To ask for some encouragement (and perhaps a little handholding)

(43 Posts)
BatCave Fri 05-Oct-12 11:48:22

I need to phone someone for some bf advice. Whether its mw or a helpline. But I keep chickening out because I know I am going to cry buckets down the phone and come out looking like a complete fool.

Day 3, I'm in agony and so engorged my DS can't latch.

I know I need some help but I just can't do it. DH has gone out with Mil and DD as she was doing my head in (mil not DD).

WilsonFrickett Fri 05-Oct-12 11:50:40

Day 3 you are supposed to be crying buckets, honestly, you are. I did. We all did. Please just pick up the phone. There is nothing you can tell them or say to them or sob down the phone at them that they haven't heard before, I promise.

Have you seen your mw at all since you came home?

MakeItALarge Fri 05-Oct-12 11:56:09

Youre supposed to cry on day 3, baby blues! I used to find expressing a little milk before feeding so they werent quite so engorged helped them to latch on, but it does get a lot easier and a lot less painful

WilsonFrickett Fri 05-Oct-12 11:56:52

Have you tried posting on the breastfeeding boards OP? I'm happy to do handholding but they'll probably be better at actual practical support and tips smile

Namechangegalore Fri 05-Oct-12 11:59:05

sad day 3 is really crap. Please phone the mw, and doesn't matter if you cry; they'll understand. Also, if you have a wheat bag, warm it up and compress the engorged breasts. Were you shown the right way to bf?

YouMayLogOut Fri 05-Oct-12 12:11:17

Yep, day 3 is like that! Very normal, OP. I'm sure the midwife won't be at all surprised if you do happen to cry.

Good suggestion to express a bit of milk to reduce engorgement (do you know how to do this?)

YorkshireRose12 Fri 05-Oct-12 13:14:02

First things first, do not worry about crying down the phone to a BFing counsellor, they are completely used to it, I know because they had to speak to me in tears! If you're engorged then your milk has obviously come in and this, at day 3, is classic baby blues territory. They are a real f*clerk but will pass and crying buckets is entirely normal when hormonal, exhausted and BFing is not going how you would want it.

Now for your LO's latch. As others have suggested, expressing will help to relieve the engorgement which will make you more comfortable and it easier for LO to latch. If you don't have a pump you can hand express, google and you will find instructions on an NHS website. If you're finding it difficult to get anything out hand expressing have a hot shower and do some breast massage in the shower. You sort of push your boobs up and together and hold for a few seconds, repeat this a few times then massage each breast firmly all over with the flat of your hand as you would do when examining your breasts for lumps.

More to follow...

YorkshireRose12 Fri 05-Oct-12 13:27:27

If you still can't get anything out and can't latch LO on to feed and drain the breast either despatch your DH and MIL to Mothercare to do something useful and get you a pump, or ring your hospital's maternity ward and ask if you can go and use their pump.

To get your LO to latch on correctly it's firstly important that you can control and manoeuvre your DS correctly. Google Dr Newman's "When Latching" leaflet and work through this step by step. You use your elbow like a pivot pinning DS's bum to your ribs, using your whole forearm to move him around and supporting his head with your hand. This will help you attach him quickly onto the breast when the time us right.

When you've got control of him like this hold him with his nose to your nipple. Wait for him to open his mouth really wide, if he needs encouraging brush your nipple lightly against his top lip. When he opens really wide use your whole forearm that is moving him around to hug him in even closer to your body, aiming your nipple to the roof and back of his mouth. He should have a really good mouthful of breast, ie shouldn't just be suckling on your nipple.

More to follow...

missymoomoomee Fri 05-Oct-12 13:32:04

After 3 days I cried over an old episode of eastenders, the one where Pat and Roy got back together and he was chasing her in the taxi to the airport and they declared their love over the radio. I was howling.

The midwife came round when I was in floods of tears and when I told her why she didn't laugh or cast judgement, she told me how she had ended up lying on the kitchen floor in tears 3 days after having her baby, because she had been straining pasta and some of it had fallen into the sink.

If you call your MW she will understand I promise you.

If your boobs are really sore try and go for a shower or a bath, I always found that helped a bit.

YorkshireRose12 Fri 05-Oct-12 13:40:37

If you're struggling to get a good mouthful of breast in, which can be difficult esp if you're well endowed in the bosom department, use your hand that isn't maneuvering DS to shape your boob in this way: put your first two fingers on the edge of the areola about where your DS's chin will be when latched on and put your thumb on the edge if the areola directly opposite your fingers. Pinch your thumb and fingers together to squash your boob with the nipple forming a point. This should help to get more boob into your LO's mouth if again you wait for him to open wide, then move him quickly onto the breast and direct the nipple up and to the back of his mouth.

To deal with the pain, take some painkillers - you can take both Paracetamol and Ibuprofen. They will take the edge off and make feeding more bearable while you get your latch sorted. Can you describe the pain - when does it happen, ie just at the beginning or throughout and after the feed? What does it feel like?

Finally, do try and get some help from wherever you can today. A BFing helpline would be good, but even better if you can sort it would be to see someone so they can observe a whole feed. The best person for this is a trained BFing counsellor or infant feeding advisor: your MW might know some local people or local BFing support groups you can contact or your hospital may have an infant feeding advisor you can go to or a specially trained BFing MW you can see. Tell your MW/ the hospital how much pain you're in and that continued BFing may be jeopardized if you don't get some advice quickly, ideally you need to see someone before the weekend.

HTH, I know how miserable it is. Absolutely feel free to PM me if I can help any more.

WeAreSix Fri 05-Oct-12 13:44:11

Definitely agree that Day 3 is hideous, and very normal to cry!

You need to express just enough off to get the nipple soft again. If you can't do it, try standing in a warm shower. The stimulation of the water can be enough to get it flowing and relieve it a bit.

Good luck smile

YorkshireRose12 Fri 05-Oct-12 13:46:28

Oh, and have a quiet word with your DH and get him to get rid of your MIL. Third party observers are not what you need right now, however lovely and well intentioned they are and especially if they're doing your head in! If this isn't possible take yourself and DS upstairs to a comfy chair for as long as you need to. It's so much easier to do when you're relaxed and haven't got other distractions like MILs around.

CrunchyCowPat Fri 05-Oct-12 13:49:47

I think day 3 was when my MIL found me crying in the bath with a breast pump. That was rock bottom.
Loads of great advice here - a hot bath will help with the engorged feeling and expressing a little will help your baby latch on. BF helplines are fantastic and can recommend a counsellor in your area who can check the latch amd make sure baby does not have tongue tie as even a small tie can affect feeding. Your MW will also be able to check your latch and I'm sure she's seen hundreds of tearful new Mums!
Be kind to yourself - it does get better, promise.

SofaKing Fri 05-Oct-12 13:52:31

I feel so sorry for you. Day three is teary anyway, and being engorged is so painful.

Could you manage to express some off to let ds latch, if it isn't too painful? You could take painkillers beforehand.

Please, please phone someone for help. If it is any comfort my sister is a bf counsellor and lots of people cry down the phone. She is the nicest, kindest, person I know and would support you totally. All her colleagues are the same, really lovely people who have been there themselves and have made it their job to offer a help.

Whocansay Fri 05-Oct-12 13:58:31

I was the same on day 3. I was sobbing all over my husband and best mate in my dressing gown with boobs the size of basketballs, thinking I was the worst mother EVER! As people have said, use a breast pump and express some of the surplus, which will make your boob softer and easier for baby to feed. I put the surplus in the freezer for use later when I went to the pub

I found the electric ones easier than the manual ones (and I never mastered the technique of doing it by hand!).

Hope all goes well OP. And yes, say thanks to MIL and send her home. smile

weegiemum Fri 05-Oct-12 14:07:06

Oh you poor dear. I remember exactly what it was like. I was so hormonal on day 3 I cried at teletubbies , when they said goodbye!

You've had loads of practical advice here. It's good your milk has come in and you've got a good supply. Don't hesitate to phone someone, everyone wil be really nice. Have you seen your midwife today already?

And yes, if it's possible get rid of mil, but I know that's easier said than done!

BartletForTeamGB Fri 05-Oct-12 14:41:00

I phoned the NCT BFing line in tears on Day 3 and 4 and she assured me that she gets LOADS of phone calls from crying women then!

Do feel free to call them. It will NOTHING that they've not heard before (although crying at Teletubbies like weegiemum might be a new low! wink)

KenLeeeeeee Fri 05-Oct-12 14:43:38

I did day 3 sobbing down the phone at a bf counsellor too. I think it's pretty standard! Doesn't make it feel any less hellish though, especially when you're in pain as well.

Don't fret. Phone the counsellor and someone will be able to help you. <<holds hand>>

WilsonFrickett Fri 05-Oct-12 14:47:24

I am screen grabbing this thread for the next time someone calls us a nest of vipers. Lovely you all are. thanks

How you doing OP?

nickeldaisical Fri 05-Oct-12 15:32:55

Just going to echo what everyone else is saying - you're supposed to feel sad and weepy on day 3 - it's totally normal.
I spent the whole of the 3rd day crying and feeling useless. DD wouldn't sleep for me because when she was near me all she wanted was milk, and I was exhausted.

Do try to express a bit of milk off if you're totally engorged- you don't need to dump it (but it won't hurt if you do!), because you could save it and freeze it.
but it will make your boobs feel less rock hard to the baby!
it's not hard to do. there are some really good videos on Youtube to show you.
this is the best one that I found helpful

Tailtwister Fri 05-Oct-12 15:36:10

Oh God yes, the day 3 nightmare. I remember it well, but was in hospital at the time with a lot of support around me.

Definitely try to hand express to take the pressure off a bit. Call a bf counsellor as soon as you can. They will be completely used to advising on the issues you are having and yes, do have a good cry to them if you need to as well.

You will be ok and things will improve. Please don't be afraid to get the support you need.

MyLastDuchess Fri 05-Oct-12 15:58:34

Just chiming in to say that yes, you are meant to cry on day 3! It's so common that we even have a word for it in Dutch: 'kraamtranen' ('confinement tears', more or less.


Fosgoldlady Fri 05-Oct-12 17:38:08

My dsis brought choc bars into hospital SPECIFICALLY(sp!) for day 3grin

WilsonFrickett Fri 05-Oct-12 17:38:51

Kraamtranen. Brilliant! grin

I did that on day 3. And day 4, and 5, and I think quite a few times between days 6-14.

It got loads better after that though smile.

Just do it, it really helps!

Splatt34 Fri 05-Oct-12 18:42:40

You have brought back memories of horridness of day 3. i remember sitting at computer on the bf thread at 3 in the morning with tears streaming down my face.

Send MIL away. we had no visitors allowed for first week. cabbage leaves really helped with engorgement. express a bit then try to feed. go back to bed a skin to skin with dd for as long as you can.

oh & do look at bf thread. big hugs

Silverlace Fri 05-Oct-12 19:18:30

Hope you have got some help by now.

All the previous advice is brilliant. The same thing happened to me on day 3. I phoned the mw to see when she was coming for a visit as DS hadn't fed for several hours. She came straight round and spent 4 hours with me, helping me express some milk, sterilising my pump and holding my hand until he was able to feed again.

I know I was so lucky to have her caring for me. I have met up with her again in different circumstances and have been do glad I could tell her what she did for me.

One more thing, can you get moral support from DH? I asked my DH to.hold my hand during matching on as it used to hurt do much at the beginning.

Good luck, hang on in there, it will get easier.

Silverlace Fri 05-Oct-12 19:19:25

* latching on!

We all cry on Day 3! Especially when we're in agony from engorgement. Totally totally normal.

Your midwife will be delighted you're calling for help in breastfeeding - they want to support us to get it right and they know how to help.

You're doing brilliantly and it will get better!

RobotLover68 Fri 05-Oct-12 19:45:16

Day 3 I cried cos my dad and dh were having a heated discussion and the baby had just projectile vomited the whole feed up over my mother

Ring the helpline YANBU

YouMayLogOut Fri 05-Oct-12 19:45:32

How are you, OP?

BatCave Sat 06-Oct-12 05:02:24

Wow what beautiful kind people you all are! I'm sorry I posted and ran
I literally had the phone in my hand and there was a knock on the door and it was my midwife. I literally burst into tears on the doorstep poor woman!

My boobs were so engorged she suggested we head up to the local hospital for some one on one help and I've had to completely empty with a pump and start again. The pain is because he is such a big hungry boy with a very strong suck but a lazy latch and he's been nipple feeding, hence all the bruising. I've stayed overnight, its such a lovely place and they are helping with p&a and generally holding my hand through the toe curling.

Still in a lot of pain but feeling more relaxed and I've actually had some sleep!!!!

Thank you to all of you who took the time to reply, it means such a lot, in the morning I will pick through everything that has been suggested and grab some tips. So thank you thank you thank you made me cry again

CaliforniaLeaving Sat 06-Oct-12 05:41:55

Oh dear poor you. I went and stood in a nice warm shower and did my crying, Oh the engorgement. I had to do lamaze breathing while Ds latched on, and trying to express so he could latch was miserable. You'll get through it, as it turns out it's pretty common reading all the previous posts.
For me it was day 4 with the first baby, it didn't seem anywhere near as bd with the second, or maybe I just knew what was happening.

CaliforniaLeaving Sat 06-Oct-12 05:43:15

Just read the update, what wonderful help you got, I'm so glad you are feeling better. Sleep makes everything seem not so bad doesn't it!

WilsonFrickett Sat 06-Oct-12 10:17:03

I'm so glad you updated us OP. And delighted you're getting such great care. Have some brew and I hope things continue to get better for you.

lovebunny Sat 06-Oct-12 10:19:46

glad you got help.
when you're on your own, ice cubes deaden the pain and make a good shape for latching...

missymoomoomee Sat 06-Oct-12 10:26:37

I'm so glad you got help, and sleep, it makes all the difference. I hope things continue to improve for you op.

nickeldaisical Sat 06-Oct-12 10:32:05

DD did an awful lot of nipple feeding at the beginning! she still does when she's being lazy.

it's annoying, but worth perservering (i lost count of the times i pulled her chin down "big mouth, DD, big mouth")

BatCave Sat 06-Oct-12 13:11:37

I'm having to cup feed ebm at the moment to let my nips heal, one is now bleeding sad his suck is so strong he has left teeth marks from his gums!

This is horrible now he's so unsettled and rooting, and I can't just pop him on, he can't have any more ebm for now so as not to stretch his tummy.

You wouldn't have thought I was bf a toddler just 6 months ago, I feel like such a failure sad

nickeldaisical Sat 06-Oct-12 13:13:19

get some lansinoh in the meantime smile

nickeldaisical Sat 06-Oct-12 13:14:49

you're not a failure.

YouMayLogOut Sat 06-Oct-12 13:28:16

You're definitely not a failure! You're doing the best you can, which is all anyone can do.

CaliforniaLeaving Sat 06-Oct-12 22:24:29

Put some breast milk on the sore nips and air dry.
I remember walking round the house with a thin tee shirt on and the flaps down on the nursing bra trying to let mine air out from my clicking nurser who made them raw. Just don't answer the front door. blush

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