to flatly refuse to do MIL's laundry when she comes to stay.

(423 Posts)
Sunnydelight Thu 30-Aug-12 07:58:36

I really need to know.

Last time MIL came to stay for a month (we're in Oz) it all turned toxic, but one of my issues was her insistence that I should do her laundry. She must be the only grandmother to three who ever got off a plane from the UK with her arms hanging, and spent a total of $20 in a month. Fine, I can live with that BUT when she kept on saying "I'll just give you my laundry" and I kept on saying "no, you need to do your own washing, here is the washing machine and this is how it works" it just drove me nuts. She eventually mixed her laundry with ours so I had no choice but I really think that adult women should not expect other adult women to wash their smalls.

She's coming again at Christmas AHHHHHHHH for a month which was forced on me but I can live with it. DH and I had a conversation last night about us having to be more upfront this time about what kind of behaviour is unacceptable, but as part of it he casually mentioned "we'll tell her we'll do her laundry and she needs to....". First of all what's this "we" shit as clearly that will be me, but I DO NOT WANT TO WASH HER CLOTHES and said so. When I explained how wrong it was for a woman who has had her own family to expect another adult woman (who she does not "employ" and she is not related to) to do her laundry I got the "that's your cultural expectations" line. I'm Irish btw so nothing massively exotic to her French. I'm not doing her fucking laundry so AIBU?

germyrabbit Thu 30-Aug-12 08:00:32

would it really be such a big deal? not as if you're handwashing each item is it?

ErikNorseman Thu 30-Aug-12 08:00:59

Hmmmmmm when I go and stay with parents or ILs I give them my laundry. I wouldn't have enough for a full load so mum or mil will ask whenever they are putting a wash on. I'm not sure why you are so opposed to washing her clothes?

Jelly15 Thu 30-Aug-12 08:01:51

YANBU. If she is in good health then she should stop being a lazy cow and do her own. If she mixes the clothes again unmix them and put them on her bed (use gloves).

squeakytoy Thu 30-Aug-12 08:02:32

You do sound quite stubborn and unreasonable. If I had any guest to stay, I would say to them "I am doing the washing, is there anything you want to go in with it?".. I am assuming they go in a machine, she is not expecting you to hand wash it for her?

(waits for the inevitable drip feed.. )

IKilledIgglePiggle Thu 30-Aug-12 08:03:33

I lived in Canada for five years and everyone who visited went home with suitcases full of clean clothes, including MIL. It's no big deal is it, I have a family of five, laundry is my life, one more load won't hurt.

YABU.

YABU. When people come to stay with us I assume I'll be doing their washing if needed. Does your MIL have to cook her own meals as well?

noblegiraffe Thu 30-Aug-12 08:04:01

I wouldn't want to go to someone else's house and have to wrangle with an unfamiliar washing machine. She's probably not generating enough washing for a full load either.

Why is it so bad to chuck a few of her things in with yours?

echt Thu 30-Aug-12 08:04:02

DH needs to do his mum's undies. "We" indeed! It's a bit repulsive to insist on someone else washing your shit--stained----kex--soiled lingerie.

cozietoesie Thu 30-Aug-12 08:04:06

Dear goodness - do you have a phobia about laundry?

I'm with squeakytoy on this. Any guest in my house would automatically receive the offer of having their laundry put through the machine for them.

IfYouSeeMeSayHello Thu 30-Aug-12 08:04:39

Could you not give her a laundry bag or two - one for colours and one for whites - and just wash them as you go. I don't see it as an issue.

echt Thu 30-Aug-12 08:04:49

Hmmm need to work on the strikethrough.

Erm, maybe there's other stuff to this, but tbh if I was doing laundry I'd do laundry regardless of who's it was. I'd have no issues doing my MILs if she was staying - she's happy to do mine when I'm over there as is my Mum when I stay with her. So on the basis of what you've written so far... yes, you're being unreasonable and also very unfriendly but I guess there must be other stuff going on?

ssd Thu 30-Aug-12 08:06:12

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

squeakytoy Thu 30-Aug-12 08:06:27

ffs, worn underwear is not radioactive, nobody will catch anything from it... "use gloves"? "shit stained"? I dont see the op mentioning her MIL having a disease or being incontinent...

tryingtoleave Thu 30-Aug-12 08:07:02

My mil hides her washing and sneaks into the laundry at the crack of dawn to get it done before im around and then hangs it up in some hidden location to dry (I have no idea how she gets her undies dry - I have never seen them). So I'm guessing there are some cultural differences around laundry....

KenLeeeeeee Thu 30-Aug-12 08:07:12

I wouldn't be overwhelmingly pleased with the expectation to do a guest's laundry, but I don'tt think it would be enough of a big deal to get me all angry

I think you're overreacting a bit, OP.

SugarBatty Thu 30-Aug-12 08:07:37

Yabu! What on earth is getting off a plane with her arms hanging and spending $20 a month? confused

It sounds you don't have much respect for your childrens grandmother, I too am expecting more to this story.

I would just do the laundry with mine, I do frequently do my best friend and her girls laundry (they stay every weekend) without even asking, if it's left on the floor it goes in the basket.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls Thu 30-Aug-12 08:09:03

I'm surprised she wants to come and stay again. Seriously, it's just a bit of laundry - what's the issue?

If we have guests to stay and I'm putting a wash on, I'll load our things in and put it on the right setting then just ask them if there's anything they need to go in too? If they could just pop the things in and shut the door then it'll be on.

DoingTheBestICan Thu 30-Aug-12 08:09:49

Gosh you poor thing having to lug all your laundry down to the river and having to wash it with stones like in olden days...

Oh sorry I missed the bit where you said you had a washing machine,YABVU, what's wrong with throwing a few extra items into the machine?

Sugar I think the OP means that she doesn't bring presents or buy the kids anything. Selfish after spending all that money on flights, no? hmm

YABU and more than a bit rude.

Why would you ever not do the washing of a guest on your house?

FallenCaryatid Thu 30-Aug-12 08:10:26

She's a guest, of course her laundry should be done, do you make her cook her own meals? If you hate it so much, then explain to your DH why you are being so unpleasant and get him to do it.

ssd Thu 30-Aug-12 08:11:03

the op'll come back with something ridiculous like "once MIL tried to cuddle PFB" or other surly DIL crap we read all the time on MN

honestly who'd have sons and be a MIL??

sometimes on here the venom is out of order

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