To think my 4 year old wetting her pants is not abnormal/unusual?

(38 Posts)

DD started school a few weeks ago and has wet her pants a few times a week since then. Only a few full, soaking, total bottom half needing changing incidents and only 1 during school hours but more than just stray drops the other times.

I am sure it's just the transition as it's happened at other exciting times too. She also seems to be a child who forgets about needing the toilet if busy/absorbed in something and she often has very urgent wees or not quite making it to the loo when all is normal. We just try to remind her to go if she hasn't been for a while.

DH said this evening that it's not normal to be having accidents like this but I think it is (and she's settling down now with rewards and praise for fully dry days)

AIBU?

wishiwasonholiday Wed 26-Sep-12 03:44:42

I was at school toddler group the other day and there were at least 2 reception children who had wet themselves which is not normal for them, I wouldn't be concerned unless it carries in for more than a few weeks and agree with you, yanbu.

wonkylegs Wed 26-Sep-12 03:47:51

We've had a couple of accidents since we've started school/ afterschool club after being completely dry for absolutely ages. (years) I've chalked it down to the change of scene/people/ new uniform buttons etc. We've chatted about each incident as he gets quite distressed about them but I think that's fine as it shows that he doesn't find it normal & is bothered enough to try not to do it again. If he's still having problems in a few months time then I'll start to be concerned.
Personally think your DH is overreacting at this point, give it a bit more time.

barnet Wed 26-Sep-12 04:28:20

Normal!

madwomanintheattic Wed 26-Sep-12 04:31:51

Two out of three of my kids wet at school. <shrugs>

BreeVanDerTramp Wed 26-Sep-12 04:36:42

DS has been dry day and night since age 2, since staring in P1 he wet the bed most nights for the first few weeks. I just cleaned up and reassured him and it has now stopped.

BookieMonster Wed 26-Sep-12 04:39:26

YANBU. All my kids had the odd accident in reception. In fact, as I recall the teachers had a box of spare pants and bottoms for just this sort of thing so it's obviously common.

ripsishere Wed 26-Sep-12 05:08:00

Not unusual at all. My DD used to pee when she was absorbed in something. She has an abnormally large bladder capacity I think. She still leaves it hours between toilet visits and she is 11.

TroublesomeEx Wed 26-Sep-12 08:02:43

As a reception teacher I can assure you and your husband that it is completely normal for a child to wet themselves at this age at school.

There are so many things to remember, so many exciting things you don't want to miss, so many games that you can't quite drag yourself away from, so many grown ups you haven't quite got to know yet...

There's so much for them to concentrate on/think about/ remember that it's inevitable.

Having said that, it's not compulsory. I had one reception class and we seemed to be forever getting the children changed and mopped up and another where I don't think I had any wee accidents at all!

demisemiquaver Wed 26-Sep-12 09:32:59

TOTALLY YANBU!! make sure she's getting enough to drink [outwith school perhaps?],just in case there's a sl bladder irritation due to strong urine, wch can make you want to go more often, even tho less of it

Thanks all!

thegreylady Wed 26-Sep-12 12:03:23

I still remember my first day at school 64 years ago!I remember sitting on the floor during assembly desperately needing to wee but not knowing how to be able to go.I remember thinkig that if I let it out a few drops at a time I wouldnt be soaking wet...wrong!!I dont remember any consequences and I didnt do it again.I think it is normal in the early days of school.

Punkatheart Wed 26-Sep-12 12:06:23

My daughter did it once on the school trip. She was 9! She is a party animal...and often used to forget to get to the loo....

steppemum Wed 26-Sep-12 12:18:55

my ds never did, my dd1 was totally hopeless, loads of accidents. dd2 has just started, has wet herself as she has arrived home most days, can't get to the loo in time, but so far not at school (we have had 3 wet beds too, very unusual)

dd1 was so bad, I had 5 pairs of trouser for her, needed a clean pair every day (not true accidents, just too late going to the loo so very wet knickers) Couldn't wear skirts as wet knickers rubbed legs and made them sore. She never siad anything, so didn't change her knickers. She was like that on and off until year 2. The TA was amazing, small village school at the time, she told her every play time and lunchtime to go to the loo. dd wasn't very willing to go unless she really needed to. Eventually she understood the concept of emptiying your bladder before it gets too full. She had a tracksuit in her pe bag and spare knickers, so there was always something to change into if necessary.

steppemum Wed 26-Sep-12 12:20:17

do check she knows where the loos are and how to ask when she wants to go.

HelenofSparta Wed 26-Sep-12 13:10:07

Dd started school couple of weeks ago and she wet her bed for the first time ever in her first week. They are so excited/exhausted thought of toilet trips are forgotten I think.
My mum is a teacher and she said accidents are v v common, not just in Reception

jojane Wed 26-Sep-12 13:25:17

If she has been reliably dry before starting school then I would put it down to a passing phase and just work through it with her - telling her to make sure she goes at certain times of the day, if he's wetting herself on way home then tell her to go to toilet when she gets her coat and bag to come home,
If on the other hand she has never been reliably and independently dry (ie you not having to tell her to go to toilet etc) then a wobble watch might e a good idea ds1 had to start school in nappies as would wet himself several times a day. A bit more complicated then just wetting himself but he now wears a wobble watch to school which vibrates every hour to remind him to go to toilet and so far this term no accidents (at school at least, home is a different story)

DeWe Wed 26-Sep-12 14:30:55

Dd2 had a number of wee accidents in her first term (and then liked one of the pants so much she was frequently telling them she had so she could have the fun of choosing a new pair of pants hmm)

But it turned out she was badly constipated and this was one of the symptoms. So if she has been reliably dry it's worth checking there isn't anything medical causing it. She also used to wet frequently with urine infections.

soorploom Wed 26-Sep-12 14:31:13

its ok i think its sometimes hard to get the teacher's attention if they need to go and then they forget for a while and then its too late. just lots of new info to absorb at school

ontheedgeofwhatever Wed 26-Sep-12 14:42:04

DD did this in reception a couple of times even though she was normally reliably dry. The school insisted we kept spare tights or socks and knickers in a bag on their pegs so presumably it was fairly normal and expected

givemeaclue Wed 26-Sep-12 14:43:41

don't think its the norm tbh to be wetting herself a few times a week.

MarysBeard Wed 26-Sep-12 14:48:09

Not at all unusual I'd say. I remember walking home from school with my mum and weeing on the doormat as I'd forgotten to go to the loo in the afternoon at school, & just didn't quite make it. And I was 5 when I started school, and had been out of nappies since I was 2!

I still remember as I was v embarrassed but my mum didn't mind at all.

DD2 is 3.5 & wet the bed twice this week after starting back at nursery. Fortunately dry last night - phew.

R2PeePoo Wed 26-Sep-12 15:05:15

The reception classes at DD's school are always putting requests in the school newsletter for outgrown uniform and pants. I've handed over a couple of bags full myself.

DD did it four or five times in the first term and then was fine, never happened again.

Thanks again.
I am pretty sure it's not a medical issue - she's not constipated and not reluctant to do her wees when she remembers, no pain on weeing and seems normal strength etc.
I also checked that she knows she can use the toilet at school and that's all fine too.

givemeaclue - your opinion that it's not normal goes against what everyone else says! Why do you think it's not normal?

Oddly, the school don't have spare pants etc for accidents but after the one accident she did have at school, I have left a full change of clothes there for her her in her cubbyhole. I also think things are settling down now as she gets used to the routine and also with a bit of an effort to get her to focus more on remembering to go to the loo.

It is good to know that others have experience of this being fairly normal too and I'll reassure DH!

tanyatais Thu 06-Dec-12 22:40:30

Our daughter had two accidents this week .The first day I received a call that she bumped her head with another child and was given cold compress but there was nothing to worry about. So upon taking her from school i noticed not only the bump but the fact that they changed her into another child's pants and short socks only ,which left her freezing . The next day the teacher said that she was not there when the collision happened so i left it there. Yesterday our girl was wearing size 10 years boy's trousers with no pants or socks during the whole day. I questioned the teacher and she said that she was not there and another member of staff changed her with this outrageous outfit. Not pleased at allsad We had a talk about the accidents and the teacher pointed out that she seems fine and happy but some children get quite tired before the holidays and that could contribute to her stress levels. what do you think? What should I do? I feel that her needs are neglected but do not know how to go about it?
Just a mote that our child had spare clothes in her book bag on both occasions but no one checked and they just used some of their clothes .I still can't think how you would dress a child into someone's probably not very hygienic trousers with no pants and socks at all? I feel utterly upset !

Pretty sure I wet myself at school, when I was 4 or 5. I was also the kind of child that forgot to go, I get so absorbed in what I'm doing. I still do that now! (not wet myself, just get absorbed and then finding that I'm suddenly desperate!)

tanyatais Thu 06-Dec-12 22:45:37

Both times as well as the two occasions last month were the only ones she has had in 2 years. In all of the incidents she was using the toilet herself ,getting there nearly on time but just could't manage the skirt and thighs quick enough and they got a bit wetsad As a psychologist I always try to look at the bigger picture but it all points out to simple neglect of the needs of a 4 year old child / some inner conflict in her contributing to the stress. I am reading too much into it?

EugenesAxeChoppedDownANiceTree Thu 06-Dec-12 22:51:20

No I don't think it's too unusual; my MIL said the other day that my DN still had the odd accident after her 5th birthday. She also got very absorbed in things & didn't want to bother going.

I think I've read on MN that medics don't refer incontinence problems until after about age 7?

whois Thu 06-Dec-12 22:52:34

As a psychologist I always try to look at the bigger picture but it all points out to simple neglect of the needs of a 4 year old child / some inner conflict in her contributing to the stress. I am reading too much into it?

Yeah, think you are!

Bit off they put her in someone else's clothes f she had her own tho

Seabird72 Thu 06-Dec-12 22:54:25

It's awkward at school because they have to put their hand up and ask permission don't they? It's so easy for them to get absorbed in what they're doing and then suddenly realise they need to go and can't wait for permission so they have an accident if they're made to wait. I don't think it's abnormal for a 4 yo really. My dd3 only had 2 accidents from the age of 2 until about 8 and then suddenly she started having regular accidents for a little while and it was just because she was playing and so absorbed in her games that by the time she finally made a dash to the loo she was too late. If they can get like that at 8 then 4 is nothing to worry about:-)

tanyatais Thu 06-Dec-12 22:57:54

Great,thanks for the input-it helps to put my mind at ease smile

tanyatais Thu 06-Dec-12 23:02:36

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=1932765&page=3
Another discussion on the topic.

manicinsomniac Thu 06-Dec-12 23:16:15

A 10 year old wet herself badly in my dance rehearsal the other week. She had her hand up but I finished what I was saying before I let her speak. By the time she had asked, I'd said yes and she had jumped up it was far too late. She was devestated and I felt terrible. Though why she didn't just run for it when it was clear I was going to carry on talking I don't know!

So I guess it can happen at any age.

Rudolphstolemycarrots Fri 07-Dec-12 00:30:35

It is normal. I know lots of 4/5 year olds.

imdreamingofaskyebluechristmas Fri 07-Dec-12 00:34:43

My 4yo has had a couple of incidents since starting Reception in September. School said its normal.

IneedAsockamnesty Fri 07-Dec-12 00:45:34

Normal.

I once wet myself I was about 7 because I was to nervous to put my hand up and ask.

I also wet myself last week but that was more a chest infection and cough related incident that I would prefer to forget aboutgrin

steppemum Fri 07-Dec-12 00:57:23

seabird, at my dds school (reception) they have 4 red bands hanging on the doorhandle. If they want to go to the loo, they take a band put it on and go. If there are no bands they have to wait (but apparently that is pretty unusual) They put the band back when they return to the class. No waiting, no hands up etc. But also no-one noticing they are wriggly whenthey are absorbed insomething and saying 'go and do a wee'

Cairncake Tue 11-Dec-12 16:27:01

Thank you for this thread, found it in a stressed moment as my DS is wetting at school, he is 5 and in Primary 1. He does not ask as he says 'it is bad to interrupt the teacher'. He is trying so hard to be good, he pees himself instead. He does not wet at home. Teacher says he can just go if he needs to but he still wants to ask. There is so much for them to think about when they start and he is shy. That said, running out of ideas to solve the problem.

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