend B was extraordinary. She went ballistic - to this day I cannot figure out why. Over the following weeks I was subjected to a torrent of abuse via phonecalls and text messages. Friend A 'sided' with Friend B and stopped talking to me. It turned into playground bully tactics - they would stand near me at the school gate and openly talk about me so I could hear them, I was followed home on a few occasions with taunts and name calling. They did this infront of two other friends, who were amazed at their ridiculousness.

In the end it got so bad that I spoke to the school about what was happening. These women were starting to behave like this infront of my DCs and accused my eldest of bullying (which she wasn't). For a good while I collected my DCs from a different school entrance so we didn't have to face this on a daily basis.

Eventually it fizzled out and they just ignored me (which was a relief!)

Fast forward to now - Friend B is helping at school. Rationally I know she won't do anything to my DCs. but I had to change my phone numbers because of her and had to avoid her every day to stop her abusive, toxic behaviour. I was really intimidated by her and my gut reaction to seeing her writing in my DCs reading record is that I don't want her anywhere near them or having any kind of window into our lives. I have had problems with anxiety in the past and her behaviour brought on panic attacks etc and I can't face feeling like that again. I'm not sure that this feeling is to do with the anxiety, if its because I've been feeling low / anxious since giving birth 3 months ago or because it is actually rational to react like this.

AIBU to ask school to not let this person read with my DCs (they are unsupervised doing so and I am worried about what else she will say while with my DC), or to have any involvement with my DCs education? (I think she may also be starting this term as a TA but not 100% sure).

Please be gentle....

KenLeeeeeee Fri 05-Oct-12 13:01:30

Oh crikey, what a horrible thing for you to go through. I don't think YABU for wanting to keep her away from your dc, but I think it may be borderline U to want the school to go along with it. I think this may be something you have to - albeit reluctantly - swallow.

eurochick Fri 05-Oct-12 13:01:55

I'd say something. She sounds unhinged.

Megatron Fri 05-Oct-12 13:03:02

YANBU at all. Just tell the school that you don't want her reading with your DCs and tell them why. Also tell them that you expect your concern to be treated as confidential (you don't want her starting on you again). I am stunned adults behave towards each other in this way.

EllenParsons Fri 05-Oct-12 13:03:24

Surely if the school know about her shocking behaviour before, as you said you spoke to them, you would think they would be wary of having her working at the school.

YANBU and I would be concerned about someone who seems to unhinged and with possible anger problems working at the school.

Svrider Fri 05-Oct-12 13:04:17

Ok
I would ask for a meeting with head teacher and class teacher
Tell them a short, factual account of what has happened
Make sure they understand the effects it has had on you ie panic attacks etc
Tell them what you want them to do
I would ask for teacher/ ta to keep an eye on dc when friend b is in school
I dont really think you can ask that friend b is kept away from dc, but the school should be aware of the situation

WeAreSix Fri 05-Oct-12 13:05:03

ken - I kind of thought I might have to just graciously get on with it (and be the better person as my mum would say!), and step in ASAP if she does anything.

euro - I like your wording smile Unhinged she certainly is!

ClippedPhoenix Fri 05-Oct-12 13:05:12

I'd definitely speak to the school, they must have some idea about what happened previous due to you having to collect DC's from a different entrance.

WeAreSix Fri 05-Oct-12 13:06:37

svrider that sounds like a good plan.

mega - I thought behaviour like this was limited to 15 year olds hmm

Ellen - I imagine it has all been forgotten about since it happened.

desertgirl Fri 05-Oct-12 13:06:53

I would ask the school. I don't think it's an unreasonable request, particularly if the school are already aware that there were issues of that nature - it isn't just 'oh I don't like Mrs X' so shouldn't really be seen as opening floodgates or whatever - but I would ask them discreetly, and try to work with them on it rather than just demanding; eg they may not be able to avoid her working with your DC's class but may be able to avoid her hearing your DC read, or avoid her hearing them read without the teacher being in earshot?

Nanny0gg Fri 05-Oct-12 13:06:54

How awful.

As she is volunteering in the class, I don't think it's at all unreasonable for her to be kept away from your DCs, although it would have to be handled discreetly or it could all start up again.
And, unsupervised? Surely not in another room - CRB or no CRB.
I'd have a word with the HT (did they know about the original incidents?)

desertgirl Fri 05-Oct-12 13:07:44

oops sorry spent too long typing that! lots of xposts

SamSmalaidh Fri 05-Oct-12 13:08:44

My goodness, you definitely need to talk to the school! Let them know that this woman harassed and intimidated you and ask that she is not ever unsupervised with your children.

sugarice Fri 05-Oct-12 13:09:52

Absolutely have a word with school as they are aware of what has happened in the past. Good luck!

CailinDana Fri 05-Oct-12 13:11:21

Wow what horrible nasty women shock. In your position I would talk to the school. If this woman has a history of open, public bullying witnessed by other people then there is no way she should be a parent helper. Of course, the school is in the very difficult position of having to deal with her, having already offered her the volunteering position. Perhaps a word to the teacher would be in order, to say that you and this woman have a difficult history and that it would upset your children to have to work with her? I'm sure the teacher will be ok with ensuring they don't go with her.

WeAreSix Fri 05-Oct-12 13:12:04

Thank you all, I'm feeling less like the unhinged one now! Difficult on the little sleep I've had to make a rational response to it all.

Nanny - the classrooms have a big foyer / coatroom type space between them which is where they go to read. There's usually someone floating around, or other children reading, so not entirely unsupervised, but away from the main classes. HT was unaware but the assistant head was a massive support. Maybe I should have a quiet word with her again. Friend B and her equally untrustable friend have a couple of the teachers on their FB so I am wary that this could escalate if I kick up too much fuss.

sugarice Fri 05-Oct-12 13:16:49

Yes speak to the Deputy. You're not over reacting at all, I would fell exactly the same as you. smile

WeAreSix Fri 05-Oct-12 13:18:37

Thankyou sugarice

ElsieMc Fri 05-Oct-12 13:18:38

I have heard of a not dissimilar incident and I would ask you to speak to the school. It is not just an issue of your child, but other pupils if what you say about her behaviour (and I do not doubt you) is correct. Her harassment of you is illegal behaviour and she is an inappropriate person to have access to vulnerable children.

I appreciate it is a very sensitive situation for you but I don't think you can accept the situation for your own sake and that of your child.

MsOnatopp Fri 05-Oct-12 13:19:19

Oh I'm so sorry. I know how bad anxieties can be and this would have pushed me over the edge. Great advice here! I agree with making an appointment to meet and discuss with the school. I would do the same.

Let us know how it goes smile

Viviennemary Fri 05-Oct-12 13:19:26

YANBU. Tell the school you wish your children to have no contact with this person because of her irrational and unreasonable behaviour towards you.

WeAreSix Fri 05-Oct-12 13:22:38

ElsieMc part of it stopping was my DH stepping in and he told friend B and her DH that if it didn't stop he would involve the police as it was harassment. We kept all of her texts and a log of the calls just in case.

I wonder who else she's done this to? She was so sly at times it must have been well rehearsed...

WeAreSix Fri 05-Oct-12 13:25:31

MsOnatopp it was awful at the time, but I came out of it stronger and I havent had a panic attack since! If I start feeling wobbly I remind myself how I held it together (particularly infront of DCs) and tell myself over and over that I'm strong, I'm better, I'm ok. Maybe she did me a favour smile

BonaDea Fri 05-Oct-12 13:27:13

YANBU. It is no wonder you were amazed / appalled by her reaction. She sounds completely mental.

Frankly I wouldn't want her near anyone's kids, never mind my own. Talk to the school, but be clear about the fact that they MUST NOT tell her that you have reported this, because the last thing you want is a repeat performance.

BonaDea Fri 05-Oct-12 13:28:31

p.s. do you have all the calls / messages still? if so, i would not hesitate to show those to the school. This psycho should not be working with anyone's kids, let alone yours!

WeAreSix Fri 05-Oct-12 13:30:04

BonaDea yes, I think so. They were all saved on DH's old phone so should still be there. I will speak to school this afternoon and offer for them to see them.

nannyl Fri 05-Oct-12 13:30:43

YADNBU

sounds awful

ChaoticismyLife Fri 05-Oct-12 13:36:27

Do you still have those texts and calls?

If so I'd show them to the head so s/he knows that it's not just a case of a clash of personalities.

YANBU I wouldn't want her near my DC either.

ChaoticismyLife Fri 05-Oct-12 13:36:55

x posts

BlueberryHill Fri 05-Oct-12 13:52:35

Agree with everyone that you should speak to the school, I would not want someone who had done that to me to be reading to my children. If she is a volunteer, the school should respect your wishes and manage it sensitively.

It should also be handled confidentially. So teachers should not be telling Parent A and B tales, to do so would be to breach that confidentiality, FB friends or not.

wheresmespecs Fri 05-Oct-12 14:07:07

This is slightly off topic, but would anyone else in this situation have been to the police before?

I'm not criticising the OP at all (and I would be extremely unhappy about this person working with my children after that behaviour).

It's just following someone and shouting abuse in public (which is what name calling and taunting is, right?) is something I would feel so intimidated/harassed by, I would have gone to the police for advice.

obvs something like someone talking about you loudly to wind you up is NOT a police matter, to be clear.

I just thought - it would be easier to act now if there was some sort of official previous record of a problem with them. But would anyone else have gone to police, or do you think that's an over the top reaction?

ElectricMonk Fri 05-Oct-12 14:23:32

You are not being remotely unreasonable - in fact, I think you would be irresponsible to allow this woman to influence your children's learning and development in any way.

In your position, I would start by meeting with the assistant head who knows the background (taking evidence with you, either in the form of messages or your DH as a witness). Make it very clear that what she did constituted harassment, and that it only stopped when you threatened to involve the police. From your perspective and the school's, surely that alone should make it a child protection issue?

I would be seeking the following outcome: confirmation in writing that this particular volunteer will not work with your children under any circumstances and that the matter will remain confidential, signed by the assistant head and the class teacher (and the head, if deemed necessary). A copy for you, and a copy on file smile.

Speak to the school, bring with you the phone so you can show them the texts.

In a big foyer in between a load of class rooms leaves a sneaky person lots of chance for the odd little poisonous word to your DC.

You do need to put a stop to it and it sounds like you have reasonable grounds to do so.

Noqontrol Fri 05-Oct-12 14:37:10

YANBU. I would not want a person like that working with my child. Tell the school, follow it up in writing, and tell them what happened. But you don't have to put up with this. The woman sounds like a psycho.

gordyslovesheep Fri 05-Oct-12 14:41:41

NO YANBU - she sound very very odd and I wouldn't want anyone who had treated me, an adult, like that within 37837389793 miles of my child

I had a similar situation and the woman in question was not allowed to work with either of my children's classes.

(not bullying of me - her child behaved sexually and aggressively to my dd in school - ss got involved, she started a vendetta against me and my ex - usual stuff - evil looks, muttered comments, etc)

Pippa6774 Fri 05-Oct-12 15:48:05

i am actually wondering what it was that friend A actually told friend B to provoke this extreme reaction.Not that it excuses their shocking behaviour.It is a shame you didn't go to the police with it.
I would be horrified to think someone like that was influencing my DC and I think she has no place working with children and parents.
I think you have to tell the school what happened and then they can make a decision on it.i don't know whether they will want to start on the slippery slope of ' I don't what member of staff x working with my child' ,
She is either suitable to work with all children or unsuitable to work with all children IMHO

GoldenSeptember Fri 05-Oct-12 17:09:02

Good god she sounds fucking deranged! hmm

YANBU at all - speak to the assistant head and explain the situation. Is this woman's child in the same class as yours? Otherwise can she not be put in a different class to help out?

WeAreSix Fri 05-Oct-12 18:54:41

Thanks everyone

It's nice to know that I'm not going crazy :D Unfortunately the Assistant Head wasn't available after school but I can see her first thing monday morning. I will be insistent that this is confidential - the last thing I need is a repeat performance, or the friendship groups between staff / parents getting hold of it and making a big deal of it all.

Pippa6774 I have no idea what was said. Or why I ever deserved what I got for feeling left out... maybe if I'd been a drama queen about it all then I could understand her having a go at me, but no way did it ever need to escalate the way it did. I agree with what you're saying re: suitable or not.

gordy I'm sorry you have been in the same situation, it is awful.

mamma That is my concern, and she really is poisonous. I've asked some discreet questions and my DC says they only talked about the book. And what she has written in the record is pleasant, to be fair.

golden Unfortunately our DCs are in the same class and seem to be striking up a bit of a friendship hmm

Kaida Fri 05-Oct-12 20:28:50

OP, YANBU. I'd not want her working/volunteering in the school full stop tbh, and would factually tell/remind the school what a loon she is and what she did, and raise the question that do they really think she's a suitable person to have access to children and such?

letseatgrandma Fri 05-Oct-12 20:46:58

What on earth did all these texts say? You were upset because you weren't invited to an event-so was she saying, 'you're being ridiculous for being upset' repeatedly? Or was it something else?

I probably wouldn't want her working with my child either, but obviously she is going to have a story to tell as well-what would that be? Did you reply to her texts? If you go and speak to someone-it's likely to drag it all up and she will have a story to tell.

If she's a volunteer in a big school-she can probably easily and quietly be directed to a different year group. If she's employed as a TA in a small school and is friendly with some of the teachers-it's unlikely to be kept very secret-someone somewhere will be told what's happened and people will know things.

I'd play it differently if she was a parent helper than if she was a TA there, I think.

lydiamama Fri 05-Oct-12 20:53:48

I think you have all the rights to do not want this person never ever any close to any of your children or yourself, and make sure you tell the school this, as they already know about the problem, it should be more than understandable to them. Good luck with this, and I hate this kind of person, arghhh

WeAreSix Sat 06-Oct-12 21:00:44

letseatgrandma One of her biggest problems (I think) is that she never got a rise out of me. Until her and Friend A started making accusations about my DC then I grew a massive pair of balls and didn't put up with it. I can't defend myself particularly well, but when it comes to my children. Well.... it wasn't going any further. Which is when I involved school further.

I have spoken to DH and my DMum about the way I feel and they both agree with many of the responses here.

I'll update on Monday when I have spoken to school.

Thanks again to you all for the support - I can't tell you how reassuring it has been!

Bobyan Sat 06-Oct-12 21:07:25

I think showing the school the messages is a great idea. As a parent I wouldn't want her anywhere near my kids.

Bobyan Sat 06-Oct-12 21:07:51

Good luck!

sudka1 Sat 06-Oct-12 21:15:54

I think you are doing the right thing talking to the school. Show the texts etc. and you might want to mention that there are teachers on FB with parents-it is totally against school policy at our school. Best of luck!!

ShutTheFrontDoor Sat 06-Oct-12 21:19:25

Also don't ask if they want to see the messages, just show them cos they might say no if you ask them and they need to see them.

Inaflap Sat 06-Oct-12 22:29:07

I think there should be some policy about not reading with children in the same class that their kid is in. Schools have to guard against mummy one upmanship and also duty of confidentiality. I also worry about her being a FB friend of some staff. As a teacher, I would never do this as I feel this blurrs the professional boundries too much.

steppemum Sat 06-Oct-12 23:22:36

yanbu
at dcs old school there were 2 parents who had history, some very bad stuff had gone on, as far as I know one parent was very much in the bullying position. The nasty parent offered to help out with swimming, with nice parent's child in group. Nice parent went in, explained situation to head, and head arranged it so said parent didn't help out with swimming. I have no idea how head did it, but it the situation was known. I imagine after meeting mum head asked her staff and got confirmation.

I would not want her near my dcs, but also wouldn't want a fuss, which may kick things off again. I am sure that you can ask for her not to work with your child

steppemum Sat 06-Oct-12 23:23:37

sorry, some punctuation would have made that easier to read1

GhouliaYelps Sat 06-Oct-12 23:34:53

How awful. Well don't for getting through it.

What did she say in her texts? I mean was all that really over a missed coffee morning confused

onedev Sat 06-Oct-12 23:41:49

YANBU - I'd be in there like a shot. Hope it goes well.

Seenenoughtoknow Sun 07-Oct-12 01:22:42

I agree with BonaDea - show some of the (worst) messages to the school to demonstrate what she is capable of. Definitely let them know how she behaved.

deleted203 Sun 07-Oct-12 01:51:55

YANBU - I would not want this nutter anywhere near my child. Go into the school and tell them this woman was aggressive to you, stalking you with threats and abusive language. Tell them that you had to threaten her with the police before the harassment stopped. You have every right to insist she has no contact, even supervised, with your child.

perfectstorm Sun 07-Oct-12 02:01:48

YANBU at all. For the record, I wouldn't want someone capable of such behaviour anywhere near my own child, and I wasn't the victim of her behaviour!

I hope this gets sorted out. And in addition, I am so sorry you were subjected to that. It's criminal harassment and quite extraordinary from supposed adults.

1Catherine1 Sun 07-Oct-12 02:18:20

Well I think you were being unreasonable to not phone the police to begin with. They had you so afraid you used a different gate? They followed you home? Shocking! I think the school needs to know the details and in writing. She shouldn't be allowed near anybodies children.

I think if I knew that someone who had done this to someone else, was working with my DD, I would be furious and frankly scared for my own daughters safety. If I were you, I wouldn't want her in the same room!

mertin Sun 07-Oct-12 20:42:43

YANBU but what do you do?

I have a similar situation. A woman from our NCT group seemed to target my dc and was really inappropriate with her. She made nasty comments about all the dc, behind their parent's back. And occasionally flipped - shouting in their faces that they were horrible little girls/boys if they could read better, didn't agree to play her ds's choice of game. But my dd she particularly hated and I stopped contact as a result.

She thinks she'd be great as a teacher and has recently applied to do reading at the school.

I'm horrified about the thought of her coming anywhere near my dd - but how do you get that across without sounding like a loon yourself?

deleted203 Sun 07-Oct-12 22:03:30

I think I would ask to have a confidential chat with the head teacher and explain that you have concerns about this woman being in contact with your child as there were occasions when she was abusive to her in the past. You could always say 'I'm aware that I may be coming across as over-protective or interfering, but I do actually have very genuine concerns about this woman, based on my past acquaintance with her, and would be most unhappy at her having contact with my child when I am not present'. At least you will have expressed your views to HT and should this woman be a problem in the future then this will have been logged.

yummumto3girls Sun 07-Oct-12 23:33:22

As she started making accusations about your DC then it is highly inappropriate for her to be in in contact with your DC, I'd be fuming and be letting the school know my feelings ASAP. The teachers being friends with parents on Facebook is also highly inappropriate, as someone else has mentioned. The Teachers Apraisal standards have been changed this year to include professional expectations and Facebook behaviour would certainly fall in to this, they should be very careful!

hellymelly Sun 07-Oct-12 23:48:13

I agree with Pippa, in that I wonder what A said to B to prompt such vitriol? I think it was obviously the key to all this.
Agree with you not liking her contact with your dcs, tbh i wouldn't want someone like that near my dcs at all and I wonder why the school have employed her at all- they do need to know about her harrassment of you asap.

breadnjam Mon 08-Oct-12 00:11:13

Take this further, you were intimidated, had to change your number, and use a different gate because of this person, with that character she should not be working with children. Schools nowadays try to "engage parents", especially these "hard to reach" type that they will possibly keep her on, but they need to be reminded of her behaviour and hopefully they will keep a closer eye. I def would stipulate that you don't want her working with your child but this may make her target you and even your child again...if the school keep her, and I was feeling intimidated or worried, I would change schools, I just wouldn't feel comfortable with someone like that being in a position of responsibility with my child, sitting in staff rooms, and access to meetings which could involve my family/ child.

breadnjam Mon 08-Oct-12 00:15:09

Take this further, you were intimidated, had to change your number, and use a different gate because of this person, with that character she should not be working with children. Schools nowadays try to "engage parents", especially these "hard to reach" type that they will possibly keep her on, but they need to be reminded of her behaviour and hopefully they will keep a closer eye. I def would stipulate that you don't want her working with your child but this may make her target you and even your child again...if the school keep her, and I was feeling intimidated or worried, I would change schools, I just wouldn't feel comfortable with someone like that being in a position of responsibility with my child, sitting in staff rooms, and access to meetings which could involve my family/ child.

Nanny0gg Mon 08-Oct-12 22:21:34

My school has had, more than once 'issues' between parents. Whilst these parents didn't help in school, the HT did all they could to minimise contact and help ease the situation.
I hope yours is as sympathetic.

bubalou Mon 08-Oct-12 22:52:10

I haven't read the replies but u poor thing! I wouldn't hesitate in letting the school know how unhappy you are with this woman coming into contact with your child. Don't ask them - you tell them!

Give them clear reasons - don't get into deep playground stuff & just explain you do not feel comfortable with this woman spending any time alone with your DC.

Grrr - would love to be at your school - I would give her a quick shove when walking paste wink

PickledFanjoCat Mon 08-Oct-12 23:01:41

I don't think your overacting and just echo having a chat with ht. at least it's noted if there is any nonsense.

onedev Tue 09-Oct-12 18:32:07

Any update Op?

helenthemadex Tue 09-Oct-12 19:52:24

I would not want such a vile person anywhere near my child, I hope you have managed to speak to the school and have sorted something out

Vickles Tue 09-Oct-12 20:12:11

OMG! OP, this was me 18 months ago.
Two against one... They were always very clever, and saved the worse abuse on the way to and from school.
We sold our house and moved across town, and pulled my daughter out of the school.
I feared this happening, what you're explaining now, as the main toxic one was on the PTA, and I knew she was listening to reading, and had been heard making comments to other parents about children's reading levels.
Beware of any back lash.. If you show the texts. I think you should tell the school everything.

(I did, when I told them we were leaving... We had no other choice to move, as the toxic pair lived either side of us on a quiet cul de sac... So there was no getting away from it. It was living hell for 18 months.. And they never stopped, and like you said, I never reacted infront of them.... I just took it! Thankfully, most of it went over her head, bless her. But, it was mostly aimed at me.)

18 months on... Life is amazing. It has all worked out brilliantly, and everything we went through, was oh so worth it. Better area, better house, better school, better everything!

give us an update on how things are going. Feel free to message me if you like. Sooooo weird hearing your story, so many similarities! X

Vickles Tue 09-Oct-12 20:16:33

Oh, forgot to say, I was pregnant with my third baby when all of it went on... And I suffered from panic attacks and anxiety. They really did a good job at making what should've been one of the happiest times... Really really bad.
(One of the reasons why I'm pregnant now with no 4!)

BodyOfEeyore Tue 09-Oct-12 20:19:13

If you had called the police and she had been charged with something, she wouldn't pass a crb and wouldn't be working with kids, so yanbu.

marbleslost Tue 09-Oct-12 20:37:42

That's awful Vickles. There really are some vile people out there. Coincidentally the two people I've had problems with are both prominent figures on the PTA. Which makes you feel you can't be involved in your dc's school.

Mine wasn't nearly as bad as op's situation. I do think she should say something.

I really hate this form of bullying. Grown adults should be past all this.

MephistophelesSister Tue 09-Oct-12 20:50:30

OP, YADNBU, and though my DD is only in reception, I really dislike the whole parent-volunteers-for-reading thing already. Parents with no training, very often an agenda, and little supervision, are doing a job that imvho should be done by trained staff, accountable to the school.

My DD has not yet read to her class teacher, despite having been at school for weeks. How they are judging her ability level, I have no idea. I have an appointment next week when I will be (vociferously) raising my concerns.

Meanwhile, your situation sounds hell, and I feel for you - good luck!

WeAreSix Wed 10-Oct-12 10:12:58

Thank you all for the lovely, supportive replies.

Vickles Its awful, isn't it? I began to believe that it was me and I was imagining what was happening; everything she did was so sly and clever. She's done it to more people than me, I'm sure.

I spoke to the lovely Asst Head this morning. I asked her if she remembered helping me with a difficult situation a while ago, she looked very concerned and asked if I was OK (as if it had started again). I explained that she'd only seen the tip of the iceberg, and although nothing is happening now that it had all lasted for a long time. I told her that bitch Friend B was parent-helping in DCs class and it was unwanted contact. She was very understanding and said of course that contact wasn't to happen, leave it with her and she would sort it. I offered for her to read the texts and she said she didn't need to, had no reason to doubt me. I also explained that there were teachers with friends of hers on their Facebook (I can't see if Friend B is on their friends list as she's blocked) and she pulled a shock hmm face and said that she would have to look into that one.

So, its all sorted and she understood the need for 100% confidentiality because of the potential repercussions.

Phew. And now I have to hope that there will never be any fall out because of this.

steppemum Wed 10-Oct-12 10:23:44

op - I am so pleased to hear how the school handled it. We get so many threads on here when the school don't get it right. This is exactly what I would expect the school to do. Very well handled, understanding confidentiality, getting the point straight away.

So pleased you and your dd can relax. Don't worry about fall out. The school will find a way to do it subtley.

I want to encourage you to keep a copy of the texts (maybe print them out with dates etc) and if it ever starts up again, tell them (or write to them) and say you will be contacting the police because of harrassment

BodyOfEeyore Wed 10-Oct-12 18:10:23

Sounds like a good outcome.

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