To think there should be rules about taking certain things on trains?

(103 Posts)
RosesAreBetter Tue 04-Sep-12 16:20:36

We have just got onto the train and there is a man with a very large animal carrier ( roughly the size of a washing machine) which is full if ferrets!

And when I say full, I mean there has got to be two dozen of the things in there.

And it STINKS.

The entire train carriage stinks of ferret fecies and urine, and the train is full to the point of people standing.

I have heard several people complain to the conductor, but apparently there is no room for the man and his ferrets to stand in the bike area as it is full of bikes and people with pushchairs.

He has the carrier on top of one of the tables!!

AIBU to think there should be rules against bringing something that stinks to high heaven onto a busy train?
Not to mention how distressed the poor ferrets seem.

arthurfowlersallotment Tue 04-Sep-12 16:22:23

It sounds really unpleasant but it is public transport after all.

SoupDragon Tue 04-Sep-12 16:23:50

Ban people who use too much perfume too.
And aftershave
Plus those who use too little deodorant.

Ithinkitsjustme Tue 04-Sep-12 16:24:59

Unfortunately some people smell that bad! grin

YANBU to think that there should be rules about carrying animals on trains, but where would you draw the line? I think that many people would think that they should be allowed to take their dogs on board, or their cats in pet carriers. What about the person who needs to take their pet iguana to the vet? etc. A carriage for animals could be in order, same as family carriages and no mobile phone carriages.

WelshMaenad Tue 04-Sep-12 16:25:13

How else is a body meant to transport their ferrets?

onetiredmummy Tue 04-Sep-12 16:26:16

In their trousers!

<stands for applause>

Yokel Tue 04-Sep-12 16:27:53

I doubt it's 'urine and faeces' you're smelling OP. Ferrets just smell like that. I quite like it, personally. And I'd rather have ferrets than the filthy old sod I sat next to on a train once who had crapped himself. I wondered why there was a free seat next to him when loads of people were standing up. I had to hold my breath for 30 minutes!

TunipTheVegemal Tue 04-Sep-12 16:29:16

In the olden days they would have gone in the guard's van, along with the bicycles, crates of chickens, unaccompanied toddlers and people in wheelchairs....

WorraLiberty Tue 04-Sep-12 16:31:08

The ferrets are probably tweeting right now on mobiles phones, about how dreadful all those humans smell, packed into a train carriage....

WelshMaenad Tue 04-Sep-12 16:31:12

<wild applause for onetiredmummy>

I'm still a bit cross they wouldn't let that nice Welsh chap take his little pony on the train. I mean, they'd let on an Irish Wofhound...

pictish Tue 04-Sep-12 16:31:51

Ach don't be such a misery. The train wasn't scheduled for you!

sashh Tue 04-Sep-12 16:35:29


Can I add to your list, the mothers of little girls attending the royal ballett school in Birmingham - you do not need to use half a can of hairspray, you certainly do not have to use it all in the carriage on the approach to Birmingham new St.

BerthaTheBogBurglar Tue 04-Sep-12 16:39:15

In Thailand they have little signs on all the trains that say "No smelly fruit". grin

They mean durian fruit, which does, admittedly, smell like a gas leak. But still, I enjoyed the signs.

RuleBritannia Tue 04-Sep-12 19:28:38

Yes, some people in this world have to transport their birds and animals by train. I had to help a woman onto a train once. She got on the train and I handed up to her six crates each containing chickens. I'm British so I'm naice abroad. She was extremely grateful.

LadySybildeChocolate Tue 04-Sep-12 19:30:58

Ban people who paint their nails on the train, or have their music on too loud.

MrsKeithRichards Tue 04-Sep-12 19:32:52

Berth have you smelt that smelly fruit they mean? I don't know it's name but it smells like something has died. Apparently it's delish but I couldn't get past the smell!!

TheHeirOfSlytherin Tue 04-Sep-12 19:33:23

Ban skinky people as well as stinky ferrets please.

And people who sit right next to you even though there are loads of free seats.

MrsKeithRichards Tue 04-Sep-12 19:33:42

How I missed half your post I dunno! Sorry!

OneHandFlapping Tue 04-Sep-12 19:35:29

I've tried durian fruit - misled by the fact that they rave about it so much in Malaysia. It tastes like slimy onion custard. <boak>

TyrannoWearsGoldKnickers Tue 04-Sep-12 19:35:53

Ban those sniffy business men with enormous knees and seemingly equally enormous ball bags who have to squish themselves in next to you, steal the middle arm rest and then OPEN THEIR LEGS AS WIDE AS THEY WILL GO whilst huffing and puffing and sniffing and getting out terribly important paperwork and clearing their throat then talking to 'Tony' loudly for half an hour on their mobile bloody phones.

Ban them. I hate them. They always sit next to me.

TyrannoWearsGoldKnickers Tue 04-Sep-12 19:37:21

I would actually rather sit next to a piss soaked ferret than another fat bollocked man.

NarkedRaspberry Tue 04-Sep-12 19:37:30

I'd like to be on a train and hear 'Carriage C is designated the Quiet Zone. Please refrain from using mobile phones or electronic equipment in carriage C. Carriage B is designated the Ferret Free Zone ...

Frontpaw Tue 04-Sep-12 19:40:29

Aw the wee ferrets. I bet they smelled a great deal fresher than the loos on the train.

Can we also ban small children with ipads watching crappy disney films full blast (with singalongs) and people getting sloshed at 10am (with singalongs).

CocktailsAndFriedChicken Tue 04-Sep-12 19:43:42

When I worked in a bank a customer would bring her three ferrets in each week with her.

CocktailsAndFriedChicken Tue 04-Sep-12 19:44:58

Oh frontpaw IBU to want to ban me from my post night shift drinks grin although I don't sing

Frontpaw Tue 04-Sep-12 19:48:49

But did the ferrets have a bank account?
Were they definately ferrets? Not stoats or mink?

'Can we also ban small children with ipads watching crappy disney films full blast'

This. Most definitely this <has flashback to Sainsbury's cafe the other week when kids on next table were doing this! >.

Schrodingershamster Tue 04-Sep-12 20:36:14

There are some rules i think. I once nearly had to take a parrot on a train. I googled and i was indeed allowed to.

Schrodingershamster Tue 04-Sep-12 20:36:42

You should be thanking all that is holy it wasnt a durian to be honest.

Hulababy Tue 04-Sep-12 20:45:22

Appendix B at the end tells you what you can take, how big it should be, etc.

Until now I never knew that there were actual luggage restrictions for travelling by train - defined both my number and size!

CocktailsAndFriedChicken Tue 04-Sep-12 20:49:03

The ferrets did not have a bank account. They were definitely ferrets; Ferret Lady liked to tell me ALL about them.

YouShouldBeDancing Tue 04-Sep-12 21:01:38

People who insist on putting their bags on the seats when the train is packed! Had to stand with my ds last week as a businesswoman had her laptop bag taking up a seat and her mini suitcase in the foot area of the seat next to her, I understand if theres something important in there but she was sat next to the bloody luggage shelves!

WofflingOn Tue 04-Sep-12 21:04:33

Did you say to her' I'd like to sit down please, so can you move your bags?'
I do the teacher voice when I ask, and I've never had a person say no.

Noqontrol Tue 04-Sep-12 21:05:43

You should have told her to move it youshouldbedancing

YouShouldBeDancing Tue 04-Sep-12 21:08:21

Yes asked her, although in hindsight wasn't stern enough (if that's the right word) she said she couldn't move her bag as she had valuables in there
If the train is not so full I understand but when it's packed it's so frustrating, it's not the first time I've seen someone do it either

YouShouldBeDancing Tue 04-Sep-12 21:10:47

I let encouraged my ds do some delightful singing all the way home, serve her right
Who knew the wheels on the train had so many verses!

RosesAreBetter Wed 05-Sep-12 08:36:57

I spoke to another traveler who has been on the train for ove two hours and she said the man and his ferrets go on at the stop after she did. (and then I was on the train for a further 40 minutes)
That is a long journey for a box of ferrets.

It was very warm so I guess the smell was made worse by the heat, but it was very bad, there were people holding things over their faces.

RuleBritannia Wed 05-Sep-12 09:00:54

Dirians smell awful, yes, but they taste like peaches and creammmmm.

RuleBritannia Wed 05-Sep-12 09:01:06


SomethingSuitablyWitty Wed 05-Sep-12 09:08:16

That is really weird because smell and taste are so closely linked in your 'taste experience' of food, that I would have hardly thought that was possible. For example, if you are blindfolded and simultaneously offered a piece of pear to smell and a piece of apple to eat, it is very hard to know whether you are eating apple or pear. And apparently (not personally tested this) you can't tell the difference between red and white wine, if you are blindfolded and your nose is blocked.

Anyhoo. Sorry for the tangent. The moral of the story is, ummm, lucky you don't have to eat the smelly ferrets?

I like seeing sights like that when i am travelling.

A lad by me had a Harris Hawk that he used to take on the bus, they stopped him from doing it, everyone took part in a petition but Arriva wouldn't budge over it.

The clue is in the name, public transport, which includes hobby/work items/pets.

LucieMay Wed 05-Sep-12 09:17:29

I've no doubt people without kids feeling the same about our dcs when they're bawling and crying and screaming and being naughty. Yabu. Don't like your fellow passengers? Get a car!

lottiegarbanzo Wed 05-Sep-12 09:21:12

I think we can conclude that we should probably not eat ferrets as they are likely to (though may not definitely) taste bad.

KenDoddsDadsDog Wed 05-Sep-12 09:21:24

Rather ferrets than the braying twat that kept saying 'wowzers' all the way from London to Newcastle yesterday.

imonthefone Wed 05-Sep-12 09:24:45

ferrets, chicken, goats...meh? they all need transporting
not spent any time in Africa or Asia OP?

PureMorning Wed 05-Sep-12 09:28:13

I once took 5 Guinea pigs from London to reading. They loved it, spent the whole squealing happily every time the tannoy made an announcement

tara0202 Wed 05-Sep-12 09:29:20

My dog went on a train for the first time in Saturday. He'd just completed a 20 mile charity walk and had to get the train back to the car (with dh!)

We were worried folk might be annoyed by him as he's quite big (weimaraner) but he got loads of nice attention and the conductor gave him a cheese sandwich.

He just stood in the middle bit though, he didn't take up a seat! grin

tara0202 Wed 05-Sep-12 09:30:49

Oh and ps there are rules about animals in trains as I looked them up. As long as the animals are not a nuisance and are appropriately restrained they can travel.

GreenD Wed 05-Sep-12 09:36:04

How do you know they are ferrets? The might be stoats or mink, or weasels.

Frontpaw Wed 05-Sep-12 09:38:03

Can I please tell my stoat and weasel joke now?

imonthefone Wed 05-Sep-12 09:40:03

go on frontpaw grin

Frontpaw Wed 05-Sep-12 09:43:50

How can you tell the difference between a stoat and a weasel?

PureMorning Wed 05-Sep-12 09:44:53

I dunno, how can you tell the difference?

Frontpaw Wed 05-Sep-12 09:45:49

One is weasily recognisable and the other is stoatally different

PureMorning Wed 05-Sep-12 09:48:50



Wetthemogwai Wed 05-Sep-12 09:51:35

Sorry I can't agree with the children watching films thing, me and dd regularly get the train to my mums (2 and a half hour journey on 2 trains) and now she's a bit older the films in the iPad are a god send!
She regularly watches a film or cbeebies during the journey and I'm sure passengers would rather here a bit of tangled and the gruffalo than dd having a tantrum because she's bored! Especially now as she's 17mo so takes about 2 minutes to get bored of all her toys I take and only wants to run up and down the aisles!

You pick passengers, you pick!

LettyAshton Wed 05-Sep-12 09:55:27

Arf - I must tell the dcs that joke when they come home.

I would ban all eating (pipe down those people who are going to shout "Diabetics!" - I know a few of them and they don't eat in an uncouth manner in public) unless it's a discreet packet of sweets. I'd waaaaay rather sit next to a (collective noun for) ferrets than someone rustling around in a tin foil package and eating egg sandwiches and pungent crisps. And drinks are a no-no, too. People are always spilling their coffee and it goes swimming across the table into everyone else's stuff. I think eating should only be done in a buffet car.

InkyBinky Wed 05-Sep-12 10:04:03

That is revolting, yuk! YANBU

I don't much like loud phone conversations or people eating smelly burgers but smelly ferrets would be worse.

Startailoforangeandgold Wed 05-Sep-12 10:49:22

You are right lucie I would have liked to ban the toddler (little girl) who decided to throw a tantrum on our train for the whole hour.

I'd been to see Brave, the film was fun, but it was loud and it's crap blurry 3D and my head hurt.

I do accept that if trains had sensible places for mums, prams and accompanying siblings. Not having them standing in the doorway, she might have been happier.

Ephiny Wed 05-Sep-12 10:52:56

It's public transport. You're going to encounter odd people and unpleasant smells now and then, that's just the way of it.

ChazsGoldAttitude Wed 05-Sep-12 11:06:13

I think I would prefer ferrets to the bloke f-ing and blinding on the phone at full volume for 30 mins on the train when I was travelling with my children. I think they learned a few new words that day angry.

And no I didn't challenge him, he was a big bloke and sounded quite aggressive from the way he was speaking (I know he was probably lovely etc but I didn't really want to push my luck).

limitedperiodonly Wed 05-Sep-12 11:36:47

You've never been in third class on a train coming from southern Italy, then?

Ferrets are the least of your worries. At least they'd kill the chickens.

Ephiny Wed 05-Sep-12 11:48:52

Actually I would ban tuna sandwiches from trains if I was in charge of the world. But until then, I guess you just have to tune out other people's annoying and weird behaviour.

Can't the iPad kids use headphones though?

QuacksForDoughnuts Wed 05-Sep-12 11:56:28

Two or three times a year I have to get the train from north of Edinburgh to south of Norwich - pretty much impossible to avoid needing to eat on the train since I leave home at ten and get to my folks' house at seven or eight in the evening! Sometimes the layover at a station is at roughly the right time to eat, but sometimes it really isn't. I tend to think people would rather smell hummous for five minutes (I'm vegan so don't do the worst extremes of greasiness away from home) than deal with me when I'm grumpy from lack of food. Also I tend to feel faint if I don't have anything between early morning and late evening, which is made less fun by being in possession of a large rucksack.

lottiegarbanzo Wed 05-Sep-12 13:38:42

Eating only in the buffet car? Are you writing from he 1930s? Surely then restaurant car? The buffet is often a teeny, tiny space you can hardly stand in wiout being jostled, or it's an at-seat trolley!

I like taking picnics on trains and think they are wholly in keeping with a day out, all the better if accompanied by sparkling wine (rarely in my case but I like the way people travelling to horse races often make a day of it). Incidentally this practice highlights the difference between drinking in public and drunkenness - only the latter is a problem.

LettyAshton Wed 05-Sep-12 18:39:03

Ah, if only I were writing from the 1930s... Miss Marple would never have stuffed her face with a smelly burger on the 4.50 from Paddington...

ajandjjmum Wed 05-Sep-12 18:50:38

DD met a woman on the DLR with a snake in her pocket a few months ago. I would not have been amused!

I think I'd even prefer the ferret. grin

ihearsounds Wed 05-Sep-12 19:00:17

Agree with the ipads. They have earphone sockets for a reason to use them. But then, millions of parents have managed to go long distances before the invention of ipads, and kept their kids occupied.
Should also be some type of bag rule, so stop people smacking them into the side of peoples heads as they walk past.

Ephiny Wed 05-Sep-12 19:03:00

Snake on the DLR? shock

corlan Wed 05-Sep-12 19:04:33

Try the buses in China - I had a pig pissing on my arm once!

ajandjjmum Wed 05-Sep-12 19:28:54

Yep Ephiny - at Stratford. Mind you, it would have suffocated recently! grin. I got a full description of the idiot in question from DD, and avoided anyone who bore a slight resemblance afterwards.

Lolwhut Wed 05-Sep-12 20:28:32

I was watching a spectacularly funny and rude episode of 'Shameless' on a portable DVD player. The earphones didn't seem to be working properly so I turned the volume right up. It took a long while to realise the headphones hadn't been plugged in properly and the rest of the very conservative looking commuters had been able to hear every word. blush

fridgepants Wed 05-Sep-12 22:28:23

A woman was standing in a packed tube carriage with a rucksack on which kept swinging in my face. I'm dyspraxic, so I have to either hold on to both hand rails or lean on something to keep my balance, so I told her no, I can't just stand in the corner so you can keep your fecking bag on and tut.

fridgepants Wed 05-Sep-12 22:33:46

Oh god, the man who used to sit next to me in the morning and eat egg and cress sandwiches from a bag in his rucksack, mouth open, so I could both SMELL and HEAR it...

skyrocketsinflight Wed 05-Sep-12 23:58:41

I pointed out to someone that he had been hitting a guy every so often in the face for about 10 mins of a journey when i was standing on a train.

He got really embarrassed and stormed down the train. The person he was hitting said thanks and was a bit blush

But why do people sit next to you in an empty train?

I did however eat a peperamii the other day because i was really hungry and was feeling sick. I felt less guilty as next to me was person putting full make up on. one man making weird sucky noises on his water bottle, a noisy chewing gum chewer, and everybody needs to listen to tinny bad music from earphones guy.

It was such a nice journey.

quoteunquote Thu 06-Sep-12 00:58:07

On my way home(scotland) from school,one Christmas, I had been on the train for eight hours, when we came to a halt in the borders, the snow had blocked the tracks, we all sat patiently waiting for the train to restart, after an hour or so the heating went off, and it started to get cold, the elderly ladies at the table we were on were getting a bit aggregated, we all put our coats on,(anyone remember donkey jackets)

In the guards van I had a trunk, a couple of cages of rats(pets and food ones),a crate with a rabbit and a box with a burmese boa(cuthbert),

as the temperature dropped I started to worry about my snake, so I went to guards van, took some jumpers,duvet, and a blanket out of my trunk, then wrapped a subdued cuthbert(snakes don't do cold) round my waist put a jumper on, put on the donkey jacket, and a scarf,

I took the duvet and blanket back to the carriage, sat down gave my duvet and some jumpers to the grateful women on the other side of the table, and put the blanket over myself, then became very engrossed in my book,

I had realised over years that not everyone liked my pets, I had taken the precaution of labelling the box that the rats's cages were in, "Siberian desert squirrels" as at that time british rail wouldn't allow rats on trains, but I had discovered people were reluctant to have anything to do with a rat, but will happily hold a bald tail desert squirrel, and BR allowed them on trains.

I also knew that I would become very unpopular if anyone became aware of cuthbert, so I just sunk behind my book, after a bit the rather dejected cuthbert, started to warm up, and started to explore as he wanted a view, I stared hard at my book, as I really didn't want to catch the eye of either of the women opposite me, partly because one was wearing my big black jumper with a big red/yellow/green CND sign on it and the other my fluffy mohair rainbow jumper with a cannabis leaf on it, and partly I was worried they would suss me out,

Cuthbert became more active,he was used to being carried around under a jacket or jumper,but normally he was allowed a view, I pulled the blanket up and twisted my scarf round the neck of my jumper and read on, eventually I risked a peek over the top of my book, two very stern faces were staring at me, my face went very red,I hid behind my book,

there was a few seconds where I considered my options, clearly these women were not amateurs in judging odd behaviour, I glanced sideways the people on the table opposite were staring at me, the book wasn't going to hide all of them, and cuthbert was winning the battle to find the light,

so I lowed the book, my face by this time was glowing enough to heat the carriage,

one of the women asked, "So what is it that you have there"

"I can't tell you"


"because you won't like it"


"It's just that he needs heat and I can't get his hot water bottle refilled"
(the train had just split before we got stuck and end with the buffet car had gone with the glasgow end of the train)

it was at this point cuthbert found a gap, and stuck his head out under my chin,

All I could say was, "His name is Cuthbert and he doesn't know he's a snake"

once his head was out he was happy, all he wanted was to "taste" the air, so he stopped being so active, and I thought it best to go back to reading my book,

by the time the train got going seven hours later, everyone in the carriage had had a hold, even the ones who had at the beginning declared themselves snake phobic.

I only later realised that the book they all had been watching me hide behind was this one

they must of thought I was really taking the micky

quoteunquote Thu 06-Sep-12 15:09:23

thought of another one,

sat on a train in India, and a lady was travelling with two crates of live eels, they kept slithering out and as she was napping, the other passengers and I kept having to pick them up and returning them to their crates.

Quoteunquote...what a brilliant story. What happened to dear Cuthbert? Do you still have him?

limitedperiodonly Thu 06-Sep-12 17:14:03

Love the Cuthbert story too

evilgiraffe Thu 06-Sep-12 17:44:22

Fabulous story! I like the sound of Cuthbert smile

Wetthemogwai Thu 06-Sep-12 19:28:42

If you can get headphones for 17 month olds I'd happily buy some :D as it is though the trains are so loud you can barely hear the iPad when you're sat right infront of it never mind down the carriage from it so til someone actually complains to me (and when they do I'll be very apologetic and turn it down) ill put my purse away!

quoteunquote Thu 06-Sep-12 20:31:51

Cuthbert went to live with my biology teacher(from whom I got him) , when I started travelling a lot, who put him out on loan to a zoo he was involved with, he the only snake that has ever escaped from an enclosure at the zoo, he did it repeatedly, I put that down to living most of his life free range, the zoo decided he was a bit of a liability , so he went back to my biology teacher, he then went on loan to a private collector, who still has him, last thing I heard, he's still very friendly, but he never liked other snakes as he was born in an incubator, and I forgot to socialise him with other snakes,

One chap I occasionally bump into still gives me evils,

I bought a house when I was quite young, and rented out all the rooms to friends to pay the mortgage and bills,and slept on my own sofa, it was a upside down house part of a barn conversion, I use to have quite a few jobs, one of which was a bar job, one night I returned home after work at 2pm, got straight into bed,

I woke up at 6am as i did every morning, ran down stairs,and started the bath,in the small bathroom that was tucked away in a corner(no windows), went and found Cuthbert who was having a kip in the dog baskets, shoved him in the bath his favourite place , as I did every morning, he liked a good soak, I then turned off the light, shut the door and went off for a morning run with the dogs,

Unbeknown to me my friend (one of my lodgers) had pulled the night before , rather nice rugby player, they had, on coming in before me gone straight to bed, as she slept, her bloke, no doubt disturbed by me banging about, decided to go and use the loo, slipped out of bed, without waking mate, and went and sat on the loo, as he started to poo, Cuthbert having his morning soak disturbed,decided it would be a good time to introduce himself, and stuck his head over the side of the bath,

the six foot eight chap reacted rather badly, he sort of went up and sideways all in one go, gravity took over and he ended up wedged between the loo and wall still pooing,

Cuthbert "stood' up to have a better look, at which point, this chap found his voice, my house mate woke to the noise, went to investigate, but because he had wedged himself, his legs were blocking the door, and he was squeaking nake,nake,nake, he couldn't get the "S" out, despite my friend reassuring him "it was only cuthbert", he took a while to un wedge himself, breaking the loo roll holder and loo seat in the process, and smearing poo everywhere,

when he did manage to open the door, for friend to help, she was trying to reassure him, he was so upset he couldn't stop saying 'nake, nake, nake"

friend grabbed cuthbert, who was getting active as he wasn't use to having his morning soak disturbed in such a violent fashion, and dumped him in the airing cupboard (his second favourite) place, she then tried to reassure rugby player though the bathroom door, as well as instruct him how to use our dodgy shower, when he managed to say anything other 'nake, nake, nake', he asked for his clothes to be past in, she did so, and was explaining that quoteunquote wouldn't of done it on purpose, and that I always left cuthbert in the bath, he came out of the bathroom just as cuthbert who by this time was very curious as to what was going on, was trying to squeeze out of the gap at the top of airing cupboard, his usual route into the airing cupboard,

the poor man ran up the stairs and out the front door, as I turned into my remote lane I was greeted by a large man, running towards me screaming, "you are mad', my dogs(4) decided he might be a threat, and ran at him barking, he ran on shouting abuse,

when I got home my lodger was cleaning up the bathroom half laughing, half crying, cuthbert was hanging out of the airing cupboard, she never did get another date with the guy, she had had a crush on him for years,

He went on to play for England, every time I bump into him he goes very pale even twenty years later.

evilgiraffe Thu 06-Sep-12 20:40:47

Play for England? Come on, you have to namedrop now! Brilliant Cuthbert tale grin

quoteunquote Thu 06-Sep-12 20:58:44

Ha, I nearly did name drop, but for one small reason, my sister in law's best friend is married to another england rugby player, she has been spying and keeping her ears open, as yet we don't think he has mentioned it,

When SiL went to their wedding in Italy, the chap was there, she did manage to bring up snakes in conversation, but he didn't share, her friend is planning to mention it at his 40th, she wants to buy a big rubber snake.

Florin Thu 06-Sep-12 21:21:37

Had to read the Cuthbert story to my husband and we have both been crying with laughter, really perked up my evening!

evilgiraffe Thu 06-Sep-12 21:32:20

Still giggling (despite the fact it must have been quite traumatic for the poor guy) "nake nake nake" grin grin grin

Cuthbert has me crying with laughter!

Frontpaw Thu 06-Sep-12 22:38:30

Can we have an 'adventures of cuthert the snake' thread? Or at the very least a book.

totallypearshaped Thu 06-Sep-12 22:42:54

OP you obv. need to learn how to take the lesser of the two weasels. Badoom tish.

Durian is pretty whiffy, it's true, but not as whifflesome as a goat and three large goat cheeses which leaked whey stink-illy, on a hot crowded train in summertime Yugoslavia (long ago emoticon).

quoteunquote Thu 06-Sep-12 23:29:53

I probably could get a least a chapter of a book out of the adventures of cuthbert, he use to come to Glastonbury and other festivals with me, and use to get into all sorts of bother, top tip if you are at a festival and go into someones teepee to steal a sleeping bag, check whats is in it first.

The thing is I only got him as I'm not keen on snakes and I thought it would help, I just ended up having a snake who didn't think he was a snake.

I take my great danes on the bus to meet friends for walks smile Because they're not allowed in the car due to their 'pine needlesque fur'

Wetting myself laughing at Cuthbert.. i had snakes for years and my funniest story is one of going to visit DD at a contact centre with a social worker who i ab-so-lutely despised. DD had mentioned missing her pets the previous visit and asked if i could bring Snakey .. 'Snakey?' Enquired the SW.. 'Err yes its a carpet snake' 'Oh'

Well she didn't say 'Don't bring it'
So the following week i turned up with him in a pillowcase, as already mentioned, snakes don't do cold, he had been out with me on the three bus journey to the CC which the SS had demanded we use, out of hoping i would give up on visiting DD..another story anyway.. he had gotten quite cool so had gone very quiet.

I plumped him down along with the bags full of sweeties sandwiches and 'things to do' with instructions to DD not to mess with the bags while i nipped to the loo. My idea was to go outside and get him out there, but apparently SW had other ideas and started poking around the bags, and said to DD 'Take no notice of mommy these things are obviously for you' .. DD decided to open the pillowcase..

So i'm sitting on the loo when i hear this strangled screaming sound. Thinking something had happened to DD i come flying out of the toilet still pulling everything up, race into the room past a group of about ten people who were standing outside the door, to find DD holding the snake and waving him at the SW going 'sss..sss' blush

SW i found cowering and still screaming behind the toyboxes and sofa.

When i approached her, so did DD, in my panic i hadn't realised the snake was still out and wondering wtf was going on! .. At the sight of him the SW literally started climbing the wall, leaving ACTUAL nail marks.. then DD waved the snake at her again and she wet herself shock

Despite absolutely despising the woman i then felt a little sorry so popped him back in the bag.

Never saw her again grin

But did get a letter <smirk> re the possibility of causing a salmonella outbreak hmm from the CC.

I do believe DD felt vindicated that day from being dragged across the floor by her arm by that woman grin

HoopDePoop Fri 07-Sep-12 00:18:02

Loving Cuthbert! Please can he have his own thread?

Nake nake nake

mu5icmum Fri 07-Sep-12 07:13:19

One of the reasons I love mn. You start reading a thread which you expect to contain moans about drunken hen parties and the like on trains ( blush ), but then end up reading lovely, funny snake tails!!! More, more, more grin

P.S. In our defense, there are "quiet carriages", and we don't get out much....

Frontpaw Fri 07-Sep-12 09:03:29

'Cuthbert the snake (who doesn't think he's a snake) and his pet nake.'

He constricts Harry Potter to death and eats him in chapter one. Quick, Harper Collins on line one!

limitedperiodonly Fri 07-Sep-12 09:31:54

I so want it to be Will Carling but I don't think the dates fit.

Second choice is Laurence Dallaglio. I've never liked him.

Frontpaw Fri 07-Sep-12 14:38:09

Isn't Zara Philips married to some rugby bloke?
That's all I know about rugby. Everything. Are you Prince Charles?

Claireabella1 Fri 07-Sep-12 16:01:23

Stop whining! Will this affect your life long-term? Or just make you uncomfortable for a short time? Are you such a misery guts that you've 'just got on the train' seen something you don't like and immediately gone on the Internet to complain? Jeez.

ChazsGoldAttitude Fri 07-Sep-12 16:34:55

Stop whining! Will this affect your life long-term? Or just make you uncomfortable for a short time? Are you such a misery guts that you've 'just gone on the Internet' seen something you don't like and immediately gone on the Internet to complain? Jeez


Rofl.. if it wasn't for whining, we wouldn't have half of MN grin

quoteunquote Fri 07-Sep-12 23:06:01


so close on your second guess, he certainly was at the wedding.

limitedperiodonly Fri 07-Sep-12 23:14:27

Shit! I'm no good on rugby.

The only other players I know are Mr Orange aka Gavin Henson, Danny Cipriano (who's radioactive too) and Brian the cauliflower-eared solicitor.

The first two are too young. Plus Gavin is Welsh. Brian is the right vintage but too short. Or maybe not... Rugby players are very deceptive. Jonny Wilkinson is very tall. And very pretty. Sadly, also very dull.

evilgiraffe Fri 07-Sep-12 23:33:40

My first thought was Martin Johnson. He's not the prettiest, though, but he IS the right height and about the right age...

limitedperiodonly Fri 07-Sep-12 23:54:49

We may have a winner

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