To think that the bullying culture on MN can be a bit much....

(1000 Posts)
tjah04 Thu 04-Oct-12 08:50:11

Having been a member of MN since 2003 I have seen and read some disgusting comments from other members particuarly on this board.

I am starting to think that some of these people must be very sad and insecure.

Some of the names that are called are disgusting and I am sure that these people would never go up to someone in RL and call them that.

And do not get me started on the "I am better than you because I can spell" attitude which seems to be the final insult if all else fails.

Other comments include

"troll" "Oh not another thread" etc.

It is cyber bullying at the end of the day and as mothers shouldn't we all just grow up a bit? The MN team do a great job of deleting such posts but often the OP has seen it and the damage is already done.

TanteRose Thu 04-Oct-12 08:54:14

Ooh, what are some the disgusting names you have noticed <takes notes>


amillionyears Thu 04-Oct-12 08:56:02

It would be a good idea if the notes that MN post at the beginning of this particular board included some sort of extra warning about what you have just written.

SheelaNeGig Thu 04-Oct-12 08:56:05

Whats a disgusting name? Edna? Troy? Wankbadger?

CrackerJackShack Thu 04-Oct-12 08:56:27

Welcome to the internet....Keyboard warriors exist on every forum.

Portofino Thu 04-Oct-12 08:56:34

I have not noticed that people get called rude names, not even in AIBU. Unless we are talking MRA type trolls and the like.

qo Thu 04-Oct-12 08:56:34

Tante rose, I saw "retard" on a thread the other night, which is disgusting. I stepped in as I felt so sorry for the OP.

I see the same names cropping up over again, sometimes it feels like they're actively waiting to rip someone to pieces - there is seriosuly no need amongst grown adults EVEN if you disagree or think the op is BU.

MikeLitoris Thu 04-Oct-12 08:56:54

I must have a different idea of what constitutes bullying. I have seen some questionable comments and some childish name calling, but bullying? Not so much.

wisden Thu 04-Oct-12 08:57:15

The only thing I really don't like is the "oh not another thread about this". I think that is crap because posters also get told off if they bump an old thread so they can't win if they want to discuss something. Having said that when it is the eleventy millionth thread about the same topic in the same week then I think OP deserves a <popcorn> / <dons hard hat> (much as I hate both those expressions).

I disagree with calling it cyber bullying though. Calling a poster a cunt once or twice is not IMHO bullying. It is merely calling them a cunt.

I also agree with having a go at posters about their spelling etc, it just seems to be an easy way to disregard that posters point and make themselves look better. On the other hand it does bug me to see bad spelling etc but unless a poster was being really obhnoxious and a cunt then I wouldn't point it out.

qo Thu 04-Oct-12 08:58:28

I've also noticed people getting picked apart for semantics and wording - even if it is clear what they actually meant, that one point can de-rail a whole thread.

tjah04 Thu 04-Oct-12 09:01:33

I think it becomes cyber bullying when a poster uses said language against an OP and then many others send smiley faces and such like to that person.

I agree that you will get that on the web but sometimes it goes a little too far.

StuntGirl Thu 04-Oct-12 09:07:43

I've never seen bullying Standard forum disagreements which sometimes include name calling, but it's just the nature of the beast innit?

StuntGirl Thu 04-Oct-12 09:08:42

Oh and to call it a 'bullying culture' is ridiculous and OTT.

sookiesookie Thu 04-Oct-12 09:09:31

I think it would be better to confront this when its happening. Either call the name caller on it or report to mnhq.

I actually disagree that it bullying.

qo Thu 04-Oct-12 09:12:36

I disagree that it's a bullying culture, but there is bullying mentality lurking here among a lot of posters. I actually cringe when I see grown adults behaving in that way - one-up-man-ship, picking on small points,over-exaggerated comparisons, spelling snobbery etc. It does happen, it happens a lot.

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Thu 04-Oct-12 09:13:06

The things you describe are not bullying. Using that word belittles the experiences of real bullying victims.

Troll hunting and name calling are against the rules, and MNHQ will delete posts that don't follow the rules, but this is the big wide Internet and reading posts like that are a risk we take when we click on a website that invites comments from the public.

I'd much rather use a website where the ocassional nasty post came up than one where real converstaion and debate couldn't take place because people were prevented from giving their views.

LilyCocoplatt Thu 04-Oct-12 09:14:09

It can be quite nasty sometimes IMO, however MNHQ seem to be pretty on the ball with regards to warning persistent offenders and banning them if they ignore the warnings, if you see posts that you think are bullying then report them to MNHQ because they won't do anything about it without someone hitting the report button.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:15:34

It is DISCUSTING it makes me so so angry and foamy and frothy.

What was it again?

tjah04 Thu 04-Oct-12 09:16:03

Bullying is the use of force or coercion to abuse or intimidate others (Wilkpedia)

A person who hurts, persecutes, or intimidates weaker people
(English Dictionary)

The point is, it is not if you think you are bullying, it is whether the person on the receiving end feels intimidated ot not.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:16:31

May I just congratulate you on beginning your post with an ablative absolute?

Good show.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:17:10

So using dictionary definitions to win a point is different from pointing out spelling errors?


qo Thu 04-Oct-12 09:20:13

Yes Hully it is different, they are two separate things.

Hopeforever Thu 04-Oct-12 09:20:40

The comments on people's spelling and use of the English language get my goat. You would not ridicule or correct someone's disability in RL or make fun of their ethnic group. This is playground behaviour

'as mothers'?

Are mothers notably santified by the experience?

Caerlaverock Thu 04-Oct-12 09:21:35

Hully you are an absolute ablative

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:23:07

qo - they are indeed two separate things, but are they two different things?


tjah04 Thu 04-Oct-12 09:23:11

Hullygully. I could not give a monkeys about ablative absolutes.

And that is my point right there!

qo, Good point on definition of words. In hindsight "mentality" would be a better word that "culture"

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:23:29

There is an element of bullying on here.

I've been subject to it; I hesitate to admit it but I've been part of it, too. But always kind of reeled it in, as I felt awful for that.

It's easy to get drawn in sometimes. It's a safety in numbers kind of thing.

But being on the receiving end is hideous. And I agree that it's part of MN standard can find it most days if you look.

I try and avoid the people who do it most often. That's all you can do - or say something at the time.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:24:03

Well you should give a monkey's something.

They are rare and underused and yet delightfully light of touch and subtle in their myriad effects.

cbeebiesatemybrain Thu 04-Oct-12 09:25:20

Actually I have noticed this a few times and been on the receiving end of it too. Certain popular posters will disagree with the op or question what they are saying then others will pile in saying they were thinking the same thing. Then suddenly its like they are in competition with each other, who can come up with the snippiest comment or the funniest insult and the poor op gets pasted! It reminds me a lot of being back in the playground.

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:25:32

Hully you're kind of doing it now?

It's hard to tell if you're being funny, or if you're being hostile. iyswim

perhaps I just have a rubbish sense of humour, but I can't work it out.

Whitecherry Thu 04-Oct-12 09:25:50

The posters who get 'bullied' are usually the ones starting inflammatory threads..... Benefit bashing, disabled etc.... They are given shirt thrift by regulars

And MNHQ see inflammatory posting as goading

So it's not as innocent as you might think. Some people know which buttons to press to wind MNers up!

As a mother I too am discusted by the childish and RUDE comments I receive on this board.
But because I have pushed a person out of my vagina, I am considerably more mature than some of youse and will not be sinking to your level of name calling and horridness.

tjah04 Thu 04-Oct-12 09:27:17

I gave my monkeys nuts to my real monkey that I bought with the money that I earned when I wasn't at school learning about absolute thingimijigs smile

Whitecherry Thu 04-Oct-12 09:27:22

Oh yes, op, not everyone here is a 'mother'

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:27:36

I'm deffo bullying.

I likes a bit of bullying in the morning.

BigStickBIWI Thu 04-Oct-12 09:28:38

If you have really been on MN since 2003 you will know that this is a pointless OP. It's also a ridiculous (or should that say rediculous?) assertion.

Bullying is something that is a sustained campaign against one person, and does not happen often on the boards. (Although I believe it does, occasionally, happen - I have seen one particular poster constantly pick on another; she is now, I believe, banned)

Calling someone on their posts or being rude to them, whilst often unpleasant, is not bullying. And it is, sometimes, deserved.

Where I do agree with you is that AIBU has created its own, horrible culture, where picking on people and jumping on their posts with gay abandon seems to have become the norm. The same people live there and their immediate retort when challenged is that "well this is AIBU - you shouldn't have posted here if you didn't want this kind of reply". It's almost become a sport for some of the AIBU Dwellers.



Will nobody think of the women who've had c-sections?!


I bullied, didn't I? Bugger.

50smellsofshite Thu 04-Oct-12 09:30:46

I agree to a certain extent. I've been here as long as you and still cringe when the first few posts on the thread are "not this again" or "didn't we just discuss this?". Some people don't spend 16 hours a day 7 days a week on here.

For me the problem is that there are a core of people who spend large amounts of time on here who do feel "in charge" and feel they can say what they want. I suppose it's just a form of entitled behaviour.

All this <<gets popcorn>> and <<settles down with a cuppa>> on some of the more controversial threads is just plain rude. Similar to slowing down at an accident, not wanting to offer first aid but filming on your phone to share on youtube to have a laugh with your mates later.

But I LOVE the lack of moderation. I love the cunting and fucking and bollocking. I adore the lack of hun, hubby and bubs. I hate tickers with a vengeance and couldn't go back to a site that had them now smile

I personally think, on balance, this site is an absolute marvel.

I just wish people were a little bit kinder, but then I think that about life in general too...

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:31:05


Will no one think of the menz?

FoofyShmooffer Thu 04-Oct-12 09:31:23

Gah, BIWI got there first.

Yes. What ^ she ^ said.

You big bully. You and your child-pushing vagina.

I bet you didn't even check if the child wanted pushing, did you? hmm

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:31:51

I disagree Biwi - to some extent.

I think when posters who 'know' each other come together on a thread and just simply MOCK the OP - like what's happening right here, is a defensive action and it is really hard to break through.

It's like saying 'whatever, shut up, la la la we're not listening'

It's so rude. Every poster (apart from trolling sorts) deserves to be given a fair hearing and be taken seriously - and if you can't or won't take them seriously, then it's wrong to post in this way.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:32:19


you reap what you sow, I see loads of kindness where it's warranted and less short-shriftedness where it's equally warranted.

HecateHarshPants Thu 04-Oct-12 09:32:42

There are some unkind comments for no reason, yes, and those are deleted, or self policed by other people challenging them. There are also some posts that deserve outraged comments. Let's not forget that. If, for example, someone starts a thread about how <insert vulnerable group> should be <insert dreadful thing> then, frankly, I think they deserve all the foul names they get, and any cries of bullying are totally missing the point. As ye sow, so shall ye reap and all that. You cannot look at responses in isolation. You must look at everything.

But I think that the good far outweighs the bad and the support that can be found here is fantastic and I would hate people to focus on the negative and let that overshadow the positive.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:33:21

Ed - if someone posts you lot are a load of rude cunts who should do what I say

They are quite likely to get the piss taken

Frankly it's a generous response

BigStickBIWI Thu 04-Oct-12 09:33:25

But we're not coming together! That's what's so silly about it. I happen to be saying one thing, Poster B is saying something similar. It's not like I'm messaging/e-mailing/phoning Poster B to agree on our campaign.

And if lots of people are agreeing/saying similar things, then perhaps an OP is wrong.

qo Thu 04-Oct-12 09:34:06

And here it goes again, picking up on wording & semantics rather than the actual debate that the OP had hoped for!

Agree with EdMcDunnough post.

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:35:51

But she didn't say that Hully. She said there is some bullying, there are some rude people.

Not 'you are a bunch of rude cunts and should do what I say'.

Yes I can see why this particular OP is meeting with a defensive response - but I don't think it helps. I think if we say 'right, yes, you have a point - what can be done' it might open up a reasonable discussion - and yes Biwi some posts have been really reasonable and genuine.

But some have just sought to squash the topic entirely by being randomly silly.

OhChristFENTON Thu 04-Oct-12 09:36:45

Where are the examples of actual bullying though? I mean those incidents that are not simply a handful of posters having the same opinion that another poster is being a bit of a dick.

Because I'm sure if someone was really being treated harshly then other posters would jump on the ones doing the harm.

And why not OP, if you genuinely thing someone is getting a hard time, why not challenge that yourself on the thread at the time? Or do you do this - we can't see if you do because you've namechanged to post this thread.

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:37:16

Which is MUCH more like 'do what I say' than what the OP was doing.

It's like you're putting your fingers in your ears, ignoring her, refusing to engage - but all the while you're on someone's thread, and it's not very polite.

ed - if the OP feels mocked, I'm sorry she does.

What is anyone meant to say, though?

'I'm so sorry you feel bullied, though I don't know why, and starting a thread about a thread is a nasty, passive-aggressive way to make everyone feel a bit more shite. Btw, there's a report button, which you can use.'

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:38:12

Well that would be better, LRD.

WorraLiberty Thu 04-Oct-12 09:38:26

What Hecate said.

But to add to that, sometimes when a group of posters who are very friendly with each other all end up on the same thread, the thread will often be taken over with 'in jokes' and << People posting like this>>

It's not bullying but it is annoying for the OP when their thread gets derailed.

Unless it's a deliberately inflammatory thread that clearly takes the piss, people should probably start another thread if they want to chat and have a laugh with their mates.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:38:46

Ok I'll engage directly.

Op, you are talking bollocks and are completely wrong.




Surely it's better to send the same message - look, you're asking a daft question, it's all a bit silly - in a nice way rather than a nasty one?

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:39:25

Much better.

It really is. It's not that sort of game playing thing iyswim.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:39:35

<pms everyone like mad for a bit of concerted cyber bullying before elevenses>

There's room for silly, you know. And funny. Many, many threads - particularly on Aibu - simply cry out for their pomposity to be punctured or to be ribbed.
Nobody does it in relationships or health for a reason - that would be wrong.

Jezzy Chrizzy, we'll all be head-tilting Po posting lolcatz and youknowyourbubshun at this rate.

This is a deliberately inflammatory thread though, isn't it?

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:40:39

But LRD it isn't 'nice' at all, it's gamey and it's clearly hostile (well I might be slow, but I think it is)

that's the only reason I don't find it comfortable.

If you say bollocks at least it's, like you say, direct. And a few people already here have disagreed with the OP and said so without even saying bollocks.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:40:46

Yes but Ed, YOU might prefer a nice straightforward grim grange kind of engagement all serious and po - but a lot of us don't.

As much as you see me as silly and rude, I see you as dull and uninspiring.

Who trumps whom?

Helpyourself Thu 04-Oct-12 09:40:50

There's a difference between bullying and robustness.

Posting on Mumnset is elective. It's not compulsary and easily avoidable. Bullying is what goes on at school, in the workplace at the bus stop, in real life.

There's very little pulling up on grammar, and when it's done, it's unkind, says more about the poster who does it, but that's not bullying either.

If someone posts for advice, doesn't like the advice given and then moans that they're being picked on, well that's not bullying either.

OP if you'd said 'I don't like the confrontational, oppositionalist tone on MN...' I'd agree with you- I sometimes find it really upsetting, usually when I'm tired, or I'm very invested in the topic, but I don't have to post, or read, and there are other fora.

There are also PMs. If I feel a poster is getting a thrashing, or even if I've said something and it's come out stronger than I predicted, you can always PM to say blimey, that's a bunfight- why don't you repost in..., or sorry, that was harsh of me.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:41:03


Ed - well, perhaps we shall have to agree to disagree. You prefer one approach; lots of us prefer the other.

I have noticed that generally, people who can accept when they've been rude/silly do get on better in life than people who refuse to accept it.

The OP is being rude. Not getting into a 'serious debate' with her is a relatively gentle way of showing her that.

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:42:03

Yeah this sort of response is great when the thread deserves it.

But it has to be quite far out for me to think that.

If there is any possibility that an OP wants or deserves a genuine response (like here, I think - no, I don't think it's deliberately inflammatory though I could be wrong) then it should be given.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:42:14

Sorry Ed, I don't mean you personally are dull and uninspiring, I am sure you are delightful, I meant the style of posting you recommend.

BigStickBIWI Thu 04-Oct-12 09:42:49

I think this is a bit of a goading OP, actually. Especially as it would appear that it is someone who has namechanged to start it hmm

And I see nothing wrong with having a laugh on a thread - with posters who may be people I know, or with people who are complete strangers to me.

It would be an incredibly po-faced place if it wasn't like this.

Oh, wait ...

Mmm. Maybe ed.

I think this thread is deliberately trying to get a nasty response.

porcamiseria Thu 04-Oct-12 09:43:26

there is 100000% a bit of a pack mentalty

if someone (even if they are an arse) posts something that goes against the MN grain, they get pasted. and you do see people that clearly think "aha, 8 people have pasted them, so its OK for me to aswell"

but c'est la vie!

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:43:43

Thing is though Hulls/LRD - what works best?

Your response = OP gets huffy, buggers off thinking they were right all along and we're a bunch of cunts.

My response (and a lot of others') = OP feels heard, might engage, might even be convinced they are wrong.

No one trumps anyone - it's not about that.

OhChristFENTON Thu 04-Oct-12 09:44:00

Again, I have only ever seen jokey derailing either in support of the OP because she/he has been attacked by a bunch of twats, or when the OP herself is a bit of a twat and has started a goady or bigoted thread.

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:44:22

You might be right LRD.

Hulls no I am REALLY dull.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:44:55

Ed, the op is deliberately inflammatory and goading.

It's getting what it deserves. Quid pro quo.

Yes, my response works best.

Yours implies that the OP's goady post is reasonable and stirs up even more shit.

You said you wanted direct.

wisden Thu 04-Oct-12 09:45:30

^There's room for silly, you know. And funny. Many, many threads - particularly on Aibu - simply cry out for their pomposity to be punctured or to be ribbed.
Nobody does it in relationships or health for a reason - that would be wrong.^

I agree with this^^

Pagwatch Thu 04-Oct-12 09:45:33

That's the issue LRD exactly!

These threads achieve nothing because everyone immediately feels criticised and because so many people complaint about bullying are just being told with some unanimity that they are wrong so they get humpy.

And it makes me want to Thump my head against the table because the answer to bullying when you see it is to say something then or report it.

If there is anything worse than bullying it is saying nothing, choosing not to report and then starting a whiny thread to try and seem like a paragon of virtue.

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:45:41

Erm, have I stirred up any shit? Where?

wisden Thu 04-Oct-12 09:45:51

{angry] fecking itallics

Frankly, if the OP has been here since 2003 and decides to bugger off on the strength of people taking the piss out of her for whining about a bullying culture on a thread-about-a-thread, she probably needs a break, as she'd know these threads always piss people off.

wisden Thu 04-Oct-12 09:46:14

FFS angry fecking smilies

BigStickBIWI Thu 04-Oct-12 09:46:26

I really disagree that we have to engage positively and politely with every OP. That would be hugely patronising. Rather like a primary school teacher who has to consider every word that drops from a child's lips as if was a pearl of wisdom.

We are grown-ups. If you post something daft/unpleasant/stupid/goading, then expect a robust and direct - or even mocking reply.

But this is not bullying.

Pagwatch Thu 04-Oct-12 09:46:51

Porcamiseria. There is definitely piling in. Yes indeed.

You said that much more nicely than me, pag.

(See, why can't I be more like pag? sad)

thebody Thu 04-Oct-12 09:47:10

Posters who correct spellings and grammar are a tad wankerish and just make everyone think they are patronising twats.

Posters who are friends in RL, well it's not a crime but personally if they keep up the in jokes and chatter I just scroll over the posts as obviously its a bit boring for the rest if us but if they like it that's no problem.

If you post on AIBU and are effectively told yes you are then don't complain... Opinions are robust.

Delicate plants don't post here. Also sense of humour needed.

GoSakuramachi Thu 04-Oct-12 09:47:12

Oh god, again?
Can we have a sign at the top of the page that says "Someone calling you a twatbadger is not bullying you".

Its so fucking juvenile. Enrich your vocabulary. Someone being rude to you is being rude, not bullying you. Someone disagreeing forcefully is not bullying you. This victim mentality is pathetic. And dull.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:47:34

See, it IS all about tone and style.

If one did an op like this:

I love MN, it is warm, funny and helpful but I am wondering lately if we are all as kind as can be. I know it's dull going over the same old same old etc, but let us reach out and love newbies and all be kind to each other and share the love.

You'd get a much better response.

I also think most of the so-called pack mentality comes from the dull and frankly stupid, not those of us who like to lark about. We are generally kind unless confronted by an op like this.
So ner.

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:47:34

LRD I prefer to see it as calling their bluff.

Taking it at face value will often puncture the tyres on something false before it takes off at all.

Taking the piss just gives the OP a chance to blame us.

BigStickBIWI Thu 04-Oct-12 09:49:01

... and the OP, having goaded, has done a 'post and run'. Quelle surprise.

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 09:49:18

<marks place before thread disappears and saves to read later>

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:49:42

No Ed, witness the couple of threads yesterday, if people take it at face value, the op is DELIGHTED - all that attention for pages and pages

BigStickBIWI Thu 04-Oct-12 09:50:02


I am so much of a pedant, I just had to Google to check that I'd got my French right ... <twats self>

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:50:05

Ah, but Ed, you still think the op is genuine, don't you?


Fair enough, ed, I can see what you're getting at. But I don't agree that it works.

I think it just makes people feel paranoid that there is something nasty going on and they've not seen it/they want to know about it.

Sometimes there is some kind of ruck going on, but I hate the innuendo about them.

OhChristFENTON Thu 04-Oct-12 09:50:16

Maryz, you've got your Zed on - how lovely you look in it today.

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 09:50:37

What GoSakuramachi said, with the addition of "especially if you are being a twatbadger".

I am being very nice these days, even to trolls and sockpuppets, and mnhq still won't give me a badge. It is vair upsetting.

tjah04 Thu 04-Oct-12 09:51:16

Not at all.The reason why I name changed was because very recently I was called a dyslexic C*nt on here for spelling something incorrectly.

I was so embarrassed by the tone the thread took from a simple question that I asked that I named changed. Family and friends do use this site and I was embarrassed.

Very open to people disagreeing with me on this as we all are entitled to our opinions. And that is how it should be.

Say you do not agree but do not name call me. That is a personal attack and is unfair.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:51:19

Ed, serious point, if you really want to have a serious discussion about the point, start a genuine thread about it?

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 09:51:45

Thank you Fenton. I had to correct some fuckwit Bonkey who was pronouncing me in her head with a zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, which is frankly NOT ON.

Yes indeed. I've been here since computers were powered by peat -not actually-- and I have seen tens of these threads wink. If the OP really has been here this long then this was a pointy old stick of a goad. Under a namechange hmm.
I'm all for namechanges for comedy purps and Is that You UCM type questions or to avoid outing but this is a cowardly goad and therefore comes under my 'Piss Taking Green Light' list.

OhChristFENTON Thu 04-Oct-12 09:52:35

OP I do not believe that you were called a "dyslexic Cunt" and no-one challenged the poster who said that, - I don't not believe that for a minute.

BigStickBIWI Thu 04-Oct-12 09:52:39

So what did you do, tjah04? Did you report it to MNHQ? Did you call the poster on it on the thread?

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 09:52:45

Where were you called a dyslexic cunt? Seriously, I don't think there is a person on this thread who would call anyone that shock

Name names, please. I would like to add them to my spreadsheet.

NolaFfing Thu 04-Oct-12 09:52:51

If posters are getting followed around the boards being called names on every thread they post on, then that is bullying behaviour and MN will ban people for that. Just FYI.

Someone calling someone a name on one thread, while pointless and unedifying, is not bullying.

I am really sick of seeing the word bullying being hijacked in this way. It definitely dilutes the reality of bullying. sad

wheresmespecs Thu 04-Oct-12 09:53:01

YANBU - All internet forums are basically a playground, and involve a fair bit of ganging up and posters joining in a 'dominant culture.'

There can be a particularly nasty edge on MN sometimes - You do get a lot women deciding that they are here to deal out some 'home truths' - they behave aggressively, very very judgey, while tellling posters that if they react by being hurt, it's because they can't handle 'the truth'. Very rarely have I come across people like that in real life and then I have run a bloody mile! They are toxic as hell....

I think you also get problems with very regular posters feeling that they 'own' MN and get to say what goes and what doesn't. Playground stuff, again.

Then there is the hideous 'I don't care if you are upset, I'm going to prove I know how to use an apostrophe when you can't' posts. Along with the mocking anyone who uses 'hun' etc. Playground taunts with a dose of rank class snobbery.

I think if you want info about a specific problem, like latch and positioning in breastfeeding, Mn can be great. Likewise forums for miscarriage, bereavement etc - I think they have a huge value and are very sensitive places.

elsewhere on MN - you are basically walking into a playground, and sometimes you can see grown women queuing up to take (virtual) chunks out of each other. Strange and unpleasant.

Ah XP on the NC front.
Still hmm about it though. Deeply.

NolaFfing Thu 04-Oct-12 09:53:55

x posted.
If someone called you a dyslexic cunt then that person is a cunt and is not indictative of MN.

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:54:00

Why can't I talk about it on this one, Hully? <confused>

OP I'm glad you came back.

Pagwatch Thu 04-Oct-12 09:54:47

A dyslexic cunt? Really?

I'd like 'dyslexic cunt' to be a medical condition.

I do think there are a minority of posters who are nasty about spelling and similar, but there are always loads of posters calling them on it.

I actually find that quite conforting.

But if someone calls you a dyslexic cunt, PM me, and I'll go yell at them. I enjoy it. smile

tjah04 Thu 04-Oct-12 09:57:44

I am around. Just catching up on the posts as moved from one computer to another.

I would like it to be clear that the posters tarred with the 'having fun, derailing, mocking, piss taking, knowing people' sins are rarely the ones who queue up to dole out home truths though, wheresmespecs.

The self-righteous Po types take that sort of thing waaaaay more seriously than we do.

wisden Thu 04-Oct-12 09:59:34

If someone called you a dyslexic cunt then I think you should name and shame.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 10:00:21

I have been called a cunting dyslexic

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 10:00:44

self righteous? cheers! Like I'm ever right about anything.

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 10:00:54

I am only ever kind. To everyone.

MadgeHarvey Thu 04-Oct-12 10:01:59

Where? What thread were you called a dyslexic cunt? Because I've never seen anything like that - and I can't imagine the very great majority of other posters would allow that kind of insult to go unchallenged. Nope - I think you're probably one of the recent 'new' or 'namechangey' posters who's been whining on and on lately about being picked on, or not believed or whatever gripe is the flavour of the day. Being disagreed with or being picked up on runaway twattery is NOT the same as being bullied. Go educate yourself - you do a great disservice to the truly bullied.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 10:02:15

Quite, we are all kind except when someone is a right cunt.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 10:02:48

See Ed, why did you take sue's comment personally?

Do you ally yourself with the po?

thebody Thu 04-Oct-12 10:04:00

Name thread and poster.

RustyBear Thu 04-Oct-12 10:04:14

Will I be accused of bullying WhiteCherry's phone if I point out the glorious
autocorrect in her earlier post?

"They are given shirt thrift by regulars"

I need some shirt thrift, I spend way too much on shirts....

NolaFfing Thu 04-Oct-12 10:04:30

I really, really think you should link the thread or name and shame the person who called you that. That is shocking, and I would bet all of my wages for today (£32.56) that if that happened it was a troll who said it, not one of the "regulars".

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 10:04:58

Bullying does happen on MN. I have seen it and I don't necessarily mean two people having a heated debate.

What I hate to see, is when groups of MN-etters appear to travel in packs.

There can be one naive MN 'Wendy', who might object to something another MN 'Julie' has said...but, sadly, 'Wendy' doesn't realise that 'Julie' has her own MN pack...and within minutes, several of 'Julie's' pack appear (as if by magic) on the thread, and poor 'Wendy' starts to get a verbal kicking.

I bleddy hate to see this happen, and it's one of the very few things which can make me angry on MN. It's petty, spiteful and cowardly angry

As a MN veteran, I can spot it happening a mile off - and I can pretty much guarantee that if MN-etter A starts getting feisty on a thread, then her pack of MN-etters B C D and E will swiftly arrive to support her.. It's always the same packs, always the same names.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 10:05:21

Yes, tell us and we will all go and bully them - or have you "forgotten"

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 10:05:58

Yes Hully, I'm not kind if someone's a cunt. Those people are sent to try me.
I like the idea of shirt thrift.

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 10:05:58

No Hully - I was just hedging my bets smile in case other people see me that way.

I hope they don't but I'm not sure.

I have to go out and buy some wood, now. <dull>

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 10:06:23

What Sue said. It is rare that the "taking the piss and messing around" posters are deliberately offensive or unkind, unless the op is deliberately goading, winding up and trying to cause a bunfight.

There are posters on here who appear to pride themselves on their "blunt speaking" and feel they have a right to be rude to everyone. However, they tend to be rude to everyone rather than specifically bullying a particular poster. I don't have any time for the constantly obnoxious, the ones who feel they have a right to belittle anyone, any time, about anything.

I hope if I do that someone will call me on it. As I will do to others.

But bullying is the wrong word. Bullying implies ganging up and picking on one particular person, and I haven't seen much of that on here. When it does happen, the person is often challenged and/or banned.

ArtfulAardvark Thu 04-Oct-12 10:07:04

My honest opinion? Mumsnet can be supportive if you have a problem and useful if you need an answer be it legal, technical, housekeeping whatever - if the question has not already been asked and answered already then it is probably one of the fastest moving forums I can think of.

But it can also be very judgemental and cliquey - I spent my childhood fighting my parents telling me what to do, have never allowed a man to and am certainly not about to let a bunch of women I donk know from adam tell me what I should and shouldnt be reading, watching, who I should be voting for, what I should think about immigration/integration etc.etc. There a views on here that are popular i.e. dont watch The Right Stuff, dont read the Mail (just two that spring to mind)

If someone has an opinion differing to mine and expresses it in an articulate and intelligent way I love that and have occasionally re-thought my opinion - try telling me I am wrong and what I should think and I will go off to another site and look at nail varnish!

NOla has high stakes on this OP grin. I will add my £22.

Ed - I didn't say or imply you at all. I said Po. I've not called you Po ever, not even aware that we've spoken before. If you stick your carrot in the nosebag of That Ilk then more power to you but it's your call, not mine.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 10:08:01

Fascinating, Aardavrk

And a lovely use of bolding

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 10:08:30

I'll add a tenner

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 10:08:41

Can you get me some wood too Ed? I'm a cold.

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 10:09:40

Can I just clarify, sorry, when I said about the not listening/talking among yourselves thing, I was picturing it happening in real life - like when you would go into the classroom and approach a group you thought were your mates, and say hi, and everyone would ignore you and keep talking to each other, or say something like 'did anyone hear anything?' when you speak.

It's a bit like that iyswim. And I think when that happens IRL it's a sort of bullying, and so it ought to be avoided on here, really, as well. Unless we're SURE the OP is tryingto get a rise/wind us up etc.

I mean it's happened to me before when I definitely wasn't goading or tyring to start a fight etc etc. It's really horrid.

anyway must go.

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 10:09:41

I'll add £3.56. I'm rich.

amillionyears Thu 04-Oct-12 10:10:11

The people that bully as adults in RL have often been bullied as children.

NolaFfing Thu 04-Oct-12 10:10:33


Quite the fortune these days.

<wheedles OP> C'mon, c'mon tell us who said it or link the thread and you'll get nearly £65.

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 10:10:50

oh thanks sue smile

Last post in response to Mary's, btw. just a clarification.

Will get you some Tufty smile

NolaFfing Thu 04-Oct-12 10:11:10


There are posters on here who appear to pride themselves on their "blunt speaking" and feel they have a right to be rude to everyone. However, they tend to be rude to everyone rather than specifically bullying a particular poster. I don't have any time for the constantly obnoxious, the ones who feel they have a right to belittle anyone, any time, about anything.

Yes indeed, this. Blunt Speakers and People Being Right on the Internet right boil my piss. Funny though, that if I complained or called them on it it would be a personal attack - being as it is part of their nature to be twatty. It's open season on posting style at the other end of the spectrum though. Odd.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 10:11:27

I agree with Mary I am most definitely a card-carrying member of the 'Gleefully De-Railing, Giggling, Whimsical, Irreverent' MN Group...because I use MN for fun, and little else.

But, you won't ever find me (or the other people in this group) actively bullying and ganging up one an individual.

BigStickBIWI Thu 04-Oct-12 10:12:06

Ardvaark - but you really shouldn't be reading the Daily Mail wink

The person who called you that should have been reported. Its a personal attack and not allowed.

There are some instances when people who haven't read the whole thread keep hammering an OP when the thread has moved on but normally other posters call them on it. The only threads where I have seen a real pile in is where the thread really doesn't feel right e.g. recent benefit bashing threads and people deliberately set out to frustrate the perceived intention of the OP.

I would only call a deliberate goader /troll poster out on their spelling and that would be for effect. Oh and I sometimes correct my own mistakes.

The talking amongst yourselves happens a lot Ed, it's boring and rude and in real life would be a form of bullying.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 10:13:40

But what happens Sue when you actually are always right? Like I am.

BigStickBIWI Thu 04-Oct-12 10:14:55


Can I just clarify, sorry, when I said about the not listening/talking among yourselves thing, I was picturing it happening in real life - like when you would go into the classroom and approach a group you thought were your mates, and say hi, and everyone would ignore you and keep talking to each other, or say something like 'did anyone hear anything?' when you speak.

This is a common misperception of MN, usually expressed by newbies. (I'm sorry - I don't know if you're a newbie/how long you've been here). It doesn't happen like this; usually if you don't get a reply, it's because the thread is fast-moving. And the best way to over-come it on MN is to keep posting!

Just as you have done here, and people have engaged with you/responded to your posts.

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 10:15:11

I do see what you mean about the derailing Ed, but it does tend to happen (mostly anyway) when the op is being deliberately goady (like here) or when the op has been given good advice but chosen to ignore it, or the op has been told they are being unreasonable and decided that everyone else is wrong.

It also happens (ime) only in chat and aibu. It rarely if ever happens when the op has a genuine problem and is looking for advice/help. There is advice/support/help by the bucketload over this entire board - and much of it comes from the people who have the time to chat to each other, to get to know each other and actually spend far too much time on here blush.

The aggressive insulters are too busy insulting to waste their valuable time supporting and advising and helping.

I have a spreadsheet <nods>

NolaFfing Thu 04-Oct-12 10:16:00

The talking amongst yourself thing is surely just posters seeing one another on a thread and having a chat? How does that take anything away from anyone else on the thread? confused

People complain and whine about the quiche threads as well. <sigh>

I think those who bang on about "the regulars" are far and away more bullying than anyone else around here TBH.

Ah, not that LQ.
The jumping on every thread being all sanctimonious or being the expert on everything.
As far as I know you restrict yourself to paint, interiors and other matters of great importance wink. Thus freeing more time for the fun stuff.

BigStickBIWI Thu 04-Oct-12 10:16:43

... and, yes, people do 'talk amongst themselves' - it's because after a number of years of being here, people form friendships. Why shouldn't I talk directly to someone on a thread, if I know them? I am not trying to exclude any other poster by doing that. It's an inevitability of being on a forum for a long time. And I guarantee that a newbie poster will do exactly the same once she/he has also been here for a while and built up friendships with other posters.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 10:17:21

"The talking amongst yourselves happens a lot Ed, it's boring and rude and in real life would be a form of bullying. "

Nah - you see I don't agree with that. If there were just 3 people on a thread, and they repeatedly refused to acknowledge any posts made by the hapless MN number 4 then that would be rude.

But, there are always dozens, if not hundreds of people on a thread - and I picture them like a very large group of 75 people in a bar (preferably) and so you really can't expect all 75 people to wait on your every word, or break off their discussion with a smaller group of, say, 4-5 people, to specifically listen to what you want to say.

GoSakuramachi Thu 04-Oct-12 10:17:37

It gets worse, talking to someone you know in front of others is now a form of bullying? If I look at you cross eyed, is that bullying too? How about if I fail to give you my last rolo?

SuperB0F Thu 04-Oct-12 10:17:47

Saying there is a horrible bullying culture on MN because of x, y and z, and then pulling the "dyslexic cunt" rabbit out of the hat to justify it is risible. It's like saying Victoria Wood should be banned because of Bernard Manning.

tjah04 Thu 04-Oct-12 10:18:17

It was reported and removed. But I have seen many similar threads and the damage is normally done before it is removed.

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere Thu 04-Oct-12 10:19:02

I have never seen no bullying.
And for everyone one person being rude about someone's spelling there will be 5 (that's a guess I don't have any actual evidence) telling them it's bad form.

You have rude people
You have horrible people
You have lovely people
You have utter arseholes

Just like RL.

And the 'you and you mates are ganging up on me' is usually the call of some one who was not expecting to be disagreed with.
If you want to see actual bullying have a peek at NMs. You will have to have to be patient. It's rife but it's cloaked in a smooshy smothering of ickle bunnies.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 10:19:23

And, for the people getting hissyhuffy about the talking among yourselves aspect of MN...well, it says far, far more about them - than it does about the people innocently chatting to MN-etters they know and have possibly known for know, like people do. It's not a conspiracy...

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 10:19:23

One example

Just one will do

And then we'll all be on your side.

NolaFfing Thu 04-Oct-12 10:19:34

I'd like you to link to the thread please tjah.

It's a serious accusation that you're making, and I'd like to judge for myself if you don't mind?

Oh fuck.

Now I agree with LeQ, Maryzed, Bof, Hully, Pag etc AGAIN. That's prolly bullying. It's definitely bjullying.
I'm off to earn that £22 before I agree with anyone else and so make someone cry. sad

BigStickBIWI Thu 04-Oct-12 10:21:54

Oh Sue. You don't agree with me. Unless I'm relegated to being etc. Now that really is bullying sad

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 10:21:55

Sue you've bloody made me cry!! Don't you agree with me? So unfair. Again.


I feel bullied and excluded, Sue.

Paiviaso Thu 04-Oct-12 10:22:15

OP you should be reporting some of the things you are listing, instead of making a thread about a thread to whine about it.


LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 10:22:53

Oh, yes I only deign to expound on the truly earth-shattering stuff like paint effects and the bestest way to arrange cushions...I don't do the dreay stuff like politics, or religion of worthy stuff, that's no fun ...

[grabs Sue's hand and excitedly drags her off to see her new bedding...]

tjah04 Thu 04-Oct-12 10:22:55

The thread in question was deleted at my request.

If you think I am being goady then fine. Say so. Disagree with me. Give your opinion. I get that is the point of these threads.

But name calling? really?

SuperB0F Thu 04-Oct-12 10:23:08

Even if it were removed, you can tell us what the thread was called (roughly), and who the poster was. Otherwise it will be very difficult to believe you. I am also interested in other posters' response: if you were robustly defended, as I expect you were, then you cannot use one person's unpleasant behaviour as indicative of site culture.

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 10:23:21

It's a conspiracy Big. A great big conspiracy. I shall cry. Just like Kajagoogoo.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 10:24:48

I'll tell you what is serious.

This morning my cousin who is 38 and already had terrible breast cancer and a breast removed, had an operation to remove a brain tumour. They got 75% and can't get the rest. That is serious, not the stupid she said she said bollocks.

So there.

I'll add £22.32 which is all I have in the bank.

NolaFfing Thu 04-Oct-12 10:25:05

Ah OK then. I'll just as MNHQ if that's true then. I'm not disbelieving of you or anything, I'm just very concerned that someone would say something so terrible. sad

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 10:25:12

While we await the example.
LeQueen what paint shall I get? I'm thinking grey.

I am not really sure that you have monitored every thread on here laqueen or that every thread has 'dozens if not hundreds of posters'.

I know people on here, have been here for 10 years but there is a group of posters who do join a thread and just have a chat amongst themselves.

It is boring and the old 'it says more about you than them' when you highlight it is not really a point that I get?

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 10:25:27

(sorry about that ^^ just heard, slightly in shock)

SuperB0F Thu 04-Oct-12 10:25:31

Hully, I'm really sorry to hear that.

BigStickBIWI Thu 04-Oct-12 10:26:05

Oh Hully - I'm sorry. That is really horrible news.

Sorry to hear that hully


LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 10:26:23

And, being serious for a second (it's a Thursday, I can do serious on a Thursday) has anyone noticed that the posters always bleating on about TalkingAmongYourselvesIsBullyingAndKnowingOtherMN-ettersIsBullyingAndhavingIn-JokesIsBullying...invariably write posts which generally just sound prickly, dour, huffy and bitter hmm

And, then they wonder what they're not welcomed with open arms hmm

Oh, god, hully.

I'm so sorry to hear that.

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 10:26:31

Oh Hully xx

And you know , putting a reasoned opinion is not 'hisshuffy'

thebody Thu 04-Oct-12 10:27:02

Op as you won't name poster or thread then how can we believe you are a serious poster.

Posters who know each other in RL, what's the harm in chatting together, like I said its a bit boring for me personally so I scroll over,, but don't see the pack mentality here.

What's wrong with a good old verbal fisticuffs anyway. Brightens the day.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 10:27:41

It really really sucks

She had just been told she had a five second window to try and have kids and the headaches started...


ArtfulAardvark Thu 04-Oct-12 10:28:03

Thank you Hully - were you being unpleasant, not like you at all.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 10:28:25

Thanks all, I know it's "derailing" blah blah but fuck me that poor bloody woman and her poor family.

tjah04 Thu 04-Oct-12 10:28:37

I will not get the example. Point blank. I have name changed because I do not want to be linked with that thread - Period.

If you choose to believe that I am making it all up rather than encouraging a serious debate on MN etiquette then fine.

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 10:29:28

Sorry about that Hully sad. It's shit.

tjah, I don't believe that someone who called you a dyslexic cunt wasn't called on it by other posters. The only time I wouldn't report such a comment was if you were being deliberately nasty, provocative, and hurtful (which some op's do). In that case you would be behaving like a cunt. I still wouldn't be happy about the "dyslexic" bit.

I simply don't believe that others piled in and backed such a poster for no reason.

Tough, have you seen that group joining a serious and sensible thread and derailing it? If you do, tell them to stop.

Derail away.

Do you know what will happen now? Chemo to shrink it?

I'm not asking to be nosy, so don't reply if you don't want, but I figured sometimes if you've just heard, you want to talk.

tjah04 Thu 04-Oct-12 10:30:32

X Post Sorry to hear that Hully xxx

Yes, derail away.

thebody Thu 04-Oct-12 10:31:04

We have debated, personally I think there's no a tusk bullying and you are wrong and being unreasonable.. Also you can't fling accusations and then fail to produce evidence.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 10:31:22

Tough no, not every thread...but, probably thousands in my years on here.

If there's loads of people on a thread - why does it matter if a group of 5/6/7 have a chat among themselves?

Because that's how conversational dynamics work in large groups. It is. Most people realise that.

The people who think that, even in large groups, everyone should all listen to one person speaking at a time, and each take their turn, and everyone waits patiently...clearly don't get how lively conversation works.

They don't get it. And, therefore they can't do it. And therefore feel alienated by it.

ArtfulAardvark Thu 04-Oct-12 10:31:39

tjah - honestly if someone said that to you it says far more about their intelligence than yours. Please next time press the report button and dont let them get away with it.

Another nice bit of bolding.

dysfunctionalme Thu 04-Oct-12 10:31:45

There is a bit of a pack mentality, let's all swoop in and out-do each other with insults, but there are also many, many posters who write very kind and helpful posts. The efforts some go to blow me away, actually, especially in Relationships, and I think that very many broken hearts have been helped to heal thanks to MN.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 10:31:53

Thanks, lrd. Yep, yet more chemo. She lost all her hair last time. Here we go again. In some ways it's her parents I feel most sorry for, they shrunk and aged last tiem round...I dread to think how they'll survive this.

NolaFfing Thu 04-Oct-12 10:32:07

I'm not saying you're making it up though.

What I'm saying is that if you're talking about a bullying culture on MN, and then you give a terrible example of someone calling you an awful name and then you can't show it then how can "we" know whether the person who called you that was a BASTARD who is here regularly (and should be avoided like the plague) or a troll.

We also can't tell whether that person said:
"you dyslexic cunt" and then everyone else on the thread said
"Yeah! LOL!" which I doubt or whether everyone said "shock That's an appalling way to speak to someone and I've reported your post"


tjah04 Thu 04-Oct-12 10:32:25

Maryzed, Other posters did and it was deleted.

But there were some other posters that sent the smiley faces or "what she said" comments.

This was just my personal experience but I have witnessed it many many times over the years.

Yes, it must be awful for her parents. And all of you.

I hope she reacts a little better to the chemo. I have heard that chemo for breast cancer is nastier than for brain cancer, so I do hope that proves to be the case here.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 10:33:11

Anyway, thanks all.

Go back to the bullying stuff, this isn't the place really!

There is no point mary because it doesn't bother me enough to get involved with going against the tide and inevitably you would get called 'dour and humourless'.

I am really surprised that people are stating that it doesn't ever happen on a huge site like this and that if you call them on it you are dull/boring whatever.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 10:33:31

"And you know , putting a reasoned opinion is not 'hisshuffy' "

And, you see...the moment someone starts using phrases like reasoned opinion I just switch off.

I like words like hissyhuffy, because they're much more fun and descriptive. I know I should be more worthy, and everyfink, but...

wisden Thu 04-Oct-12 10:33:36

OP you don't have to link to the thread just tell us the name of the poster who called you a dyslexic cunt or ask MNHQ to come on and confrim that is was said by a poster who is not a troll.

This is hardly anything to do with this thread but I want to say it anyway. I have been on MN nearly 4 years. I have always regularly namechanged. I have started threads about suicide, disputed wills, abusive marriages, alcohol, problems with DC and many more. Each time I have recieved amazing advice, never been called troll, had PMs asking how I am.

I namechange because I have such a lack of confidence that I think I must appear to be a twat so I nc beofre anyone can call me a twat. The only time anyone has insinuated that I am a twat is when I have tried to explain why I nc regularly. They didn't believe my lack of confidence and my anxiety was the reason. Apart from that I have had nothing but great support from many regulars.

As per usual, I realise my post has very little to do with the OP so now I am worried I will look like a twat so I will nc again.

Like I said, I know it doesn't really have anything to do with the OP but it has been buzzing around in my head for a while now and I wanted to say thanks to those who take the time to advise and help genuine posters even if you don't recognise the nickname.


ginslinger Thu 04-Oct-12 10:33:48

whenever there's a 'you're all a bunch of bullies' thread the OP can never link to anything and instead refers to something that they might have once seen on a Wednesday or it might have been last Tuesday. If there's real bullying then it needs to get called on the thread not dredged up without evidence.

Evidence, people. Bring CSI in.

hully - look after yourself, ok?

SuperB0F Thu 04-Oct-12 10:34:19

Perhaps you could message HQ and have them confirm this actually happened then? Because it does sound very much like you have invented something outrageous for the purposes of your argument, I'm afraid. And that one remark is not related to the substance of your complaints in any case: it is of a completely different quality. It's like hating Ed Milliband because Stalin murdered his own people: a complete non-sequitur. You might make a case for Milliband being a dickhead, but you can't use metaphorical gulags to do it.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 10:34:34

Hully Oh that's just wrong. Wrong in every way sad

wisden Thu 04-Oct-12 10:35:44

Oh fuck, cross post a gazillion.
So sorry to hear that Hully. T'is truly shit. Praying for your cousin x

ginslinger Thu 04-Oct-12 10:36:02

sorry Hully - just read about your cousin.

thebody Thu 04-Oct-12 10:36:07

Hilly so very sorry for her and of course yes her parents, so bloody hard.

Oh, Hully, I'm so sorry. That is shit beyond measure.

I also agree with BIWI (always) and Tufty and LRD and ........................
(please insert own name)

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 10:36:37

"While we await the example.
LeQueen what paint shall I get? I'm thinking grey."

Tufty well, I'm a big fan of F&B Elephant's Breath, has a nice lilac undertone in some lights. But, I'm also a big fan of Paint&Paper Library's Petticoat which is very delicate.

But, do you want a warm grey, or a cool grey? They're very different. No, really they are.

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 10:37:47

< gives Hully a title hug>
LeQueen hisyhuffy is so onamatapeic. It's like a steam train- if you repeat it really fast, really quickly while running up and down the hall.
Now, about my paint?

But you see laqueen , I am not here to engage you, I don't care if you switch off to me because I personally don't find you funny, witty or engaging.

I know that you think you are and it is great that you have such high self worth but you don't interest me.

So, telling me that I have made you switch off, doesn't really send me wailing into the corner.

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 10:39:05

My name is MaryZed and I have a confession to make.

I painted dd's room using Dulux paint.

And I didn't paint the skirting boards.

<flagellates self>

Hold on, (I really am going to work in a mo)

So the thread went

Op - post of some kind
Unknown - You're a dyslexic cunt
Unknown 2 smile
Other poster - Oooo, that's mean
Unknown 3 - YY, I agree with the incredibly offensive thing Unknown said.

I have never never seen the like on MN. Genuinely never.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 10:40:29

Very onamatopeic...although I think the hissy should be said through gritted teeth, and then the huffy should actually be broken down, emphatically, into two syllables with a foot-stamp used when expressing the second syllable.

Please see above ^ for paint recommendations.

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 10:40:41

Getting quite excited about your paint knowledge. It's for the living room which gets sun in the morning. I think warm grey? I found some great big swirly 70's curtains in the jumble. I thought grey would take the 'too in your face' out of them. That and I like elephants.

NolaFfing Thu 04-Oct-12 10:41:22

I got into quite a fight yesterday. I woudn't extrapolate that out into being bullied, I called the poster out on the thread in question and I wrote the name down on a post it note then carried on arguing the point I wanted to make.

SuperB0F Thu 04-Oct-12 10:41:28

And forgive me if I'm wrong, but given that tjah04 is not an especially clever or distinctive name that anybody would particularly need to keep, and that you have no posting history under it, why would it matter if you told us what the thread was? You could simply namechange again after this goady thread. Your refusal to back up your claim at all is illogical unless you are completely making it up.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 10:41:38

"But you see laqueen , I am not here to engage you, I don't care if you switch off to me because I personally don't find you funny, witty or engaging."

No, Tough I can see that you wouldn't.

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 10:41:50

Sue it sounds more like:

OP -post of some kind
Unknown - You're a dyslexic cunt
Other posters - that's an obnoxious thing to say <reports post>
Possibly one other poster - smile
Post deleted
Thread deleted


So that's how it should go - op is abused for no reason, abuse is deleted. Where does the bullying come into it at all?

AnOldieButNotSoGoody Thu 04-Oct-12 10:42:54

In answer to your question it's hardly surprising that some posters are called trolls or the like.

Some of the threads on here every day are utter bollocks.


SuperB0F Thu 04-Oct-12 10:43:36

I should have been a barrister. One that doesn't get ignored though, maybe.

Correct laqueen the paint jokes don't really cut it after a few years.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 10:44:05

Ah, in that case you could get away with both a cool and a warm grey, then. Elephant's Breath would work. Petticoat would look too washed out in a very bright, sunny room.

Our living room is painted in Elephant's breath, and there's no higher recommendation than that wink

tjah04 Thu 04-Oct-12 10:44:17

Because the thread was not about that one thread in question. I was asked why I had namechanged and I explained why.

I do not need to show a specific thread to state that it happens on here.

I'm not ignoring you Boffles, my lamb. You're quite right.

Tough - LeQ doesn't joke about paint. She is deadly serious.

OhChristFENTON Thu 04-Oct-12 10:45:42

But OP a small minority of mindless twats being deliberately snippy does not a site full of bullying bitches make.

We are just saying don't Farrow & Ball tar us all with the same brush.

And I still don't believe that a PA like 'dyslexic cunt' went completely unchallenged, so you are being rather disingenuous to insinuate that it did.

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 10:46:04

You can state anything you like. But to prove you are correct, surely you do need to show specific instances?

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 10:46:31

"Paint jokes" now, there's a contradiction in terms...Paint is one of the few things I don't joke about hmm

Paint is serious stuff.

OhChristFENTON Thu 04-Oct-12 10:48:14

Oh my good god, I have just looked at the F & B website and there is indeed a paint shade called Elephant's Breath.


serious lolz at that. grin

ArtfulAardvark Thu 04-Oct-12 10:49:05

So basically this thread has turned into example A. of the ops opinion being correct - was that your intention or did it happen by accident?

Off to look at nail polish!

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 10:49:46

I'm off to the paint shop. Thanks LeQueen. Now, play nice everyone.

thebody Thu 04-Oct-12 10:49:56

I had a post deleted for calling someone a twat. But she was being a twat so felt that was ok.. I don't moan if I am similarly abused, I usually deserve it.

dysfunctionalme Thu 04-Oct-12 10:50:47

and everyone carries on with their own conversations, just like RL grin

The thing that I find the most curious about MN are the worries about:

1. beneficiaries
who does or does not deserve to be on a benefit (i have worked out it's okay if you're "nice" but definitely not okay if you own a horse or similar)
2. buggies
ensuring everyone knows your children walk and never go in buggies
3. parking
at home, at the supermarket, with a badge, without a badge

ArtfulAardvark Thu 04-Oct-12 10:50:54

Elephant breath, I am assured, is very popular amongst the wealthier households around here (DH is a wealth of information regarding paint colour trends LOL!)

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere Thu 04-Oct-12 10:50:57

Hully that is so horrible and unfair and just wrong. I am sorry. X

SuperB0F Thu 04-Oct-12 10:51:08

On this occasion, the Crown does not consider there to be enough evidence to make a prosecution viable or in the public interest.

I move that the case be dismissed.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 10:52:04

You look very fetching in that Wig BOF.

SuperB0F Thu 04-Oct-12 10:52:50

It's in Elephant's Breath, doncha know?

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 10:53:18

No Artful.

We all addressed the op's question, we had a discussion about it, most people have given their opinions (politely) and now the conversation has moved on.

As conversations do. It's not as if we all came on here and thought "what can we talk about to piss off the op - I know, let's do paint". It's an evolving conversation.

I'm happy to continue the conversation with the op as well, but I'm not sure where I can take it next - she thinks one person calling her a name (and being called on it and the thread deleted) means there is an ingrained culture of bullying throughout the site.

I don't agree. I don't suppose we will meet in the middle, no matter how much I try.

So I'll go back to paint (very relieved that LaQ very politely ignored my Dulux admission).

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 10:54:00

I would expect no less BOF

NolaFfing Thu 04-Oct-12 10:54:12

Artful. The people talking about paint are talking about paint. That doesn't mean that I can't talk about the OP's assertions or that I'm being bullied. confused

OhChristFENTON Thu 04-Oct-12 10:54:43

I have just had a very much needed laugh at the F & B paint names, some of my favourites:-

smoked trout
dead salmon

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere Thu 04-Oct-12 10:54:43

LaQueen can you recommend a photographic beach mural wallpaper for my back bedroom?
The rest of the house is pink except the doctor who themed front box room.


(hears a feint popping sound from LaQueen's locality)

I think I broke LaQueen sad

SuperB0F Thu 04-Oct-12 10:55:36

Clunch shock?

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 10:56:37

dead salmon confused. dead salmon [baffled]

ffs. Why not rotten eggs. Or decaying bodies or summat. There's imaginative and just plain weird.

wisden Thu 04-Oct-12 10:57:08

MrsDeVere I read your sentence as The doctor, who themed the front boxroom and I thought, wow, a Doctor, who not only makes house calls but gives interior decor advice too grin

NolaFfing Thu 04-Oct-12 10:57:40

You are making that up FENTON. Dead Salmon?

clunch? Is clunch a livid pink or a shell like one?


Please describe the colour. Because it sounds vile.

NolaFfing Thu 04-Oct-12 10:58:42

Or maybe a pinky brown.

<looks at clunch>

Or just brown. sad

OhChristFENTON Thu 04-Oct-12 10:58:47

yep, "clunch"

It's actually so like Magnolia BS08B15 it's not true.

And how dead is the salmon?

Is it decaying and rotten?

OrangeandGoldMrsDeVere Thu 04-Oct-12 11:00:36

grin @ wiseden

Now that would be something.

So why not just call it magnolia FFS?

Is clunch meant to make it sound more appealing? Because it doesn't. At all.

NolaFfing Thu 04-Oct-12 11:00:53

Clunch would go nicely with DownPipe.

LtEveDallas Thu 04-Oct-12 11:01:20

I don't believe that happened to the OP, and I don't believe the OP has been here since 2003.

I don't believe there is a 'culture of bullying' and even if the aformentioned 'dyslexic cunt' was said, I don't believe that MNers would not have 1) pulled up the unnamed poster 2) reported the unnamed poster.

I can quite believe that another MNer may have called the OP a cunt, but hey, maybe the OP was acting like a cunt. Someone calling someone else a cunt is not bullying, pretty horrible yes, but not bullying.

Posters derailing a thread started and designed to be goading - not bullying either.

If the OP is unhappy on MN, why stay? I was unhappy on another forum, so I stopped using it and came here instead. It was really, really easy. I din't have to give a notice period, or write a letter of resignation. I just stopped using it.

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 11:01:52

They have churlish green, and arsenic as well grin

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 11:03:12

x-posted with LtEve, who is trying to give a sensible answer. So, yes, what she said smile

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:03:34

I'm in a virtual paint shop. Elephant's Breath may not be grey enough. Would Charleston Grey be too dark? What finish.

<fails to acknowledge this isn't my thread but I see threads as organic. They move and change. If I was talking to Betty in the shop about eggs she wouldn't demand we talked about eggs for 24 minutes. We might want to talk about mr Johnston's leg or the roaming donkey>


MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 11:04:41

Try off-black, Tufty. That looks dark enough to be the inside of a coffin

OhChristFENTON Thu 04-Oct-12 11:06:37

I have just got NolaFfing's nickname.

I've been saying it 'Nola Fuffing' in my head all this time.

I am a twat.

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:07:15

But that's not grey Mary! I guess I could add a bit of White?

Why can they just have normal names, like green?
Why is it churlish?

Anyway I missed the whole bullying thing as usual, but I agree that it seems unlikely that the op was called a dyslexic cunt and everyone posted smiley faces and agreed.

I also wonder why, if you hate a site you would be a member of it for 9 years.

Oh, ive just Realised what I've done. I have agreed with the opinion of a poster who's name I have seen before. That's wrong isn't it?

Pack mentality and all that.

Ok so from now on I will only agree with people who I have never "seen" on mumsnet bit tricky as I spend my whole working day on here

Right, I'll agree with no one. Everyone is <insert appropriate insult here> and wrong. I am right. Always. But don't agree with that FFS

OwlLady Thu 04-Oct-12 11:08:35

I have been here under different guises since 2002 and I agree that the AIBU section has spawned a monster BUT even on some of the threads there are really great discussions. i started one about cafes yesterday <I hear you all snore> but we have a had a nice discussion and it's not at all ranty and shouting, and the one about mom is great as well.

I think it's just the ones where you get the die hard aibu ers and I am pretty sure a lot of them are blokes wearing thos giant smock things and they have no kids but they like to tell the rest of how to behave in a morally repungent manner

Pagwatch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:08:43

Nola fluffing?
You reached, in your head, for Nola Fluffing?


LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:08:45

Your Dulux admission has been noted Mary. See me after class, please [peers sternly over top of spectacles]

But, yes, you have an excellent point about How Conversations Actually Work . Good, quality conversations among articulate people are alive. They constantly evolve, they're fluid, they go off on tangents, they address the point in question...And. Then. They. Move. On.

But, some people really don't get this. These are the people who generally aren't good conversationalists. They think 'Okay, we're talking about books' and so they think the entire conversation should entirely revolve around books, with each person taking it in turn to hold forth (about books), and the conversation remains largely static.

fenton I'm saying Nola's nn the same as you.

I don't get it.

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 11:09:27

Oh fuck off Tantrums. You think it's all about you, don't you.

<wanders off, muttering>

You lot can't all be right, because I'm the rightest of the right people in rightland, right [gavel]

OhChristFENTON Thu 04-Oct-12 11:09:28

I know!

I'm bonkers, me.


OhChristFENTON Thu 04-Oct-12 11:10:06

It's "No Laffing"

I think...

ginslinger Thu 04-Oct-12 11:10:07

or we coldu just start posts with 'my name's xxxx and I'm a cunt' and then save everyone else the bother. We could add anything in about benefits/formula/weight/paint that might be helpful.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:10:08

Oh, Charleston Grey is cousin used it in her old house. It's very strong though. How sunny is your room?

StuntGirl Thu 04-Oct-12 11:10:15

Went away to doss about on the internet work and come back to find this thread still rumbling on.

I mean this next sentence in the nicest possible way but some of you act like this is the first time you've ever seen the internet. Forums have their own social and conversational rules and mores. On any one forum their could be hundreds or even thousands of members. Life is fast paced on high traffic forums. Friendships are created and evolve. Opinions will differ - sometimes wildly and divisively. It's the way it is.

Good forums have ways of policing content, whether that's rules, guidelines, moderators, self-policing by members, whichever method works for them. And if something goes against those rules (calling someone a dyslexic cunt for eg) then there will be a consequence (comment deletion). And if you really, really don't like the 'culture' or 'mentality' on a forum there are literally thousands of others to choose from which could better match your communication style.

The internet is Srs Bsns

ginslinger Thu 04-Oct-12 11:10:37

we coldu?

we could

I would like to point out that I'm not dyslexic but I may be a cunt

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:11:52

Mrs sadly, my interiors expertise doesn't extend to wall papers, sorry.

NolaFfing Thu 04-Oct-12 11:12:30

My name is deffo apropos to some of the comments on this thread. Ho hum.

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 11:12:31

<whispers: No Laffin' I think>

<hides from LaQueen>

I have a son with Asperger's. Sometimes conversations with him used to be 24 minutes on one topic only. I found that tiresome, though I did try to stay on topic.

Fortunately he has now learned that normal conversations can be flexible, not just alternating monologues on specified topics. Life has improved immeasurably grin.

I am an idiot.

Nola fluffing sad

Thanks fenton

[stupid emoticon]

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:15:33

And, speaking of convesations...I can quite comfortably carry on several conversations at once. Can't most women? So, I can do paint on chatting about school punctuality on another thread...interspersed with chatting with DH about the DD's Harvest Festival Later.

And, I'm not even breaking a sweat...well, I am but that because I'm actually quite ill, running a temperature and have a hacking cough.

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 11:16:24

Yes, LaQueen, I can have numerous conversations on here at the same time, and still talk to my kids occasionally grin

Pagwatch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:17:08

I agree with mt learned friend BOf.

To pick such an outrageous example and then refuse to take any simple steps to bak it up is nonsense.

I can making someone who used the phrase 'dyslexic cunt' ending up feeling bullied. I have a fair imagination but cannot get my head around the idea that someone would spit that out and get smiley faces and agreement.

In fact the times I do see waves of posters arguing with one poster is when they display the kind of attitudes that would allow them to think posting dyslexic cunt as an insult was funny.
Which teeters on the edge of being ironic.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:18:44

DH is now talking to me (from two rooms away) about his latest bit of IT wizardry...I am actually typing to you, but as I'm making appreciative noises back to him, he thinks I'm spellbound by his revelations.

Poor, deluded fool that he is...

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:19:10

At the moment it's very sunny, then at lunchtime the suns goes round the back. It's quite a small room (14x12 ish). Quite junky, old battered sofa and chair, exposed brick chimney, scaffold shelving in alcove ... in short, it looks like a junk shop.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:19:39

[waits for some sympathy about her really nasty head-cold hmm ]

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 11:20:43

<proffers Lemsip and sympathy at arms length, while keeping scented handkerchief over nose>

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:21:26

It can be a bit over-powering Tufty. It makes a very strong statement. Is it the room you mainly sit in?

I actually love a strong neutral colour on walls, but am too scared to use it in a room I most use, incase I get tired of it.

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 11:21:50

Tufty, don't go to grey-grey. Have a bit of warmth in your grey if you lose the sun in the afternoon. What colour is the brick.

<tries to sound knowledgeable >

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:22:15

[gratefully accepts Lemsip, and decides to graciously ignore the flithy Dulux reference).

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:22:15

Sorry about your cold LeQueen. Have DH make you some onion soup. You will stink of garlic but feel right as rain. Honest.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:23:14

Yep, Tufty if there's a lot of warm reds in the brick, you will need a warm based grey. If the brick is quite cool, you can have a cooler grey.

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 11:23:16

Sorry to have missed so much. I've skimmed some of the latest but I justwant to say two things.

Biwi - no, that's not the thing I'm on about. And I totally get that people get ignored by mistake - I've been here almost 6 years, to the shame of my housekeeping, and got past that a while ago now smile

It's when it is done deliberately. That's all.

Second thing is to Hully, I'm really sorry about your friend.

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:23:57

Mary the brick is brick colour? 200 years old and crumbly. Pinky/orange/White patches and black where the fires licks out.

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:26:10

So can I get charstelon? Please? What finish? The finishes confuse me. I have smallish children.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:26:35

Right, that sounds like a warm brick, then Tufty. So, you could use Charlesworth, but you're going to have to keep the furniture/accessories light/neutral.

Is your furniture wood?

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:27:47

Don't use the traditional emulsion, it will mark too easily. Go for their more modern emulsion, which you can wipe.

BigStickBIWI Thu 04-Oct-12 11:28:07

But Ed, I don't think it's done deliberately. Honestly. I think it just reflects the fact that the site is so fast-moving.

I remember when I first joined MN, also 6 years ago. I was relatively new to the world of the forum, especially one as fast-moving as MN. It did feel like being the new girl at school, in the first form, listening to the sixth form girls. But eventually, after posting, I got a little more confident, and people started to recognise me a bit more, and then I felt like I 'belonged'.

What was unpleasant, that doesn't happen any more (I don't think - I haven't seen it for a while) was the constant call to a poster 'Oy, MSN', and you knew that those who were friends were taking the conversation off board, whilst also making it very clear that other posters were no longer 'wanted'.

But back to the OP. Why was the whole thread deleted? MNHQ very rarely delete whole threads. They usually just delete the post where there has been a PA. So there must have been a lot more going on than just one poster calling you a 'dyslexic cunt'

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 11:29:09

I think you should have a pale yellow tifty. A very pale primrose or Lemon Chiffon. A great colour.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:30:16

Tottaly off topic...but when you have a head cold (did I mention I was very ill) why does your nose run so much? Half the Northern hempishere has run out of my nose this morning...why? What's all the gunge for???

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 11:30:17

I think grey is best in large rooms <throws down gauntlet>

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 11:31:46

I don't like grey. It depresses me, and makes it look as though someone hasn't cleaned the walls properly.

but then I use Dulux so what do I know

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:32:25

[picks up gauntlet with a gleam in her eye...]

Normally, I would agree with you Hully, especially if it's a strong grey. But, my cousin recently used Charleston, in her snug only 8ft by 10ft, and it actually looks incredibly cosy and rich.

If you use such a strong grey in a large room it can look totally over the top, and just depressing.

ginslinger Thu 04-Oct-12 11:32:32

Did someone mention something about LaQueen being ill?

BigStickBIWI Thu 04-Oct-12 11:33:15

I have a lovely, warm, buttery cream colour on my walls. Haven't the first clue what it's called or who produced it. <shocks LaQueen out of her cold>

monkeysbignuts Thu 04-Oct-12 11:33:28

You should go on bounty debates its far worse!

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:33:36

[looks up brightly...(well, bleary-eyed)...and nods, emphatically, before couging into a tissue]

I don't like grey.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:34:25

BIWI that's just know I'm ill, it's not fair to taunt sick people.

monkeysbignuts Thu 04-Oct-12 11:34:51

forgot to say, the admin on here do an amazing job also. can't fault them

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 11:35:07

I've heard that the value range from B&Q does a lovely magnolia.

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:35:15

I don'y like yellow though Hilly. It just remindsmeof The Yellow Wallpaper. It invokes my nausea. I like it in other people'shouses but not mine. Ilike yellow things.But noy yellowwalls.Ive a lovely old enamel yellowjug.
I know grey can be depressing but i've got so much tatty shit in my house with colour (blankeys/patcjworkthings/paintings that i think grey might be ok.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 11:35:29

I went to a friend's stately home affair the other day (runs not owns it) and they had the most delightful pale dove grey in the minstrel's gallery affair.

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 11:35:56

<joins in the bullying of LaQueen>

I've never been on Bounty. And Netmums hurts my sensibilities eyes.

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 11:35:57

Thanks Biwi, I know exactly what you're saying but it's not what I mean. If you look at the start of this thread, it happens a bit.

People are kind of ignoring, mocking, pretending the OP isn't there, being really defensive. Having private jokes. Saying silly things.

All because they're unsure of her intentions and feel threatened.

When in fact it turns out she had justified cause to post about this.

Do you see what I mean? Not the inevitable ignoring of a fast moving site - which does happen too, and is just as you say, something to get used to as you become familiar.

It's the deliberate turning conversation away from the OP that I mind.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 11:36:07


Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 11:37:11


May I just assure you that the absolute very very last thing I felt was threatend by the op.

Dubious, bored, suspicious, irritated are all possible adjectives, but not threatened

Pagwatch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:37:13

This is like a thread for me. I am sick, sitting on the sofa moaning a bit and looking at paint and wallpaper for my sitting room.

If you could talk about 'difficult mothers' and 'which iPad for a 16 year old' now I could sort everything out before I next need to get up for a pee.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:38:01

Just you all wait until I'm feeling pecker again, just you wait...I'm taking notes...[glares...then doubles over coughing]

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:38:18

LeQueen yes,i'mgoing for a 'snug'effect because we've got a bit other, lighter,morejunk kitchen living dining room. that i might also paint grey.

Look,why don't you just come round here,with Hilly andMary.I'llmake onion soup and you can allswan about with swatches. Good idea?

BigStickBIWI Thu 04-Oct-12 11:38:38

Now I really don't get you on that one, Ed. Who is feeling threatened by the OP? I don't know what her/his intentions are, as she/he hasn't made any helpful suggestions as to ways around it (unlike Hully, who did). I suspect the intention behind the OP was to goad, personally.

But I realise it's now sounding like I'm picking on your posts, which isn't my intention!

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 11:38:59

I like Nelly's Breath, Skimming Stone and Bone

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 11:39:05

But does she have justified cause Ed? That's a genuine question. It seems to me that the one thread she does describe is unlikely to have happened in the way she says.

So it appears on the surface that this is yet another "you are all bullies" threads, which are posted deliberately to get people to fight with each other.

There have been lots of such threads over the last six months in particular, and those of us who have seen a lot of them realise that the only way to avoid a nasty bunfight is to lighten the mood early on in the thread, so that is what tends to happen recently.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 11:39:54

Oo yes, let's all go round Tifty's and try out paint, what a great idea.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 11:40:39

Is the ipad for ds2 paggy?

wisden Thu 04-Oct-12 11:40:45

LaQueen I assume the phlegm you are hacking up is not Dulux green and instead is more like F&B Pigeon? grin

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:40:54

Don't sulkHilly. Idon't have a gallery. Pag you come too and we'llfind you an ipad. Does it have to be real.Would a generic tablet do? I bought one of those £60 affairs on Amazon and I was amazed. But it's not an ipad.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:41:03

"People are kind of ignoring, mocking, pretending the OP isn't there, being really defensive. Having private jokes. Saying silly things."

Ed you know it's actually perfectly possible to acknowledge the OP on this thread, address her POV and also acknowledge many other people on the thread, too. Lots of MN-etter have done it.

Most successful conversationlists manage to engage with several people, all at once.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 11:41:13

Lamp room grey is lovely, but for a bigger room.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 11:41:50

Oo what one have you got tifty?

I want one and I don't care what flavour.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:42:15

The phlegm, is more a lurid Arsenic hmm

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 11:42:24

I know Biwi.

And Hulls...I didn't mean threatened as in, this person is going to hurt/upset etc

but in the sense that the OP was potentially being hostile.

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 11:42:53

I would love to compare swatches, but I suspect it might be a bit far to travel. My sitting room is sort of Farrow's cream (which some might call yellow) and is like sitting in sunshine all day long.

I would also like to talk ipads. For 50 year olds, though [hopeful]

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:42:57

Tufty can I come in my dressing gown and DH's rugby jumper?

Pagwatch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:43:28

But Ed I can'treally agree that it is true.

Especially the bit about her omplaints being true. I simply do not believe that the OP was called a dyslexic cunt and loads of people smirked.

And I don't feel threatened.
If anything I fel irritated that the op is trying to create a false impression that language like 'dyslexic cunt' would be accepted. And that she posts whining about bullying but when offered a chance to expose bullying she goes all coy which makes this look like yet another 'isn't mn shit' thread.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 11:43:57

Do you find you tend to use the same colours all the time?

Me and dh do loads of ouses as do a couple of other friends and we all stcik to our preferred colours despite great intentions.

Me and dh love Captivation (not f&b) a kind of invisible grey/lavender

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:44:12

I don't know Hilly. Let me find it on Amazonand i'lllink. I bought it for DC really but was so pleased witth it Ibought another. It's fine for the games, iplayer internet etc. It's not as whizzy as an ipad but way better than i thought.Hang on.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:44:18

Lamp Room has a slightly odd yellow undertone. We initially painted the DD's bathroom in it, but had to have it re-done, because the T&G panneling in there was in Lulworth Blue, and the two colours didn't blend, at all.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 11:45:13

Right all round tifty's for paint/ipad and onon soup

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 11:45:43

Ah, you don't get the yellow from the tinterweb.

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 11:45:45

I stick to the same colours. Apart from the kids' bedrooms which, now they are teenagers, would give LaQueen (and most other people) heart failure.

I like warmth and snuggles and curling up in front of fires, and a bit of clutter and multi-coloured tat. I'm not great on twigs and pebbley-shit.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:46:01

Hully I always do...basically a 101 shades of off-white/pale grey.

Fingers crossed we might move house next year, and I'm determined to use some actual colour next time....You all have to come round, and keep me in a head-lock, though.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 11:46:36

Lulworth blue very nice

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:46:38

No, you don't. Also Pigeon has a strange yellow tone, which just makes it look grubby.

Pagwatch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:48:00

Ooh IPad help!

Yes yes. For ds2

Tufty - I have an iPad so I know ds2 can navigate it. He has great logic skills and can use computers but I functions at around age 5 or so, little useful language but great visual skills iyswim

He will want to downloads films and use Internet mostly. I guess I assume iPad as we have iTunes sorted with some things on already .

<<techno wanker>>

Pagwatch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:48:52

<<waits for Tufty link>>

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:48:54

Come on then,come round.
Is there a way to find oldorders on Amazon? I don't know what one I bought. Although I think i'dlike the Kindle Fire now. I'lllookagain.

OliviaPeaceAndLoveMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 04-Oct-12 11:48:57

Well. I was coming to say
"Oi! FGS If there's something you don't like, for the sake of peace&love™ please report it!" at you all.

But, as it seems we are now talking about paint colours, does anyone have any thoughts on F&B Borrowed Light at all?

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 11:49:32

Perhaps you're spot on, Paggy. I don't know. I think though that whether or not we believe the OP is genuine isn't the entire issue - I think we have to exercise caution on how we handle it when there is some doubt, but no clarity.

Of course we handle it in different ways but it can cause damage if we're too harsh and we're wrong.

That's all really. and yes, non genuine people can equally cause damage if we treat them in a genuine way.

But I prefer that than getting into game playing iyswim.

TheKraken Thu 04-Oct-12 11:49:47

I'm with you tjah04. Regardless of whether you think these comments are bullying, they're certainly not doing what Mumsnet is all about, which is being a welcoming resource for parents. I love the hypocrisy of the MN note at the start of each thread about being civil too because that's the last thing that some members are. When did calling someone a 'cunt' start being civil? Oh, don't tell me...

Pagwatch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:50:25

Ffs Tufty . Admit it,you are just kindle shopping now. Focus!

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 11:50:30

I like Ringwold Ground.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 11:50:32

I thought you said Oi was rude?

No consistency


I like Borrowed Light, but for which type and size of room?

<I can do poncey all day>

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:52:04
LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:52:08

I have no experience of Borrowed Light, at all [panics]

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 11:52:35

It's a bit pink, isn't it Ed? I don't know why it's with the yellows.

Or is it the name you like - I have to admit I thought it said "ringworm".

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 11:54:12

Not very pink IRL Mary...more like custard with a hint of, erm, cake? smile

I like the name too.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 11:54:21

That made me laff LaQ

Are you gibbering?

wisden Thu 04-Oct-12 11:54:27

I have a north facing lounge, would like to do cream and green? Any recommendations? Thoughts?

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 11:54:38

I can't find your one Ed

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 11:55:22

The radiator pic is more like it

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:55:31

I like Borrowed Light but ... big room? small? carpets or boards? blinds in room or curtain? oppulent or spartan furnishings. There are somany factors.

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 11:56:06


does look pink in all the rest, but the rad one is how it looks to me.

Pagwatch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:56:33

I see what you mean Ed but tbh again I don't really recognise the scenario.

I see piling in. I really do and I have posted to counter a swathe of people all joining in to say 'ffs op'.
But I don't ever call someone a cunt for what type of paint they use.
I tend to call people a cunt if they mock things like dyslexia.

There are loads of issues being mixed up here. Everyone who wants to enjoy the site should report stuff they object to and sneering at dyslexia would deinately be one I would report.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 11:56:44

Tifty, that looks really good. Good reviews too. Will run it past ds as am not allowed any teccy kit without his input.

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:57:07

Cream and green is a bit tricky i think. Green and white? Green and grey. Carpets or boards.

I'mgetting into the wing of this. Can it be my new job?

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 11:57:27

I'm running a temperature Hully I'm gibbering, and quite possbly hallucinating [pauses to kiss Gerard Butler who has just proffered her a cup of tea]

Viviennemary Thu 04-Oct-12 11:57:34

I think being critical of people's spelling or grammar is the height of bad manners.

Pagwatch Thu 04-Oct-12 11:58:38

Thanks Tufty. I will look at that smile

I have no paint observations.

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 11:58:48

Yes lots of different issues. You're right, no one who does the silliness thing also does the really outright rude bastard thing.

That's totally different.

glad OP did report it (if/when it happened) and I hope that's the end of it and people are nicer to her from now on.

Now back to paint yes smile

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 11:58:55

Bit pinky for me too Ed, I like pink but it makes me feel a bit nauseous, like tifty and the yellow.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 11:59:52

yy cream and green v tricky. Green is always difficult.

tifty wot happened to your job?

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 12:00:05

Fairy nuff. I only suggested it as it is the only colour I know of theirs grin

<ponce fail>

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 12:00:14

If I ever see a MN-etter being Pack-Attacked, then I will wade in, it infuritates me. I hate it when there's clearly been a Call to Arms on MSN, or Facebook angry

It's so feckin cowardly.

wisden Thu 04-Oct-12 12:00:17

tufty Cream carpet (here when we moved in, don't want to replace till youngest is a couple of years older) sofa is brown (given to us and, again, really don't want to replace for a couple of years till youngest is a bit older) so want to paint the walls, change curtains and add some accessories to make it more homely. At the moment it feels very sparse.

Pagwatch Thu 04-Oct-12 12:00:25

I have a temperature, a sore throat, blocked sinuses, a chest infection and am hitting 9 out of 10 on the massive whiners scale.
The Doctor ordered me to lie own for three days.

It's hell.

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 12:01:09

Even I am wary of green. Green is tricksy...oh, yes it is my Precious, very tricksy indeed...

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 12:01:31

yes, LaQ has indeed been a victim so she knows whereof she speaks.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 12:02:18

Are you ill Pag?

How is dd?

LaQueen Thu 04-Oct-12 12:02:35

[reluctantly acknowledges that Pag is probably more ill than her hmm ]

MaryZed Thu 04-Oct-12 12:02:41

I waded in once when LaQueen was being pack-attacked.

I suddenly became a sycophantic sockpuppet grin and got shouted at. A lot. But it wasn't (mostly) by "regulars". Lots of people appeared out of the woodwork who I hadn't ever seen before but who obviously decided to take the opportunity to have a pop at me.

And she wasn't even grateful [bitter].

I won't tell you what she was on about at the time, but she knows <hard stare> and it all ended happily (apart from the rain, but that wasn't my fault).

TuftyFinch Thu 04-Oct-12 12:03:54

Hully I was given the redundant.
Inow sit at home looking at paint charts and pretend ipads.

Pag and LeQueen make onion soup. I can't say it enough.

OliviaPeaceAndLoveMumsnet (MNHQ) Thu 04-Oct-12 12:04:34


I thought you said Oi was rude?

No consistency


I like Borrowed Light, but for which type and size of room?

<I can do poncey all day>

OI is rude but y'know, sometimes <ahem> doesn't cut the elephant's breath.

All we can say, again, is please please please report stuff - there is a lot going on at any one time and paint colours notwithstanding we can't be everywhere at once.
We don't like personal attacks any more than the person at the receiving end and do our damnedest to deal swiftly with those who can't follow our guidelines.
Thanks again.

For those who are interested
Am borrowing light in an effectively open plan kitch/diner/tv area
planning oak boards.
Will not be furnishing opulently at all as have run out of money grin

Pagwatch Thu 04-Oct-12 12:04:36

Thank you LaQueen. It is my only comfort. A badge or a hat or some thing would be great. It could say Actually The Most Ill.
It matters.