you know what is actually disgisting? do you?

(78 Posts)
SheelaNeGig Thu 04-Oct-12 09:00:34

a cat dribbling right inside your ear.

Revolting.

cozietoesie Thu 04-Oct-12 09:24:14

Take her to the vet and get her teeth and mouth checked. Otherwise ... well, you just have to regard it as another sign of love.

smile

I clicked on this hoping it'd involve some kind of erudite and nerdy reference to bird watching, possibly with Stephen Fry and Bill Bailey.

But yes, that's disgusting!

HecateHarshPants Thu 04-Oct-12 09:26:32

A cat sitting on your chest as you lie in bed, headbumping your nose and then getting all carried away and dribbling into your mouth is worse.

cozietoesie Thu 04-Oct-12 09:27:37

Dear goodness, you lot have some unrestrained moggies!

wink

Catsmamma Thu 04-Oct-12 09:28:31

really disgusting is being sneezed on by a cat
and really really disgusting is when they shake their heads and flick you all over with cat bogies.

Caerlaverock Thu 04-Oct-12 09:28:53

My cat suckles me if I wear anything remotely fluffy

catsmother Thu 04-Oct-12 09:28:54

A cat jumping up as you doze on the sofa and marking your neck as his territory is even worse .........

cozietoesie Thu 04-Oct-12 09:39:40

Now that is truly vile.

BegoniaBigtoes Thu 04-Oct-12 09:44:07

aaw, you are making me miss my poor old dribbler cat who died 2 years ago sad

She used to come to bed with us at bedtime, snuggle up right between our heads, purr like a train and dribble everywhere.

MumofWombat Thu 04-Oct-12 09:46:45

Our cat violated me one day and snogged me. I've seen where that tongue goes.... Still feel unclean when my lovely DH brings it up in conversation to laugh at me....

Pagwatch Thu 04-Oct-12 09:49:17

Pah

A dog licking you right in your mouth is worse.

And pulling plastic bags or toys out of your dogs arse beats all.

<<walks away victorious>>

cozietoesie Thu 04-Oct-12 09:50:16

Yep - I think you have game, set and match, Pagwatch! (Yeuch)

OMG it must be 'snog a human week' in Catland. Sparkling Cat woke me up this morning by shoving her wet nose up mine and licking my cheek. Fishy alarm sad

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Thu 04-Oct-12 09:53:06

My cat sleeps in bed with me. Under the duvet and sometimes he sucks my pjyama leg.

blush

I'm usually asleep though so can't argue with him about it.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Thu 04-Oct-12 09:54:27

pag I once pulled a long string of Lametta out of my cat's arse. You know that Angel Hair stuff that goes on Christmas trees? That. He loves eating it and it was studded with tiny turds....like a festive shit garland.

Pagwatch Thu 04-Oct-12 15:00:07

Hahaha!

Yes BigFatLegs - big dog ate a tin of quality street one Christmas.
We had twinkly foil shits all over the garden for days

Cozietoesies

There was a whole thread on 'things pulled from your dogs bum' once.

I think I won that too. With the worse experience which was actually shit. I once had to help my dog shit.
And DS1 had to help and was late for school and I had to write that to his head of year. Can you imagine?

RikersBeard Thu 04-Oct-12 15:03:58

Hahaha festive shit garland
Yep, we had the twinkly Quality Street turds as well. Labrador.

My cat humps my dressing gown, and my furry throw. Proper aroused humping. It sickens me.

I will tell you what is disgusting. When I was pregnant, one of my (neutered) cats was very protective and affectionate towards me. One evening, she was being extra loving, snuggling into my arms. Then she made an odd noise and there was suddenly some foul smelling 'stuff' on my arm. Yes, reader, my cat came on my arm.

I have no idea if this is a normal thing for a cat to do, she never did it again and when I tried to google it I got some very strange results that nearly meant I had to bleach my eyes

BigFatLegs the same cat loves to eat lametta and so in the festive season always has it trailing out of her arse. I think she's eaten it all now and I'm sure as hell not buying any more.

hattymattie Thu 04-Oct-12 15:12:55

God - don't these dogs know they should unwrap the sweets first grin

MissPants Thu 04-Oct-12 15:17:54

Rabbit jizz. In the eye. <boak>

It stinks!!

FundusCrispyPancake Thu 04-Oct-12 15:27:27

Like pagwatch I have been French kissed by my dog. It was not a pleasant experience.

My DM's dog had a wet dream while sleeping on her lap. :-D

YouMakeMeWannaLaLa Thu 04-Oct-12 15:52:00

I found something so horrid yesterday that I had to take a photo. A dog had shit out what I think was part of a towel or flannel but in neat dog-shit shapes.

Pic on profile. Fill yer boots!

JuliaScurr Thu 04-Oct-12 15:59:32

lametta and cats sad

HecateHarshPants Thu 04-Oct-12 16:43:22

grin everybody. My brother in law regularly gets his arm shagged by one of their cats. I have not been lucky enough to see it, but apparently he squeals like a stuck pig, leaps up and tries to shake a very determined cat off his arm grin

Quadrangle Thu 04-Oct-12 16:48:29

Pagwatch How did you actually phrase that to your son's head of year? grin

Woozley Thu 04-Oct-12 16:49:01

One of my cat drools on my pyjamas. And claws my shoulder, so I have a patch of fishy cat dribble, with a shoulder that looks like I walked into a thorn bush under it. Sho shexy.

It's not as worrying as a 7 stone entire male labrador getting "overexcited" when you are sitting on the floor though, at his level. blush

chipsandmushypeas Thu 04-Oct-12 16:49:28

What the hell were you doing to get rabbit jizz in your eye?! envy boak

Tuttutitlookslikerain Thu 04-Oct-12 16:53:28

OMFG I feel sick! Why, oh why do I open these threads?

The worst thing that happens in my house is if the hamster poos when he is having a cuddle with DS2, he picks it up in his mouth and puts it in DS's hand!

Pagwatch Thu 04-Oct-12 16:53:59

grin

I am trying to remember to be honest.
He was a nice guy. I think it might have even been...sorry pagboy was late but we had to assist the dog with a reluctant shit..
I can remember realising I couldn't lie because ds and I would never manage to coordinate a story.
A dog that can't shit was a particular low for the Pag family though.

TheCountessOlenska Thu 04-Oct-12 16:55:25

Love these stories grin

My mum's dog has a special cushion (we call it the humping cushion). She drags it onto the floor, play fights it for a bit, then she has to get the special corner of the cushion in exactly the right place (if you get my meaning), before much humping commences.

What gets me is that my mum STILL has this cushion on the sofa like a regular cushion - when we all know what it is and where it's been shock

I am weeping with laughter at twinkly quality street shits, and lametta-mini poo garlands! Thank you. grin

Pagwatch Thu 04-Oct-12 17:03:08

We should post them on the first frugal Christmas thread.
Economical really.
Feed your dog all the horrible quality street the week before Christmas and you get a festive garden for free

<<waits for the 'dogs can't eat chocolate' posts >>

Anonymumous Thu 04-Oct-12 17:10:45

We used to have a cat that got raging stiffies just from lying on my lap and having his head stroked (no, not that head - don't be disgusting.) It was horribly obvious - black fluffy cat, huge pink willy. And, yes, he did come all over me. blush blush blush

CakeBump Thu 04-Oct-12 17:15:37

No, a dog farting on your knee and leaving a damp patch is disgusting...

My son has 'Bear in the big Blue House' cuddly on his bed. Which is regularly humped by the cat..he straddles it and holds it down with his teeth and gets busy!
Poor bear.....blush

Medusa - that reminds me of the line from Friends, when the monkey humps Rachel's childhood toy, and she says, "Let's just say, Curious George is curious no longer!hmm"

PunkInDublic Thu 04-Oct-12 18:30:01

Festive Shit Garland!

BerryLellow Thu 04-Oct-12 18:40:59

Oh god, this thread is making me howl and boak alternately! grin

My pets all seem to get inappropriate erections <heave>

Big Dog also had a habit of eating the peel off lids from yoghurts. We'd then find them nicely furled sticking out of piles of dung in the garden. <retch>

I sometimes have to pull looooong wiry grass from my dog's arse, covered in turdy lumps. Exactly like an old fashioned string of sausages.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere Thu 04-Oct-12 18:45:10

My otherwise restrained and conservative cat used to make love to feather dusters.
You couldn't leave one anywhere for fear of it being violated.

SuoceraBlues Thu 04-Oct-12 18:51:07

Jasper the Persian With Attitude was banned from the living room whenever green olives were on the menu after the time he sat watching DH munch his pizza, and actually shoved his big fat paw (at the speed of light) right in DH's mouth to hook put the last green olive being currently consumed.

DH ran around in a state of apoplexy, yelling about the paw in his mouth having previously been in the cat litter and demanding some kind of instant mouth disinfectant to be concoccted forthwith.

But I couldn't help cos I was helpless with a bad attack of the giggles.

Jasper carried on munching the olive imperiously giving DH rolly eyed "I see the pleb is getting above himself" looks.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Thu 04-Oct-12 18:52:31

OMFD at the "coming cats"

I'm slightly put off my affectionate male cat now!

BellaVita Thu 04-Oct-12 18:52:57

I remember that thread Page grin

BellaVita Thu 04-Oct-12 18:53:22

I remember that thread Pag grin

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Thu 04-Oct-12 18:53:47

Suocer shock grin His big fat paw! That's one feisty mogggy! This is why I love cats.

BellaVita Thu 04-Oct-12 18:54:10

Oh fuck, I did not manage to stop the first one posting with my typo blush

D0G Thu 04-Oct-12 19:01:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateHarshPants Thu 04-Oct-12 19:48:57

Sorry. No. You do not get to drop something like that into the conversation and walk away.

I'm asking.

Along with probably everyone else on the thread grin

Spill.

You know how people say they nearly spat coffee all over their computer because they're laughing so much but you know in reality they probably just chuckled a bit. I ACTUALLY just had to spit my tea back into the mug, missed a bit so some of it went all over the laptop and nearly choked. Laughing so hard I'm crying and eyeing my dogs and cats VERY warily.

...especially the kitten who has a habit of trying to stick her entire head in my mouth...

Joiningthegang Thu 04-Oct-12 20:09:42

Eye snot of a horse - that is disgusterous

Iatemyskinnyperson Thu 04-Oct-12 20:20:39

Lab violated me with his cold wet nose as I was drying my toes after the shower. I made a noise never made by another human being confused He can move very quietly sometimes, considering he's a total eejit.

Gruffy Thu 04-Oct-12 20:22:17

Howling at this thread!

I used to have a cat that used to try and suck my ear lobe and dribble but that seems a bit boring now!

<<chuckles again at the olive stealing cat>>

Anonymumous Thu 04-Oct-12 20:31:15

Awww Gruffy, we used to have a cat that did the ear-lobe sucking thing too! (I loved it - he used to sneak up to my bedroom when I was little, wake me up by jumping on the end of the bed, and then start making sucking noises as he crept stealthily up to my ear. To a seven year old, that kind of thing is magical and not disgusting at all! grin)

caramelsmadfuzzytail Thu 04-Oct-12 20:57:25

I bought a furry tail keyring when I was on holiday once (not real) My cat decided it was ideal humping material, so I bought another one and left him to it

CakeBump Thu 04-Oct-12 21:44:06

Iatemyskinnyperson that just made me lol! grin

SuoceraBlues Thu 04-Oct-12 21:49:21

Iatemyskinnyperson

<cries laughing emoticon>

ProzacTheGiggleFairy Thu 04-Oct-12 23:12:20

We used to have a cat that would hump our feet when they were under the duvet. It usually happened in the middle of the night & we'd awaken to a grunting noise & a stupid moggie grinding away over our feet........ The next thing would be the shout of f***ing cat & he would go flying across the room.

Freshletticiaandslugs Thu 04-Oct-12 23:13:31

Oh helpless laughter @ festive shit garland and twinkly quality shits.
Also the goosing after shower dog.
My neutered cat also sticks his willy out during a tummy rub. The best thing though is that he stick his tongue out as well and closes his eyes like he's really enjoying it confused

Freshletticiaandslugs Thu 04-Oct-12 23:18:09

Hee hee I forgot this 'till now, but me and a very long-ago ex boyfriend were taking advantage of a peaceful secluded field to have a naughty shag when he suddenly looked at me and said 'oh that's so good, how did you do that?'
Turns out my dog had sneaked up behind him and given his balls and probably his arsehole a good slurping. grin

grumpydwarf Thu 04-Oct-12 23:23:04

I think I can win this my large now deceased dog ate half a deer, a used condom and a used tampax during his happy life. The worst was the tampax that got stuck on the way back out his bum with the string hanging out!!

MamaMumrOrangeTheGolden Thu 04-Oct-12 23:28:37

"a friend" had to fish out an unflushable poo from their hosts toilet. That was disgusting.... Apparently.

Devora Thu 04-Oct-12 23:34:11

grin Am I the only one reading this with a terrified cat wedged half under the sofa, watching me in alarm as I snort and wheeze my way through the posts?

Anyway, my cat likes to wake me up for breakfast (5am, according to her) by lying on my chest and putting her paws on either side of my face. Sweet. Loving. But the other day I woke up to her HOOKING something off my ear and eating it.

What the hell was it? It's been haunting me ever since. I probably need to seek advice on a MN spider thread...

Devora Thu 04-Oct-12 23:35:18

And I had a very traumatic incident at the age of 12 with my friend's granny's Jack Russell. It scarred me for life. Though not as badly as it stained the antimacassar.

weegiemum Thu 04-Oct-12 23:35:44

We regularly "rabbit-sit" for a friend.

Hard to answer the question from an 8yo "why is the bunny jumping on my leg......."

dondon33 Fri 05-Oct-12 04:22:09

There was a dog lived across the street to me when I was about 8/9, he was a huge German shepherd, and every time I came out of the house he would make a beeline to hump me sad

Thing was though (obviously my reaction must've been to turn away from him) he used to actually bend me over, keep one paw firmly over my shoulder, while kind of crossing the other over my back and off he'd go... The 1st time it happened he must of been drooling because my mum thought it was a very different substance present on the back of my T shirt smile

FairPhyllis Fri 05-Oct-12 04:48:56

I have had a tortoise attempt to shag my feet. I suspect it may have been fed something suspect as it was surprisingly fast and frisky for a tortoise.

Cheeser Fri 05-Oct-12 05:31:06

My hamster weed in my ear once. Nowhere near as bad as most of these shock

Proudnscary Fri 05-Oct-12 05:33:42

God I am now terrified of my cat (and PISSING myself laughing).

He did come in to my bedroom at 4am (hence why I am lying here wide awake MNetting) soaking wet, jumped on my chest and covered me in mud. But at least he didn't sexually assault me, come on me or piss in my ear.

foofooyeah Fri 05-Oct-12 05:50:43

Siocera, I am crying with laughter the image of that cat swiping the olive and your Dh insignant reaction

SomewhereInCanada Fri 05-Oct-12 05:51:18

This thread is fecking genius. Keep going!! ....

Queenofsiburbia Fri 05-Oct-12 06:55:19

Friends came to stay with their lovely little skinny, ugly terrier who they'd said might try & hump our dog but 'it's a dominance thing, it'll pass after a short while'.

This terrier was the randiest, most frustrated little fecker in existence. It abused our spaniel puppy (only 5months old then! Oh and male) for the entire weekend without let up so poor little devil spent entire time racing round house & garden, tail between legs & looking over shoulder in abject terror.

This thing was so randy that because it could never quite catch our dog for long enough, it would jus carry on humping thin air standing there.

Omg so gross watching someone else's dog do humping motions.

Eventually it did get satisfaction, on it's own, all over our kitchen floor. I'm heaving just remembering.

Friends kind of laughed about it confused.

I got the mop out.

That dog is never staying here again, our poor spaniel was so traumatised by the weekend.

Why don't they just chop its balls off? It would be 200% improvement on a dog that literally only does shagging..

Queenofsiburbia Fri 05-Oct-12 06:58:35

Oh & meant to say that I genuinely got giggles so badly when reading this in bed last night & couldn't control my shaking & snorts. DH woke up in a grump & said 'why are you crying?'.

He was not in the right mood to explain to so I had to stop reading & pick up again this a.m. Got giggles again.

cozietoesie Fri 05-Oct-12 07:54:44

I don't think I'll ever be able to look at a Labrador in the same way again.

Anonymumous Fri 05-Oct-12 19:34:32

Ha ha ha - love the story about the dog sneaking up behind ex-boyfriend and licking his balls!!! grin

I've just remembered that we used to have two female rabbits - a dwarf one and a huge lop-eared one. The big one used to grab hold of the little one between her back legs and subject her to all sorts of indignities. Mind you, she got a taste of her own medicine when the guinea pig took a fancy to her...

oldraver Fri 05-Oct-12 19:39:49

Our cats drool, they cosy up to you usuallu in bed where you cant escape and you see the pool of drool getting bigger and then there is the swish...and you are covered in drool.

Also had the tinsel out the bum as well as string

Lueji Fri 05-Oct-12 20:19:46

My cat doesn't drool. grin

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