To want to know about MNHQ

(281 Posts)
Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 19:32:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

startwig1982 Tue 14-Aug-12 19:34:45

I imagine they all have matching uniforms... Maybe latex onesies?? grin

Na, they live in a cave. They are all a bunch of fucking perverts who get their entertainment from viewing our troubled lives grin

SecretNutellaMedallist Tue 14-Aug-12 19:44:02

Olivia? Strict?


She's normally the one stuck with the shitty Friday night shifts when the weirdos are out.

i thought they lived in the pub?

or is that the techies?

RustyBear Tue 14-Aug-12 19:46:15

No, the techies live in the shed....

TheHeirOfSlytherin Tue 14-Aug-12 19:46:18

Doesn't tech live in a shed?

Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 19:46:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrispyCod Tue 14-Aug-12 19:46:43

Jeremy Kyles of the virtual world. They let us air our dirty washing online rather than on the box!

hazeyjane Tue 14-Aug-12 19:46:47

MNHQ is a hollowed out volcano in a secret location, the top dogs wear natty suits, and have eyepatches. The minions wear boilersuits.

TheHeirOfSlytherin Tue 14-Aug-12 19:46:47

Ha x-posted.

But what does tech wear in the shed?

Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 19:48:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrispyCod Tue 14-Aug-12 19:48:46

I reckon most of them drink rather a lot. Well you would wouldn't you reading some of the crap posted on here.

I'll wine to that.

startwig1982 Tue 14-Aug-12 19:50:33

I imagine tech wear deerstalkers. Don't really know why!

mellowcat Tue 14-Aug-12 19:50:53

I think they live and work on a beautiful beach in the Maldives, with their own personal assistants who peel their grape and scantily clad gentlemen who gently wafting them with fans. They each have their own personal freshwater pool and Flipper stops by most days to communicate his views on individual posters.

usualsuspect Tue 14-Aug-12 19:51:54

I thought they lived in a water tower.

flyoverthehill Tue 14-Aug-12 19:54:35

usual your late

Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 19:54:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Psammead Tue 14-Aug-12 19:56:58

They either have glasses on chains and sensible shoes and smell faintly of labrador, or they have killer heels, expensive handbags and perfect hair.

They are all poshos nicely spoken.

The two types get on quite well due to a mutual understanding of gin, cake, and the lovely Alan Rickman.

Maryz Tue 14-Aug-12 19:57:09

Olivia has an awful lot of work to do. Helen has the fun job.

MooncupGoddess Tue 14-Aug-12 19:57:44

They wear tight-fitting leopardskin catsuits and have to be proficient at several martial arts. A bit like Charlie's Angels.

boaty Tue 14-Aug-12 19:58:58

I imagine them as rather school marm like! Ready to dish out lines to mn guideline breakers! wink

Maryz Tue 14-Aug-12 19:59:32

Chaos found a picture of the outside of [[ mnhq] Note the cunning disguise.

lisaro Tue 14-Aug-12 20:01:13

Helen has a small white kitty and Olivia has a large glass tank of piranhas that's she feeds with trolls. Rowan has a laser. Tis all true. I've seen it in my head.

ilovesooty Tue 14-Aug-12 20:02:41

I reckon there aren't as many of them as we think: there are probably only two of them and they namechange a lot. grin

usualsuspect Tue 14-Aug-12 20:03:28

flyoverthehill, am I?

Coconutty Tue 14-Aug-12 20:03:32

I think they are really just two men called Nigel and Bernard who live off Pot Noodles and have giant beards.

Maryz Tue 14-Aug-12 20:04:28

Whoops here (I hope)

Maryz Tue 14-Aug-12 20:05:02

ilove, that's the same as the posters, there's only you, me and all our sockpuppets grin

LadyInThread Tue 14-Aug-12 20:05:10
amillionyears Tue 14-Aug-12 20:06:26

there is a frances/francis,seems new?
and a Rebecca.Cant remember the other names.
One of them has a son who is 4 and wants to go to the moon

Well, Rowan sent me arnica this morning after I got my knuckled rapped for losing my temper over somebody talking about TV licenses blush, so I now I picture her as a nurse in one of those white standy-uppy caps like on Call the Midwife.

I like to imagine they live in a massive command centre, with lots of beeping computers and spreadsheets pinned to the wall, and a big red 'delete' button with a special prodgy stick to poke it with, and piles of gin glasses everywhere. Sort of like the enigma codebreakers' offices but with more swearing.

Every now and again JustineMN stalks through like Glenn Glose in The Devil Wears Prada and they all have to grab their leopard-print scarves and put them on to look like Real MNers while they type away.

SoleSource Tue 14-Aug-12 20:07:35

MNHQ I wonder where they go to ask AIBU etc..must be lonely..unless they appear on MN in disguise...

amillionyears Tue 14-Aug-12 20:08:16

Sole,they do apparently

Oh, and when they press the big red delete button it sends seismic waves through the whole command centre and they all have to assume the brace position.

If too many people post about Mitmoo the whole place vibrates ever so slightly and the lights start flashing on and off. Most of them are scared but Olivia quite enjoys it.

Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 20:09:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyInThread Tue 14-Aug-12 20:11:33

LRD I am loving your description of MNHQ grin

Tee2072 Tue 14-Aug-12 20:11:49

Let me look through my magic mirror:

I see:

Olivia and Justine and Helen and OtherHelen and Rowan and Tech and Darren...

Tidybush Tue 14-Aug-12 20:12:36

Maryz the sad news is that building burned down a couple of weeks ago <true> and has been reduced to a pile of rubble so I hope everyone got out in time grin

<my only claim to fame is that I live up the road from Chaos>

I'll tell you something about MNHQ - They've put me in their bad books. I think I'm now probably orf...

SoleSource Tue 14-Aug-12 20:12:52

Olivia, Rebecca, Helen. I watched one MNowner give an interview on the news once. She had brown hair and a vair naice accent.

LRD Brilliant description grin

Is OtherHelen the same person as NewHelen?

amillionyears Tue 14-Aug-12 20:14:21

You did multiple threads for some reason,didnt you Chaos

Blimey TidyBush, how about that for cross-posts?

And blimey EmZed, how the friff did you get a picture of my car's bottom?



usualsuspect Tue 14-Aug-12 20:14:44

Chaos what have you done?

My titphone, yup amillionyears. sad

usualsuspect Tue 14-Aug-12 20:15:38

Did you get done by MNHQ?

Think my phone is creating a tech nightmare for them usualsus. Don;t think it's tenable to be here any more really.

Maryz Tue 14-Aug-12 20:17:18

You will have to stick to the laptop and only post at night Chaos grin.

And as for the picture of mnhq (sadly burned down sad), TSSDNCOP

I got it off your profile you duffus

usualsuspect Tue 14-Aug-12 20:18:03


Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 20:18:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect Tue 14-Aug-12 20:18:56

I love it when someone posts multiple threads grin

OlympiaMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 14-Aug-12 20:19:38

You might think all of this. We couldn't possibly comment.


LRD Brilliant description grin

Is OtherHelen the same person as NewHelen?

Yes. She was NewGirlHelen for a bit. and then she wasn't new any more.
HellenicGames Mumsnet is the original

Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 20:21:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

It's not a description, it's the truth. wink

I also believe that trolls don't actually get banned, they get taken down in highly secretive wet ops procedures given code names directly based on the West Wing's assassination of foreign terrorist leaders.

Olivia is Flamingo.

Maryz Tue 14-Aug-12 20:23:17

Olivia, while you are here will you reassure Chaos that she doesn't have to go away she just has to put up with us all laughing at her when the twatphone multiple posts

It would be sad to lose here peculiar original style of posting grin

olympia - I knewed I was right!!! grin

But HOW, EmZed?


You dingus.


Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 20:24:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shoshe Tue 14-Aug-12 20:25:54

A few years ago a thread like this evolved from what was MN Towers like, to what was MN village like grin

It was quite a desirable place I can tell you grin

AbsolutelyNotHoneyDragon Tue 14-Aug-12 20:26:10

Chaos, can you not complain to HTC that thanks to them you are breaking the Internet?

LadyInThread Tue 14-Aug-12 20:27:30

LRD I am worried that you are giving away too much information.

I hope you don't "disappear" mysteriously overnight.

It's ok, lady, it's the sacrifice I make for getting the truth out there.

Memorialize me with some kind of pom bear statue, won't you?

MooncupGoddess Tue 14-Aug-12 20:29:37

I reckon LRD is playing a double game to put us off the scent.

Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 20:29:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz Tue 14-Aug-12 20:32:15

I am a technical wonder Chaos.

acksherly, I opened your profile, right clicked on your photo and chose "open in new tab" and then cut and pasted. dd taught me

No way!

That simple?

Who knew?

cretainly not over 40s

You rumbled me, mooncup. They're all homeless bag ladies who gather around their single battered laptop spilling gin all over their grubby sleeping bags and muttering 'vipers! vipers!' compulsively. Justine pays them 50p per hours because she's well 'ard and doesn't care about unethical labour.

TheCleaningLadyAtHQ Tue 14-Aug-12 20:36:40

I know things.

Secret things.

LadyInThread Tue 14-Aug-12 20:37:02

I think a Pom Bear standing on a greggs sausage roll plinth, inscribed with the words..

In memoriam LRD qui revelata secreta MNHQ

would be the least we could do.

TheCleaningLadyAtHQ Tue 14-Aug-12 20:38:09

I don't even get 50p an hour, I have to live off the biscuit crumbs I sweep up from the floor after a politician has been in sad

Ooh, I like it! Awesome.

I can die a happy dragon.

Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 20:39:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Groovee Tue 14-Aug-12 20:39:43

They live in a gin bottle....

JodieHarsh Tue 14-Aug-12 20:39:56

I reckon they're all very wholesome and wear button-through A-line calf-length skirts and know what spelt is, and play the flute.

Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 20:41:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Apparently you can make cake pops with biscuit crumbs.

TheCleaningLadyAtHQ Tue 14-Aug-12 20:42:39

Well RS sometimes it is only jaffa cakes on the floor, as they are disguarded in disgust as they are not biscuits.

In addition to the cloak room they also have the scarf room. I hate keeping that clean.

And the red rug is a nightmare to get stains out from.

JodieHarsh Tue 14-Aug-12 20:43:09

Lace-up shoes by Ecco or Hotter. Pop socks in American Tan.

ALWAYS have a hanky tucked in the watchstrap.

Read Miss Read and Barbara Pym.

Have no particular faith but aware it is good manners to the vicar to show your face now and then

Deft hand at tomato seedlings

TheCleaningLadyAtHQ Tue 14-Aug-12 20:44:37

Justine suspended me for a week because I bought a roomba after reading the threads on here. She said I should be doing the job properly. But I caught her riding round the office on it late one night! shock

Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 20:46:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JodieHarsh Tue 14-Aug-12 20:48:53

Wide discreet Alice Bands. You know when you push it forward a bit to get a pouffe of mouse-coloured hair at the front?

Blue sweater over a white blouse. Collar outside blouse. Upturned if feeling jaunty.

Cucumbers in a cold frame

Heartbroken by Delia's 'cooking on the cheap' scandal

LadyInThread Tue 14-Aug-12 20:49:12

But it is you, YOU cleaninglady who has all the power.

You could wipe out everybody at MNHQ by mopping the floor and not putting a yellow cone to warn them of the danger.

MooncupGoddess Tue 14-Aug-12 20:51:00

Hanky tucked in the watchstrap, Jodie? More like pistol in the suspenders, I'd say. And they shoot to kill.

Trills Tue 14-Aug-12 20:51:18

There's also a showhome MNHQ - like Nigella's not-really-her-kitchen. It's where they take people when they do webchats. There are studious-looking people at laptops pretending to do important things, but really they are just hired actors.

Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 20:51:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JodieHarsh Tue 14-Aug-12 20:51:46

Nah 'sall a front Mooncup

They probably have despairing prayer meetings when people drop the C-bomb

TheVermiciousKnid Tue 14-Aug-12 20:52:06

CleaningLady, is it you who keeps breaking MN? Do you pull the plug to plug in the hoover?

JodieHarsh Tue 14-Aug-12 20:52:41

Mummy's pearls, RS

You have to wear them, or they lose their lustre.

AbsolutelyNotHoneyDragon Tue 14-Aug-12 20:53:53

Alice band quiffs, that takes me back a few thousand years.

LadyInThread Tue 14-Aug-12 20:54:29

is it you who keeps breaking MN? Do you pull the plug to plug in the hoover?

TVK - that genuinely happened at my works. The cleaner unplugged something important to do with the server and everybody's computer crashed grin

JodieHarsh Tue 14-Aug-12 20:55:07

Absolutely they were in their prime in the 80s

Still break out the Laura Ashley blouse with pie-crust frill for Kitchen Suppers.

lalaloopylou Tue 14-Aug-12 20:56:05

There is a Kate I think!

TheCleaningLadyAtHQ Tue 14-Aug-12 20:56:18

Well rs I was thinking about going to the daily mail anyway about Rebecca - I found greggs sausage roll crumbs under her desk.

I am just gathering enough info then I will write my book and make a fortune.

Lady I used to work for bounty but I got sacked because I binned all their wet floor signs and someone slipped. In my defence I only did it becasue they were pink and glitter and said "floor myt b wet so dnt slip on it or nefink hunnis xxxxxxxx *0.5 hours and 15 seconds since the floor was last washed***" and everytime I looked at the signs I spewed which made my work so much harder!

Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 20:56:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheVermiciousKnid Tue 14-Aug-12 20:57:42


You should write that book, CleaningLady! A sort of clean and tell.

AbsolutelyNotHoneyDragon Tue 14-Aug-12 20:58:04

I broke a £56'000 communications system for 15 hours once by putting a semi colon in the wrong place. Could have happened to anyone though.....

<<decides not send CV to mnet>>

JodieHarsh Tue 14-Aug-12 20:58:50

now now now RS: the first rule of MN Royalty is that you don't talk about MN Royalty <taps nose>

Somewhere in MNHQ Olivia is sorrowfully wringing her hands and pouring away her tepid cup of Earl Grey...

LadyInThread Tue 14-Aug-12 20:59:46

Yes, do a Stig and write your book.

AbsolutelyNotHoneyDragon Tue 14-Aug-12 20:59:51

Royalty? Where?

Trills Tue 14-Aug-12 21:00:31

"MN Royalty" is generally used as a pejorative, in a who does she think she is or they get special treatment sort of way.

Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 21:01:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualsuspect Tue 14-Aug-12 21:02:08

I bet the MNHQ klaxon as gone off now. Royalty mentions generally lead to bunfights grin

TheCleaningLadyAtHQ Tue 14-Aug-12 21:02:53

Better go MNHQ have just phoned to say someone got a fright when the red flashing button went off and spilled their hot mug of froot shoot, so better go and mop that up. Bye.

ilovesooty Tue 14-Aug-12 21:02:57

There's also a showhome MNHQ - like Nigella's not-really-her-kitchen

That's not really Nigella's kitchen? shock

AbsolutelyNotHoneyDragon Tue 14-Aug-12 21:03:00

With the exception of Pagwatch, Trills.

Who is like genuine Royalty in a nice way.

Trills Tue 14-Aug-12 21:03:05

Most often, yes.

It's more humph, bloody cliques, mutter mutter grumble grumble, think they own the place than oh hello you are well known how lovely to have you on my thread.

But you clearly meant something nice smile

TheVermiciousKnid Tue 14-Aug-12 21:03:21

And I believe somebody mentioned <mitmoo>. It could all look rather disingenuous. <waits>

AbsolutelyNotHoneyDragon Tue 14-Aug-12 21:04:56

Kniddy, now, now.

My most favourite ever thread was the one where original Helen had to delete herself for saying Mitmoo grin

Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 21:05:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JodieHarsh Tue 14-Aug-12 21:06:41

My favourite threads were when people kept trying to refer to Mitmoo without saying Mitmoo

Ingenious stuff like avec vache grin

Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 21:07:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JodieHarsh Tue 14-Aug-12 21:08:23

That, RS, pretty much sums up the whole shebang.

Mitmoo is Helen MN's other posting name, raspberry.


TheVermiciousKnid Tue 14-Aug-12 21:09:14

Ooh, I think you might be right, LRD. grin

Trills Tue 14-Aug-12 21:10:22

I am Justine's other posting name.

<lies, all lies>

Actually, I missed the whole Mitmoo thing, other than the flowery Mitmoo thread.

I have no clue who she is/was.

trills, that would make a disturbing amount of sense! shock

What is the AIBU thing then? Is it a cunning ruse?

WorraLiberty Tue 14-Aug-12 21:13:07

I missed most of the whole Mitmoo thing too

And now I daren't ask shock

AbsolutelyNotHoneyDragon Tue 14-Aug-12 21:13:30

Do you think Justine some times wakes up in the night screaming, and then cowere trembling and farting, mumbling "what the fuck have I created" over and over again?

Justine farts?! shock

Say it isn't so!

She's a lady.

WorraLiberty Tue 14-Aug-12 21:16:08

They'll be middle class farts so they won't smell

If they do, it'll be just a faint waft of tofu or smoked salmon

AbsolutelyNotHoneyDragon Tue 14-Aug-12 21:20:33

Mitmoo was unreasonable a lot. Mostly she was unreasonable about her unreasonableness.
All of Mnet went out to get her in a mass force of evilness, so with the help of her good friends in HQ who thought her most reasonable and kind she created a new secret identity who everyone loved and she proved us all wrong and it could not be considered sock puppetry because it was endorsed by HQ.

Then HQ came and when "eh?"

And Mitmoo said "they are still covering for me"

And MNHQ went


But by then we were all very excitable and wouldn't go to bed AT ALL.

So Justine came, and Mitmoo went, and Justine told us all


And we said sorry, and tried our best, but Mitmoo kept slipping out.

We're over it now though.

SrirachaGirl Tue 14-Aug-12 21:22:17

Who is Mitmoo? Why can't we talk about her? Is it something along the lines of SWSNBN?

MooncupGoddess Tue 14-Aug-12 21:23:21

Thank you for that lucid account, HoneyDragon grin

AbsolutelyNotHoneyDragon Tue 14-Aug-12 21:24:51

<<buffs happy to help badge>>

WorraLiberty Tue 14-Aug-12 21:25:12

Honey are you the person who writes the synopsis for Sky TV? You know when you press the little 'i' button?

If not, you should be grin

SrirachaGirl Tue 14-Aug-12 21:25:51

X-post. Got it.

alexpolismum Tue 14-Aug-12 21:27:00

MNHQ is actually in another dimension.

It's why their posts come out in blue rather than proper white.

alexpolismum Tue 14-Aug-12 21:28:12

One of them has the same name as my niece.

I have my suspicions!

HaveALittleFaith Tue 14-Aug-12 21:28:52

They make me laugh! Yup Olivia has to deal with the rowdy weekend shifts and the drunken honesty!

I had to grin when I reported about a concern about a poster and potential troll hunting and got a reply from Olivia saying that the Secret Service Does Not Comment On Procedure fairy snuff, just Estes to point it out!

The fill the water fountain with gin. On the night shifts they definitely work in their jammies/negligees!

honey, that was mind boggling.

I MN while I'm trying to write stuff for my teachers, and what I'm listening to sort of filters into my style of writing. I already know they can tell when I've been watching the West Wing ... I really, really hope they never rumble that I'm on MN. I have a horrible feeling I've written 90,000 words in the style of Mitmoo.

alexpolismum Tue 14-Aug-12 21:31:26

Message deleted for breaking Secrecy Guidelines

Maryz Tue 14-Aug-12 21:34:01

Oh, dear, I go for tea and look what you do to the lovely thread.

NotHoney, you are going to have to name-change again. I suggest TheOppositeOfHoneyDragon or summat grin

I want a 'message exorcised by the magesterium of MNHQ'. It should be sizzling slightly at the edges and come with a faint sound of choirs singing the Miserere.

(I may have gone slightly off the wall now.)

Maryz Tue 14-Aug-12 21:34:51

LRD, I do that in emails - I put all the emoticons in square brackets and try to so strikeouts. It really pisses me off that it doesn't work.

alexpolismum Tue 14-Aug-12 21:35:23

wine here, LRD, I think you need a glass

alexpolismum Tue 14-Aug-12 21:36:16

Message appropriated by MNHQ for its alcohol content

Maryz Tue 14-Aug-12 21:36:30

Oh, I thought you drank all the wine the other night alex grin? I'll have a glass if there is any left.



Thanks alex.

mary - I live in fear of the day I put hmm in something I write to someone not on MN.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Tue 14-Aug-12 21:37:10

Don't forget sexy Darren!

alexpolismum Tue 14-Aug-12 21:37:21

I tried to do strikeouts on facebook the other day!

You can do strikeouts on facebook. I don't know how, but I've seen it done.

alexpolismum Tue 14-Aug-12 21:38:55

There's LOADS of wine left! It's not easy to work your way through 40 litres, you know! Especially when you have no excuse

wine here you are, Maryz!

And I bet PILs give us more wine when we see them on Sunday. It really is a hard life.

alexpolismum Tue 14-Aug-12 21:40:08

Mind you, I had a pretty good go the other night! Not that it showed or anyone noticed, I think I got away with it quite well smile

Maryz Tue 14-Aug-12 21:42:15

Thanks Alex <slugs>

40 litres won't last long at the rate you are going though.

Not that I'm jealous or anything and it's probably fucking sunny there too <mutters>


alexpolismum Tue 14-Aug-12 21:45:40

Oh no, it's not sunny, it's freezing cold and pouring with rain [whistles innocently]

Here, have some more wine It would be criminal to leave it, it might go sour or something.

alexpolismum Tue 14-Aug-12 21:47:07

wine this is for MNHQ. You can come and share it on my balcony, as long as you promise to bring lots of biscuits.

Maryz Tue 14-Aug-12 21:47:38

Oh, who is that new poster winking up there ? I don't recognise him/her at all.

<grabs more wine from the lying lovely Alex--

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Tue 14-Aug-12 21:48:07

I think that Justine sits in a plush office with big windows, stroking her pussy, and surveying her kingdom. All the other minions dress in pencil skirts and tailored blouses, with stilettos and French pleats, wearing geeky glasses. They sit at consoles, staring at a huge map of mumsnet, which has flashing lights for troll alerts, or mentions of MITMOO. Darren is slightly dishevelled, and a little obsequious, and scuttles around making tea.
Justine has control of the big red button, and when she presses it, you get to track the deletion across the map, depending on whereabouts on mumsnet the Troll is, depends on how long the deletion takes to get there!
Tech all wear white coats, and little round glasses, because they are all extremely myopic, and they only get let out of the shed for exercise!
They have the original Pom bear chained up, suspended over a tank of really hungry sharks! It's looking grim, nobody knows he's there!

alexpolismum Tue 14-Aug-12 21:51:45

ooh, I like it, Saggy!

I think Helen and Olivia don't drink tea, though, it's gin or wine for them.

MrsSchadenfreude Tue 14-Aug-12 21:56:24

Olivia has long swishy dark hair, wears Smart Jeans and a Nice Top and Boots (but not Mum Boots). She likes a drink and has a bottle of Bombay Sapphire stashed in the fridge when she is on duty, along with a never ending supply of tonic and a couple of lemons. She often has to get a taxi home as she is a bit too wobbly on her pins to make it to the bus stop.

Rowan has very short hair, piercing blue eyes, a penchant for DMs and drinks designer beers by the pint. She shows her arse in the pub when she has had a few, to the delight of Old Bert who sits in the corner with his barley wine.

Kat can be a little slow on the uptake, but means well. She likes nothing more than a flippy little frock from Boden and a sassy cardie. She wears kitten heels all the time, has her hair in a blonde bob and drinks white wine in public. When she is at home, she necks Snakebite as if it is going out of fashion.

Helen has red hair and a temper to match. She recently had her colours done on the cheap by a Mumsnetter, but is getting a bit fed up with always having to wear blue and green, and isn't sure if the frosted pink lippie really suits her. She gets very fed up with troll hunters and delegates dealing with these to Kat. Helen likes a nice Bordeaux but won't turn down a cool Gamay in the summer.

The Other Helen dresses like a 1980s Sloane Ranger, with frilly blouses and little cotton jumpers. She is Afraid of Boden, and is delighted that pleats have come back into fashion, although worries that her dress sense makes her look a bit middle aged. Helen likes a nice vodka and tonic, but only in moderation. She is a cordon bleu trained cook and likes nothing more than demonstrating her skills to her friends.

Tech is balding, with a combover. He wears short sleeved shirts which have a high polyester content and gets a bit sweaty in this heat. He likes to lean over the Other Helen when she is having problems with her computer and make her nervous by breathing heavily through his mouth and getting a bit too close. He likes going for a drink after work with Rowan and hopes that people will think she is his girlfriend. Tech drinks lager - whatever's on offer, and is no stranger to the karaoke machine, where he belts out "Fly Me To The Moon" every week.

Everyone knows what Justine is like, so I won't bother with her.

Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 21:58:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheVermiciousKnid Tue 14-Aug-12 21:58:58

I am Mitmoo!


scottishmummy Tue 14-Aug-12 21:58:59

i think theyre like fembots
bullet at ya tits
and ability to delete at will

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Tue 14-Aug-12 22:00:54


OlympiaMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 14-Aug-12 22:01:45

I am all about the coffee and the gin, me. (not averse to champagne either)

Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 22:03:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alexpolismum Tue 14-Aug-12 22:04:12

What does Olivia'a L stand for anyway? Louise? Lucy? Lady? Lovely?

alexpolismum Tue 14-Aug-12 22:04:40


Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 22:04:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy Tue 14-Aug-12 22:06:57

oh the ignominy of a spelling mistake
all the pedants will rock up now to get all pissy and oh actually
but seeing spelling doesnt mater online id not sweat it

alexpolismum Tue 14-Aug-12 22:07:34

I imagine Olivia drinking sophisticated coffee. No mere instant granules or ordinary filter for her! Coffee, 100% Arabica blend, freshly ground and specially brewed in a hi-tech stainless steel machine that has its own operator.

scottishmummy Tue 14-Aug-12 22:08:24

oh god are you lot getting all brown nosed
oh mnhq are fragrant,lovely
blah blah

alexpolismum Tue 14-Aug-12 22:08:44

Don't worry, Raspberry. I accidentally posted in Greek the other night, a mere spelling mistake is nothing.

Maryz Tue 14-Aug-12 22:08:49

Don't ask Olivia about mitmoo shock. She might have to notice that we are talking about it.

Normally she is very good and pretends not to be able to read this type of thread.

L is from SamuelLJackson <knows everything>

no idea why though

alexpolismum Tue 14-Aug-12 22:09:52

brown nosed from getting too close to the coffee

Oooh shush you little Tartan internet sprite that smells faintly of excellent Scotch.

scottishmummy Tue 14-Aug-12 22:11:07

haha the sphisticated,handground,fragrant coffee
drunk from a hand crafted made by artisan cup
washed down with fags

Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 22:11:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bugger SM your a lot harder to brown nose than HQ, that just made you sound a pissed pissed with a key board.

But the intention was good.

scottishmummy Tue 14-Aug-12 22:12:37

well best post to reprimand self for spelling mistake
or dont be a pissy pedant
no one bothers about pedants anyhoo

alexpolismum Tue 14-Aug-12 22:13:53

I don't even like coffee! But I do have a handmade mug. Made by my niece. A bit lumpy, can't really drink out of it, but I treasure it.

scottishmummy Tue 14-Aug-12 22:13:58

this is one of those brown nosed we love ya mnhq
disguised as banter
wont stop em deleting you if cross line

Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 22:15:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

scottishmummy Tue 14-Aug-12 22:16:31

have no idea
im no one of the moderators
and neither are any of you

Ample Tue 14-Aug-12 22:17:10

I imagine them to be slender giant folk working with long thin rods that you use at the hook-a-duck games. And we're all Lilliputians in one earth-sized fishbowl.

The MNHQ ladies are all lovely of course, wouldn't hurt a fly, no wink

alexpolismum Tue 14-Aug-12 22:17:50

well, it's quarter past midnight and I'm going to bed. But before I go, especially for scottish mummy I shall suggest that MN are all too quick on the deletion button and they could do with offering the site in other languages and broadening their scope a bit.

NotEmpressOf7AnythingsNo Tue 14-Aug-12 22:21:58

The line's quite far over. Sephrenia and I led a zombie raid on HQ once and they didn't ban us, just made us clean it up.

OlympiaMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 14-Aug-12 22:24:36

"You know that line you're not supposed to cross with the President?"
"I'm coming up on it?"
"No, no. Look behind you."
"Yes, Sir."

Ample Tue 14-Aug-12 22:26:24

Love TWW grin

Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 22:27:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I am watching the bits of WW where Walken is president. I now have visions of Olivia undertaking a cunning coup and bringing a small yappy dog into MNHQ's highest levels.

NotEmpressOf7AnythingsNo Tue 14-Aug-12 22:30:38

NotEmpressOf7AnythingsNo Tue 14-Aug-12 22:31:50


Ample Tue 14-Aug-12 22:32:09

The small yappy dog being Bess?

That's the one!

I love Walken, he's brilliant.

Ample Tue 14-Aug-12 22:36:49

As Josh sweats it out..

<not attempting to turn well-meaning thread into a TWW fan thread>

Ample Tue 14-Aug-12 22:38:12

Where did Empressof7 hide?

I think it's just a boring office but they've been trapped in there since 2009 after getting carried away with bunting so that now a) they can't find the door and b) a giant spider has adopted the bunting as a web and they're too scared to go near it with a giant glass and sheet of paper.

Any thread can be turned into a TWW thread! grin

Although, if they have a Josh-a-like there, I am going to sulk and be horribly jealous. envy

Ample Tue 14-Aug-12 22:44:01

What?? A Josh-a-like at MNHQ? shock
They can't!
They wouldn't!

<removes lid from TWW box set..>

Ample Tue 14-Aug-12 22:44:58

Hello Series One again smile

HelenMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 14-Aug-12 22:48:28

Is Olivia on about TWW again? <sigh>

Ample Tue 14-Aug-12 22:51:04

We love it, don't sold her, please

HelenMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 14-Aug-12 22:51:22

And we see you, NotEmpress <narrows eyes at blank post>

Ample Tue 14-Aug-12 22:51:38

*Scold even

OlympiaMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 14-Aug-12 22:55:38


Is Olivia on about TWW again? <sigh>

Sorry. May have Newsroom on in background
Sorkin For America

<<sniggers at Empress getting told off>>

HelenMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 14-Aug-12 22:56:41


No, Helen, it was my fault I think.

Olivia - ooh, what do you make of Newsroom then? I was disliking it at the start, because I can see he's imagining Brad Whitford/ Janel Maloney etc. instead of the actors he's got ... but I'm warming to it.

I am a sucker for Sorkin, though, I loved Studio 60 and even I can see that was a bit pants in places.

Raspberrysorbet Tue 14-Aug-12 23:03:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

S'alright, it's only Helen & Olivia.

NotEmpressOf7AnythingsNo Tue 14-Aug-12 23:14:52

<sticks out foot from behind curtain to trip NotHoneydragon>

flyoverthehill Tue 14-Aug-12 23:16:07

can we start moderating the moderators now ?

flyoverthehill Tue 14-Aug-12 23:29:11

did I just break the internet ? AND I posted this 30 seconds ago & it all crashed.....maybe I will be famous after all!

RustyBear Tue 14-Aug-12 23:34:41

For whoever it was who wanted to do strikeouts on FB

Though they've probably gone to bed now.

Maryz Tue 14-Aug-12 23:46:52

Rusty, aren't you Busty any more sad?

VivaLeBeaver Tue 14-Aug-12 23:51:09

My phone did a Chaos last week. Was very odd I definetly only pressed Post the once.

RustyBear Tue 14-Aug-12 23:52:31

I haven't been busty for ages. In fact I was only busty for about two hours, then people started arguing about whether I should be BustyRear or BustyRare, so I decided it was more bother than it was worth...

flyoverthehill Wed 15-Aug-12 00:09:25

Thank fuck for that, I didn't fucking break the internet. AND NOW the moderators have gone for a fag I can start some really contentious threads, with unassuming titles, just need to find the gin first, then name change

MushroomSoup Wed 15-Aug-12 00:18:55

Do you reckon MNHQ have their own MN threads pages where they talk about Us?

AIBU to want to delete RaspberrySorbet for criticising my pearls?

Ample Wed 15-Aug-12 00:23:27

AIBU to want to delete RaspberrySorbet for criticising my pearls? grin

Oooh you could be onto something there, Mushroom!

flyoverthehill Wed 15-Aug-12 01:06:43

ample mushroom you are both messing with my head. Sorry...... I meant to say lots of very rude words AND I dont know nothing. Havent got the knowledge of who is hiding/lying/under the radar of HQ, so much to learn andso little time ...........................

Trills Wed 15-Aug-12 08:07:31

Do you reckon MNHQ have their own MN threads pages where they talk about Us?

Do you mean like a secret closed group that we weren't invited to? No, they'd never do that...

Tbf MnHQ have no problems whatsoever telling us when we are unreasonable grin

TandB Wed 15-Aug-12 08:28:34

It's MNBloggersNetwork that I wonder about. They have little flurries of activity. I think MNHQ keep them in the cupboard in a gimp suit and bring them out every now and again....

Raspberrysorbet Wed 15-Aug-12 09:08:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JodieHarsh Wed 15-Aug-12 09:12:38

I heard Olivia likes nothing better than three ropes of a pearl necklace of a Friday night <childish>

JodieHarsh Wed 15-Aug-12 09:19:19

I have gone too far this time

Raspberrysorbet Wed 15-Aug-12 09:33:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotEmpressOf7AnythingsNo Wed 15-Aug-12 09:49:18

<checks HQ aren't around>
comes out from behind curtain>

Posts get deleted for mentioning Mitmoo, but I think the real line-crossers are repeated personal attacks, trolling / troll hunting and sockpuppeting. That seems to be the stuff people get banned fo

NotEmpressOf7AnythingsNo Wed 15-Aug-12 09:50:59


HelenMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 15-Aug-12 09:51:06


<checks HQ aren't around>
comes out from behind curtain>

We're ALWAYS around <spooky>

JodieHarsh Wed 15-Aug-12 09:58:10


<clutches pearls>

NotEmpressOf7AnythingsNo Wed 15-Aug-12 10:00:32


<smiles sweetly>
Good morning Helen. Would you like some coffee cake?

Raspberrysorbet Wed 15-Aug-12 10:03:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alexpolismum Wed 15-Aug-12 10:04:04

It was me that wanted to do strikethroughs on FB, thanks, Rustybear!

Jackin Wed 15-Aug-12 13:49:54

Shh! I sneaked in whilst HQ weren't looking! Am now hiding under Olivia's desk. I've pushed sambuka bottles to the front and am hiding behind them.

DefinitelyNotEmpress Wed 15-Aug-12 14:07:42

<whispers> Can you hear anything?

HelenMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 15-Aug-12 14:09:36



<smiles sweetly>
Good morning Helen. Would you like some coffee cake?

Yes please. So would Sandy and Kat. (Don't forget the lovely Sandy).

Raspberrysorbet Wed 15-Aug-12 14:09:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HelenMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 15-Aug-12 14:10:08


Shh! I sneaked in whilst HQ weren't looking! Am now hiding under Olivia's desk. I've pushed sambuka bottles to the front and am hiding behind them.

We'll never see you in there, Jackin. Olivia's bottledump is legendary.

Raspberrysorbet Wed 15-Aug-12 14:10:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DefinitelyNotEmpress Wed 15-Aug-12 14:17:33

<staggers slightly under weight of heavy tray>
There should be enough slices for everyone there. Does that mean I can stop wearing this false moustache?

TheVermiciousKnid Wed 15-Aug-12 15:00:18

I hope you're cake is not too bland, DefinitelyNotEmpress? hmm

DefinitelyNotEmpress Wed 15-Aug-12 15:03:27

It's a fabulous cake, Knid.

With coffee buttercream in the middle, & coffee icing & walnuts on top.

And it's big enough for the whole of HQ AND Tech.

TheVermiciousKnid Wed 15-Aug-12 15:15:03

In that case I'm sure MNHQ (and Tech) will forgive you and ignore any blank posts from now on. grin

Keep the moustache though. Every empress should have a moustache.

DefinitelyNotEmpress Wed 15-Aug-12 15:17:32

It tickles.

TheVermiciousKnid Wed 15-Aug-12 16:05:47

It tickles?! Oh woman up! We've all got to make some sacrifices.

DefinitelyNotEmpress Wed 15-Aug-12 17:32:38

<hands moustache to Knid>

OK you wear it then.

TheVermiciousKnid Wed 15-Aug-12 19:01:56

Nah, it wouldn't suit me. smile

Jackin Wed 15-Aug-12 19:24:33

Anyone there? I'm a bit lost. I took a wrong turn at the pizza boxes and I went straight on at the empty pin bear packets. I think I'm now under Helen's desk. She has 4 different pairs of ugg boots.

Raspberrysorbet Wed 15-Aug-12 20:03:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DefinitelyNotEmpress Wed 15-Aug-12 20:16:23

Ok Honey's still hiding, she can have it. Rowan just took the cake so I think I'm forgiven. Jackin, they're busy with cake, can you make a break for it now?

Jackin Wed 15-Aug-12 20:59:32

Never! I'm here to find the lost city of trolldom, I think they keep it in a special draw...

DefinitelyNotEmpress Wed 15-Aug-12 21:15:16

Good luck.

TheVermiciousKnid Wed 15-Aug-12 22:56:48

Don't they have dungeons?

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Wed 15-Aug-12 23:07:36

Oops. Someone needs to warn Jackin about that & they're probably still watching me.

Who through that moustache at me?

You'll never break into HQ, they are to clever and no cake is ever big enough for HQ

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Wed 15-Aug-12 23:38:47

She's already under Helen's desk. They're still watching me, I daren't try to get in. You need to rescue her, Honey.

Oh ffs!!

<<pops over to killers thread>>

<<drags out large crate>>

<<releases Johnny Depp>>

Right Johnny. Take this Gin. Stand at front door. Make conversation. When Jackins out the back, you come straight home and back in your box!

<<mutters darkly about poorly planned invasions by amatauers>>

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Wed 15-Aug-12 23:49:18

<watches admiringly while finding big bottle of wine for heroic Honey>

Maryz Thu 16-Aug-12 09:39:49

Could you not hide inside the cake? A la Trojan Horse? They are so greedy desperate for cake they would just wheel you right in.

Raspberrysorbet Thu 16-Aug-12 09:50:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Thu 16-Aug-12 09:51:03

That would probably have worked, Maryz, but Rowan's already taken the cake.

Hopefully they'll all be sloshed soon on Honey's gin.

Maryz Thu 16-Aug-12 09:52:38

But with a few more clothes on Raspberry grin

I don't think the gin will work - they are used to vast quantities, it's unlikely to have any effect at all. You could try poitín or gin-flavoured meths, maybe.

Raspberrysorbet Thu 16-Aug-12 09:56:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maryz Thu 16-Aug-12 10:06:14

I have a dh and two teenage boys. I have watched US more often than I would actually like hmm. And Die Hard and it's clones sequels, and That One with the Phone, and The One With The Bus - they all sort of merge into one after a while.

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Thu 16-Aug-12 10:35:30

I haven't seen US but we could tell Honey to get Johnny to strip.

Jackin Thu 16-Aug-12 10:37:34

I need a virtual beard, everyone thinks i'm a laydee. I'm menz!

I've also found a trap door, its the entrance to the. fem board! Runaway!

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Thu 16-Aug-12 10:39:34

<throws Jackin the moustache>

Sorry Jackin.

It's the i, makes me think Jacki.

<<Admires Jackins masculine hiding.>>

Perhaps you could nc to
Given your profession

Maryz Thu 16-Aug-12 12:17:25

Are you a Dub, Jackin?

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Thu 16-Aug-12 13:06:46

So the distraction worked grin

gives Honey bottle of wine

Jackin Thu 16-Aug-12 13:39:09


EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Thu 16-Aug-12 15:26:00

What else did you see in there, Jackin?

flyoverthehill Thu 16-Aug-12 15:43:46

Jackin ? holy shit

Maryz Thu 16-Aug-12 17:06:20

Sorry, I thought you were a Jackín with a fada, or Jackeen as in a rude word for someone from Dublin - the opposite of a culchie (which you also won't understand unless you are Irish grin).

scottishmummy Thu 16-Aug-12 21:00:20

where is mnhq?
is it somewhere fancy in London
I imagine it in chatterrati high street,and of the quinoa wrap

amillionyears Thu 16-Aug-12 21:05:10

Just googled it,never thought to before
Apparently MNHQ is in Kentish Town,North London.
I feel a pilgrimage coming on...

scottishmummy Thu 16-Aug-12 21:06:51

lol I love culchie that mammy has a right culchie face and check her weans
and tattie howkers

Jackin Thu 16-Aug-12 22:38:45

I'm back, I lost the Radfems when I went past a picture of Angelina Jolie. They stayed to discuss it.
Maryz? wtaf are you talking about?

Maryz Thu 16-Aug-12 22:41:43

I told you, I even gave you an explanatory link grin. In Ireland a Jackeen (or Jackín as it would be written usually) is a rude word for a person from Dublin. So that's what I read your user name as.

I was obviously wrong and now feel a bit stupid blush. I've been seeing your name and assuming you were a fellow Dub.

Is tech's shed safe? Have you.asked for a[gjn] emotican?

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Thu 16-Aug-12 23:22:04

Jackinthebox? Jackin' off?

Jackin Fri 17-Aug-12 07:06:59

Jack in the green smile Sorry Maryz I was on my phone so didn't do the link.

On with the adventure! I'm heading for the door, I'm assuming the tech shed is outside. (as all sheds should be) What do people think I'll find there?

TheVermiciousKnid Fri 17-Aug-12 13:52:09

I don't think there is anything in the tech shed. There is no tech, they're just pretending.

EmpressOfTheSevenFlames Fri 17-Aug-12 14:23:54

I think Tech's based in California, so I'd guess the shed door acts as a portal. You might want to take your swimming trunks.

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