AIBU in thinking that the IPOAT hall has transported to another dimension

(1000 Posts)
Minimammoth Fri 11-May-12 11:44:42

Where has it gone? Just as I was about to start sprucing it up for the jubilee and start tatting the bunting?

WorraLiberty Fri 11-May-12 11:46:27

Chat maybe?

Minimammoth Fri 11-May-12 11:49:55

I have looked there Worra. Perhaps it has spontaneously combusted as chat threads do. I could mention Hugh Jackman or the lovely Johnny, that usually makes it spring to life.

Minimammoth Sat 12-May-12 21:56:42

Setting the table, making cucumber sandwiches and supervising the undergardener. Busy busy. Off to the distillery she'd now to press flowers. Hums to self.

AgentZigzag Sat 12-May-12 22:00:33

Have you hidden it?

I click the hide button without thinking then spend ages wondering what happened to get it deleted grin

SaltResistantSlug Sat 12-May-12 22:01:03

Stupid, I know - but I've always wondered what IPOAT stood for...

Minimammoth Sun 13-May-12 16:40:15

Ah well, I am not the keeper of the knowledge but understand it to be Insane Posters On A Thread. I think we also had ' infused possets only after ten'.
A group of well travelled ladies who enjoy a crinoline.
Tats wistfully.

Minimammoth Sun 13-May-12 16:41:44

Can you unhide a thread?

AgentZigzag Sun 13-May-12 16:59:09

Under the Mumsnet Talk heading, click 'customise', scroll down to 'Ignore topics in Active Conversation' and the word 'here' has a link to the list of threads you've hidden.

Just click 'show' to unhide.

gafhyb Sun 13-May-12 17:06:42


Insane People On A Thread. A lovely bunch of people with fantastical imaginings and a penchant for Jonny Depp and Huge Jackman. And crinoline, and tatting. I used to be one but I couldn't keep up it up

gafhyb Sun 13-May-12 17:08:37

mini - they put it in Chat AFAIK

As an aside - does anyone else spend evenings hiding and unhiding threads when they just can't let go of an argument?

Wish no-one had told me how to Unhide

Minimammoth Sun 13-May-12 18:17:59

Gafhyb. I thought I'd looked in chat. But am a bit of a div on the technicalities.
Now, just spend an hour on this couch in the therapy room and we'll talk about your 'problem'.grin

gafhyb Sun 13-May-12 18:23:26

mini- I think Mr Jung would stroke his beard a bit, have a puff on his pipe (they all have pipes) and say "Weeeell gafhyb, you seem to be a bit of a sad sack"

Minimammoth Sun 13-May-12 19:04:04

He would definitely analyse your dreams and come to the conclusion that you were projecting your lack of power in real life, and trying to get in control by using MN as a metaphore. < pulls on pipe>

Minimammoth Mon 14-May-12 08:19:57

Well I shall go and sing loudly in the ballroom and occasionally oil Mr Rochester's leg until someone else comes along.

PrincessFiorimonde Mon 14-May-12 10:43:42

Hello Mini. Thought I'd bump this for you. Sadly, I don't really have the time to devote to possets and stuff at the moment. But there's always time for a message from one of our sponsors.

Hello to you too gadfly gafhyb. Seen you around on a few other threads; took me a while to work out who you were (in previous incarnations). I don't think I've ever hidden a thread. Have gone like this shock shock shock at a few, though.

Minimammoth Mon 14-May-12 13:29:13

Thank you Princess. I am working on a new project. A T shirt with a ' No Time To Tat' slogan, d'ya think it'll catch on?

Minimammoth Tue 15-May-12 16:22:45

One could go slightly mad in the hall, in a Grace Pool kind of way.

PrincessFiorimonde Tue 15-May-12 21:32:28

The trouble with tatting is that it is almost certainly too mild to offend

On the other hand, people might twirl around the Hall in a most fetching manner

<wot they are s'posed to fetch, I do not know>

See you in the distillery shed wink

Minimammoth Tue 15-May-12 22:22:50

Ha princess you are so good with the links. I am sure that you need more than 5 fingers on ones hand to tat well. Perhaps Msr Renoir could come and capture One of our social events although it might look more like this

PrincessFiorimonde Wed 16-May-12 07:10:58

I am strangely delighted to find there is a website titled bacchanalia Manchester.

This, I think, seems to sum up the essence of IPOAT. Perhaps with a bit of this thrown in.

Or perhaps we should just stick to this.

Minimammoth Wed 16-May-12 08:51:49

My linking seems to have gone large. I must refine methinks.

Mrsjay Wed 16-May-12 09:03:52

are we not allowed to fancy the arse off johnny depp then mumsnet confuses me what we can and cant do sometimes confused

>>sneaks off in disgrace

PrincessFiorimonde Wed 16-May-12 10:23:07

Mrsjay, come back - you must have misread! shock and shock again.

Johnny is our patron saint, don't you know?

Like this

Or this

Or ...

<goes all a-quiver and has to lie down>

sybilvimes Wed 16-May-12 11:51:13

has the chat thread gone ping? I am on my way to luncheon with the Smeythe-Hendley-Farquarsons' but will be back later for some tatt chat (see what I did there!)

<sweeps out in a whirl of crinolines and a tasteful yet exuberant bonnet>

Jins Wed 16-May-12 12:54:26

<whoops wildly in an unladylike manner>

You're here!! I've missed you all so much

Minimammoth Wed 16-May-12 14:05:19

The chat thread seems to have evaporated. So the Princess and I have been whiling away the time, sipping the odd tisane< it was a VERY odd tisane> until our dear ladies and gels returned. Welcome home.

Mrsjay Wed 16-May-12 20:09:31

oh ok I did misread >>>skips back grin i misunderstood the whole IPOAT thing see mn confuses me im still learning , maybe i need a tutorial

Minimammoth Thu 17-May-12 19:09:31

I wonder whither Miss Fiderer and Miss Entropy, although she is probably in the science wing with Igor.
Mrs Jay watch this space for the lovely Johnny, all you need at the IPOAT hall is plenty of imagination.
Is the Olympic torch coming through do you think?

sybilvimes Thu 17-May-12 19:17:30

I think Miss Entropy was busy sprucing up the collider for the jubilee celebrations. I hope Miss Fids is well, the last I saw her she was hiding in the escape tunnel after Mistress Hully threatened her with Rev Tiddler for a groom. I appreciate we all require a husband but one on his first century is surely preferable?

Has anyone seen Mr Rochester's leg recently? One of the scullery maids was complaining it had accosted her in the back passage, at this rate there will be no lower housemaids left.

Hullygully Fri 18-May-12 09:27:35

This gets passing strange.

First the last scroll evaporated despite my fervent searchings, then this new dimension appeared and I quilled a light line or two, but they appeared not!

What availeth?

Fiderer Fri 18-May-12 10:03:50

<slinks in> Shhh... I have a theory. Consult your code books, ladies. The Hall must have transported itself out of that last dimension as it has a time lock on it. Having been responsible for that unfortunate galactic leap, I have slunk in through the cellar to keep a low profile. Never let me start a new scroll again.

I have made some new friends who have advised me on a suitable disguise. Would you have recognised me?

Hullygully Fri 18-May-12 10:06:23

You look so much better thusly dear Fids. I have told you this many a month to let your moustache wax as it is wont.

Jins Fri 18-May-12 10:13:58

Fids You look fantastic! Who does your eyebrows?

entropygirl Fri 18-May-12 10:13:58

mrsjay not so long ago there was a deppian for every single IPOAT gal....but something terrible happened....

on a not entirely unrelated note, does anyone know if I won anything at poker?

yakbutter Fri 18-May-12 10:16:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

entropygirl Fri 18-May-12 10:16:49

Well I suppose I should haul up the interdimensional coat of arms...



sybilvimes Fri 18-May-12 10:21:46

Ahh, it brings a warm glow every time the Coat of Arms. I wonder if we could somehow blackmail encourage mnhq to add it as an emoticon? It would surely be far be useful than the pombear.

Hullygully Fri 18-May-12 10:23:34

How splendid it is!

Whereever we heave our coat of arms, that's our home.

Poker? I do hope there hasn't been gambling neath the battlements?

Hullygully Fri 18-May-12 10:24:15

How is everyone?

It seems simply an age that we all enjoyed a posset together.

entropygirl Fri 18-May-12 10:26:51

hmmm not sure it would survive the 19*19 pixel process...Also I have already tried to supply MNHQ with my very own selection of emoticons including pus, cupcake, turd pile, cocktail and bookmark but they are not biting....

Jins Fri 18-May-12 10:38:56

Oh isn't it wonderful to sit back with a posset or two and see the Coat of Arms proudly displayed. It brings a tear to my eye.

I can't imagine a situation where I would use a pombear emoticon but I would use the Coat of Arms in every post

Hullygully Fri 18-May-12 10:43:55

Me too Jins.

Sadly I fear they are somewhat plodding and plebian in the Towers, they lack the verve and creative flair of the true originals. <shakes head mournfully>

Our Hall shines forth its gay light bravely but can illumine but a fraction of the dross about us. Ah well.

yakbutter Fri 18-May-12 10:47:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hullygully Fri 18-May-12 10:48:27

I understand the lovely Hugh was left in the sun too long and overcooked his sausage. <whispers, who are you yak?>

yakbutter Fri 18-May-12 10:56:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hullygully Fri 18-May-12 11:00:33

Ah. Well hello there <winks>

Fiderer Fri 18-May-12 11:24:11

MNHQ are loathe to invite any comparison of our Coat of Arms with their inferior <arches eyebrows and sniffs> logo.

Our enforced absence has fortunately been of great good in the distillery herb-drying shed. Gallons galore of tisanes, plentiful possets, infinite infusions. All is a bubblin' and a fermentin' -

<notes date and stops before breaking prematurely into "June is busting out all over">

Hullygully Fri 18-May-12 11:31:01

<throws self head first into a vat of tisane>

It's been a demanding week

Fiderer Fri 18-May-12 13:08:17

Here too. Good thing Mini installed a safety net in the vats and barrels to stop Cook from drowning.

Hullygully Fri 18-May-12 14:03:28




PrincessFiorimonde Fri 18-May-12 14:09:30

Hello all.

Someone was asking after the Lovely Hugh?

(Apologies if tis to early in the day for such imagery.)

Hullygully Fri 18-May-12 14:11:12

So pink. Like luncheon meat.
How are you Princess?

Fiderer Fri 18-May-12 14:37:48

I saw a tortoise like that once.
Except he had no legs. Or arms.
Little sticky out head though.

PrincessFiorimonde Fri 18-May-12 14:42:44

Hello Hully. I am supposed to be working. But I am soooo bored. Hence time wasting. Hope all is happy in Hullyland.

And hi tp everyone else too.

<scatters rose petals with wild abandon>

Hullygully Fri 18-May-12 15:09:41

Oh me too.

Work is on the other screen glaring at me menacingly. I'm am ignoring it.

PrincessFiorimonde Fri 18-May-12 15:26:23

Yep, I've got another screen open too - one which has real work on it and everything. I've been very good at ignoring it today. Except for clicking on it to bring it upfront when DP came in to ask if I wanted anything and to commiserate with how long I'd been working without a break... (I work from home.)

Deceitful, moi? shock


Fiderer Fri 18-May-12 15:42:08
Hullygully Fri 18-May-12 15:46:14

oh me too me too

entropygirl Fri 18-May-12 15:52:10

I have to be very careful MNing on fridays because the pro-vice-chancellor for research of a russell group uni has a nasty habit of coming to see how I am doing...and what is worse he actually sneaks in quietly so he can see me working before knocking on my door.

I hate it! So many hours lost....

I am only on now because I happen to know his schedule today due to an emailing mistake by his PA.

Hullygully Fri 18-May-12 15:55:51

what a barstard.

Pal up his pa

sybilvimes Fri 18-May-12 18:42:51

Dear old Hugh, it's not his best angle is it? Still the thread would not be the same without it.

Is Cook back from the wilds of space then? I have not missed her cooking but could never remember the names of the replacements (apart from Dave, who perhaps we could keep to frighten small children from the lake?)

I could also do with a small swim in a large vat of something from the distillery drying shed, it has been a most trying SATS week.

yakbutter Fri 18-May-12 18:50:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jins Mon 21-May-12 10:26:54

I'm so proud of finding that picture. It has become an IPOAT classic grin

It's that wedding soon and SIL has now decided not to go at all seeing as her PFB is not invited and it's impossible to find childcare. Not difficult please note. Impossible!

It's boding well. I'm planning to get tipsy within the first hour and sitting back to watch the grumbling proceed

entropygirl Mon 21-May-12 10:28:50

oh hugh.....

yakbutter Mon 21-May-12 10:47:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

entropygirl Mon 21-May-12 13:21:31

at least two days...and that's only because I have had several fixes this month already....

Jins Mon 21-May-12 14:27:25

I have it burned on to my retinas

Hullygully Mon 21-May-12 16:19:06

I have clothed it in a discreet yet manly thong so as to protect my innocence and modesty

yakbutter Mon 21-May-12 17:07:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minimammoth Mon 21-May-12 22:26:08

I am very worried about Hugh. I hope he uses factor 50, or there will be much soreness. Much much soreness.

BelleDameSansMerci Mon 21-May-12 22:32:55

Ah, Ladies...

I was afeared that I should ne'er see you again. Is there, perchance, a tisane or posset to hand?

Hullygully Tue 22-May-12 08:23:49

There is always a tisane to hand, dear Belle. We pride ourselves on the readiness of herbal rememdies and restorative draughts. How goes it with you?

yakbutter Tue 22-May-12 08:57:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hullygully Tue 22-May-12 09:02:45

Has Culler Jnr returned? I thought he was busy burning witches in Norfolk?

yakbutter Tue 22-May-12 09:05:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jins Tue 22-May-12 12:53:08

I'll have one of those refreshing tisanes but no ice as it makes my teeth twinge right now. I really need to spend more money on toothpaste

Minimammoth Tue 22-May-12 13:31:17

Hugh could be part of our jubilee fete. Providing 'equipment' for the hoopla.
Ouch for the twingy teeth Jins. Have this oil of clove rub, hardly any alcohol at all, very numbing. Careful with it though its for your teeth only.

Jins Tue 22-May-12 15:22:41

Lovely. Oil of cloves always adds a certain je ne sais quoi to a tisane I find.

Sun's well over the yard arm. It will be time for a pre-dinner soiree soon no doubt

yakbutter Tue 22-May-12 15:37:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minimammoth Tue 22-May-12 20:13:03

Yakbutter I am afraid I still have to guess your identity, you are much changed with the mustachios 'n all. < plus am a bit slow>

yakbutter Tue 22-May-12 20:29:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minimammoth Tue 22-May-12 21:01:31

Oh dear have had wine and am building anxiety of guessing wrong. < pours more wine> is it B G. Or U.? Fuddled head emoticon.

yakbutter Tue 22-May-12 21:16:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hullygully Tue 22-May-12 22:18:15




<taps nose>

Jins Wed 23-May-12 12:21:26

What a lovely day.

I've put on my new bathing costume ready for some gentle paddling

Those laces are a bit tight though

Hullygully Wed 23-May-12 14:06:04

Jins darling how sweetly pretty you look. Who is the rather dashing chap in the stripes?

Jins Wed 23-May-12 14:09:53

Oh he's my paddling instructor. When I get a bit better at it he's going to teach me to wade


Hullygully Wed 23-May-12 14:11:29


That is so advanced. Take care, though, dear Jins. A lady should never let cold water near her frontal nethers.

Jins Wed 23-May-12 14:14:07

I did wonder about that. I intend to allow the water to mid calf, maybe knee height and no further. My lacings are there as a guide

Hullygully Wed 23-May-12 14:14:47

Very wise dear. Perhaps fashion some sort of rubber wear to be safe?

Jins Wed 23-May-12 14:16:10

I'll get tatting. It's going to take me a while to master paddling if I'm honest. I'm clinging to him for dear life.

Umamiopteryx Wed 23-May-12 14:31:52


yakbutter Thu 24-May-12 17:12:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BelleDameSansMerci Thu 24-May-12 21:45:32

Ladies! Don't you find all this swimwear rather racy...

Hullygully Fri 25-May-12 08:44:45

I am tatting an enormous cover for the sea. It just seems somehow so wet and shiny and immodest in its vasty expanses. <tatts furiously>

Minimammoth Fri 25-May-12 09:06:36

The tatted 'cosi can be a bit chilly for northern waters I have found. I have heard it is very good for the circulation.....when it eventually returns.
Hully don't forget to tatt covers for the ice burgs you may well be tatting an antidote to global warming

Fiderer Sun 27-May-12 08:40:20

I should tatt faster Hully. All sorts of forrin dangers lurk around the bathing machine.

yakbutter Sun 27-May-12 10:23:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fiderer Sun 27-May-12 10:49:03

True, Yak. Our beloved tisanes and possets contain all that is necessary for a healthy and wholesome life. I hear the forrin tequila fluid is so deficient in vitamins and minerals that one must imbibe a lime slice and a handful of salt at the same time just to remain upright. Or did I hear that wrong?

<fans self at forrin incompetence>

yakbutter Sun 27-May-12 10:54:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fiderer Sun 27-May-12 11:12:34

Oh Lord, Yak- you've been poisoned. Wicked miscreants no doubt. And there you were, at great personal danger, obtaining information necessary for the free world to soldier on.

I'm minded to advise a dose of Mistress Mini's Hairus Doggus Posset. 'Twill right the world.

<soothing voice>

Minimammoth Sun 27-May-12 11:35:35

I have just freshly combed the Labrador for just such an event.

yakbutter Sun 27-May-12 12:31:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minimammoth Sun 27-May-12 18:45:30

Here you are, hold your nose, takeaway swig of this, now lick the dog.
Feel better?

Minimammoth Sun 27-May-12 19:34:20

Takeaway?? Who sneaked the 'away' in there hmm, hmm?

yakbutter Sun 27-May-12 19:51:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minimammoth Sun 27-May-12 22:14:06

No he must not be disturbed, especially for such a minor thing < and the dog liked it>. it is Pentecost and he has the fervour upon him and is speaking in tongues an'all.

Fiderer Mon 28-May-12 07:46:17

Who is this Mister Culler Jnr? I believe I have not had his card presented to me. Shall I enjoy his fervour?

Jins Mon 28-May-12 10:06:46

I don't think I shall be licking a dog. However I feel bright as a button this morning and it's sunny again.

Early posset today I feel

Minimammoth Mon 28-May-12 17:12:09

Perhaps I misread the receipt for the hangover remedy< adjusts lorgnettes>

yakbutter Mon 28-May-12 17:38:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fiderer Tue 29-May-12 06:39:56

Perhaps the Hall library needs updating. In our copy of the Encyclopedia Googletanica I found the following Messrs Cullen: oh And oh dear

Fiderer Tue 29-May-12 06:42:37

Or is he Culler? If I removed the ankle coverings I would have a clothlet to clean my spectacles.

Jins Tue 29-May-12 08:43:49

and another

Lend me your clothlet dear Fids

yakbutter Tue 29-May-12 08:57:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fiderer Tue 29-May-12 15:25:45

I need to know if his fervour is worth mine. In the past I have been cruelly misled by Mistress Hully foisting Reverends on me. I have become Careful.

And that's a Sad State for a gel to be in, I can tell you.

yakbutter Tue 29-May-12 16:56:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fiderer Tue 29-May-12 16:59:39

Not sure about Hully. I think she's busy trying to Right the Wrongness that afflicts MN these days and is much wearied.

A Ball and Concoctions sound just the thing to enliven her. I shall pen invitations forthwith.

Jins Tue 29-May-12 17:00:41

A ball!!!! Oh how exciting.

It'll be the first this thread

Fiderer Tue 29-May-12 17:14:26

Here be the pen. I am working on the Ball and the Concoctions.

yakbutter Tue 29-May-12 17:24:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hullygully Tue 29-May-12 17:28:57

This thread keeps vanishing into the ether but I hav now Watched it, so it should be vouchsafed safe. Yes.

I been much travailed as dear Miss Fids says with the unravelling of the Halls and am in sore need of both a grape tisane and restorative jig.

Umami Wed 30-May-12 10:04:42

The Culler will surely provide you with a restorative jig, Hully, though his mood today appears dark.

I believe you are already sharing his tisanes.

Fiderer Wed 30-May-12 10:06:01

The pen is truly fine.

I may however need to speak to the staff about their idea of a Ball and Concoctions

We have been absent for too long from the Hall. I shudder to think what the maids will offer as suitable dresses. We should visit a local Emporium or engage a seamstress.

Fiderer Wed 30-May-12 10:10:47

Aha, so that's Mister Culler. A fine-looking young gentleman. Does he dance as well as imbibe? Mistress Yak is concerned about her weight. It would not do for her to crush him during a polka.

Hullygully Wed 30-May-12 10:12:12

oh gawd I wish I was...

Ne'er mind. I shall see about ordering lengths of tulle and crushed velveteen for my undergarments.

Fiderer Wed 30-May-12 10:39:36

I should be careful with the velveteen, Hully. There may be moisture <coy> Our last dance master exuded the most odd fluids.

Jins Wed 30-May-12 11:10:06

Ladies, I think I'm going to elope. I have hoped and hoped for a suitable husband to be found but the world outside our hallowed halls is crazed and I need a little respite.

I will spend the rest of the day searching for a suitable candidate for elopement

yakbutter Wed 30-May-12 11:36:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jins Wed 30-May-12 11:40:50

He looks perfect. I need to see him standing though. We don't need another Mr Rochester

yakbutter Wed 30-May-12 11:44:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jins Wed 30-May-12 11:49:21

More hopeful. Assuming of course that there is no hidden supporting structure and hideous bandaging

Mind you that chest could sway me...

sybilvimes Wed 30-May-12 11:51:03

Goodness! <fans self> Who wouldn't want to elope with such a chest fine upstanding young man?

I must admit Jins I too have been wearied by the world outside the Halls hallowed walls. I find I rarely speak at all on my occasional forays into the wilderness for fear of provoking the madness.

I shall look forward to the Ball, although surely Mistress Hully 'undergarments' in the form of pantaloons are still considered 'fast' in the haut ton? I should hate for an impressionable young man to get the right wrong idea about your good self.

yakbutter Wed 30-May-12 11:54:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jins Wed 30-May-12 11:57:19

It's getting better all the time. It would seem that his hips are his own at the very least

<fans self for looking at a man's hips>

Umami Wed 30-May-12 13:15:16

Lawks yet again. I have spent the last million years few minutes reading Hully's thread decrying the march of vanilla po. 'Tis indeed safer to remain within the confines of the Hall, though I also occasionally venture outside for some external tatting classes.

Hullygully Wed 30-May-12 13:39:12

Gosh who is that fetching young man? I am happy to interview him in the parlour in private to assess his suitability for one of our ilk.

That scroll grew rather dear Widow. I fear I must stop starting them.

Hullygully Wed 30-May-12 13:43:25

I have had a letter from the dear Reverend imploring me to take his unruly nephew under my wing. He enclosed a dageurrotype of the dear boy who does iondeed look in need of nurture. Lots of nurture and intimate attention.

Jins Wed 30-May-12 13:44:25

He looks a bit simple Mistress Hully.

Is he the one that the nurse never took to

Hullygully Wed 30-May-12 13:46:45


No he certainly is not. He is the one that caused the nurse to throw herself under a herd of ducks in deep distress when he turned down her advances to protect his young tender upstanding honour. <glares>

Hullygully Wed 30-May-12 13:47:28

All right I grant you his expression is not at its best there, but my gaze was drawn to his vulnerable and exposed abs.

Umami Wed 30-May-12 13:50:12

Herd of ducks? Is that a hint? Is there a duck in our midst Hully? confused

Umami Wed 30-May-12 13:51:00

<Installs new ward in adjoining bedroom whilst everyone else is distracted by the ducks>

Hullygully Wed 30-May-12 13:51:49

I think not Widow, the ducks lived at the dear youth's home. They had sadly gone rogue and feral when the nurse hurled herself in their path.

Umami Wed 30-May-12 13:52:42

Your scroll is impressive in its length. I also greatly enjoyed the irony of an anti-po thread containing approx 1200 posts of, well, complaints grin

Hullygully Wed 30-May-12 13:53:10

<grasps ward's arm> This way dear boy, beware the Widow, she is older and eviller than she appears. Come with me and I will show you to your chamber. I have requistioned the best eiderdown, filled with the down of all those rogue murderous ducks so crueelly slaughtered.

Hullygully Wed 30-May-12 13:53:45

yes but complaints about complaints.

Different entirely. huh.

Umami Wed 30-May-12 13:54:20

A feral duck is a plague indeed.

<Loads 12-bore>

Umami Wed 30-May-12 13:55:50


'Tis like the trollhunter-hunters. Vair confusing terminology.

Umami Wed 30-May-12 13:57:23

I think we may need Miss Entropy to understand the differences between po and anti-po; it sounds like physics to me.

What happens if you insert po into your Large Hard-on Collider, eh? Tell me that?

Hullygully Wed 30-May-12 13:57:40

Come and lie down dear boy, how tired you must be after your journey. I shall ask cook to fetch you a tisane and I shall draw your bath myself and even scrub your back <girlish laugh>

Jins Wed 30-May-12 13:58:58

I think you need a better daguerrotype although the abs are indeed vulnerable

Feral ducks!! We are plagued with unlikely and inconvenient mishaps in recent times.

Umami Wed 30-May-12 13:59:25

<Slips soporific herbs into the bath water so as to make both Hully and The Ward drowsy and uninhibited>

Hullygully Wed 30-May-12 13:59:58

<tests water with elbow>

Let me help you with your boots, there. And now your galligaskins, how tightly moulded to your slim hips they are! I must needs tug upon them with some vigour.

Jins Wed 30-May-12 14:01:28

Bend your knees Mistress Hully in case some dreadful misalignment occurs.

We have no more space in the infirmary

Umami Wed 30-May-12 14:02:13
Hullygully Wed 30-May-12 14:04:14

There doesn't appear to exist a single dageurrotype of The Ward in the bath. Extraordinary. I shall summon a photographer forthwith that we might chart the progress of the dear boy whilst under my care.

Umami Wed 30-May-12 14:20:13

I just tried to show you a fascinating animated daguerrotype of The Ward enjoying a local bath-house, and the whole Hall collapsed! shock

I daren't show it now. I shall take it to the ice house where 'twill be safe.

Hullygully Wed 30-May-12 14:22:03


What newfangled thing is this?

Does The Ward move? <shivers>

sybilvimes Wed 30-May-12 14:25:18

The poor boy only appears to own one pair of trousers. And given the way they just flew out of Madame Hully's window in shreds I fear he is reduced to merely his unmentionables...

Hullygully Wed 30-May-12 14:26:21

We shall tatt him some new ones.

How smart and grateful he will be.

Perhaps we might tatt some goatskin trousers for the winter.

Umami Wed 30-May-12 14:52:40
Jins Wed 30-May-12 14:53:31

Oh my goodness a moving daguerrotype!!

What kind of witchcraft is this?

Hullygully Wed 30-May-12 15:13:12

Oh my poor Ward is quite without his galligaskins.

<wishes the other chap would move>

yakbutter Wed 30-May-12 16:12:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yakbutter Wed 30-May-12 16:14:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minimammoth Wed 30-May-12 22:25:53

I am yielding to my inner artist and have set up a camera obscura in Hully's bedroom she'll never notice as she is so taken with the Ward who despite his abs does look a little gormless. Not eloping material Jins. Perhaps you need someone with a little more er.. hair. Perhaps Mistress Yak could find a suitable etching in the library.

entropygirl Thu 31-May-12 09:34:55

Did someone mention physics? My latest exploits into alchemy have met with mixed success....I have failed to turn Rochester's leg into gold but have succeeding in turning gold into gin (more the economic variety of alchemy there - but if it works then so be it).

Hullygully Thu 31-May-12 09:37:42



Right I'm going to find me another Ward you heartless crush-crushers.

Jins Thu 31-May-12 09:39:00

You were doing well with the abs though Mistress Hully.

Hullygully Thu 31-May-12 09:40:09

They're no good now. You're all right, he does look gormless.


I can't unsee it.

Right, I'm off to the Orphange to find me some new Wards.

Fiderer Thu 31-May-12 09:42:35

I have sent out invitations to all in the county, Miss Sybil has done the pirates in and around the cove and look here. I found him in the wine cellar so if you'll excuse me, I shall attend to him the wine list for the ball.

Miss Entropy - I may need your help. But not just yet. I may be a while penning my list.

Jins Thu 31-May-12 09:44:06

I'll join you at the orphanage

They look in need of a good meal to me

Hullygully Thu 31-May-12 09:44:10

He looks mean and spiteful.

I'd rather gormless with good abs.

Hullygully Thu 31-May-12 09:44:53

Oh yes Mistress Jins, let us go and see who needs tender nurturing and a good bosom nestle. They look so lost, sad and alone.

Jins Thu 31-May-12 09:46:50

Poor young men. I wonder what dreadful situation has lead to them being abandoned in that hell hole

Makes me weep

Hullygully Thu 31-May-12 09:47:40

They have no shirts. We must organise a mass tatt for the poor dear boys.

Fiderer Thu 31-May-12 09:48:18

Is it me or do they just look hungry?

Jins Thu 31-May-12 09:49:59

Some of them are so hungry that they are standing with a very hunched posture.

It's a pitiful sight but Hully and I will select the most needy and transport them back to the Hall in our carriage.

Tell Cook to make extra portions

Fiderer Thu 31-May-12 09:54:49

<wipes tears at such generosity>

Cook has provisions on hand and is preparing dormitories. The most needy can be tended to by Jins and Hully in the conservatory and the summer house. We have oil and sheets in abundance. I take it they have a medicinal use?

Jins Thu 31-May-12 10:00:13

I'm going to need a lot of oil Fids. Are we well stocked? I may need some towels too but the sheets look to be in good supply.

Fiderer Thu 31-May-12 10:05:51

Jins, we are well stocked. Am off now to the distillery herb-drying shed to ensure we have enough tisanes on hand. You and Hully will certainly need refreshment during your hours of good deeds and caring of those in need.

Hullygully Thu 31-May-12 10:06:36

And water. We must immerse them and scrub them gently all over to wash away the years of want and hunger <pants cries a bit>

Hullygully Thu 31-May-12 10:08:02

We must be careful though, the last lot of Wards to pass through the cleansing here at the Hall emerged thus

Fiderer Thu 31-May-12 10:10:32

I am blinking away more tears at your goodness, ladies.

I am taking our new wine-waiter with me to the distillery herb-drying shed in order to ascertain his knowledge. Please ignore any gushing sounds. Some of our possets and tisanes get a little over-heated in the summer months.

yakbutter Thu 31-May-12 16:11:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Minimammoth Fri 01-Jun-12 08:15:43

<Hoiks bosom> Well I shall not be won over by puppy eyes, no. They shall have gruel. And the one on the right can come and scrub my floors.

Fiderer Fri 01-Jun-12 08:54:07

All that chestiness is quite overwhelming. And think of the sand they'll bring in.

Still, they are a welcome change after the Rev Tiddler and we must acknowledge the Gels' selflessness. Also <eyes Hall finances> when they are revived we shall have several new footmen who can work for bed & board.

Jins Fri 01-Jun-12 10:24:25

I think that this one is ready to be started on light duties.

He's looking a lot more cheerful now

Fiderer Fri 01-Jun-12 11:39:36

His upper body seems slightly inflated. Are you sure he has no tropical illness? Remember the leeches and poultices required the last time we imported males.

sybilvimes Fri 01-Jun-12 13:19:15

He is interestingly lumpy. I can't stay to help though as I have my hands full down at the cove trying to teach the Captain the waltz in time for the ball. I know it is perhaps considered a little racy for unwed maidens but I am sure Madame Hully will give her permission.

I'll bring back some smuggled brandy for use in the tisanes if it will be useful Miss Fids?

Umami Fri 01-Jun-12 18:32:04

<Polishes crown>

Umaami Fri 01-Jun-12 18:37:36

I could really do with an apostrophe.

KalSkirata Fri 01-Jun-12 21:01:37

woah, we have a crown?
<wrestles it off Umami>

Minimammoth Fri 01-Jun-12 21:57:38

Some sample outfits for the ball voila. I intend practising the Polka so may end up like[[ this]]

Minimammoth Fri 01-Jun-12 21:59:17

Oh dear. My quill has juddered.

Fiderer Sat 02-Jun-12 08:00:43

this - no wonder your quill juddered, Mini, in that position.

Sybil - goodoh. Bring lots of barrels of brandy. Cook depleted our stocks muchly and then there was that pamphlet reading meeting where Ladies were arguing so much and fainting and the air was fair thick with brandy fumes.

Jins' inflated footman can roll them to the Hall for you with his beefy upper bits. That was well planned, Gels.

Fiderer Sat 02-Jun-12 08:10:44

<gasp> Isn't Abs getting married soon? On Thursday it was in 4 days so <counts on fingers> any day now!

I must get out my festive Swizzle Stick grin

Umaami Sat 02-Jun-12 09:00:22

That's my crown!

<Wrestles Kal to the ground>

KalSkirata Sat 02-Jun-12 10:21:55

thats rather unlady-like <eats crown so ner>

PrincessFiorimonde Sat 02-Jun-12 10:29:41
PrincessFiorimonde Sat 02-Jun-12 10:32:31
Umaami Sat 02-Jun-12 11:26:50

<Gets spare crown out>

<Sits on Kal so she can't scoff it>

<Eats Fliffy's crown roast>

Umaami Tue 05-Jun-12 14:30:33

May I just say...

<covers Rochester's ears>


Thank you.

PrincessFiorimonde Wed 06-Jun-12 02:23:10


Umami, I remember your posting here with a placid baby at your breast.

May I now assume that said baby - still lovely, of course - may be a tad, errm, more demanding these days?

I hesitate to say 'This too shall pass', because I know that phrase has recently been voted one of 'MN'S least popular'. But it is still a trufact.

Carry on posting, as we all know that a bit of Depp or Jackman porn support can only help.

And who cares if Rochester's leg falls off in the meantime?

<controversial, moi?>

Umaami Wed 06-Jun-12 06:54:47

Ah, thank you Fliffy grin.

He's still fairly placid; peeing-on-the-floor placid. Got a little better yesterday afternoon and had no further spills. The poor thing still seems genuinely surprised every time he does a wee. Much like Rochester, in fact.

brew tisane?

Fiderer Wed 06-Jun-12 17:26:31

I remember the Horror. Seemed never-ending, like the nappy years.

Some urine-based poultice might aid Mr Rochester's leg, come to think of it. With the added benefit that the new housemaid who is smitten will stop spending hours polishing his room and attend to the scullery floor. One almost needs galoshes in there these days.

Hullygully Wed 06-Jun-12 19:57:20

My advice is don't bother. Both mine gave up nappies and used the adult toilet (with one of those fit-over seat things so they didn't fall in it and end up in the sewers with the crocs) when they wanted to. DS was 3 (and did need heavy suggesting), dd was under two. Easy peasy.

(It was not an intentional strategy btw, just worked out that way)

Umami Thu 07-Jun-12 20:28:33

I would give up, but he's already over 3 and showing no sign whatsoever of even the slightest inkling of a smidgen of interest.


I was really quite miserable about it yesterday, and I don't generally do miserable. I felt all sad. Behind my eyes.

<Murders passing wealthy husband and buys diamonds to cheer self up>

<Gets Butler the butler to wash diamonds>

pigletmania Thu 07-Jun-12 21:03:14

sorry i am on another planet, but whats IPOAT confused

Hullygully Thu 07-Jun-12 22:44:28

Ah. Well ds had no interest either. He LOVED his nappies, if I did take them off he would request one so he could stand in the corner and do a poo. I think we used to have a deal whereby he ran around without them for a coupleof hours (hopefully coinciding with a need for the loo). See it's all so long ago...

entropygirl Fri 08-Jun-12 09:30:33

<blanches at the potty training talk>

I have barely recovered my own ability to use a toilet (tmi) it time to start thinking about DD?

Hullygully Fri 08-Jun-12 09:37:10

Don't be sad Umami, it's boys I believe, mine and all my friends' boys are the same. From 2 months old all the girls are dressing themselves and writing their PHds while at 10 the boys still sit there, staring into space, sticking their leg out so someone will put their sock on...

Hullygully Fri 08-Jun-12 09:37:50

piglet - Insane People on a Thread (named thus by Hec I think)

Umami Fri 08-Jun-12 18:25:44

No, 'twas Abs wot named us, wasn't it? I was trying to think of an amusing answer for piglet yestereve, but I was plum out of amusement.

We've given up for now. Potty schmotty is my new motto.

Bring on the eurhythmy.

Hullygully Fri 08-Jun-12 18:36:23

No twas Abs wot started us. Twas Hec wot named us.

Umami Fri 08-Jun-12 18:41:53

Ah. Was it Hec wot killed the original thread and thus started the 'Dear IPOATs, sorry I killed your thread and spoiled your fun'?

<Hands over The Vestments of The Keeper of The Scrolls as clearly unfit for role>

Hullygully Fri 08-Jun-12 18:52:21

she interjected in an untimely fashion and started the ipoat to apologise.

<looks sternly at failed Keeper>

KalSkirata Fri 08-Jun-12 18:57:44

chocolate buttons facilitate the use of the water closet I beleive. One awarded for each sucessful <coughs delicately> 'wee'.
Then the little blighters drib and drab 400 times in one day and get hyper on chocolate.

We have scrolls?

Umami Fri 08-Jun-12 19:40:07

Tried chocolate buttons. Chocolate buttons plus star chart plus cars if enough stars acquired.

Little blighter developed some kind of Pavlovian reaction; appearance of chocolate button packet led to panic and screaming of 'Noooooo, not the pottyyyyyyyy' (or words to that effect).

<Dons dunces bonnet and begins revision of scrolls>

Minimammoth Fri 08-Jun-12 21:18:41

Piglet, if you stay around you will be given alcohol herbal drinks, and shown pictures of a certain Mr. Depp or our sweet mascot Hugh. Or possibly served cucumber sandwiches in the Gazebo.

KalSkirata Sat 09-Jun-12 11:16:54

surely one has to been through the rite of the posset and the shrivening of the tatting before one can view that extraordinary picture of the Lovely Hugh?

Umami Sat 09-Jun-12 12:12:30

Yes, yes! Let not the unprepared and uninitiated look upon the icon, lest their stays combust and their ankles be momentarily revealed!

Fiderer Sat 09-Jun-12 13:16:05

Am not sure that one can be truly prepared for the sight of the Icons. It gives the initiates something to strive for though.
<fond memories of my first Sighting>

KalSkirata Sat 09-Jun-12 13:20:56

quite Mistress Fiderer. Its so overwhelming that even now I must reach for a tisane and tat myself new eye coverage.
And some time in the barn methinks.

Fiderer Sat 09-Jun-12 13:52:23

Will you be knotting corn dollies in the barn, Mistress Kal?

KalSkirata Sat 09-Jun-12 13:54:41

indeed. The dashing Captain has promised to show me how to loosen things a bit

Fiderer Sat 09-Jun-12 14:41:14

Well, pay heed. Straw can get everywhere. You do not want it in his epaulettes.

pigletmania Sat 09-Jun-12 14:50:35

oh great can I join, Im a bit mad grin, I even talk to myself in the streets when somethings on my mind blush

KalSkirata Sat 09-Jun-12 14:56:19

Yu must choose yourself a gown Mistress Piglet. Us gels at IPOAT Hall are demure and nary even an ankle may be seen.
This is us heading for the barn for tatting.

Jins Sat 09-Jun-12 20:32:31

A new gel????

Oh what fun. She can come and sit next to me at dinner and I shall quiz her on the latest dance steps.

Fiderer Mon 11-Jun-12 09:31:08

<snort> at demure.
Let me show the new gel the distillery herb-drying shed. Perhaps she has a new recipe and can expand our range.

pigletmania Mon 11-Jun-12 10:56:43

Ok thanks everybody. jins does the Macarena count grin

Jins Mon 11-Jun-12 11:00:10

Indeed it does. I've been trying to master the Macarena for years. My dance master is good but prefers to be in hold

pigletmania Mon 11-Jun-12 11:06:39

Oooooooooh oh dance master. My dance moves are shaky but they will do

KalSkirata Mon 11-Jun-12 11:13:51

Mistress Fiderer is known for being somewhat fast Mistress Piglet. Why only last year at the summer ball we left the tisane table for nary a moment t renew the possets and look what happenend!

entropygirl Mon 11-Jun-12 12:51:36

<need a break from being a bitch on a Reiki thread>

so whats happening in the hall?

entropygirl Mon 11-Jun-12 12:54:18

ohh dance moves...I fear I can neither 'pop it' nor 'lock it', though of course I can tat polka dots...

Jins Mon 11-Jun-12 13:11:58

Are you a reiki sceptic then.

I'm a reiki master would you believe but I'm extremely reiki sceptic myself

KalSkirata Mon 11-Jun-12 13:14:29

funnily enough I'm a reiki master too. Why master? Or does mistress bring up images of whips n such?

Jins Mon 11-Jun-12 13:15:21

Like in the degrees I guess. I'd be much happier being a reiki mistress.

Pagwatch Mon 11-Jun-12 13:16:41

I did reiki for a bit. It was right weird.
<<promotes deep thought>>

Jins Mon 11-Jun-12 13:20:26

<realigns chakras>

KalSkirata Mon 11-Jun-12 13:27:11

there werent no chakras. It was all channelling energy. Twas a long time ago. But hippy types do get overexcited if I bring it up. I'm all for over-exciting hippies.

Jins Mon 11-Jun-12 13:36:29

We spent much time aligning chakras and shaping auras. It was quite weird

entropygirl Mon 11-Jun-12 14:39:13

I think to be fair that everyone is a Reiki master. I personally have just printed out my own certificate and popped it on the wall.

I'm sure some of those orphans that were moping about earlier must be in need of some laying on of hands....

entropygirl Mon 11-Jun-12 14:41:33

Or as I put it on the other thread:

Come to entropygirl's parlour of spintronic Pauli exclusion Reiki...nothing else quite hits the spot.

Jins Mon 11-Jun-12 14:49:04

I've already done the orphans.

Even though I'm reiki sceptic I was a bit freaked by how the tv got interference and the cat came in the room whenever I did it

KalSkirata Mon 11-Jun-12 14:53:21

my cat comes into the room when I think about food. Spooky.
And how do chakras get misaligned then? Too many goings on I reckon.

entropygirl Mon 11-Jun-12 14:59:59

I have just wasted 30 seconds of my life wondering what happens to your chakras if you have a go in an MRI. That must be a MESS.

Jins Mon 11-Jun-12 15:02:53

If you need an MRI your chakras are probably fucked anyway grin

KalSkirata Mon 11-Jun-12 15:04:39

mint julep.
Aligns chakras
<nods sagely and waves crystal>

Fiderer Mon 11-Jun-12 16:00:13

I thought a chakra was a vegetable so I'm definitely doomed to eternal misalignment.

<shakes mint julep>

sybilvimes Mon 11-Jun-12 16:18:44

A banana diaquiri a day will keeps chakras perfectly aligned. Add more rum if in need of extra cleansing. <nods head wisely>

entropygirl Mon 11-Jun-12 17:01:38

or if we combine those wonderful ideas we can invent the chakra daiquiri!

NB: Chakra daiquiris may only be administered by trained Reiki masters and are liable to cause earwax to melt out of your ears...

Umami Mon 11-Jun-12 18:09:10

I can feel an IPOAT return to the ashram coming on again...

KalSkirata Mon 11-Jun-12 18:14:09

entropy grin

Is it time for the orange robes and crystals again Guru Umami?

Umami Mon 11-Jun-12 18:59:34

Most assuredly so, young novice.


Minimammoth Mon 11-Jun-12 23:01:58

Ahem. I am a veritable Chakra master, all mine are fully open and covered in Swarovski crystals. Om

PrincessFiorimonde Tue 12-Jun-12 06:47:42
PrincessFiorimonde Tue 12-Jun-12 06:55:31

With the chakra.


See those Swarovski crystals all over the <cof> torso wink?]]

Fiderer Tue 12-Jun-12 08:23:44

<floats in>

<aura bounces off ceiling>

<bounces out>

Jins Tue 12-Jun-12 09:05:48

I'm quite concerned about my aura today and fear that I will stsruggle with low doors.

The last thing I need is a dented aura

KalSkirata Tue 12-Jun-12 09:49:43

<tats jIns a hat>

Minimammoth Tue 12-Jun-12 12:11:48

<shimmys in with sparkling chakras> Jins you are a veritable volcano, calm down dear, have a soothing tisane, or you will be quite out of your body, and then what would happen.

entropygirl Tue 12-Jun-12 12:15:38

Feck me...apparently science is rude. It tramples rough shod over peoples dearly held beliefs and exposes them to the violence of enlightenment.

I am starting to think that science is not a suitable pursuit for a lady at all!

sybilvimes Tue 12-Jun-12 12:16:35

Definitely more rum needed in your daiquiri Jins. I have a barrel I brought up from the cove earlier, that should get you started.

entropygirl Tue 12-Jun-12 12:18:48

Could I perchance snaffle some of said rum?

Jins Tue 12-Jun-12 12:19:22

Thank you for your kindness

Science? What is science when it's at home?

entropygirl Tue 12-Jun-12 12:20:28

I just checked out my aura in the mirror and it is sort an upside down version of Jins. I am having no problems with low doors but some difficulty in sitting down.

entropygirl Tue 12-Jun-12 12:22:58

Apparently you are not alone in not being a home to Science. I suppose I should never have ventured into the spirituality zone...but I was lured there by a fellow woo-fighter...with the promise of fake quantum mechanics to expose...

I should have stayed in the hall refining my tatting....

Jins Tue 12-Jun-12 12:27:08

Tatting is far more ladylike. If you need to venture beyond tatting you could consider embroidery or maybe water colours

Hullygully Tue 12-Jun-12 12:30:31

I sold my chakras to a passing fakir and spent the money on tisanes. So much more healing.

Science is Rood dear Miss Entropy, it trampleth on the elves and fairies and beardy sky men.

Jins Tue 12-Jun-12 12:39:25

It's all gone a bit woo in here sad

Might follow Hully's lead on the chakra sale

entropygirl Tue 12-Jun-12 12:43:12

In a startling coincidence I purchased some second hand chakras not two weeks gone.

They seem soiled and vibrated most disconcertingly when the orphans came around. I swear one of them giggled when last we saw dear Hugh.

Hullygully Tue 12-Jun-12 12:43:52

science is meeeeeeeeeeeen

And get this:

I took my friend to A&E when she was having a small between the ears episode (not the first) and while we waited for her chappie, another chappie engaged us in convo and offered to cure her for good in FIVE MINS FLAT with some REM magic. Why not? We thought and went into a little room for the fast blinky blinky stuff.

Guess what happened?

Yeah, fuck all.

Hullygully Tue 12-Jun-12 12:44:31

Oh yes, I had forgot the orphans, where did we put them?

Jins Tue 12-Jun-12 12:44:56

Sorry I don't understand a word of that. Could you translate into ladylike please smile

Hullygully Tue 12-Jun-12 12:46:01

<pokes Jins with tatting needle>

entropygirl Tue 12-Jun-12 12:57:04

oohh I was looking for a motto for my next sampler and "a small in between the ear episode" will fit perfectly!

entropygirl Tue 12-Jun-12 12:58:20

ears would work even better and sound less like I am referring to ear wax (noblest of woo substances though it is).

Minimammoth Tue 12-Jun-12 13:12:22

'this all too too much. All this talk of selling chakras on eBay. I feel a visit to the cave to do a bit of a sun dance coming on. Then I shall go to Entropy's science wing to educate the orphans on the transit of Venus. Calling in at the herb drying shed on the way, for a little stimulant.

entropygirl Tue 12-Jun-12 13:43:45

oh has there been a transit of venus? that explains a lot. No wonder the woosters are out and about in numbers...

KalSkirata Tue 12-Jun-12 13:45:58

bugger. transit of venus. Knew I missed something.

Hullygully Tue 12-Jun-12 14:16:13

I had my Venus transitted once. I have never been the same since. <adjusts bonnet>

Jins Tue 12-Jun-12 14:18:18

I think I might go for a swim

Are you southerners still prevented from using your hosepipes?

entropygirl Tue 12-Jun-12 14:21:22

argh! Maybe I DO need my chakras aligning....or at least to get rid of Hully's which are definitely resonating at a contrary frequency to my own creating power fluctuations that keep burning out the candles.

I am SO angry. With the whole world.

I think I will turn to the great Mr. Bennet and assert that "you are never to stir out of doors till you can prove that you have spent ten minutes of every day in a rational manner"

Jins Tue 12-Jun-12 14:23:33

I'm really angry at the moment ents. Really really angry and I can't put my finger on why I'm angry

I think I was born in the wrong era - if I was this age in the 70's I'd be off my tits on valium and the world would be a happier place for it

entropygirl Tue 12-Jun-12 14:28:24

I blame the internet. I can see all this wrongness...and I can access all the right answers....but I can't DO anything about it.

I have to put up with people saying well I believe fairies exist and your lack of belief is just a different opinion. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

entropygirl Tue 12-Jun-12 14:29:36

valium may in fact be the answer....I just need to stop BFing (I suppose - although given I have baby defective in the sleeping department maybe not)

KalSkirata Tue 12-Jun-12 16:35:29

<eyes entropy> Course there are fairies. I seen them on the magic box.

Hullygully Tue 12-Jun-12 16:51:32

Why are you so angry Jins?

I am sad and rueful.

KalSkirata Tue 12-Jun-12 17:00:29

I am a shit mother and not even a agllon of tisane can help. Maybe johnny will help me run away?

Pagwatch Tue 12-Jun-12 17:18:03

My mother believes in fairies. But that belief got her through losing her mother when she was 10, being pulled out of school and made servant in chief to my twat of a grandfather. So I figure she can believe what she likes

Pagwatch Tue 12-Jun-12 17:19:24

I am sad and rueful too.
I must admit though, I started a sad thread and the people of mumsnet were bloody marvellous. Mn is odd yet fab. It's so confusing.

Jins Tue 12-Jun-12 17:20:01

I don't know why I'm angry because things are going quite well for me at the moment. Business is going well, DH isn't too random, DSs seem to be doing what teenage boys do without upsetting too many people. It's a mystery

Pagwatch Tue 12-Jun-12 17:41:48

Ahh, randomly angry. <nods>
Yes. I get randomly grumpy. I get cross with DH for not much in particular then apologise and cry and we drink wine and ponder how lucky he is to have me.

KalSkirata Tue 12-Jun-12 17:46:09

hormones mistress Jins. I hear some gels get them. Wine helps.
I am angry and sad cos of the equipment needs young miss Skirata has and how the cads deny her. And sad that she is getting more poorly with doctors now predicting an ending sooner than I can bear sad
<giant sigh>
And Ive run right out of tisane. Asked teenager number 1 to go to the shoppe and fetch some good red and he is 'too tired'. Begone I said, oh callow youth with fucking bags of energy and have threatenend to walk out and other such dramatics. But being of lowly means I have nowhere to go.

Pagwatch Tue 12-Jun-12 17:51:56

Oh no. That's sad indeed.
I have nothing helpful to say but you know we think of you.
X x

KalSkirata Tue 12-Jun-12 17:56:10

hopefully with Johnny Depp. Think harder woman!

Jins Tue 12-Jun-12 17:59:14

<huge sigh for poorly Miss Skirata> sad

Sadly I have no hormones. I am a wrung out, dried up sham of a woman, making me ideally placed to live out my years in IPOAT Hall.

<ponders whether presence of bristles on chin indicate the wrong sort of hormones>

Hullygully Tue 12-Jun-12 18:20:30

Ahh, randomly angry. <nods>
Yes. I get randomly grumpy. I get cross with DH for not much in particular then apologise and cry and we drink wine and ponder how lucky he is to have me.

OMG we really are the same person

Hullygully Tue 12-Jun-12 18:21:51

Oh Kal!

Pore pore you <embraces>

Hullygully Tue 12-Jun-12 18:22:16

I have afull beard.

Where is your sad thread Pag?

Kal what can we do?

KalSkirata Tue 12-Jun-12 18:31:50

<corrects MIstress Hully's spelling>
Been at the tisane again?

Umami Tue 12-Jun-12 20:01:48

<Tats a bottle of Good Red for Kal, Valium for Jins, Hully everyone, and a quite charming quark for entropy>

Fiderer Tue 12-Jun-12 20:20:41

<passes wine cellar key to Kal>

Pity we can't open an Emporium to raise funds. All the Tatting, tisanes, the possets and pamphlets - would all bring in a gold coin or several. Or get Syb to raid the pirates' doubloons.


Hullygully Wed 13-Jun-12 11:05:25

oh these are passing sad times we live in. Dear MissKal's sad sad news and now Miss Entropy must needs take her leave. I understand she is to sail for darkest Africa and introduce them to Reiki and the Crystal Arts. <dabs eyes>

entropygirl Wed 13-Jun-12 12:10:03

Did someone grab the coat of arms? I will send a vampire carrier pigeon back from the boat and you had better believe there will be trouble if the flag is not flying proudly over the hall!

entropygirl Wed 13-Jun-12 12:11:20

Oh Kal that is so sad indeed. best wishes to you!

Hullygully Wed 13-Jun-12 12:12:36

I can't do it <hopeless>

entropygirl Wed 13-Jun-12 12:12:37

ohhh are we tatting quarks? I will do up, down, strange and top.

I think it's best to leave bottom, peppermint and sex appeal to someone else though...went a bit adverse last time.

KalSkirata Wed 13-Jun-12 12:31:45

why are you sailing to darkest Africa Miss Entropy? You must go equipped. Torch. cos its dark, and double barrel shotgun as the mosquitos are the size of very large things.
And send IPOAT Hall a telegrpah.

KalSkirata Wed 13-Jun-12 14:30:00

I shall be taking myself off for a restorative. Life outside IPOAT Halls is now so bad I actually want to end it all. MN is too much for me at the moment.
Keep tatting

Hullygully Wed 13-Jun-12 14:32:09


Don't go, just stay in the Hall with us. <hands out possets>

Pagwatch Wed 13-Jun-12 15:50:30

No no. We must not depart when things are glum. We must clutch each other tightly and repeat 'love and wine will see us through'.
It's the only way.

Jins Wed 13-Jun-12 16:53:48

"love and brandy wine will see us through"
"love and brandy wine will see us through"
"love and brandy wine will see us through"

Pag is right. MN is not really an appealing place to be at the moment. The average IQ has dropped significantly and everyone is so combative.

IPOAT is a little oasis

sybilvimes Wed 13-Jun-12 21:51:13

It's a very strange and sad circumstance when the infused madness that's IPOAT is the most sane part of mn, but 'tis true at the moment.

Kal, you can have my turn at Johnny. I wish I could offer you more, I'm so sorry about your news.

I shall indeed investigate the pirates' unmentionables for doubloons if it will help. It may take some time as I do like to be thorough about this kind of thing.

On the subject of woo, my mama believes firmly in guardian angels, although given the appalling way she was treated as a child I think any angel would have been firmly and justifiably de-winged. I think she was prepared to take hope anywhere she could get it.

Minimammoth Thu 14-Jun-12 10:06:40

Dear ladies and Gels. We will survive< goes into full 'once I was afraid I was petrified ....> mode.
Want woo to exist, then fairy wand could be waved for Kel and Miss .
We shall have cake and all will be well.
Re quark tatting:I will tat the fuzzy bit in the middle
We could then try the Higgs Boson then they can find it. I can see the headlines now.

Umami Thu 14-Jun-12 11:25:17

I'm pretty sure I don't have the correct needle hook racquet apparatus for tatting the Higgs boson. Perhaps a trip to HobbyCraft is called for?

Fiderer Fri 15-Jun-12 09:25:26

Sybil, didn't think you'd hesitate before running back to the cove. Always so willing. Bring back some more brandy barrels while you're at it. Whatever 'it' is. Oh and a couple of pirates. I think dancing on the tables with a bandana and an eye-patch may cheer the Gels up somewhat.

Isn't entropy our Science Professor Gel? She can take care of the Hoggs Bison thingy. Will it be happy grazing on the Hall lawn?

Jins Fri 15-Jun-12 10:08:54

Sadly entropy has left without showing us how to work the hadron colander. I'll have a go if you like but I make no promises confused

Minimammoth Fri 15-Jun-12 11:31:46

I think you just crank the handle Jins. But whatever you do don't press the BIG RED BUTTON or this might happen.

Jins Fri 15-Jun-12 11:37:13

Possibly you pedal it???

Umami Tue 19-Jun-12 13:04:43

<Plugs in the Collider and presses the BIG RED BUTTON>

Minimammoth Tue 19-Jun-12 13:37:45

I'm feeling a bit weird. Why are you wearing that shrimp on your head Umami. Have you come over a bit Gaga. I think the big red button must switch on the infinite improbability drive. Oh look what's happened to the front lawn

Jins Tue 19-Jun-12 13:38:56

Now you're talking

<Settles down for a rest>

Umami Tue 19-Jun-12 13:58:37

<Sits down with the infinite number of monkeys to discuss their script for IPOAT: The Movie>

Hullygully Tue 19-Jun-12 14:00:42

has anyone seen the cocktail-tisane wallah?

Jins Tue 19-Jun-12 14:28:35

He's over there carving the beetroot for the salad

Hullygully Tue 19-Jun-12 14:29:41

Oh how lovely, I adore a light beetroot salad in the afternoon. Beetroot posset is especially good for mid morning too.

Jins Tue 19-Jun-12 14:30:53

I'm not too keen on beetroot to be honest. I prefer a carrot if he has to carve anything

Hullygully Tue 19-Jun-12 14:31:56

Borscht tho, now you're talking. Borscht with hare's feet croutons.

Jins Tue 19-Jun-12 14:34:33

I'll just have the vodka thanks

Hullygully Tue 19-Jun-12 14:49:44


Jins Tue 19-Jun-12 14:51:12

Kicks table. Coughs

Hullygully Tue 19-Jun-12 14:52:35


Jins Tue 19-Jun-12 14:54:50

<goes to room>


Hullygully Tue 19-Jun-12 14:58:52

I used to get sent to my room with my dinner and then I would scrape it all out of the window and watch it splatter the hydrangea below. Custard looked good.

I don't think any of us learned anything from that.

Jins Tue 19-Jun-12 15:02:20

I don't see what you gain from it at all. I'd rather someone enjoyed their meal.

<eats beetroot>

Hullygully Tue 19-Jun-12 15:03:12

I wish we could all just have pills.

Jins Tue 19-Jun-12 15:05:06

Me too. I'm struggling with food so much at the moment it's become more of a chore sad

Umami Tue 19-Jun-12 15:05:45

<Crushes a couple of Valium into the afternoon posset>

Jins Tue 19-Jun-12 15:07:20


Can't beat a nice valium posset on a sunny afternoon

Umami Tue 19-Jun-12 15:07:41

I'm playing with Shirl on her 'eat more to weigh less' thread. You get to the end of the day and think 'damnit, I've still got to eat another 500 calories today, best have a glass of cream before bed to make it up'.

Jins Tue 19-Jun-12 15:14:25

I did that when I hit goal on Atkins. Well not the glass of cream but a bar of chocolate.

If only I had those problems now - a thousand curses at the menopause

Hullygully Tue 19-Jun-12 15:21:54

It's all too complicated

Umami Tue 19-Jun-12 15:30:28

What are your food troubles Jins? Would a nice glass of Stirrup Cup help?

Jins Tue 19-Jun-12 15:32:11

I think it would help. I've had to go completely gluten free which is ok but it's bunging me up again weirdly.

Umami Tue 19-Jun-12 15:41:04

Uk, that is rubbish. How about lots of lovely seeds? The family physician tells me they're wonderful for regulation of the bowels and prevention of an excess of phlegm.

Jins Tue 19-Jun-12 15:43:14

The jury's out on seeds because of the diverticulitis sad

I need replacement innards

Umami Tue 19-Jun-12 16:08:02

Hmm. Buggeration, really. Perhaps, then, just a home visit from the good doctor, so that he may lay hands on you?

Jins Tue 19-Jun-12 16:57:56

Oh yes. Laying of hands should work fine.

Fiderer Tue 19-Jun-12 18:27:38

I like beetroot but was at a fog as to why it was being discussed. Then I sniffed around and realised you Gels have been dining once more at the Table of Un/Reasonableness.

Jins - all those proscriptions sound rotten. I trust you may still partake of the Hall tisanes and possets. All wholesome and bursting with goodness.

<ponders new Hall motto>

Jins Tue 19-Jun-12 18:33:00

Oh possets and tisanes are definitely OK. I emailed my consultant the other day and have just had a reply. She says that increased fibre is probably an issue and I now need to decrease it.

That flies in the face of MN Wisdom!

Fiderer Tue 19-Jun-12 18:46:34

Less fibre is not good on the sluggish movement front though, is it? And drinking cream? I am evidently hopelessly out of touch with modern quackery.

Who was it that suggested Love and Wine as a remedy, as The Remedy? Sounds good, heh?

Umami Tue 19-Jun-12 21:02:04

So how does one get the bowels going on a low-fibre regime?

Perhaps a purgative posset of rhubarb and cascara?

Minimammoth Tue 19-Jun-12 21:28:20

Beetroot is the devils testicles.

Jins Tue 19-Jun-12 21:48:16

Well the consultant says that too much fibre can be problematic as indeed can the wrong type of fibre.

Anyway enough of my innards. Our patron has marital problems and needs a place to stay.

Jins Wed 20-Jun-12 13:05:46

They are slighting dear Johnny outside the Hall

As if he wasn't having a traumatic time already

Hullygully Wed 20-Jun-12 14:30:07

Dear dear johnny <sigh> I hear he has been driven into the arms of a ladymanlady. How confusing for th epoor love. I believe dear Vanessa was a bluestocking and refreshed not his possets.

Umami Wed 20-Jun-12 14:47:02


<shouts to cover noise of gentlemen being smuggled into cellar>

Hullygully Wed 20-Jun-12 14:49:41

More orphans, Umami?

So tragic and sad. Let us remove their dirty wrappings and bathe them tenderly all at once in a very large bath. I fear we shall have to get in with them to manage.

Umami Wed 20-Jun-12 14:54:46



Yes, yes, more orphans, Hully, in dire need of our ministrations!

The 'pothecary recommended this oil to soothe their wasted limbs, but it needs must be applied regularly and vigorously to effect a change.

<rubs thighs>

Jins Wed 20-Jun-12 14:56:09

I'll take number three. You can sort the rest out

Minimammoth Wed 20-Jun-12 16:13:08

< shoves Jins out of the way> number three needs ministrations in the woods, 'tis the summer solstice you know, there must be naked worship, or the sprouts will be wrathful. ( and there's nowt worse)

Jins Wed 20-Jun-12 16:36:27

But I don't like any of the others


<kicks chair>

Hullygully Wed 20-Jun-12 16:38:02

I don't want that child No 3. You two can fight over him.

Fiderer Wed 20-Jun-12 16:47:10

Which one was number 3 again? My lorgnette has steamed up.

Let me drool cast a fresh eye over the dears.

Umami Wed 20-Jun-12 17:10:30

Technically the number-3 child is probably vastly older than you Hully, if that helps.

sybilvimes Thu 21-Jun-12 20:03:29

I think the collider is playing silly buggers with me. I keep looking for the thread and thinking it has been moved, but no, it's obviously just hiding <kicks something sulkily>

In other news, no. 3 looks very familiar. I would think the dear Captain had a brother but those ears are frankly disturbing.

Beet root is the food of Satan. Just that really.

Sorry to hear of the internal disturbances Jins. Perhaps you stick to the other two main food groups - wine and chocolate. Neither have the wrong kind of fibre I am sure.

Minimammoth Thu 21-Jun-12 22:17:20

< links arms with Sybil> we are united against beet root as I said earlier tis the devils testicles. Shall we tatt placards?

CheerfulYank Fri 22-Jun-12 03:45:34

Hello dahlings! I heard there was tatting to be done?

Jins Fri 22-Jun-12 09:10:00

I can't stand beetroot either. I mean what's the point?

Minimammoth Fri 22-Jun-12 10:29:04

Ah we are united in the IPOAT against beetroot movement. Quick tatt some railings so that we can chain ourselves.
<nice fuck off thread Honey>

PrincessFiorimonde Fri 22-Jun-12 11:20:13

No. 3 is lovely, but makes me feel motherly rather than phwoar, if you see what I mean? And no. 4 just leaves me cold, I'm afraid.

On the other hand, I think no. 1 is strangely interesting ...

<applies cold water to face and PULLS SELF TOGETHER>

<discounts the other pix>

Is it too early for a tisane?

PS I LOVE beetroot.

Jins Fri 22-Jun-12 11:32:58

I'm not keen on 1 at all.

It's never too early for a tisane

Minimammoth Fri 22-Jun-12 11:56:14

<brandishes crucifix against possible beetroot vibe from princess>
That particular tisane looks a little chilly for today's clime. I am more for a hot chocolate with a little medicinal brandy.

Fiderer Fri 22-Jun-12 13:48:39

I'm the beetroot camp, or kitchen. Love it in soup. Roasted. Pickles well.
<shrugs> The Hall can withstand many many-flavoured Gels.

Anyway, we have Menfolk to attend to. I see vapours emanating and hear wailing from the bathrooms. Much healing is being administered.

Minimammoth Fri 22-Jun-12 15:43:42

Miss Fiderer we have neglected the herb gathering of late and i fear our stocks are becoming deplete. Now the poor orphans are all scrubbed and smelling nice we could take them foraging, although they might get a little dirty.
I do hope some one has been attending to Mr Rochester, for tis the season when wood beetles fly, he may succumb. we can't have him all wormy, Hully would be cross.

Fiderer Fri 22-Jun-12 16:04:36

You are right, Mistress Mini, we have been lax and must make amends. Plus the Gals being back at the Hall swigging and guzzling has severely depleted our stock. The wind fair whistles through the distillery herb-drying shed.

Gathering and dirty foraging sounds like just the thing to invigorate us.

Minimammoth Mon 25-Jun-12 12:38:59

Oh the delights of an English country garden, digitalis, aconite, wormwood, arum, lungwort. But I do draw the line at creeping parson. Sometimes the tisane needs a little kick, don't you think.

Fiderer Tue 26-Jun-12 07:07:52

Indeed. We must not forget to re-label some of the ingredients in the distillery herb-drying shed.

Last week one of the maids nearly put some Creeping Parson in the Rev Tiddler's tisane. She was muttering something which sounded like 'cassock' under her breath. Perhaps his sermon was duller than usual.

What if similar had happened when our recent dinner (no1) guests (no10) were at the Hall?

Jins Tue 26-Jun-12 09:17:26

I must have been out when they were there. Was Mr Rochester not insanely jealous of you ministering to another old man?

Minimammoth Tue 26-Jun-12 22:37:16

Ooo dear I need a nightcap. Some of the other threads are a bit spikey tonight.
Pull up the drawbridge and toast some muffins.

Jins Wed 27-Jun-12 18:40:36

I'm feeling patronised so I'm back here for comfort. Good job you can hide topics isn't it?

Minimammoth Wed 27-Jun-12 21:31:34

< passes toasting fork to Jins> it could have other uses.
Yep push em into room 101
Am feeling jittery about my thyroid, it's on the blink apparently. <glum>
But birthday tomorrow, we shall have cake.

Fiderer Thu 28-Jun-12 07:09:38

Happy Birthday Mini! <dances and scatters garlands and petals>

What's up with your thyroid? Doesn't sound good. Here, I bought you a special present to dispel glumness. It will remind you of our trip to revolutionary France where we ate a good deal of cake with Marie

Jins Thu 28-Jun-12 08:53:38

Happy birthday Mini!!!!

I shan't be frolicking much today. I had an injection into the shoulder yesterday and I'm feeling a bit bruised.

Jins Thu 28-Jun-12 09:35:08

I've hidden so many topics today that there's not an awful lot of MN left smile

Minimammoth Thu 28-Jun-12 18:09:39

<swoons onto chaise longue> Rant warning.....
I got stuck in the buggering flash flood and my car had to be towed away, and it may be a bloody write off, and I have no bloody transport and I am not seeing the silver lining to my birthday at all.
< but people have been kind, especially mysterious motorcyclist who stopped waded through flood and pushed my car out>
rant over...all clear...
I need a G G G &T

Minimammoth Thu 28-Jun-12 18:11:44

Sorry. Jins have a nice poultice for that shoulder, dear. I had a look at your menopause thread, will come back to you on that one as have tried the progesterone cream. Will PM maybe.

Jins Thu 28-Jun-12 23:05:57

Cheers mini. I felt a bit harangued on the two menopause threads so I decided to hide the topic. The internet is a big place I've discovered and more than one forum has advice. grin.