To have told him they cant stay?

(67 Posts)
Leaveitalready Wed 03-Oct-12 19:16:31

I live in an area which traditionally makes fireworks night a huge deal. Theres a carnival type thing in the evening, and several fireworks display with one main. Last year 60,000 people attended. My house is a stones throw away from the main fireworks and my front door is where these 60,000 people go past to get to it.
My road is closed off for the night and as you can imagine, its mayhem. The displays stop at 10-11ish but people let bangers off left right and centre all night.

With two young children very scared of fireworks, each year I upsticks for the night and take them elsewhere. No problem.

Except today my partner who does not live with me said he was going to the display this year. No problem!

But can his 25 year old niece and her bf of 3 months crash in my front room.
Because they want to come and they live an hour away.
I said no chance. And he thinks Im really unfair.

My reasons - I dont want to leave my home but I have to. I dont want anyone else in my home when its my children and I that should be in it.

I dont want 3 muddy, pissed people falling through my door. One of which is a perfect stranger.

I dont want a young, new couple potentially fucking on the floor where my children play.

I dont mind DP staying but not the others. AIBU like DP thinks?

Disclaimer, my children and DP's children too. So he gets the night off.

(For the nosey people who want to know, we dont live together because we split up for 18 months a few years ago and currently wating for both our tennancys to expire and were moving in together again.)

Annunziata Wed 03-Oct-12 19:17:23

YABU, your house, your rules. End of.

I think YABU, yes. I would let them stay as long as your DP is trustworthy.

SkippyYourFriendEverTrue Wed 03-Oct-12 19:20:52

You live in Lewes?

Can I come and stay?

Annunziata Wed 03-Oct-12 19:21:20

Sorry, YANBU... long day!

WelshMaenad Wed 03-Oct-12 19:21:48

I fuck on the living room floor where my children play might have plans to do do tonight actually and they've not died of it yet. As long as your DP cleans and tidies up before you get home I don't see the problem, really.

Bobyan Wed 03-Oct-12 19:21:55

Ottery St Mary?

I think he should go with you.

Leaveitalready Wed 03-Oct-12 19:25:31

Good for your Welsh.

I just dont want YOU or any other complete strangers fucking on my floor/sofa. grin

TheProvincialLady Wed 03-Oct-12 19:25:48

It's your house, not your partner's. It's not up to him to decide. You don't want a stranger staying in your house when you're not even there and why the hell should you? I would say no too.

BTW I used to live in a similar town and it was crap every year. We always went away for the weekend too. Sympathy.

Its your house your rules so yanbu on that level.

Although I do think yabu in terms of the reasoning. Do your children never sit on or in your bed?

WelshMaenad Wed 03-Oct-12 19:27:34

Tbh, unless you can offer up 100% wool Berber twist carpeting, I don't really want to fuck in your floor either. I just don't see what the harm is. Ask them to put a tarp down if they plan on getting really filthy maybe.

Leaveitalready Wed 03-Oct-12 19:28:33

<boak>
Why do I picture these things?!

WelshMaenad Wed 03-Oct-12 19:30:01

Bahahahaha. Just tell them no scat play near the toyboxes probably not helping-

Leaveitalready Wed 03-Oct-12 19:31:16

Tbh its not happening and thats final, Im totally ok with the fact that I am being unreasonable even thoughh I think Im being totally reasonable I jist wondered why DP couldnt see it from my angle.

But I guess some of you are.

mrsconfuseddotcom Wed 03-Oct-12 19:31:26

YANBU

Your house = your rules

StellaNova Wed 03-Oct-12 19:32:01

YAB a bit U I think, unless you really think the muddy pissed people are going to vomit and track mud all over your house. If not, what do you think they are going to be doing to it? I'd be really pleased that while I couldn't make best use of the location, someone else could (unless, as I said, they were likely to leave trails of sick down the stairs).

Re: not wanting people to have sex on your floor, I just find that a bit odd. How far is your floor prepared to go? Cuddling? Snogging?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos Wed 03-Oct-12 19:32:35

YANBU. And if you think there's a chance that your dp might let them stay, I'd be locking him out too.

Leaveitalready Wed 03-Oct-12 19:34:53

Only I, Queen of Carpets, can fuck on my floor.

Yes, I am imagining mud trekked through my house, shagging in my front room and just a stranger in my home while Im kipping ok the floor of someone else's house when I REALLY dont want to be. Just makes me say no.

WelshMaenad Wed 03-Oct-12 19:35:28

Thing is, what happens when you guys move in together again? If he makes a similar request them, you would be VVVU to tell him he couldn't have family stay on his own home, and would probably have to suck it up.

So is this really about muddy pissed folk scandalising your carpeting, or is this about control? Genuine question.

quoteunquote Wed 03-Oct-12 19:35:39

just tell them you have installed lots of hidden web cams,

then you won't have to worry about people having sex in the sitting room,

and ask if everyone can take their shoes off.

TooMuchRain Wed 03-Oct-12 19:36:44

Your house your rules - but I don't really see the problem if your DP is there

Leaveitalready Wed 03-Oct-12 19:38:41

Honestly, I dont think its about control (but I did have to think about it shock) Because if it was just DP and his neice, Id never have said no.

But I know they wouldnt get shot faced together and bowl through the door and I really, really hope they wouldnt fuck on my floor...

KenLeeeeeee Wed 03-Oct-12 19:39:18

YANBU. It's your house. Why can't they stay at his house instead?

lovebunny Wed 03-Oct-12 19:39:47

you are not obliged to leave your house open to strangers, especially when you cannot be there to supervise. your bf is inconsiderate to ask.

Hullygully Wed 03-Oct-12 19:40:15

Is it about the sex?

Is it?

This has reminded me I need to get my dogs medicine to calm her (valarian) and mine (vodka) to calm me, for when my DP takes my DC out to watch the fireworks and leaves the two of us cowering at home.

Leaveitalready Wed 03-Oct-12 19:41:02

Well yeah that is an option. But if they were going to go there, in the next town they may as well stay at the bf's folks which is just one stop further. Why this is even an issue Ive got no idea.

Leaveitalready Wed 03-Oct-12 19:43:00

Im not gonna lie. Its mainly my discomfort about them shagging where my kids sit and play.

I know, I know it wont kill them. But I just Dont Like It.

YUNoSaySomethingNice Wed 03-Oct-12 19:43:38

Erm, well, it's your house so it is up to you ......but it does seem a bit mean.

It is your partners niece and she is 25, it sounds like it would be nice for your DP. I could understand if it were some unknown teenagers. Do have a particular reason for thinking there will be a problem? It will give a clear message to your DP that he must only think of himself as a guest when he is in your house.

As for worrying about them having sex on your carpet floor, err, I think that a bit weird too. Presumably your DC's have slept in beds other than their own before which have previously had couples in them. Do you never have guests in your house?

I think YAB very U and a bit controlling ( sorry )

McHappyPants2012 Wed 03-Oct-12 19:45:31

Would they even shag, when her uncle could hear them at it

Leaveitalready Wed 03-Oct-12 19:47:27

My kids havent slept in adult beds that have just been fucked in, no. As babies, they have been in our bed which had been, but sleeping in other adult beds that have just been shagged in, no they havent. What a funny thing to think.

Why don't you go to your DP's house with the kids instead of kipping on the floor somewhere else?

Leaveitalready Wed 03-Oct-12 19:49:52

I tell you what though, you lot are making me feel like a right tight bastard now. smile

Yes, she would absolutely shag even with the risk of him hearing. I want to explain why, man ALIVE I do. But she is a Z-list celeb so it would noy be at all anon. I need to press though, she is lovely, knd and my problem is not with her per se. But the shagging.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere Wed 03-Oct-12 19:51:15

YANBU. I would hate for them to stay over too. Just say No.

McHappyPants2012 Wed 03-Oct-12 19:52:17

now we all need to know this Z list celeb.

YANBU! How odd!

Assuming you're where I think you are, I'm really looking forward to it, my boss is in the town centre and has offered DP and I a room for the night grin

I also wonder if I know you IRL? <<ponders which of charges friends Mum's may be an MNetter>> wink

AmberLeaf Wed 03-Oct-12 19:54:39

God yes, I need to know who she is! grin and why your sure she would shag!

Leaveitalready Wed 03-Oct-12 19:54:51

Tbh I doubt very very much any of you would have heard of her. But its a possibility all the same so I cant say any more as it would be mightily unfair on her.
Even if I did disclose it'd br a huge anti climax believe me. Scuse the pun.

Leaveitalready Wed 03-Oct-12 19:56:34

Oh the reason why I know she would shag IS quite gossipy, that Im fucking busting to say but unfortunately I actually quite like her so cant. Plus it'd get back to me and it's not worth the grief from DP.

Id look like a RIGHT cunt then.

Strawhatpirate Wed 03-Oct-12 20:07:51

I don't think YABU dp should be with you looking after the dcs and not eating toffee apples and turning yours and the dcs home into a makeshift hostel/shagpad for his relatives. I might be a bit biased though because bonfire night gets right on my titamaboobs!

Leaveitalready Wed 03-Oct-12 20:14:43

Ergh I just read back my last two replies. If Id seen someone write that Id have thought 'oh shut up you twat.'

Ok so most of you think Im being a meany and should just wipe up the jizz and let them stay but some of you understand where I am coming from.

I appreciate the input as I will now be a little more patient with dp when I explain that its NEVER GONNA HAPPEN! .

A previous poster is right though, Id have to grin and bare it if it was both our homes!

YUNoSaySomethingNice Wed 03-Oct-12 20:20:37

So you like her and you think she is lovely and kind but you still won't let her stay shock That's even worse! You could ask your DP to clean the carpet afterwards if you are that worried? confused.

I guess you don't stay in hotels, or let them have sleepovers either?? It is going to be very restrictive only letting them sleep in their own 'clean' beds.

I am sorry but I can't see why you object so strongly to the bonking. There must be more to this.........hmm.

does z list celebs include any porn stars

YUNoSaySomethingNice Wed 03-Oct-12 20:22:43

Despite my earlier posts, i have to say I respect you for doing what you want in your own home. smile

even if you are wrong and a bit of a meany

SofaKing Wed 03-Oct-12 20:25:37

If they live an hour away can you and DC go to their house and swap for the night?

Then if you get back and find they haven't shagged on your floor, you can phone them and tell them they should ON NO ACCOUNT use the cucumber in the fridge grin

Leaveitalready Wed 03-Oct-12 20:27:10

Yes Z-list celebs do include them.

They would be staying in the living room. Theres no bed in there, theres no sheets I can wash, or quilt that can be stripped.

Of COURSE I dont mind my kids staying in clean beds that previously werent clean.

But there is no bed in my living room. I dont actually have any idea what DP was thinking.

Leaveitalready Wed 03-Oct-12 20:28:38

sofaking no way am I going an hour away!! Why would I?

My kids have school first thing in the morning to start with.

margerykemp Wed 03-Oct-12 20:29:12

Can't you just have a no sex rule or insist they sleep separately?

perfectstorm Wed 03-Oct-12 20:30:34

I could completely understand this if your DP weren't present - I'd worry about damage to the house with drunken youngsters. But she's 25, not 17. And the father of your kids, and the man you plan to live with again in the near future, will be there. So I just don't understand.

Is your house a newbuild, incidentally? Because if not, there will have been plenty of action in various rooms over the years.

Tell DH if he buys a double blow-up mattress and washes the sheets afterwards, then fine.

I must be really scummy. I don't give a monkeys who shags in our sofabed, or who did in our spare room before having DS. It's just sex. They haven't had a crap in it.

perfectstorm Wed 03-Oct-12 20:31:59

Here you go. Kingsize and everything.

perfectstorm Wed 03-Oct-12 20:33:26

And plastic is wipeable with these, too. grin).

LineRunner Wed 03-Oct-12 20:33:37

It's the stranger's jizz remains on the actual carpet, isn't it?

Leaveitalready Wed 03-Oct-12 20:35:24

On the carpet, on the sofa where ever they leave it.

Pandemoniaa Wed 03-Oct-12 20:38:29

When I lived, very handily right on the procession routes in a town that has already been mentioned, I was careful about how hospitable I was. Because at events of this sort, it is very easy to discover rather too many (completely unknown) people have also availed themselves of your facilities.

So no, YANBU especially if you aren't going to be there.

fatfingers Wed 03-Oct-12 20:38:35

So, when you say she is a z list celeb and it would not be anon, do you mean that she might shag in your living room and film it?

Leaveitalready Wed 03-Oct-12 20:44:06

No, I do not think anyone is going to turn my living room into a porno. I dont think Alfie Bear and Sophie Giraffe would make a good background.

SuperB0F Wed 03-Oct-12 20:45:16

You absolutely do not have to let your house out as a crash pad. It wouldn't bother me too much though, but I think I'd want the pill sugared by said Z-lister or your DP paying for a nice B&B for you so you didn't have to sleep on somebody else's floor.

Leaveitalready Wed 03-Oct-12 20:49:19

Yes, I was a little miffed at the total assumption that it would be me taking the kids elsewhere while he buggered off out with his niece. I dont mind taking the kids away as such. It was just the assumption of it.

Thats not the reason Im saying no though, because that didnt dawn on me until tonight.

YUNoSaySomethingNice Wed 03-Oct-12 20:57:52

Ok, if the only reason you dont want them to stay is the shagging then you could go to a carpet off cut shop and buy a very cheap off cut of carpet ( Although you might want to avoid shag Carpets grin )

And tell them they have to bring sleeping bags. Problem solved!

You would then have no rational reason for them not to stay.

cerealqueen Wed 03-Oct-12 21:41:18

If he is staying too, fine, YABU. Bit he should make sure it looks like nobody has stayed and have place all sorted.

If he isn't then no, I would not want people staying in my house when I am not there. YANBU.

GoldShip Wed 03-Oct-12 21:44:33

YABU.

I really don't see the problem. Don't you trust your partner? It's his family. If they've never done anything bad before its a bit unfair to judge them already, and on their age it would seem.

It is your house, and up to you, but you're still a bit unreasonable in your thinking.

GoldShip Wed 03-Oct-12 21:48:18

And for gods sake what is with the fixation on sex?!!

I'm quite sure they're not going to be shooting cum all over the show.

ChaoticismyLife Wed 03-Oct-12 22:05:50

YANBU If you don't feel comfortable with people staying when you're not there then you have every right to say no, sex or no.

Besides how do you know that they won't sleep in the DC's beds?

<puts cat among the pigeons emoticon>

doinmummy Wed 03-Oct-12 22:25:03

Exactly Chaotic. Why would they want to shag and smear jizz on your best Wilton when they could do it in your bed?

BlueSkySinking Wed 03-Oct-12 23:26:33

Your DP will be present, so unless you really don't trust the kids, let them stay.

JustSpiro Thu 04-Oct-12 19:14:52

Could your DP get an inflatable mattress for them to kip on and ask them to bring their own bedding?

TBH I think YAB a bit U, but as someone else said upthread 'your home, your rules'.

DowagersHump Thu 04-Oct-12 19:20:17

I think you should buy some of those disposable dust sheets and cover the living room in them grin

Sorry, umm, no idea really. It wouldn't bother me but I let people stay in my house all the time when we're not here. It's when we are here that I don't like it

StuntGirl Thu 04-Oct-12 19:29:53

I think you're unreasonable and a bit mad but it's your house and your mind is clearly made up.

And why do you think they'll be shagging on the floor? Don't you have sofas? <wonders>

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