to think it's just plain wrong to want change your DCs name by deed poll before their first birthday?

(64 Posts)
ButtonBoo Thu 04-Oct-12 21:39:43

Just that really.

A mum in my friends NCT group has said (seriously apparently) that they are looking into changing their DDs name by deed poll. She's 10mo. They think they've made a mistake in choosing her name and don't like it anymore. It's an uncommon name but not crazy weird.

Is this not just really odd? I know their baby, their choice etc but it's weird surely. Does anyone regret their name choices that much they'd deed poll change? Can this even happen before the childs 16yo?

TidyGOLDDancer Thu 04-Oct-12 21:43:32

Of course YABU. It's their business, and not for you to decide that it's 'just plain wrong'.

Softlysoftly Thu 04-Oct-12 21:43:39

Better now than when she's older.

FriggFRIGG Thu 04-Oct-12 21:45:24

I don't think you need to use deedpoll in the first year,you can just amend the birth certificate...

And yes YABU.

elfycat Thu 04-Oct-12 21:46:18

I thought you could change a DC's name before their first birthday without it being a deed poll thing.

It's not common but if they really regret the name it would be better to do it now. The DC can always change it later if they get version 2 wrong.

TalkieToaster Thu 04-Oct-12 21:46:20

I don't think it's odd at all, clearly they feel they've picked the wrong name and this is the only way to legally change that.

TalkieToaster Thu 04-Oct-12 21:47:01

Oooh, I didn't know that about the birth certificate/first year.

CSIJanner Thu 04-Oct-12 21:47:03

Someone from my baby group did this. They let their 4year old choose her baby brothers name, then regretted it the moment they left the registry office.

Flojo1979 Thu 04-Oct-12 21:47:04

I've never heard of this happening and I don't think its something I'd want to do, having to explain to ppl that she's not called this anymore she's called that but u guess if they r really unhappy with it for some reason then its better now.

MeFour Thu 04-Oct-12 21:47:06

I would have done this if DH had let me (with ds). It took me at least six months to get his name right. I eventually used a nickname until I got used to his name. It's his name now he's four but at 11 months I would have changed it to the name I mistakenly called him all the time

YABU, had I known I could.easily change a child under 1's name I really would have changed Ds1's. As it is I feel awful that he's stuck with a stupid, made up middle name.

cocoaGOLDchannel Thu 04-Oct-12 21:50:56

CSI did she go for Iggle-Piggle or Peppa?

ButtonBoo Thu 04-Oct-12 21:54:05

Not sure they know they might just be able to change it without deedpoll.

Yes, probably ABU eh? I was just a bit gobsmacked. It's a pretty kooky name and they just think they'd prefer something else.

I'm obviously just an opinionated moo!

NameChangeGalore Thu 04-Oct-12 21:57:21

My brothers name was changed after he was 6-7 months old. My mum was adamant about choosing a name with meaning, and she thought my brothers name was making him angry/unsettled. They changed it (don't know how, this was back in the 70s), and my mum used to say his character changed and he became calmer. Sometimes names don't suit a baby <shrugs>

What's her name?

Haystack Thu 04-Oct-12 22:01:43

I think YABU their baby has no real concept of it's name and it can be really important for a parent who is struggling with a name choice they regret. A member of my family did this twice with her 1st and 2nd child, it was something she did as she recovered from PND. Her children are now teens and it's never been an issue.

My 5 yr old changed her own name last year to her middle name when she got fed up of being 'haystack D' constantly (50% of the children at her birthday party had her name, there were 8 guests!). We've had some unpleasant comments and more than a little confusion, but in general everyone has coped well, she is happy and so are we and I really can't see why it is anyone else's business.

Noqontrol Thu 04-Oct-12 22:09:01

I don't think its odd. Better to do it now than wait. Sometimes you make the wrong choice and the name just doesn't suit.

LaydeeC Thu 04-Oct-12 22:11:46

Your friend's baby's forename(s) can be changed by completing a form at the Register Office up to a year from the date of the initial registration. She does not need to complete a deed poll. After a year, deed poll is the only way.

Sorry to derail but what does NCT group mean? Keep seeing it on MN..

I didn't get to name my dd, I had an emergency c-section, and by the time I could go down to SCBU to see her my ex-p had already named her - her name was on all her notes etc, and sent messages to family/friends plus announced it on facebook - not a name I would have chosen. I just accepted it at the time, I was in shock, dd was extremely poorly, but it bothered me for a long time. Having said that I could never have officially changed her name, and now it just seems right.

ParadiseMoresThePity Thu 04-Oct-12 22:12:40

I know a couple who did that, baby was about 9 months at the time I think. I don't think its a big deal. Its odd in the sense that you don't hear about it happening very often but I don't think its weird in itself. Baby will soon get used to their new name, afterall babies get used to be called by a nickname instead of their proper name don't they?

bumperella Thu 04-Oct-12 22:13:35

I don't think it's odd, but it's defintiely unusual. I guess better now than later.

Salmotrutta Thu 04-Oct-12 22:24:33

MeFour - sorry to de-rail the thread but why were you unable to get your DS's name right?
Is your DH from another country and your DS has a non-UK name ... or something?

I'm obviously nosey - so no offence intended! grin

perfectstorm Thu 04-Oct-12 22:28:16

I think it'd be a lot weirder to change it once the child was old enough to know/care. I sort of sympathise with them - they have to live with that name forever, and so does the child. If they are de-kooking, then maybe it's a good thing? (Depending on whether we're talking Alina or Apple degrees of unusual.)

cerealqueen Thu 04-Oct-12 22:28:33

NCT - National Childbirth Trust who provide birthing classes though most peope go to them to meet other mums who will be having babies at the same time, a ready made social circle to talk all things baby with.

Thanks cerealqueen, never heard of those!

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Thu 04-Oct-12 22:41:40

Yabu.

And you have to tell us the name.

OhMyGolly Thu 04-Oct-12 22:49:06

YABU, better to change it than live with a name you don't like for the rest of your life.

MeFour Thu 04-Oct-12 22:49:44

Salmotrutta - I had thought of him as a certain name from when I knew I was pregnant and for some reason couldn't get it out of my head. No reasonable explanation grin

Tryingtothinkofnewsnazzyname Thu 04-Oct-12 22:52:00

Better earlier than later.

OhMyGolly Thu 04-Oct-12 22:54:42

The only one I would have changed is dd's, I blurted it out whilst still on the operating table and it stuck. Others were fine, ds2's was actually decided on the way to register him.

BlueSkySinking Thu 04-Oct-12 23:31:05

At 10 months she can do it on the birth certificate if she makes an appointment with the registrar. I really can't see the problem with name changing so young.

JockTamsonsBairns Thu 04-Oct-12 23:46:01

I've known two couples who have done this, and I did think it odd at the time.

However, I chose what I thought was a lovely Scottish name for Dd2 (I'm a Scot living in the SouthEast), and reckoned it would be unusual down here. No. Every play park / softplay / toddler group I've been at has at least a couple of other girls by the same name. I did seriously consider changing it when she was about 8 months old, but she suits it and we've got used to it - and it would have felt odd trying to get used to something else. I still sort of wish I'd chosen a different name in the first place though.

musicposy Fri 05-Oct-12 00:01:12

I wish we'd done this at 6 months.

We called DD2 shortversion of her name from the start. DH wanted her to have longversion on birth certificate, something I was unsure of and he later regretted.

Yes, you can be "known as" and that's what we did for some years. Mainly we just told people her name was shortversion and that was that. But it's still problematical, with teachers who insisted on calling her longversion, passports where "known as" is just not good enough, doctors and dentists who repeatedly ignored requests to call her shortversion.

By the age of 12 (and way before) she was very clear she didn't want longversion at all. Every time she told people her name they said "oooh, are you really a longversion?" she wanted to say no - because she didn't feel she was - but that wasn't truthful. We also got to the age where GCSEs, official certificates etc were on the horizon, and she was adamant she didn't want them saying longversion all her life.

So, at the age of 12, we changed it by deed poll. In theory she is still a minor so the only people who had to agree to it were DH and me, but we wouldn't have done it without being led by her. Since doing it she has been so happy with her name. She feels shortversion is really hers now. When people ask if her real name is longversion, she says no and smiles smile

YAB a bit U. They could be saving the child a lot of angst. If parents regret and dislike a name, that will rub off on the child. Besides, the child can always change it back in later years.

bissydissy Fri 05-Oct-12 04:22:42

Jock I bet your daughter has the same name as mine. We were living in England and thought we were mega original; only to return to Scotland to realise everyone is called the same name. I'm quite dissapointed but do feel it's her name now.

Proudnscary Fri 05-Oct-12 05:30:21

Yabu - sooo none of your beeswax. Good idea to do before first birthday.

Proudnscary Fri 05-Oct-12 05:31:03

bissy - what's the name..Isla? Maisie? Iona? <nosy>

SomersetONeil Fri 05-Oct-12 06:23:40

This is one of those situations where it's weird when it's a real-life situation, but if you were reading about on here happening to someone else, you'd probably think it was a perfectly normal, acceptable thing to do.

I have to admit that although this seems like a perfectly acceptable thing to do in theory, if I actually knew someone thinking of doing this IRL I'd probably quietly think they were a tiny bit bonkers. wink

ButtonBoo Fri 05-Oct-12 09:08:55

Figured I probably have outed myself anyway. It's Peggy. I thought it was quite retro/cute but they want to change to something 'safer'

Yes, i agree better now than later but it's not like they're changing it because she doesn't like it. She's 10mo! What if they change it and she ends up hating her new name and preferring her original name. A change back I guess?!

Coming around to thinking it's not 'wrong' just odd.

perfectstorm Fri 05-Oct-12 16:14:57

It's the sort of name that could annoy more, once it began to, though. I think it's sensible to change it tbh, not odd. I think it's cute and retro, but that can translate to gimmicky and dated in another decade, and then it really would be hard to alter.

quietlysuggests Fri 05-Oct-12 16:25:34

Peggy is lovely
But also musicposy I love you
I called my dd the short version ofthe name but really felt that I should put down a long version of her name. Not that I ever thought of her as any of the long versions, its just something that I thought of.
But my DH was adament that since her name is what it is then putting down a long version of it that we have no intention of ever using is silly/inconvenient/redundant/confusing
So I am delighted to read your post, maybe its time to stop doubting our decision.
(And I do love the short name and never think of it needing a long name, I was just worried by all the threads here about ooh what if shes ever a barrister/marrying a princess...)

nickeldaisical Fri 05-Oct-12 16:41:39

It's plain wrong because you don't need deed poll.

the law is that you can change a child's name in the first 2 months and change the birth certificate (but not the surname)

the easiest way to do it is by baptism.

nickeldaisical Fri 05-Oct-12 16:43:10
nickeldaisical Fri 05-Oct-12 16:57:50

i missed the 1 off 12.

12 months

musicposy - you didn't need deedpoll if you're UK. as long as you can prove that she goes by shortversion then that's all you need to change her name - even the passport office only needs to know what her proper (ie the name she uses) name is.

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 05-Oct-12 17:17:51

i thought you could only change the name on birth cert if the child had been christened using a different name if that was not the case it was a deed poll.

ofcourse i could have made that up

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 05-Oct-12 17:19:44

Oooh I love Peggy. But I'd use Margaret as the given name.

JamieandtheMagicTorch Fri 05-Oct-12 17:22:37

I think if you really hate the long version of a name, then don't put it down. But if you don't mind it, but prefer the short version, put the long version down.

perceptionreality Fri 05-Oct-12 17:25:04

yabu - none of your business.

musicposy Fri 05-Oct-12 18:01:08

"I think if you really hate the long version of a name, then don't put it down. But if you don't mind it, but prefer the short version, put the long version down."

You see, we were in this position. I still think longversion of DD's name is a nice name. But at the end of the day, she hated it. I think that was just probably because we never called her it. Plus, the older she became, the more shortversion suited her and the more I really liked it. Longversion would not suit her at all now.

quietlysuggests we struggled with the barrister thing, like you! We thought she ought to have a proper, grown up name she could use if she ever wanted to become anything serious. Your DH is right, it just became confusing and inconvenient. Your DD can always change it if she ever wants to be a barrister and feels her name doesn't suit her profession! smile

I didn't know we didn't need a deed poll - we came up against enough hassle over the years to suggest it would be useful. Plus we were quite lucky, one of my best friends is a solicitor so it cost us the grand total of £0 grin

musicposy Fri 05-Oct-12 18:04:13

Passport office did say they needed a deed poll, by the way, plus a letter of consent to the name change signed by both parents. Of course, we could have spoken another day and got another story, who knows! But one of the overriding factors for us was that last passport they said they could not issue it in her known as name, it had to be her birth certificate name. She was determined that this time round it would be in her proper shortversion name!

LadyHarrietdeSpook Fri 05-Oct-12 20:10:04

perfectstorm Fri 05-Oct-12 16:14:57
It's the sort of name that could annoy more, once it began to

Yes yes yes it could. They're making the right call (sorry if there are any Peggys on here....!)

Flojo1979 Sat 06-Oct-12 10:14:50

I don't get people who name their baby when he/she arrives, 'to see what they look like'.
You have 9 months to choose a name! I picked a name for DD shortly after 5 month scan when I found out what I was having, used it on bump for a couple of months and decided I didn't like it.

jock and bissy we had the same with DD's name, not Scottish but a pretty yet grown up, classic name which works in most languages (family from several countries/ languages), also unusual in the sense of not much used in the UK but not weird. We moved to Germany when she was 1.5 - her name might as well be "small girl child" - there are 4 little girls with the same name on our road, 2 in her class of 25 at school... I wished I'd called her by a longer name which her name is the first part of, but felt it was too late to change as she knew her name and it was "her" by that point... It's still not widely used in the UK though... We did the opposite with DC 3 and gave him an English name - he's unusual here but common in the UK hmm

gymboywalton Sat 06-Oct-12 10:29:26

i think people spend toomuch time trying to find a name that is unique or quirky and they forget about the realities of living with a quirky name. So once the baby is born and every other person you meet is doing a double take when they hear your baby's name, it doesn't feel good.

you should always remember that it's not the name that make s a child unique, it's the child themselves.

nickeldaisical Sat 06-Oct-12 10:42:06

music - i suppose it's because children don't have a proper papertrail like adults do - we've got letters and bank statements and loads of other things that we can use to prove that we go as.... but children don't.

gymboy that's true - but there is a middle ground between unique and quirky (which I agree can be hard to live with as the individual "blessed" with a name that it often feels the parents gave to prove how unique and unconventional or special they are as parents rather than really being about the child living their life, going to school, getting a job, meeting new peers as a potentially awkward teen etc.with that name) and having the same name as somebody else in almost every group situation they ever find themselves in - my 7 year old veers between having fun with being one of 2 or 3 or 4 with her first name in every class/ friendship group/ sports club/ playground etc. and hating it - she tried to use her middle name for a bit but didn't like that people pronounce it differently (fairly ordinary name pronounced differently in different languages) here and also at then aged 6, having known almost everyone she sees day to day for at least 3 years, she couldn't really make calling her a new name catch on, so she reverted back to being XXXX surname all the time...

bissydissy Sun 07-Oct-12 05:03:28

I agree Englishwoman i really wanted a less common but not quirky name (like my own) as I have always really enjoyed being the only person I know (besidest my gran) with my name.

FamiliesShareGerms Sun 07-Oct-12 05:15:09

OP, I'm going to go against the grain here and agree with you that I think it's weird to completely change a ten month old's name. they will already recognise their name, so I really hope that the parents have already been using a nickname or the name that they will change to for some time, or that the name change is quite subtle, rather than a radical change overnight.

foreverondiet Sun 07-Oct-12 07:58:27

Before 1st birthday you can just change it. Not odd and none of your business. We have always given babies loads of nicknames at that age can't see why makes a difference. I know several people who have announced name is "x" and then 2nd announcement a few weeks later that its now "y".

SoleSource Sun 07-Oct-12 09:58:46

You are BU and odd to ne upset about a persons decision that does not harm another soul.

People make choices, shame you cannot wiyhout feeling worried what othets think.

dysfunctionalme Sun 07-Oct-12 11:07:44

Hi, I run a school and several children a year have their names changed so not weird at all.

PedanticPanda Sun 07-Oct-12 11:14:54

I know a couple who did this, they thought the name was unique but a few months later went online to check and seen it was very popular so changed it. The way I see it as it was their choice, nothing to do with me. Yabu.

Arabellasmella Sun 07-Oct-12 11:25:20

We changed our son's name at 6 months. You can do it with the registrar as long as they haven't been baptised. If they have then you can't.
Our son in called Barney. When he was born a friend asked me if it was short for Barnaby and I decided (on a whim) (I was heavily medicated at this point) that it would be a good idea to have a posh official name for him. But I started to hate it when people called him it, it just didn't suit him or us. So we changed it. He's now 10 and happy to be Barney.

ModernToss Sun 07-Oct-12 11:35:19

I am in the same boat as musicposy, except that we never did anything about it. My son has always been known as short version and we never ever intended him to be known as long version (which is actually a different name). However my MIL went with DH to register the name, and insisted on long version (par for the course for her). Consequently for all official purposes he is known by a name he doesn't even answer to.

I wish we'd changed it.

ButtonBoo Mon 08-Oct-12 07:10:39

I think going from long to short versions is different although i understand some don't like long version and never want it mentioned/written in official docs etc. This is (as far as I can tell) going to be a complete change.

And I understand a name change more if it's after a few weeks or in the early months. Just at 10mo it made me a bit hmm

Still...I've been told IAU so I'll accept it. Not too proud to say when I'm wrong!!!

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