AIBU to feel really distressed about what I've been told has happened in my house

(139 Posts)
OnlyWantsOne Thu 04-Oct-12 17:19:24

We completed on our house this week. I went over there today ( had just picked keys up) to have a look round, see how much cleaning I need to do before we move in etc

There was a knock at the door. Old lady who lives down the road wanted to say hello etc and introduce herself.

I invited her in - she was telling me about bin days and reliable milk men, then she starts telling me about the people who lived there before. And then she says

"We'll you know, it was all very sad what happened"

Me, intrigued "really? What was?"

It turns out a baby was murdered in my house 25 years ago. I very small baby - this woman told me how, etc and in which room (my bedroom)

I'm moving in with 3 small children, my 6 week old being the youngest.

I just feel distressed she's told me. I wish she hadn't. I'm not easily spooked or concerned with ghosties etc but I just feel very sad about the whole thing now.

Hmmm

It's normal to be freaked out but really, it was 25 years ago. They can't demolish every house where something tragic or dreadful happens.

GhouliaYelps Thu 04-Oct-12 17:21:50

It's horrible but all sorts of dreadful thing probably happened in my house it's 200 years old!
Sorry that it spooked you though God knows why you would mention it...

MrsKeithRichards Thu 04-Oct-12 17:21:51

Oh shit I'd struggle to just forget bein told something like that. It's certainly a case of ignorance is bliss!

OnlyWantsOne Thu 04-Oct-12 17:22:08

Oh I know. And I've always lived in old houses. I just wish I hadn't been told all the horrific violent details.

peeriebear Thu 04-Oct-12 17:22:38

I'd feel sad too, and strange.
Maybe you can light a candle for the baby when you move in.

sheeplikessleep Thu 04-Oct-12 17:22:46

YANBU. Why did she feel the need to tell you?
That would upset me too.
But then, we never really know what has happened in our homes do we.
You will feel better about it once you've got your own furniture and stuff in, once you've made it your own. It will be a different home then.

OnlyWantsOne Thu 04-Oct-12 17:22:49

Shall now know that woman as the freaky old gossip of the village!!!

NellyJob Thu 04-Oct-12 17:23:04

what an old cunt coming round and telling you that.
Every house has a history.
ignore that vile old woman if you see her again.
Don't forget she might be bonkers and making it up or embellishing it.
How would she know such detail?

KenLeeeeeee Thu 04-Oct-12 17:23:09

YANBU to feel a bit freaked out, but I really think you'd be pushed to find a house completely devoid of some tragic history or other (obviously not counting new builds!). Try not to dwell on it and let it spoil your new family home. Focus on filling the house with a lot of happy memories and love instead smile

amothersplaceisinthewrong Thu 04-Oct-12 17:23:20

This is genuinely true?? It was a 25 years ago. Me,, I'd be more wary of the old lady and her gossiping.....

JamieandtheMagicTorch Thu 04-Oct-12 17:23:21

It's a great shame she felt she had to share this information, and of course it's upsetting, especially because you have young children, but bad things have happened in most houses at one time or another.

CurlyKiwiControl Thu 04-Oct-12 17:23:30

ah no sad

But you can give it a happy future

Felicitywascold Thu 04-Oct-12 17:23:41

Comfort yourself with the knowledge it might not be true. Some people LOVE telling new people stories like this...

mangohedgehog Thu 04-Oct-12 17:23:47

that is horrific! silly thoughtless woman telling you that.

poor you. try to concentrate on making it a happy house for children. I'm sure by Christmas you'll have a bit more perspective on the place.

drjohnsonscat Thu 04-Oct-12 17:23:52

I'd take that as a sign to avoid old lady to be honest! Sounds like she couldn't wait to tell you...

Who knows what happened in my house - it's 200 years old. Think of it like that. You don't know what on earth happened before you moved in in most places. I would just reassure yourself that your lovely, vibrant family is about to move in and chase away any sadness by filling the house with laughter.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Thu 04-Oct-12 17:24:11

I'd be more freaked at the nosy gossipyness of your new neighbour than I would the house. She sounds horrible.

minipie Thu 04-Oct-12 17:25:17

Shame that she told you, that is a bit thoughtless of her frankly. I don't blame you for being a bit upset about it.

Bear in mind her details may well not be accurate, they may have been the gossip/rumour at the time, so even if she says it was your bedroom it might not have been etc.

Being rational, something horrible has probably happened in every oldish house at some point and even new houses probably had something nasty happen on the same location even if not the same building. My house is 130 years old and I'm sure all sorts of nasty things have happened there unfortunately. I appreciate it is a bit different knowing the details of a particular event, but like I say it may not be quite accurate.

sittinginthesun Thu 04-Oct-12 17:25:21

Exactly. She sounds like an old gossipsmile

If it does upset you, why not plant something in the garden, just with the baby in mind (you don't have to tell anyone). I think sometimes it helps to mark things in some little way, and you can then move on.

NameChangeGalore Thu 04-Oct-12 17:28:01

What a horrible thing to say to a person you don't even know Nelly. I think that was a horrible post.

Op, I can understand how distressing it must be. The old lady obviously has no tact. I think once you make the house your home, you won't think about its past as often.

My mum died in the house I live in. We have the tv in the corner of the room where she passed away. I don't get spooked or get visitations or anything! It's just as it was before.

MrsKwazii Thu 04-Oct-12 17:29:38

Congrats on the house. I'd take what she's told you with a truckload of salt tbh. What a horrible thing to tell someone, and how would she know every little detail. Bet she's embellished it.

Hope you'll all be very happy in your new home smile

WorraLiberty Thu 04-Oct-12 17:31:35

You probably would have heard the story eventually - or your kids would have so at least this way you're prepared.

My friend moved into a council house and her neighbours told her that 15yrs ago, an 18yr old girl was clubbed over the head by her 2 'friends' in the garden (jealousy over a boyfriend), tied to a chair and hung up by a dog lead in the greenhouse.

Then when she was dead, they covered her in an old carpet, put her in a wheelbarrow and dumped her in her Mum's front garden sad

She tried to research the story to see if it was true, and enlisted the help of the local newspaper...in return she let them come round and do a story on it.

Trouble was, the 'boyfriend' turned up on her doorstep one night (drunk) and decided he wanted to take her through the entire story and she couldn't get rid of him sad

Fosgoldlady Thu 04-Oct-12 17:31:40

If it really bothers you, why not when you go in light a candle and say out loud 'This is a happy house now, with lots of love, so if you are still around know you are free to move on, or you can be here and happy with us'. That way, you know that if you believe in spirits, that one knows it can go.

That's if she's telling the truth and not trying to put the fear of God into you so a family member can buy it off you cheap!

chandellina Thu 04-Oct-12 17:34:43

I'd be skeptical that it's even true. But she shouldn't have told you, either way.

waddleandtoddle Thu 04-Oct-12 17:35:15

When I moved in to my house 2 years ago, my next door neighbour was very quick to tell me about the ghost in my house. Normal woman, young children of her own etc etc. Apparently the ghost was in my bedroom and spent the early hours of the morning opening something like drawers. As you can probably tell I have never seen, felt or heard this ghost.
But interestingly she always mentions it just before she is annoyed by something we've done and is ready to tell us...
I feel it is some sort of control mechanism as I can't fathom a reason why someone would want to highlight this.

OnlyWantsOne Thu 04-Oct-12 17:37:37

She was connected to the mother of the baby, a cousin or second cousin or some thing. The mother has been in a mental asylum ever since.

I wonder if the baby is buried in the local church yard? Do you think if I asked the vicar he would know? I'm not very knowledgable about religion!!

Hopeforever Thu 04-Oct-12 17:39:05

So sad this has happened even before you move in, the thoughtless gossip!

We have been asked to do house blessing when this has happened and I expect your local vicar will do the same is you ask her or him when you move

You can normally find your local vicar by using

www.achurchnearyou.com/parishmap.php

The saddest one was when the neighbour had come to visit the new comers and said the wonderful words

"Oh and this is the room I found him in" and proceeded to tell the new homeowners how the previous occupant had died a gruesome death sad

GrendelsMum Thu 04-Oct-12 17:41:04

You could certainly ask the vicar, or you could take a look around the churchyard for a headstone of about the right age? Do you think you'd feel more comfortable if you went to visit the grave?

It's a very sad story, but really, your own baby's life is just beginning, and that's the important thing.

Whitecherry Thu 04-Oct-12 17:41:32

Mental asylum???

NatashaBee Thu 04-Oct-12 17:44:32

This would make me uncomfortable too... but I would take what she said with a pinch of salt unless you can actually verify it against local newspapers. I'm sure the local vicar would be happy to help you locate the baby's grave (assuming there is one), maybe you could put some flowers there or something?

OnlyWantsOne Thu 04-Oct-12 17:47:29

Yes, an asylum she said - she was sectioned after the death & never returned to the house.

I think planting some thing for the baby & mother would be a nice thing to do. I'm determined to make that house a happy home though. The place seemed very sad today with no furniture - heating hasn't been on etc so place is all cold and smells musty.

OnlyWantsOne Thu 04-Oct-12 17:48:02

should have bought a new build

WorraLiberty Thu 04-Oct-12 17:49:12

OP, your library should have a database of old local stories and you can check through them from 25yrs back...that's what my friend and I did.

We couldn't find too much about it though...hence the reason she contacted the local paper for help and they sent her a copy of the story.

Please do take heed of what happened to her though and don't agree to the local paper interviewing you about it.

As for the woman telling you, I think she did the right thing in case someone told your kids about it.

justbogoffnow Thu 04-Oct-12 17:49:47

She came over specifically to tell you this. She may have mental health problems?

notanaxemurderer Thu 04-Oct-12 17:49:49

waddle if I were you I'd gleefully tell her that you've seen the ghost in HER house - in her bedroom, hunting through her sock drawer for lonely odd socks.

OP I agree with the others. Light a candle for the baby if you feel you want to (and if you believe the nosy neighbour) and then concentrate on making it a cosy space where nice things happen to happy little DCs.

ExasperatedSigh Thu 04-Oct-12 17:58:45

She sounds like a right ghoul. My nan has a touch of similar; when my son was tiny, she spent at least three visits telling me, in great detail, how her neighbour's daughter's friend had accidentally poured a pot of scalding hot tea over her same-age baby. "Oh poor thing...ooh it was awful...terrible business." I didn't need to hear it once, let alone three times!

You sound like a kind and thoughtful person, I am sure you will create many happy times in your new home smile

Netguru Thu 04-Oct-12 17:59:17

I had a 500 year old house that was two knocked together. I figure loads of people would have died in it. I always found it welcoming and friendly feeling.

Looking at the side of the road at flowers people meet horrible deaths all over the place.

Make your home a happy place. It will then be so.

SinisterBuggyMonth Thu 04-Oct-12 18:29:22

Sounds like the probably bored Old Dear came round just to tell u and clock your reaction, and have a good nose.

I think the idea of a plant in the garden is lovely. You can make the house a happy place.

Informative as it was I wish I hadnt read worras post....

porcamiseria Thu 04-Oct-12 18:33:44

jesus!!!!

agree with whoever said to create a new, lovely happy future

what a mean woman tho

xx

RoomForASmallOne Thu 04-Oct-12 18:37:18

OP I think planting something is a lovely idea smile

SecretCervix Thu 04-Oct-12 18:41:12

who goes round and tells someone that?!

When I was moving in to my old flat, a friend helping who was an undertaker told me that the place seemed familiar and couldn't think why..

"Oh I remember!" He proclaimed, "I removed a body from here once!"

Me : shock

BonaDea Thu 04-Oct-12 18:51:06

YANBU and that is horrible. What an old witch that woman is. She probably pottered off down the road DELIGHTED to have seen your face.

Nothing bad is going to happen to you and your kids. Don't lose any sleep over this nonsense. Yes, it is upsetting, but in reality it doesn't change anything.

Personally, I would chose to believe she made it up.

baskingseals Thu 04-Oct-12 18:57:56

i would definitely plant something.

you could also light a candle and say aloud how you feel.

agree that the best thing that could happen is you and your family moving in.
when i looked round the house i live in now i felt that it needed children - no particular reason why.

WholeLottaRosie Thu 04-Oct-12 19:29:09

If you're going to ask the vicar about it maybe get him to come round and say a prayer or blessing or something in the room where it happened?

HissyByName Thu 04-Oct-12 19:32:09

I bet you will see that she is a vicious old biddy, who has made it up just to upset you.

Stay clear of her, even if it were true (which i truly doubt) who on earth would be a complete bitch to tell a mother that.

Ignore her.

quoteunquote Thu 04-Oct-12 19:33:38

Plant a lovely rosemary bush, traditional for remembering.

and avoid the woman, she probably has a relative who was hoping to buy the house.

pantone363 Thu 04-Oct-12 19:37:23

The farmer shot himself in our garden
An old man died in his sleep in front of our Rayburn
His wife died of cancer in the living room
In the woods next to our house a teenage girl hung herself from a tree and the top of the rope is still there.

Horrible things happen everywhere!

MsHighwater Thu 04-Oct-12 19:43:09

Doesn't have to be an old house to have a sad history. A teenager died suddenly in our house before we lived here. I believe it happened in what is now our room. I can feel a little sad for the family, who still live in the area, but I don't feel spooked by it. Redecorate, move your furniture in and forget about it.

AnOldieButNotSoGoody Thu 04-Oct-12 19:44:20

God what a thoughtless woman.

It happened yes and you can't change it but you can't let this stop you from being happy about your new house.

AitchTwoOhOneTwo Thu 04-Oct-12 19:45:15

what a tremendous cow... i would be spooked, but not really, because my brain would recognise that it IS a nutty thing to be bothered about. all houses have history, most of them will have terrible things take place.

i really would honour the baby in some way, though, think a rosemary bush is a charming idea. your family will be a tonic for the house.

Misssss Thu 04-Oct-12 19:51:01

The old woman is awful. She must have been watching out for you OP. I agree she might have had family who wanted the house.

The people who bought my first house from us killed their 5yo dd in their. It was very sad but the people who now live there say that it is fine. They try and make it a light happy place and they lit a candle when they moved in.

Try not to worry OP.

lydiamama Thu 04-Oct-12 19:55:41

It is, and normal that you are feeling a bit spooked, but in any single house a person has died, in some been murdered, even in the street we pass each day, in the church and so on. The house is nice as you bought it, so enjoy it.

Viperidae Thu 04-Oct-12 20:01:37

Some people are very thoughtless OP. As someone said upthread though, at least you know rather than your DCs hearing wrong stories.

When we moved into our house I had to ring an ex-owner for info on some work that had been done, she screamed at me that it was an unhappy house, that I should take my children and get away from it before it destroyed our lives! shock We have now been here 15 years, have been and still are very happy here and both DCs are now grown up and doing well for themselves.

Don't let her scare you OP, you make your own happiness in a home, forget its past.

kiwigirl42 Thu 04-Oct-12 20:04:02

bet the old bat couldn't get herself round to yours fast enough to tell you. What a cow. Sorry you found out like this. I'd be upset about something like that too.

ilovesprouts Thu 04-Oct-12 20:06:46

my nxt door neighbours dad died in my house in one of the bedrooms ive lived here 15 years nothing happened.

FizzyLaces Thu 04-Oct-12 20:10:58

She sounds like a right old bag. I would give her a wide berth!

My amazing friend was murdered in his house a year and a half ago and now a young family have moved in. They are very happy and I am glad there are happy people there as it should be a happy home.

What a terrible cunt.
There was probably a race between her and the other nosy parkers as to who would get to you first. sad

I like the idea of planting something for remembrance, poor wee soul.
I am neither a believer nor disbeliever of spirits and such things but maybe you can say a few words to any potential spirits, just in case. ;)

NellyJob Thu 04-Oct-12 20:12:47

I used that word Terra but a cross mummy told me off..

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 20:13:22

She was probably making it up. She sounds nuts.

Don't have her in again, she might scare your children.

and ask the Vicar if you feel like it. Might put your mind at rest.

Helpyourself Thu 04-Oct-12 20:16:04

Horrid, horrid woman.
Get the house blessed when you move in. Not because there's anything to do with what happened still there, but to mark your new beginings in the house.

iloveeverton Thu 04-Oct-12 20:16:09

Someone hung themselves in my house. About 15 years ago. My friend knew him and told me before we moved in. Been here a year and all is fine.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Thu 04-Oct-12 20:16:11

These tales live on for many years. I was told by a "kind" neighbour that a woman had gone slowly mad and then hung herself in my kitchen back in the 40s as her husband was missing in action!

The neighbour was old...and had memories of it. I don't live there now but it was a sad house all the same...not due to the woman who killed herself...other things.

Take no notice. For all you know, its not true anyway.

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 20:16:41

Also - I remember that feeling of being about to move into a house and finding out something crap about it.

It happened here - I was going for it, references, deposit, packing everything to move - and then realised that next door is a residential home for people who are mad.

It really worried me for some reason. I just felt like 'Oh NO' but actually - apart from one or two individuals who have been a bit odd to us - it's been fine and barely affects us.
In fact it's nice in a way as there's someone there 24/7, there are always lights on outside, and at the side of our house, so I feel safer - and some of the people who work there are brilliant.

It's been over four years now and I actually like it being there. So you do get used to things. It will be alright xx

Viviennemary Thu 04-Oct-12 20:16:59

YANBU. A lot of people would be upset by this. I don't see why the lady felt the need to tell you. Who knows what has taken place in an older house. Why not get a local vicar or priest to come in and say a prayer even if you're not that religious. It might help.

I bet she only told you because somebody in her family had put an offer in.

Make it a happy home. smile

WithoutCaution Thu 04-Oct-12 20:21:35

Well, if it makes you feel any better I don't think the people who own my great, great, great grandads old house are aware that both he and his wife hung themselves in the kitchen after leaving their very young child with his grandparents. You tend to find out things like this when your mother is researching her family tree.

I've lived in plenty of old houses and they all creaked and groaned. I did accidentally dig up a dogs skeleton at my old house panicked and thought it was human until I dug up and looked closely at the rest of the skeleton blush I reburied it and planted a tree on top of it

DowagersHump Thu 04-Oct-12 20:22:26

If you lived anywhere in London, no one would have any idea who'd even lived there 25 years previously, much less who'd died there.

I would plant rosemary and make your new home a wonderful place full of love and laughter smile <woo>

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Thu 04-Oct-12 20:24:58

Not true Dowager! I lived in a top floor flat (old building) in Hackney and there was a lady next door who knew a tonne about who had lived in the building over the years.

bbface Thu 04-Oct-12 20:25:02

I would be more concerned that this is utterly thoughtless woman is my neighbour.

DowagersHump Thu 04-Oct-12 20:26:28

I guess I was just lucky then BigFatLegs smile

nikcname Thu 04-Oct-12 20:30:40

When I moved into my old house, my next door neighbour came round to introduce herself and mentioned she would bring her scrapbook next time.

She delivered on this promise and had a HUGE book of newspaper cuttings, pictures etc of everything terrible that had ever happened in the local area. It included murder, robberies and fires. One of which had happened in my house, whole place was gutted as one of the kids was playing with matches.
Over the road had also had a fire, the kids had to jump out of an upstairs window to escape. One of them was too scared to jump and died of smoke inhalation and burns.

I know this is all true because I saw the book! She even pointed the parents of the child who died out to me when they were walking past (still lived in the area).

Absolutely bizarre. Some people really need to get a life. Avoided her (as much as you can someone right next door!) after that!

oohlaalaa Thu 04-Oct-12 20:31:13

She should not have told you. How mean.

I would still buy a house knowing a murder had taken place 25 years earlier, but given a choice would prefer not to know.

WeAreSix Thu 04-Oct-12 20:33:49

My Nan said that the first thing to do when you move into a house is to open all of the windows and doors to let the past and any lingering spirits out.

You can still make a happy home OP.

apostropheuse Thu 04-Oct-12 20:35:24

I think it's inevitable that you would have found out. It just happened to be the old lady that told you.

I'm another one who lives in a house where a man died. Forty-seven years old, massive heart attack. My house is honestly fine. I did have the house blessed when I moved in, but as I'm religious I would have done that with any house anyway.

TandB Thu 04-Oct-12 20:35:50

It's terribly sad and obviously a shock to hear about it, but you probably won't think about it in a few weeks. A toddler drowned in a pool that used to be in our back garden many years ago - we were shocked when we found out but it's fairly rare for me to remember about it now.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Thu 04-Oct-12 20:39:27

The thing is, most houses that are twenty plus years old have had some form of death in them..obviously a murder is more distressng but it's part of life.

We walk down streets and through fields regularly where people have fought, been killed, had battles...it's the way it is.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere Thu 04-Oct-12 20:42:58

My DD died in our house. In the living room.

I know its not the same as what allegedly happened in your house but my house does not feel spooky or sad. It is filled with love.

And bear in mind that horrible, terrible things have been said about parents who have lost children to SIDS in the past. People make things up. It is entirely possible that this baby died from SIDS or an illness and nasty gossips have created this myth.

TalkinPeace2 Thu 04-Oct-12 20:43:41

Be VERY sceptical

House we bought I knew had an 'interesting' history as there were still knife marks in the doors and blood on the walls when we moved in.

But the amount of scurrilous rumours people were willing to spread was astounding!

wasabipeanut Thu 04-Oct-12 20:44:34

Oh you poor thing,I can understand why you'd be upset. When we moved into our house 3 years ago our neighbour told the removal men that somebody hanged themselves in the 60's in the large garden shed that still stands.i was a bit freaked out then figured that given the house dates back to 1880 that was almost certainly not the only death that has occurred within it. The thought of a baby being murdered is terribly distressing though.

However, a house is just bricks and people make a house. No matter how much sadness has gone before you can make it a wonderful home full of love and laughter.

RosemaryHoyt Thu 04-Oct-12 20:47:05

Old bastard. God some people are objectionable. All good suggestions above, but I'd start screwing with the old biddy and asking for number for exorcists.

justmyview Thu 04-Oct-12 20:48:09

Some very sad stories on here ..........am I the only one who is now wondering if anyone died in their house ?

OnlyWantsOne Thu 04-Oct-12 20:49:35

Mrsdevere - I'm sorry about your daughter sad

I think I just feel very hormonal and teary at times and to just hear some thing So sad has shocked me. I am going to do a tad bit of research and see if its possibly true then shall take it from there. Will plant a rosemary too x

TalkinPeace2 Thu 04-Oct-12 20:50:06

justmyview
if your house is older than roughly 1930, chances are yes, as hospital deaths were the exception rather than the norm until nearly WW2

AmIthatbad Thu 04-Oct-12 20:50:28

What a charmer. I would avoid this new neighbour like the plague. I've lived in a few old houses, and never thought about what went on before. Maybe if I actually knew, I would feel differently though

And FWIW Nelly I noticed the poster commenting that your post was "horrible" and thought confused what is she reading?

I thought your post was absolutely fine

OTTMummA Thu 04-Oct-12 20:52:45

Every house has a history, except new builds of course. The woman sounds like a gossip, she probably embellished a story about a tragic accident, but even so you would of heard it from someone in the street at some time in the future, it's just more of an impact because you have a wee one yourself and probably had lots of positive thoughts about the house. For what it's worth, my house is over 300yrs old and the garden backs onto a graveyard, which is separated by a small wall which has loads of brambly bushes on the other side, I cleared them out in august and found loads of baby graves sad dating from 1700's onwards, clearly the used to put all the children and babies together, it was so sad them being covered up and forgotten that I tided up the graves and put some wild flowers down.

bringmeroses Thu 04-Oct-12 20:54:00

I guess someone's likely to have done in ours being around 100 years old. But let's hope they had a great time here before that happened. What a sad story - and how mean of her to tell you in her welcome to the neighbourhood chat!! Would it make you feel better to find out more about it? Other posters are right, you can bring a lot of love into the house now it is your new home.

justmyview Thu 04-Oct-12 20:54:55

TalkinPeace2 - yes our house is late 19th century, so I guess it is quite likely

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere Thu 04-Oct-12 20:55:43

Dowager another dissenter here smile
There is a lady who lives in the next road who lived in my house when it was first built. She is in her 80s.
She bought round some photos for me. She wanted the house but was not allocated it by the council and I always feel a bit guilty.

She eventually told me that she had a sister who died at about the same age as my DD sad. From what she has described about her illness it is even possible she died of the same thing (in those days death from leukemia was pretty quick as there was no treatment)

It was very sad to hear but at the same time I felt a sort of connection to her and the house where her mother had mourned the loss of her daughter.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere Thu 04-Oct-12 20:56:21

Sorry! Forgot to say I live in London!

HermioneE Thu 04-Oct-12 20:58:55

Your horrible neighbour has only told you one thing that happened in your house (that may not even be true). Think of how many good things have happened in your house too. It's just as inevitable as the sad things. Some happy woman probably spent the night before her wedding there and couldn't sleep from excitement. Friends have bonded and hugged and sworn they will be friends forever. Dinner parties have happened where people cried and fell off their chairs from laughing. Champagne corks have been popped at New Year. Your house has happy memories too smile

gallifrey Thu 04-Oct-12 21:01:16

Same happened to us when we bought our house, the previous owners brother came to give us some keys and then told us his brother in law dropped down dead in the kitchen!
We didn't move in for another 2 weeks as we were so scared and I hated going downstairs to the kitchen at night. Totally ruined that house for us although nothing spooky ever happened.

CupsofTeaAndHandfulsOfCake Thu 04-Oct-12 21:04:25

WeAreSix I heard that too, about the windows.
You would know when you looked at the house if there were any horrible feelings in it.
The fact that you didn't feel anything bad means it is the right house for you.
Just do the candle or Rosemary tree thing and make good family memories there.

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 21:05:31

I know a family who moved into, and renovated completely, a house where an old man had died alone and not been found for several days sad

They are nice people with young children and don't seem bothered by it. In fact there was such a houseful of stuff left behind, that they had to have the place cleared - and I ended up buying some of his things, which felt very sad but also like they would finally be used. We still have some of them - got rid of the piano a long while ago as it was untuneable, but other bits and bobs and I always think fondly of the chap when I use them.

I never knew him. I think I used to see him around; he had lived there since he was a little boy sad

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Thu 04-Oct-12 21:06:26

MrsDevere that's very moving. Nice that she was able to share the pics.

MarthasHarbour Thu 04-Oct-12 21:08:22

nelly and terra i was going to call her a cunt too but am too scared hmm

i agree that she was probably batting all the other nosey neighbours out of her path to tell you first. if you have a 6 month old then you are still in the throes of being post natal so you are naturally upset

i agree about lighting a candle for the baby hugs

MarthasHarbour Thu 04-Oct-12 21:08:55

right that wasnt supposed to be a link - just a hug!

Mayisout Thu 04-Oct-12 21:10:36

Looking online it says 1,500 children are killed by their parents a year. So let's guess that half died in their own homes, so 750 x 25 (years) that's 18,750.

So there are lots of homes which could have had a sad death in them -- therefore I think it's silly to worry about it. Just concentrate on your own little treasures and maybe give a donation to charity for other less fortunate babies.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Thu 04-Oct-12 21:11:19

What did wearesix say about the windows?? I can't find it?

Can I just point out that we don't have mental 'asylums' any more. The idea that somebody was sectioned 25 years ago and was never let out is a bit hmm

brighthair Thu 04-Oct-12 21:14:27

A pub I used to live in (outs self) was a courthouse, they used to try and hang people there. The mortuary was under where the kitchen was. There's also a landmark to a man who was shot by the old landlord many many years ago
I was so so happy there as was the rest of my family. We had a ghost who used to move things in a nice way - nicknamed Matthew. You could shout "Matthew, where the hell have you put my hairbrush?!" and hairbrush would then turn up in front of you grin
Was a very very happy chaotic family home and I never felt freaked out living there even as a child

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Thu 04-Oct-12 21:15:35

That's right Pins. We don't have them anymore.

Can I ask again what wearesix said about windows? I'm intrigued!

Also...even new builds can have history thanks to the land they are on. A new estate near me, is built on the old workhouse site. sad

BlueSkySinking Thu 04-Oct-12 21:17:36

Maybe the baby wasn't murdered, maybe it was a cot death? Lots of parents have been accused over the years when in fact it was SID's. Not that that makes it any easier if it was a cot death but at least the baby could have been well loved and treasured. I would do some ceremonial thing. Light a candle, have the place blessed etc. Be at peace with things. Also you must have good feelings about the property generally as you bought the place.

MarthasHarbour Thu 04-Oct-12 21:19:03

Pins to be fair i think the OP was paraphrasing the old dear to highlight how ignorant and gossipy she was.

wearsix said that when you move into a house you must open all the windows to let all the spirits free

TalkinPeace2 Thu 04-Oct-12 21:25:19

When we moved into our house we opened the windows to let the stink out while we removed the pooey carpets, the bottle of wee from the cupboards and washed the blood off the windows and main walls. The knife marks will filled with polyfilla at a later date and the kicked in door frames were never quite the same again.
FAB party house when we lived there.

NameChangeGalore Thu 04-Oct-12 21:27:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MarthasHarbour Thu 04-Oct-12 21:37:09

I mean you and your father no offence namechange and i can see that some elderly folk can lack in 'social etiquette' for reasons such as your dad's

However neither you nor i know what the woman's intentions were, going by my neighbours i am inclined to think she was a malicious gossip = i can see why you would think otherwise. there are two schools of thought on this

NellyJob Thu 04-Oct-12 21:50:20

sounds malicious to me

omfgkillmenow Thu 04-Oct-12 21:52:41

there was a terrible fire in my house before I moved in and tragically death, however I have filled it with love and joy. I feel lucky to have it because its a council house and 3 bedrooms are like gold dust, I know I wasn't the first person to be offered it but people turned it down because of what had happened. I don't even think about it even though when we first came to see it it was only partially fixed and still all black outside, I loved it from the start, Its my house now, in fact its my HOME now, and filled with love and fights and life, I don't have any issues with it at all.

expatinscotland Thu 04-Oct-12 22:14:44

What a vicious auld besom she is for telling you that! Might not even be true.

TalkinPeace, the place still have blood on the walls when you moved in? That's a total health hazard! Ditto pooey carpets and wee.

TalkinPeace2 Thu 04-Oct-12 22:20:55

expat
Yeah, it was rather a mess !!! But the house was a bargain and we knew most of the story. The five Mike Tysons in a blacked out BMW five months later demanding to see the baby were a bit of a shock though!

expatinscotland Thu 04-Oct-12 22:28:52

Holy shit, Talkin. What happened if you don't mind my asking? Was it a rental property, I'd have made them clean it up first (poo makes me puke).

TalkinPeace2 Thu 04-Oct-12 22:34:17

DSS bedsits. two tenants a couple. baby came out wrong colour. third party also in the house. drunken fights over many months. windows and doors punched in and threats with kitchen knives. nobody actually killed, several ambulances and the police at various times, but the Mike Tysons checked every room of our new home!
neighbours were VERY pleased when we moved in.

OP
Ignore your spiteful neighbour - enjoy your home.

expatinscotland Thu 04-Oct-12 22:37:56

And I thought the drug dealer who used to live downstairs was bad!

theowlworrier Fri 05-Oct-12 02:06:53

OP, maybe you moving in with your kids and baby is going to heal the house. Okay, that sounds like a load of old woo bollocks, but I think there is something nice about the house with a sad history getting a bright, happy future smile good luck with the move smile

Am I the only one wondering if the baby was really murdered or if they died of cot death. It was not the recognised thing it is today back then and would be enough to drive any mum insane.

Proudnscary Fri 05-Oct-12 05:40:46

Just because she's old doesn't mean she's not an insensitive gossip. Some elderly people seem to think they can get away with 'telling you like it is' or in this case divulging some unnecessary and possibly exaggerated or untrue shiz.

I don't believe in 'healing houses' or spirits or hauntings (or God or anything really!). You will be as happy as you allow yourselves/make yourselves. Try and ignore what you've been told, dismiss it as neighbourhood story telling and enjoy your new home.

Proudnscary Fri 05-Oct-12 05:41:59

(and I certainly wouldn't look into the story or research it. The mother being in a 'mental asylum' sounds terribly urban myth. Let it go)

porcamiseria Fri 05-Oct-12 08:27:10

maybe the mother had post natal psychosis? so I would relate to it as a manslaughter rather than murder
not that it makes it any better

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance Fri 05-Oct-12 08:38:59

Haven't read this all so I'm sorry to repeat.
Make sure that nasty woman doesn't tellyour kids.

fluffyraggies Fri 05-Oct-12 08:45:08

Old house = likely-hood of a few deaths, yes sad

BUT - likely hood of a few births too, to even things up grin

(100 year old old cottage and this is how i comfort myself!)

BeatTheClock Fri 05-Oct-12 08:52:58

That's very sad but blimey what is she like?hmm I'd be more concerned about having her as a neighbour.

Just enjoy your new house and be happy in it that's most life affirming thing you can do (and avoid gossipy neighbour at all costs)

Frontpaw Fri 05-Oct-12 09:00:26

That long ago - it was probably something completely different that just grew over the years. Village gossip! Ignore. Maybe she wanted to buy the house too!

TheBigJessie Fri 05-Oct-12 09:23:00

I don't believe it, and I don't think you should, too. There's almost certainly a grain of truth in there-, i.e. there was a death.

She surely couldn't know everything in all that detail, unless she'd been an investigating police officer/juror/turned up every single day as a spectator at the trail. If it's the last one, draw your own conclusions...

But really, the details you've quoted here are doubtful. Mental asylum? 25 years ago was 1987. How would she know the mother had never been released from a "mental asylum"? Write letters to check the mother's still under a section order, does she? If the mother was sectioned (which is possible- she was suicidal after finding her baby had died of cot death, or she was suffering postpueral psychosis) it was probably lifted and she simply chose not to return to the area.

OnlyWantsOne Fri 05-Oct-12 10:20:18

Part of me is morbidly curious now. That's terrible isn't it!!!

expatinscotland Fri 05-Oct-12 11:20:06

Not terrible at all. It's your house. Easy enough to find out if she's telling porkies or not.

Either way, she was rather spiteful to tell you, the meanie!

sue52 Fri 05-Oct-12 11:33:00

Every house has a past but it's not part of your life. Don't dwell on it, give your neighbour a wide berth and enjoy your new home.

25 years is a long time for someone to be in a psychiatric unit, or forensic psychiatric unit as would probably be the case. I'd probably take what the old lady said with a pinch of salt.
Even if you researched it whatever you find may not be accurate.

When I worked in nursing homes we always opened the window after someone died as many of the older patients believed it helped their spirts to move on.

ellathefox Fri 05-Oct-12 12:16:23

There was an old house in the town I went to uni in that would have been beautiful if renovated. Rumours were that a son had murdered his elderly mother in it years before. Not sure how much of that was true but I'd have happily bought that house if my job hadn't taken me to the other side of the country.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Fri 05-Oct-12 12:27:38

Moomin My friend is an ITU manager and still does that! I think it's lovely.

jumpingjackhash Fri 05-Oct-12 12:35:14

I wouldn't be concerned or let it bother me. Our house is late 19th century so is bound to have seen the odd dead body, it really doesn't bother me - in a way I quite like the idea the place has some history and is still likely to be standing and performing a role when I'm long gone.

It's the people in it that make it a home, after all!

Having said that, there's a nice-looking family-sized house in my parents' village where a man murdered his wife and then killed himself - it was put on the market by their estate quite soon after (must be about 10 years ago now) and is still empty. sad

Hopeforever Fri 05-Oct-12 13:43:01

Moon, sadly is all too true that people were locked up for decades. Single mums were taken into psychiatric hospitals as teenagers simply for having a child out of wedlock and were still there in the 1980's as elderly women. They were too institutionalised to live outside. In the late 80's they were taken to supported housing I think. So so sad sad

NellyJob Fri 05-Oct-12 14:04:20

yes but OP said the old woman said that this incident happened 25 years ago (ie 1980s), and that the mum 'had been locked up in the asylum since' which is clearly bollocks.

Frontpaw Fri 05-Oct-12 15:06:43

Sounds like just a bit of local colour story. Ignore it!

Yes I know hope I trained as a mh nurse, that was before care in the community though in the 80s so wouldn't apply in this case

hellymelly Fri 05-Oct-12 15:40:15

I live in a 200 year old house, it is attatched to another house (at one point they were one). A few years before we bought our side, the man living in the next door bit threw himself out of the attic window and fell to his death (4 storey building). We didn't find out until a day or so after moving in,and his wife then died a few months later (strangely in the place he landed), but our house isn't sad feeling, and nor is next door now ( a small boy and his family live there so lots of noise and fun). Sometimes I think of the poor man when I am in my attic, especially if I'm looking out as I can see where he climbed out a few feet away, but mostly I feel fine about it, just sad for him and his wife. All old houses have histories of good and bad times, enjoy your new home and fill it with love. (You could plant a rose or a flower in the garden for the baby if you find out it is true maybe?).

Jux Fri 05-Oct-12 16:15:49

Burn a little dish of sage in each room. That's traditionally how you cleanse a house.

Bubblemoon Fri 05-Oct-12 16:18:06

A neighbour told me that the previous people in one of our old houses had suffered a "terrible burglary at Christmas time." Perhaps pouncing on new neighbours with horror stories is a recognised condition? Amityville Syndrome?

The house in question had previously been a hospital, so a few christmas stockings being nicked was probably smallfry to what had happened there. And no, we didn't have to share our dinner with multiple poltergeists and theives, we lived there quite happily and sold it for a profit 5 years later.

expatinscotland Fri 05-Oct-12 16:40:05

I lived in a home where a previous tenant had committed suicide in the bathtub.

Occassionally I could smell jasmine while soaking in the tub, but other than that, meh.

I've probably lived in other places where people shuffled off this mortal coil - a lot of places in Edinburgh are sited over plague pits or old cemetaries - Greyfriars cemetary used to be much larger than it is now and is bordered by scores of tenements. Last week, in fact, two bodies were found in the garden of a really nice home there when construction on an extension began.

LadyHarrietdeSpook Fri 05-Oct-12 16:47:04

*bbface Thu 04-Oct-12 20:25:02
I would be more concerned that this is utterly thoughtless woman is my neighbour.*

This.

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