to not sit on my DFs' sofa?

(73 Posts)

Now I have the never erasable knowledge that they frequenty have c-e-x on it.

Bleurgh.

It's not wipeable pleather either.

DFriends not DFathers.

Just to pre-empt any speculation.

thebody Wed 11-Jul-12 23:48:58

Did u catch them at it???

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Wed 11-Jul-12 23:49:31

Do you never have C-E-X?? On your own sofa then?? hmm

Chaos dya mean sex? Because I don't know what cex is.

If the former yanbu.

C-e-x is for beds, Saggs.

Obvis.

And, nope, I was told.

Ugh.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Wed 11-Jul-12 23:57:18

C-e-x is for beds, sofas, rugs, countertops, cars, hay barns, woods, showers, trampolines..... There are people and animals having c-e-x everywhere! In fact, there are probably microscopic animals having c-e-x on your person, right now!

Hmm.

How old are you Saggs?

I read the thread title as DFS sofa. grin

And yet still clicked on it...

<goes to bed>

cocolepew Thu 12-Jul-12 00:07:34

In bed with the lights off and your nightie pushed up a little bit. Thats c-e-x. You can take your socks off if you dont want to use protection.

CadleCrap Thu 12-Jul-12 00:08:27

Could you just perch on the arm?

But there again, she might have been bending over that grin

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Thu 12-Jul-12 00:08:39

37! <<smug>>

CouthyMow Thu 12-Jul-12 00:10:28

ARF at Chaos asking your age, Saggy. Chaos, erm, she's old enough to sell bloody yummy pies that I could be persuaded to sell my firstborn for.

<<Send me a duck pie, saggy!>>

thebody Thu 12-Jul-12 00:10:45

How old r u chaos??

We have had sex everywhere in our house ( except kids rooms) but in every house we have rented and owned, also caravans, holiday lets, hotels, and once in a tent ( as camping shite so only done it once).

Married 25 years next year.

Advice is get a grip.

puffyankles Thu 12-Jul-12 00:10:46

Any c-e-x fluids will have seeped into the pleather by now so it should be safe.

CouthyMow Thu 12-Jul-12 00:11:38

My C-E-X life is drier than the Sahara, and I am 6 years younger than you, Saggy. envy

cormsilkye Thu 12-Jul-12 00:11:58

you could buy them a throw or wear a chemical suit when you visit?

Not pleather.

Fucking fabric.

[porous]

thebody Thu 12-Jul-12 00:12:40

Hi Cocolepew matey, good to chat on less anxious threads x

puffyankles Thu 12-Jul-12 00:14:38

yes, cormsilke, or this.

Gosh, thebody, aren't you a c-e-x radical? C-e-x in every room? In every house? On every holiday? Gosh.

Maybe I've just done it considerably more than everyone else and am beyond bonking in uncomfy places?

<<grip not got>>

cocolepew Thu 12-Jul-12 00:16:24

Hello to you too smile

cormsilkye Thu 12-Jul-12 00:16:38

I don't have sex in any room without a telly <turns up Jeremy Kyle>

ZacharyQuack Thu 12-Jul-12 00:16:52

Could you discretely take a tarpaulin with you when you visit?

Nagoo Thu 12-Jul-12 00:20:39

That's why my Nan made us sit on folded up newspapers! shock

cocolepew Thu 12-Jul-12 00:21:06

I haven't had sex since December. I think I'm a virgin again.<pious>

what's c-e-x? Have I missed some sort of new way of doing things?

confused

CurrySpice Thu 12-Jul-12 00:22:54

You could hover

thebody Thu 12-Jul-12 00:22:59

Chaos it sounds bloody good aye? Just think of George clooney or ( wierd I know) Gary linekar and all good!!!

cocolepew Thu 12-Jul-12 00:26:14

I though curry said 'hoover'. That would have been a bit obvious.

thebody Thu 12-Jul-12 00:27:37

Chaos, only joking re grip!!! Thought it was your father not friend... Still not end if world, I advise scotch guard!!

cocolepew Thu 12-Jul-12 00:28:44

Scotch guard yourself.

Or wear a giant condom.

CurrySpice Thu 12-Jul-12 00:28:57

Yy to hoover as well. A small hand held dust buster to suck up the c-e-x. Hover and hoover.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Thu 12-Jul-12 00:29:48

Yes, scotch guard your trousers, then nothing will stick! grin

maras2 Thu 12-Jul-12 00:32:44

Goodness me.If my friends and family knew how well christened our 5 setees and 7 chairs were they would come round with their own furnishings.

MrsWembley Thu 12-Jul-12 00:33:02

Ahh, C-E-X on the sofa.grin

I knew I'd got my sex drive back after DS when I didn't mind DP starting and finishing with me on our couch. Felt kind of naughty, even. Reminded me of when we were first together and doing it every possible moment in every possible place.wink

Ahh, Chaos, how many places do you think you've sat over the years where people have done it? I know a pub where a certain few in the know were careful about which bar stool they sat on...

cormsilkye Thu 12-Jul-12 00:39:48

this is why I go everywhere with my folding stool

cocolepew Thu 12-Jul-12 00:43:35

Speaking as the only virgin on the thread Im now going to go everywhere wrapped in clingfilm.

NovackNGood Thu 12-Jul-12 00:46:56

Why are you writing sex as c-e-x?

yes answer that please what the chuff is C-E-X?

From Wikipedia
(Redirected from CEX)
Cex or CEX can mean:

Cex, American musician
CeX, A preowned entertainment retailer in the UK, USA & Spain
CEX also stands for Consumer Expenditure Survey
CEX is also a stock market index that covers the emerging markets of the Central and East European Countries

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered Thu 12-Jul-12 01:02:46

I think "Expenditure Survey" is exactly what Chaos is talking about!

no wonder she does not want to sit down!

bananananana Thu 12-Jul-12 01:43:09

It's not the sofa you need to worry about. I've had c-e-x on the kitchen worktop, wedged between the bread bin and the fruit bowl. I still prepare food on it, including for guests. smile

I hope you anti-bacced banananananan.

wink

Hexenbiest Thu 12-Jul-12 21:49:05

How did this fact crop up in conversation?

You :Ohh like your sofa -lovely colours

Them :Yes it's great for sex.

It's not the sex, is it, it's the telling.

How did she tell you exactly? Did she wait until your bottom was hovering inches off it and purr throatily 'zat, zat ees where we 'ave 'ad ze cez, chaos ... like wild Frrrench theengs' (I dunno why your mate is French in my head). Or was it more, 'y'know our sofa? That stain you reckoned was coffee? Ohhhhh no .....'

FrillyMilly Thu 12-Jul-12 22:14:38

Yes please elaborate on how you found out? Did you arrive unannounced and catch them in the act?

Hexenbiest Thu 12-Jul-12 22:17:49

She says she was told FrillyMilly - I assume by the participants but maybe by a witness?

Debeezandbirds Thu 12-Jul-12 22:20:36

They've prob done it loads of other places too. I'm sure they wipe down if needed. No biggie.

Arf @ Nightie up a little bit!

Groovee Thu 12-Jul-12 22:25:41

Nice to see chaos has sorted out that blinking posting malarkey but is having a c-e-x crisis. She'll be posting shaos as her name next.

Take a plastic bag with you and sit on it and if the friend says anything say you've become incontenient

Freshletticia Thu 12-Jul-12 22:55:54

We had to replace a sofa after DH (then BF) and I had way too mich sex on it every friday when the kids were at their dad's
It collapsed at one end and I wasn't leaning over the arm at all grin

FormerlyTitledUntidy Thu 12-Jul-12 23:03:21

I only ever have sex on the couch. Dd2 is still in with us, so we don't want to wake her. In fact the bed is the only place I don't have sex.
I don't think my friends would care.
<<disclaimer, am 26>>

My DF proudly told me in lurid detail all about their frequent c-e-x (?) on the beautiful white sofa on which I was having tea & cake.
She expected me to be envy then saw I was shock so reassured me that she always covered it with a sheet first.

Who said romance is dead?

TeWiDoesTheHulaInHawaii Fri 13-Jul-12 13:21:45

I like to tell my childless friends that I gave birth on our sofa. They pull great faces grin

SoleSource Fri 13-Jul-12 14:27:11

Sex is for wherever two consenting adults fancy! As long as no children around or objecting adults!

I had sex on the sofa, bed, park, on top of a wheelie bin, up the wall, floor, snow, car, sports stadium, bus stop lolol

SoleSource Fri 13-Jul-12 14:30:04

hotel bed, swimming pool, the sea, top floor of a tower block, i went to a swinging club once etc I couldn't have sex there, it was not my thing.

Groovee Fri 13-Jul-12 14:48:02

haha this made it on to the talk round up.

Mangrove Fri 13-Jul-12 16:37:34

Funny!

Chaos must've only dun the CEX 4 times if my maths is correct :O Maybe 5 <generous>

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Fri 13-Jul-12 22:48:46

WOOHOO! This made the roundup! That brightened up the end of a grotty day! smile

MsOnatopp Fri 13-Jul-12 22:51:05

ah just ask to join in next time. Then you wont mind sitting on it smile

MrsWembley Sat 14-Jul-12 10:46:26

Chaos, how exactly were you told about it - proudly by the participants or sneakily by someone peering through the window?

shewhomustbeEbayed Sat 14-Jul-12 10:53:32

I am a community psychiatric nurse and I used to visit a client whose partner had killed himself on the sofa, there was nowhere else in the lounge to sit except the sofa ( he bagged the computer chair next to his computer ) so "The sofa of death" it was every time. Makes a c-e-x sofa seem happy by comparison.

Dawndonna Sat 14-Jul-12 11:02:46

Top of a 37 bus. Behind the Afghan restaurant on Chelverton Road. Train going from Waterloo to Putney. A gig or three. All with the same chap.
Those were the days!

DialsMavis Sat 14-Jul-12 11:45:27

I am also nearly a virgin. I fear DP (partner of 7 years, friend of 12 years and father of my children) will never give in and admit it is his turn to buy some condoms. I was going to do it (to show I am better person) but he has now gone away with work until the 30th of July.... We are both stubborn fools, but we have both taken it too far this time smile

fizzfiend Sun 15-Jul-12 18:32:20

OP...this might freak you out a bit but every time someone kisses you on the cheek, just imagine where their mouth might have been......

itsMYNutella Thu 19-Jul-12 13:09:20

I'm imaging several scenarios as to how OP came by this information but perhaps it was something like this???
Chaos "I heard someone had a sofa of death, can you imagine sitting on something so freaky??"
friend " well have had kinky fuckery allll over exactly where you are sitting right now" <smug smuggy smugness>

itsMYNutella Thu 19-Jul-12 13:10:10

I am also crying with laughter at this whole thread, thank goodness for the talk roundup!!

hippermiddleton Thu 19-Jul-12 15:16:13

c-e-x is fine. I thought it was going to be one of those 'my Dad lets the Alsatian sleep on the sofa - AIBU to insist on a plastic sheet before I sit down?' ones.

diddl Thu 19-Jul-12 15:27:48

One of the funniest threads I´ve read in a while.

Was laughing so much teenage daughter told me not to forget to breathegrin

"It's not the sex, is it, it's the telling."-yes-how did that come about?

<checks own sofa for tell tale signs>

I thought this thread was about a DFS sofa grin

mrsalwaysawake Fri 20-Jul-12 11:14:11

Yes, do tell us exactly how the telling came about!

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