I promised DH he could name the baby. Now I've changed my mind.

(398 Posts)
JakeyMom Fri 13-Apr-12 11:21:13

When I was pregnant with DS1 I had my heart set the name Jacob. DH hated it and used to come up with all these alternatives but I had my heart set and I promised him that if he let me call DS Jacob he would pick the next DC's name. I PROMISED.
So fast forward and I'm pregnant with DC2 and naturally DH has been considering names. He was under the illusion that we would be having a boy and had already picked out the name Adam which I was fine with. However, it turns out we're having a girl which has totally thrown DH off course.
He's now decided he wants to name DD after his GRANDMOTHER(!!!) as she brought him up. It's an AWFUL name for a child (Blanche) and I just can't bring myself to agree. The name makes me shudder, it reminds me of coronation street. I've told him I hate the name and it's disgusting for a baby but he won't budge on it and is digging his heels in. AIBU to go back on my promise for the sake of our DD?

iwantbrie Fri 13-Apr-12 11:23:25

Suggest it as a middle name & decide on a first name you agree on?

AwayWithTheWeeFolk Fri 13-Apr-12 11:24:05

Blanche? <faints>

He does realise the poor child will have to go to school? Can you persuade him to use it as her middle name?

Flightty Fri 13-Apr-12 11:24:57

Oh dear. though I feel your pain, the fact you did exactly this to your DP makes me think you would be unreasonable to go back on your promise!

I struggle with letting anyone else name a child of mine but the least you can do is try and agree on a name you both like. Otherwise it isn't really fair.

Planning to let DP name our child if we have one, as he has not had a child before, but I hope we can compromise and choose something together. That's the fun of it surely?

Whatmeworry Fri 13-Apr-12 11:25:26

Can he change Jacob in return?

JakeyMom Fri 13-Apr-12 11:25:27

I told him she'll get bullied at school, it's such a granny name and a horrible granny name at that. He won't budge. He's stubborn as hell and the more I fight against it the more he "Loves the name" hmm

He won't have it as a middle name.

Flightty Fri 13-Apr-12 11:25:27

Blanche is terrible btw.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Fri 13-Apr-12 11:25:57

Well, it was very unkind of you to be so insistent on a name for your DS1 that you knew your DH hated.

DH and I a rule with names that it didn't matter how much one of us loved a name, if the other was really against it then it was discounted.

Now you have been bitten on the arse.

theodorakis Fri 13-Apr-12 11:26:22

I think the person with a vagina should get an equal say! (tongue in cheek)

squoosh Fri 13-Apr-12 11:26:30

Hmmm, you've made a rod for your own back really haven't you. Hate to say it but YABU.

You got your own way last time even though he disliked the name, and promised him dibs on baby no.2's name. You had to see this coming.

I strongly believe both parents should agree on a name and neither should wheedle or bully the other into a agreeing to a name that they dislike. The only thing you can do now is appeal to his softer side and see if you can't come to some sort of compromise. Is he likely to stick his heels in?

By the way, I quite like Blanche and think he's chosen the name for a lovely reason. I don't think Corrie at all, I think Blanche Dubois or my personal fave Blanche from the Golden Girls.

theodorakis Fri 13-Apr-12 11:27:00

My other half wanted Hunter for a boy. veeeeto!

JakeyMom Fri 13-Apr-12 11:27:00

But Blanche ffs? if I didn't know better I'd think he was having a laugh.

ethelb Fri 13-Apr-12 11:27:55

My DP wants to name his son after his grandfather.

The name? Frans.

We do not have any children yet and I can envisage a pretty argumentative pregnancy if we ever do.

ReallyTired Fri 13-Apr-12 11:28:19

I don't think you have much choice. You insisted on a name he hated for your and now he wants to give a name you don't like to your dd. I think you need to stick to your promise

Can you not give her a middle name. Or does his granmother have any middle names. Or prehap you could double barrel it ie. Marie-Blanche or Sophia-Blanche.
Does his granfather have any names that can be feminised. (assuming that his granfather was involved with bringing him up.) Ie. if the granfather was called John you might have Joanna-Blanche

callmemrs Fri 13-Apr-12 11:29:32

Blanche is terrible!
But as others have said, you were insistent about using a name he hated so you haven't got a leg to stand on. I think it's very odd that you wanted a name he actually hated; most couples would try to compromise. But what was good enough for you is surely good enough for him?

Oh dear! Maybe show him this thread with all the opinions?
Didn't Blanche have a middle name?

redrubyshoes Fri 13-Apr-12 11:30:06

Yes YABU. You promised.

Blanche isn't that bad - it could have been Edna or Mildred.

OldLadyKnowsNothing Fri 13-Apr-12 11:30:22

Names go in cycles. Recently I've seen names like Ethel, Maude and Mabel suggested in the baby-naming threads and they are "granny" names to me. A moment of hope, though, OP, are you and your DH dark-haired? Because Blanche means "blonde" and so may be unsuitable. [grasping at straws]

SooticaTheWitchesCat Fri 13-Apr-12 11:30:32

I chose my DD1's name and promised DH he could choose DD2's name but he did agree that if I really hated his choice he would think of another. Luckily I was happy with his choice.

I would try to get him to think of another name if you hate it that much but if your DH let you choose a name he didn't like then it would be quite bad to go back on a promise.

FallenCaryatid Fri 13-Apr-12 11:30:50

Why did you insist on a name he hated for your first child? Why wouldn't you compromise?
Why should he, especially after you promised?

ChickenSkin Fri 13-Apr-12 11:31:11

Oh tell him to fuck off and give the baby a decent name. You'll be carrying it for 9 months AND bringing her into the world - all he did is fertilise and egg and presumably had fun whilst doing so. Blanche is an awful name.

I remember an ex of mine was on about baby names once and he said "oh if ever we had a girl I'd want a nice traditional name - like Sarah Jane. Yep! that would have to be it! Sarah Jane." errr hows about fuck off with your Sarah Jane?

savoycabbage Fri 13-Apr-12 11:32:11

Are you sure he's not toying with you? If not YABU as like Alibaba said you pushed your dh into a name he didn't want which was a bit mean.

LeMousquetaireAnonyme Fri 13-Apr-12 11:32:28

So he let you name your DS with a name he hated because you were stubborn.
And even if you promised you want to withhold him the right to do the same?

I think he has the right to be stubborn now grin!
Blanche is not so bad.
Blandine, bianca, alba, albine....?

IAmBooyhoo Fri 13-Apr-12 11:32:39

reap what you sow. grin

am i the only one who thinks this is funny? you were so selfish in insisting you got your way you never considered that you would actually have to keep your promise. suck it up, i say, and dont get so carried away with your own wants in future that you shoot yourself in the foot whilst doing it.

FallenCaryatid Fri 13-Apr-12 11:32:52

Wow! So she's going to be raising this baby all by herself then Chickenskin?
Because all her partner is worth has happened. She's had the sex, got pregnant and now he's irrelevant?

ethelb Fri 13-Apr-12 11:33:01

tbf you insisted on a name he hated.

however, it is wierd that he wants to 'punish' you for it with a name you hate.

And Jacob is a really, really nice name. Blanche is crap.

AFuckingKnackeredWoman Fri 13-Apr-12 11:33:01

You brought this on yourself though. He hated Jacob but went ahead so he should get to pick Blanche without you going back on your promise

StellaNova Fri 13-Apr-12 11:33:35

I'm not hugely keen on Blanche, not because of Corrie but because it sounds a bit like "blench" (not being helpful really, am I). But because he hated Jacob and you promised I think you have to stick with it. Does she still hate the name Jacob?

However, I think the granny name thing is a red herring, as names come in and out of fashion. I know an Elsie, a Florence, a Mabel, an Audrey and an Iris all of whom are 4 and under. Also I think once you have called a child something it becomes their name not the name of whoever you used to associate it with. I really like the name Rose but my DH was all "oh no, Rose West!" - I am sure there are good and bad associations with most names. Perhaps not Adolf.

ChickenSkin Fri 13-Apr-12 11:34:02

If he's being a twat, treat him like a twat. Tis all I'm saying!

cornsyilk Fri 13-Apr-12 11:34:21

I like Blanche

iwantbrie Fri 13-Apr-12 11:34:35

DH has always used his middle name - his family the child the first name of a family member (DH is named after his godfather, his brother is named after his father) but they use their middle names for everyday use. Maybe you could suggest that?
Having said that, old fashioned names are becoming more popular...

ChickenSkin Fri 13-Apr-12 11:35:16

Blanche - blur - bleaugh!!!!

Squeegle Fri 13-Apr-12 11:35:33

YABU - you can't go back on your word now. You will get used to Blanche. He may even go off it if you accede graciously in plenty of time.

StellaNova Fri 13-Apr-12 11:35:34

Does HE still hate the name, I mean.

BTW "to blanch" means to plunge something in boiling water, you could try that on your DH? (I mean tell him the meaning to see if it changes his mind not plunge him in boiling water). OTOH "Blanche" means white, I think.

AuntLucyInPeru Fri 13-Apr-12 11:35:59

Blanche is lovely - so understated and stylish and French. She'll be gorgeous :-)

TeWihara Fri 13-Apr-12 11:36:26

YABU, sorry! I don't like Blanche either.

Settle on a nice middle name and just refer to the baby as that instead.

charitygirl Fri 13-Apr-12 11:37:05

I like Blanche. Definitely hipster.

But your only option is to drop opposition and act like you're reconciled to it.The more you protest, the more he digs his heels in, you say. So reverse psychology is your only hope. If that doesn't shake him, well, as the others say, rod for your back!

Salmotrutta Fri 13-Apr-12 11:37:41

That's a rather unhelpful post Chicken Skin - all he did was fertilise an egg. Nice.

OP - Blanche wouldn't be a choice that sprang to my mind either but is there any sort of compromise? Any other versions of it in other languages that might be better.

It's not awful but it is quite old-fashioned and sort of "heavy" - if that makes sense.

Pacita Fri 13-Apr-12 11:37:46

I quite like Blanche, TBH. classic, unpretentious and original, while fashionably retro. Or do you want your DD to be one of a million lolas, ellies, emilies and esmes?

ChickenSkin Fri 13-Apr-12 11:37:51

On second thoughts, if he's normally such a stubborn twat try reverse psychology on him.

"Oh I'm SO glad you chose Blanche, it's such an adorable name, I love it!!! oh baby Blanche!! Jacob and Blanche .... LOVE IT!!!"

Bet he soon changes his mind.

callmemrs Fri 13-Apr-12 11:38:01

Stella- Jacob means 'supplanter' which is a horrid meaning so I don't think she can try that tack with him!

Squeegle Fri 13-Apr-12 11:38:20

Also, it is quite nice he wants to honour his granny in this way. I know it is easy for me to say, but children really do grow into their names, and there are some really funny ones round here- but you soon just accept them.

AwayWithTheWeeFolk Fri 13-Apr-12 11:38:31

Merry Christmas
JakeyMom, JakeyDad
JacobJakey & Blanche


Nope, still not keen. But you did promise. Poor Blanche..

StellaNova Fri 13-Apr-12 11:38:35

You could say you are going to pronounce it "Blan - chay", see if that changes his mind wink

balia Fri 13-Apr-12 11:38:40

I think Blanche is lovely.

Is there any possibility he might be winding you up to see if you will keep your promise? Have you form for getting your own way by lying changing your mind?

IAmBooyhoo Fri 13-Apr-12 11:40:12

"If he's being a twat, treat him like a twat. Tis all I'm saying!"

and was OP not being a twat when she did exactly the same thing with dc1? at least his choice of name has a family connection.

glastocat Fri 13-Apr-12 11:40:21

It reminds me of Blanche from Corrie and Blanche Dubois. grin

Kayano Fri 13-Apr-12 11:40:39

DH picked our dds name on condition I can name the next one

Whatever I want

If he goes back on this I will chop off his nuts, therefore YABU wink

Whatmeworry Fri 13-Apr-12 11:41:16

Blanche means white or pure, its the French equivalent of the Italian Bianca, Slavic Blanca etc etc.

OldGreyWiffleTest Fri 13-Apr-12 11:42:06

UABU, nuff said. He hated the first child's name - now you're equal ! Nothing wrong with Blanche.

lunamoon Fri 13-Apr-12 11:42:50

I know this is unhelpful but why on earth do people choose a name that their other half hates?????
Personally I think both parents should like the name and if that means you don't get your first choice then so be it.
I think Blanche is ok tbh.
Think you will have to wait and see if he still likes the name when the baby is born, if so you might have to grin and bear it like he did with Jacob.

SodoffBaldrick Fri 13-Apr-12 11:43:56

[soundslikesomeone'sgranny]You make your bed? You lie in it[/soundslikesomeone'sgranny]

There are sooooooo may clichés I could trot out right now. You've walked into every single one of them. wink

<waves to baby Blanche>

IAmBooyhoo Fri 13-Apr-12 11:44:17

my nana is agnes. i'll be using it if i ever have a girl. i love 'granny' names. maybe not maud or mildred but most of the old ones i like.

AwayWithTheWeeFolk Fri 13-Apr-12 11:44:31

Of course by calling your DS Jacob you gave your DH carte blanche to call your DD whatever he wanted grin

Whatmeworry Fri 13-Apr-12 11:44:40

She was in the right when she named DS despite DH's objection, now he is a twat for doing the same - and with her promise he could do sa.

Ah, MN at its non partisan finest smile

And IMO Blanche is a nicer name than Jacob too....

DamselInDisarray Fri 13-Apr-12 11:45:18

This may be best resolved in the post-labour, lovely newborn phase. He should be immediately aware of what you've gone through to bring the baby into the world and much less willing to force a name you hate on the baby. Then you can work together to choose a name you both like.

Why on earth did you insist on a name your DH hated in the first place? You must have known he would pick an absolute stinker the next time in retaliation (and he most certainy has).

balia Fri 13-Apr-12 11:45:40

AwayWithTheWeeFolk inspired! I nearly choked!

GeekPie Fri 13-Apr-12 11:46:00

I love old lady names, but I've got to say I don't like this one.

BUT regarding the bullying comments - DD has a Blanche in her reception class. None of the children have commented on the name, to them it's entirely normal. There's also a Albie, Wilf, Elsie, Clara, Kitty and Edith in the same class so I guess old man / lady names are just normal to them.

Isn't choosing a baby's name something that requires agreement on both sides. You shouldn't have got into this in the first place by making such a promise and should have insisted on compromise. You can't bleat about it when you caused the situation in the first place.

DamselInDisarray Fri 13-Apr-12 11:47:25

Or give her a middle name you like and always insist on using it rather than Blanche. My stepdad and all his siblings all go by their middle names rather than their first names because their parents were very odd.

Maryz Fri 13-Apr-12 11:47:27

I think he is trying to wind you up


blonderthanred Fri 13-Apr-12 11:48:24

Sorry, but...

Jacob makes me think of cobwebs. (Jake is nice tho)

Blanche makes me think of glamour, individuality, Golden Girls and the book Katherine by Anya Seton.

YABU and your DH has great taste in names!

duckdodgers Fri 13-Apr-12 11:48:29

You'll be carrying it for 9 months AND bringing her into the world - all he did is fertilise and egg

Charming, never ceases to amaze me, only on MN so many entitled women think they have more right regarding children than men simply because they can be pregnant. Pregnancy only lasts 9 months - bringing a child up lasts a lifetime. So it should be a joint decision regarding naming a child as he/she will be a joint responsibility. OP should never have insisted on using a name her DH hated and equally now he shouldn't insist on using a name she hates. Compromise.

lollopybear Fri 13-Apr-12 11:48:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bobbledunk Fri 13-Apr-12 11:48:39

Urrgh..yuck, seriously, I would divorce before I would allow any child of mine to be afflicted with such a horrible name. Does he hate the child?..confused..he must be joking, nobody could seriously consider Blanche!..shock

fussbucket Fri 13-Apr-12 11:49:55

Another who actually rather likes Blanche here! You might be able to sell it as not suitable if she turns out to be dark, there was a little Raven in dds reception who was white-blonde and clearly never going change much, and it would have made so much more sense if she'd had black hair.

Ephiny Fri 13-Apr-12 11:50:12

I think it's quite a nice name personally, maybe wouldn't be my first choice but it's pretty and unusual, and it's lovely that he'd want to honour his grandmother in this way, especially as she was such a big part of his life.

You're being a bit unreasonable here, especially as you insisted on a name he hated for your DS. Might be worth asking if he'd compromise by using it as a middle name though?

how will it be pronounced?

French way - or living in England, trying to say it when reading out the register way?

Blanne -ch
Blawn -ch
Blarn - ch

Bianca would be lovely?

duckdodgers Fri 13-Apr-12 11:50:40

Of course by calling your DS Jacob you gave your DH carte blanche to call your DD whatever he wanted grin


does this help?

Vinomcstephens Fri 13-Apr-12 11:52:29

Another one here who thinks YABVVU I'm afraid - you did the foot stamping thing and got your own way despite knowing that your DH hated the name, so while it's unfortunate that you hate the proposed name for your new DD, it's kind of tough. If you're sure that he's not chosen a joke name to tease you, and it's one he genuinely wants then you have to keep promise. And hopefully learn to compromise should you have DC3!

duckdodgers Fri 13-Apr-12 11:52:29

And regarding whether Blanche is or is not a nice name, take a look at the baby names threads here...I have never seen such a collection of pretentious stupid names in my life on some of them. I think some people forget they are naming children not a pet really.

squoosh Fri 13-Apr-12 11:52:39

At this point I'm affronted on baby Blanche's behalf smile

The more I think of it the more I think Blanche is a kick-ass name. As well as Blanche Dubois and Blanche from the GG (bloody love the Golden Girls) apparently Blanche Scott was the first American woman avaiator.

MrsSnow Fri 13-Apr-12 11:54:08

Blanche Neige - is Snow White in France...could help you try and see it differently!

To be fair though your DP hated the name Jacob presumably he has different feelings now, maybe you will too?

zzzzz Fri 13-Apr-12 11:54:19

If Blanche does mean pure as mentioned earlier, would he settle for something like Sofia which means purity in Arabic?

CrunchyFrog Fri 13-Apr-12 11:54:40

I wanted to call DC3 Tuesday, if he'd been a girl. Everyone thought it was mental hormonesbut I still like it. XH was oddly not keen. [puzzled]

Anyway, Blanche is not in and of itself a horror IMO, but I think there is an awful lot of scope for mispronounciation. What would the pet name be?

NatashaBee Fri 13-Apr-12 11:55:49

It's hideous but it serves you right grin could you use a nickname? (biba?)

diddl Fri 13-Apr-12 11:56:43

I think it´s a great name tbh.

If you really don´t like it-would he go for Bianca?
(Although I don´t see why he should)

PosiePaques Fri 13-Apr-12 11:57:23

OMG.... You just say you changed your mind.

pictish Fri 13-Apr-12 11:57:37

I like Blanche too! grin
It's unusual and retro cool.
She'll fit right in with all the Seths, Alfies, Rubys and Pearls at school.

Sorry OP but it's a name you're going to have to learn to love. You got your way with Jacob and sucky though it is, you have to keep your end of the bargain. You proposed this...it was your idea and your dh went along with it.
It would be dodgy as fuck to renage on it now.

SchoolsNightmare Fri 13-Apr-12 11:57:41

YABU - Its not about what are nice names or horrible names - that's down to personal opinion.
Presumably your DH felt just as strongly that he hated the name Jacob as you now feel that you hate the name Blanche yet you forced it on him with the promise that he could choose this time. If you can talk him around then that might be O.K but when you made him accept a name he hated you should have perhaps considered that you both have wildly different tastes in names (hence the argument over Jacob in the first place and this daft solution to let him choose alone) so therefore anything he was left to choose on his own might not be too great.
As it is a sentimental name, it might be harder to talk him out of it and if he is adamant I think YABU to go back on your promise.

PosiePaques Fri 13-Apr-12 11:58:29

What accent do you have? That can make a huge difference to a name....said with a Northern accent Blaaanche is positively dreadful.

pictish Fri 13-Apr-12 11:58:36

It is a strong feminine name isn't it?

callmemrs Fri 13-Apr-12 11:58:43

Does this thread hold the record for being quite straightforwardly the most 'yes YABU' on MN in a good while?

No ifs, no buts- the dh is simply playing by the rules YOU decided op!

ENormaSnob Fri 13-Apr-12 11:59:35

It is a hideous name imo.

Teeb Fri 13-Apr-12 11:59:58

Yabu. You also have a peculiar idea of what a relationship/marriage is.

JustHecate Fri 13-Apr-12 12:01:06

So you called the first child you share a name he hated, and now he wants to call this one a name you hate?

Well, it would have been better to find a name you both like in the first place, wouldn't it? grin too late now of course!

But is it really fair to say that you can decide on a name and it doesn't matter if he hates it, but he can't decide on a name that you hate? That's as good as saying the children are more yours than his and isn't right at all.

What about giving the child the first name Blanche, if he really really won't budge and choosing a middle name you love and just calling her by that instead?

Or start telling everyone that the child will be called Blanche and hope they laugh in his face so much that he backs down grin

IAmBooyhoo Fri 13-Apr-12 12:03:12

<looks for OP>

<cant see OP for dust>

Heswall Fri 13-Apr-12 12:04:48

I was talked out of Harvey if she'd been a boy when pregnant with DD3, phew

Heswall Fri 13-Apr-12 12:05:48

However I did agree to a girls name I didn't love but it is lovely and it does suit her perfectly.
You've got to be able to bear though at least.

VictorGollancz Fri 13-Apr-12 12:08:49

I think Blanche is an awesome name. Your baby will LOVE it when she's an adult, I promise you.

Yes, when she's six she'll want to be called 'Lizzie' or something, but every child does that - even ones called Lizzie.

DamselInDisarray Fri 13-Apr-12 12:09:06

Lots of people dream up utterly daft names during pregnancy, but the reality of a baby changes their mind. DH was adamant that we should call DS2 Ace or Slevin while I was pregnant. He now admits that would have been very foolish indeed.

Safire Fri 13-Apr-12 12:10:24

I think YABU to go back on your promise now. Also I think Blanche is a lovely name. Would he accept Bianca which I think is equally gorgeous, if you suggest that Blanche might end up being mispronunced and therefore spoiled?

theonewiththenoisychild Fri 13-Apr-12 12:12:11

Dd is elaine after dps mum who passed away but we call her laney because its more modern. My family dont like it but oh well. If dps mum was blanche we would have had a problem

DamselInDisarray Fri 13-Apr-12 12:12:59

I think Bianca is considerably worse than Blanche. Blanche sound like a formidable old lady, Bianca is just horrible.

theonewiththenoisychild Fri 13-Apr-12 12:14:31

Are you sure he isnt just winding you up op? Maybe for revenge?

Ooh apparently DS1's name is retro cool! Excellent!

Fwiw I like Blanche

echt Fri 13-Apr-12 12:16:59

Blanche is a lovely name, but does it sound well with the surname?

echt Fri 13-Apr-12 12:20:17

While I'm here, what does the OP think is a good girl's name? Her DH's choice has been roundly slagged off/praised.

Waspie Fri 13-Apr-12 12:20:51


I've no idea how your partner puts up with a name he hates though. My partner's daughter has a name I completely abhor - I mean detest and it hurts my mouth to even say the repellant god-awful name. Goodness knows how I'd feel if this was actually my child!

So you are both going to have one child with a name you hate. strange arrangement but each to their own.

I'd relax about it, say no more and hope he goes off the idea. Otherwise you are just going to have to lump it I think.

Coconutty Fri 13-Apr-12 12:22:52

Tough, UABU.

Yes, its a dreadful name but you agreed he could name her!

callmemrs Fri 13-Apr-12 12:25:35

Waspie sums it up perfectly: you will each have one child with a name you love and one with a name you hate.

It's not an arrangement that most people would want- but it was YOUR arrangement op so you can hardly whinge now.
It sounds like you were so determined to get your own way first time that you didn't think ahead at all... Or maybe you secretly hoped your dh would just happen to pick a name you liked too... Well it's come back to bite you on the bum now..

AWimbaWay Fri 13-Apr-12 12:31:31

I think we should try and come up with some nice nicknames for Blanche, I like the earlier suggestion of Bibi. I really don't like Bianca though, reminds me of Eastenders, and I don't even watch eastenders.

TeWihara Fri 13-Apr-12 12:37:33

Okay, nicknames.

I like Blake?

Oakmaiden Fri 13-Apr-12 12:39:23

I hated the name Blanche when you first mentioned it, OP, but in the time it has taken to read this thread it has grown on me. It is quite pretty really. I am trying to think how it could be contracted though - Laney? Suppose it is not essential to contract a name though (my daughter is Eleanor - I named her with a secret desire to actually call her Nora, which was MY grandmother's name and which MY husband hates - but she stubbornly remains Eleanor and declines any form of truncation. She won't even be an Ella).

I think you could apologise profusely to your husband for your stubbornness and selfishness over naming your son, and try to appeal to his better nature in finding some form of compromise. But if that doesn't work I think you are going to have to resign yourself to having a Baby Blanche. It isn't an awful name, and you will (have to) get used to it.

I am sure you will come to love Blanche. It is a lovely name. Jacob and Blanche.

And if you dont love the name you are in the same position as he was before with the name Jacob.

Serves you right for being so controlling over names, to be honest!

AWimbaWay Fri 13-Apr-12 12:40:43

Blakes good, Blinny? It's actually quite hard to think of any.

Oakmaiden Fri 13-Apr-12 12:41:23

Good idea TeWihara - OP could say to her husband - "Blanche- - what a lovely name! I think I will shorten it to Blake though, when I am talking to the baby. It is so sweet."

Bet that'll get him changing his mind...

JustHecate Fri 13-Apr-12 12:42:59

It does grow on you, doesn't it? grin When I read the OP, I thought yuk, but it's actually really rather pretty, once you throw off the silly 'old lady name' prejudice and focus on the sound it makes as it rolls off your tongue.

keepingupwiththejoneses Fri 13-Apr-12 12:43:39

Show him this Blanche has 0 on record since 1960, Bianca is a variant or go with something that has the same meaning.

keepingupwiththejoneses Fri 13-Apr-12 12:44:28

When I hear the name Blanche I can't not think of the Golden Girls.

SoupDragon Fri 13-Apr-12 12:44:31

So, you forced your DH to accept a name he hated with the promise he could chose the next one? However, you don't find it at all acceptable into being made to have a name you hate...?

TBH, tough.

redrubyshoes Fri 13-Apr-12 12:45:44

Or OP could over use the word blanch.

"I will just blanch these parsnips before roasting them"

"Could you blanch the beans for me please"

or "I told her the price of the fish and she blanched at it"

startthefansplease Fri 13-Apr-12 12:46:39

<reads OP, guffaws at 'Blanche'> grin

The current trend is for old lady names. It's not that bad...


No, no, it's really not great is it.

Did DGM have a middle name? Nick name? Favourite flower?

Or can you settle on Blanche as a middle name?
Or if it really is Blanche then give a less purple-rinse middle name to DD and call her that?!

squoosh Fri 13-Apr-12 12:47:00

Blanche is far, far, far nicer than Bianca.

Hope baby Blanche apprecaites all the enthusiasm I'm trying to drum up for her lovely name.

redrubyshoes Fri 13-Apr-12 12:47:31

I don't use the word blanch enough. I shall attempt to get it into a conversation today.

<Looks around hopefully at unsuspecting colleagues>

Jacob is a horrible name, and your poor DH had to put up with his child being called a horrible name like that.

Now you have a taste of your own medicine. Good on your DH for not letting you push him around.

Proudnscary Fri 13-Apr-12 12:48:03

How completely barmy to haggle over names like this.

These are your dc and your dcs names for life. How can one of you name a kid something the other one hates?!

You are insane and rather childish.

yes ruby! thats a brilliant idea!!

and every time you go shopping put blanched almonds on the list!

iwantbrie Fri 13-Apr-12 12:48:38

The more I think about it the more I like Blanche! Don't go thinking DD will be the only one with that name OP, when we told everyone DD2's name we hadn't heard of any other girls locally with the same name. Turns out there's 5 of them!

startthefansplease Fri 13-Apr-12 12:51:54

Jacob is a lovely name hmm

Ephiny Fri 13-Apr-12 12:53:07

It is a bizarre way of doing things - surely would have been better to compromise and pick names you both liked for both children? Seriously though Blanche is not a bad name, you will get used to it!

redrubyshoes Fri 13-Apr-12 12:53:13

The OP could casually mention a random and little known medical fact that she found interesting in a "Did you know" kinda way;

"Blanching is prevented in gangrene as the red blood corpuscles are extravasated and impart red color to the gangrenous part."

With a 'isn't that interesting' sort of expression.

Iggly Fri 13-Apr-12 12:54:27

Call his bluff. Tell him you love it and what a great choice he's made.

You've said yourself he's stubborn so he's obviously sticking with this name even if he has second thoughts.

Roseformeplease Fri 13-Apr-12 12:54:56

Buy Streetcar Named Desire from Amazon
and make him watch it. In my experience males hate Blanche Du Bois and it might put him off.

5Foot5 Fri 13-Apr-12 12:56:49

YABVVVU. You insisted on a name that your DH hated for your first child and are now wanting to renege on the promise you made regarding the naming of your second. I cannot believe that some people on this thread are calling your DH a twat in these circumstances.

Anyway I don't think Blanche is so bad. (Tho' I never watch Coronation St so don't know who this character is)

startthefansplease Fri 13-Apr-12 12:57:14

OP alternatives on the theme of Blanche -
though I suspect your DH may stick to his guns

HandMadeTail Fri 13-Apr-12 13:00:51

I refused to compromise with my "D"H over the name of our first child.

Now, I'm considering breaking a promise I made to him about the name of our second child.

That's okay, isn't it?


I love the name Blanche [irrelevant] and whoever said said Katherine by Anya Seton - yes that was exactly my thoughts. OP might try reading the book and see if it changes her opinion of the name.

But sticking to the point, YADBU to go back on your promise to your DH, as everyone as said its exactly what you did to him.

Coconutty Fri 13-Apr-12 13:02:13

Make him watch Tenko, blanche is a bit of an old sort in that.

SoupDragon Fri 13-Apr-12 13:02:36

"...he's obviously sticking with this name even if he has second thoughts."

Or, he obviously wants to name his daughter after his beloved grandmother. hmm

IAmBooyhoo Fri 13-Apr-12 13:05:42

where are you OP?

TandB Fri 13-Apr-12 13:09:01

I love Blanche. It makes me think of Anya Seton's book too. Incidentally, both Blanche of Lancaster and the eponymous Katherine were my many-times great-grandmothers and Anya Seton was a very, very distant relation.

[shows off]

stabiliser15 Fri 13-Apr-12 13:19:49

Sorry OP, YABVU.

Suck it up. That's what you made your DH do.

And, FWIW, I like Blanche.

madeindevon2 Fri 13-Apr-12 13:21:01

I too like name Blanche v much and fwiw not keen on Jacob. Not that it matters...
However the main point is that parents should surely agree on dc names?
I wouldn't have "forced" names on my dh. I came up with loads of names for dd and we only agreed on 2 in the end... So our dd has one of those names!
You were crazy to enter this agreement knowing that you both have such differing tastes in names!!

slug Fri 13-Apr-12 13:21:08

Before she's born you could have many happy hours pronouncing Blanche in a mock Southern accent and proclaiming Ah have always relied on the kindness of strangers


Advice: There's nothing worng with Blanche in any event. Call her "B" until you get used to it. "Bee" is a perfectly pretty and useable pet name.

Well, you have given him carte blanche to her name....


YABU. He felt the same way about Jacob, but you forced it. Now you reap what you sow, and you can understand how he felt before but you took no notice of.

toddlerama Fri 13-Apr-12 13:34:09

How old is Jacob? If he hasn't started school yet, maybe it's not too late to renegotiate terms. If you offer to change JAcob's name, he might realise how strongly you dislike it.

picnicbasketcase Fri 13-Apr-12 13:38:23

Oh, harsh one. You did promise him... but if it were me I would just have to go back on my word and veto that name. It's awful.

Aribura Fri 13-Apr-12 13:38:54

It's quite pretty.

Unfortunately YABVVVVVVVU.

maddening Fri 13-Apr-12 13:41:15

how much time have you got, can you use humour to try and make him see the name in the same light?

bruxeur Fri 13-Apr-12 13:41:54

Hey OP! Try stamping your little feet and screaming til you're sick. That seems about your level of maturity. You never know, if you keep it up long enough the poor man may fold just to get you to shut up.

And then you'll have WON, and that's the main thing, isn't it?

GrahamTribe Fri 13-Apr-12 13:43:12

I think it's rather lovely to name a daughter after one's grandmother but I also think that the person carrying and giving birth to the child has every right to the final say in what the child is called. I hear all the screams of YABU at that but they will change my opinion not one jot so there's little point in coming screaming at me. smile If I were you and if I felt that strongly about it I would simply smile and nod at DH and then go register the baby in the name of my choice.

Aribura Fri 13-Apr-12 13:47:02

You'd find yourself divorced if I were your husband, 'tribe.

IAmBooyhoo Fri 13-Apr-12 13:48:18

graham, you would register the baby without letting your husband know?

missmapp Fri 13-Apr-12 13:52:25

I think this karma - you made him have a name he hated and now it is your turn.
Id go along with it, be very reasonable, explain you REALLY dont like it BUT it is his turn, so you will not go back on your word- he may change his mind if he sees you being reasonable

GrahamTribe Fri 13-Apr-12 13:52:52

I'll check, but I'm pretty sure that's what I said Booy. grin I also said that opposition to my viewpoint (while just as valid) won't change it one jot so there's no point in arguing the case, we could be here for days going back and forwards if we start that. wink

ICutMyFootOnOccamsRazor Fri 13-Apr-12 13:53:20

OP yab totally u.

What posessed you to be so selfish as to insist on a name that your dh hated?

Serves you right that you're now hoist by your own petard, frankly.

bemybebe Fri 13-Apr-12 13:56:01

"I would simply smile and nod at DH and then go register the baby in the name of my choice."

Lovely ground for a strong lasting marriage.
OP I wish you lots of luck as clearly mutual consideration and partnership are not featuring in your life (and neither your dh's).

Gentleness Fri 13-Apr-12 13:56:29

Yabu to not respect your dh's opinion and you've set yourself up for him to ignore your tantrums. If you register the child without letting him know, you are risking so much more than just learning to be content with a name you didn't like. Surely you wouldn't be that selfish with your family's future?

Personally I like the name - not maybe at first but it has grown on me just in the time it took to read this thread! My only doubt is because of the point [b]rubyredshoes[/b] made - what a great word! If you like cooking, there are loads of ways to use it especially - blanched almonds? You could also try saying it about the baby with a little tsch at the end, which makes it sound less attractive.

Maybe if you take the moral high ground and tell dh that you really hate it but you will accept it because you now realise how unkind you were to him over the naming of ds, and he deserves more respect from you, he'll unbend a bit gradually. Mind you, not much point saying that if it isn't true!

hackmum Fri 13-Apr-12 13:57:16

Hmm, reminds me of Blanche Dubois, and not in a good way. <shudders>

BoneyBackJefferson Fri 13-Apr-12 13:57:37


would you also have the final say in bringing up your child as well?

GrahamTribe Fri 13-Apr-12 14:00:05

There's an alternative. Agree to it and pick a middle name which you like, OP, then call your daughter nothing but that. It wouldn't be in the least unusual, there are zillions of John Pauls who are called Paul because the father is also called John, trillions of Sams who are really Samuels etc.

SoupDragon Fri 13-Apr-12 14:00:38

So, Graham, you'd happily lie to your DH? Lovely.

GrahamTribe Fri 13-Apr-12 14:01:15



bruxeur Fri 13-Apr-12 14:02:23

Best of luck with the divorce, GT.

Gentleness Fri 13-Apr-12 14:02:53

Bah - mixed up my forums! rubyredshoes

GrahamTribe Fri 13-Apr-12 14:03:30

I doubt that will happen, bruxeur, but thank you anyway.

BoneyBackJefferson Fri 13-Apr-12 14:03:39

OP, if you come back

what does your DP call your son?
his middle name

that wouls at least give you some wriggle room.

Whatmeworry Fri 13-Apr-12 14:04:11

If I were you and if I felt that strongly about it I would simply smile and nod at DH and then go register the baby in the name of my choice.

I think after the Jake episode and The Promise, I'd leave anyone who did that if I were the DH, as it would be clear there is only one parent in this game.

bruxeur Fri 13-Apr-12 14:05:49

I agree that it'll come as a surprise to you, Graham, if that's how you usually communicate.

TheNightIsDarkAndFullOfTerrors Fri 13-Apr-12 14:08:01

Blanche does have unfortunate connotations.


Colleague of mine was adamant that she would let her PFB name her baby and had to change her mind when it was a definite, "ELVIS" grin

ivanapoo Fri 13-Apr-12 14:09:29

I quite like the name Blanche... What would your choice of name be? We could do a vote!

Yabvu and you know it, so maybe you should grovel, apologise and sweet talk your DH rather than fight against him.

BoneyBackJefferson Fri 13-Apr-12 14:09:35


at least your honest about it.

ivanapoo Fri 13-Apr-12 14:11:04

Also I actively would want to name any daughter I had after either of our grandmothers but unfortunately our siblings have pretty much beat us to it.

fedupofnamechanging Fri 13-Apr-12 14:11:56

This is your own fault for walking all over your husband, the first time around.

You shouldn't have imposed a name that he hated - you ought to have come up with something that you could both live with. Now unfortunately, your poor daughter will reap what you have sown, because Blanche is a fucking awful name.

Think you will just have to suck it up though - unless you want to be a single parent. Because if you renege on a promise, then your husband will have no respect for you.

If I was you I'd say to dh 'I made a promise and I will stand by it, even though I really dislike your choice. Now I am on the receiving end, I see that what I did was wrong and I'm sorry.' then hope for the best - he might be a better person than you and let you off the hook.

If not, well it's karma biting you on the arse wink

GrahamTribe Fri 13-Apr-12 14:11:57

I'm too old to be surprised at much in life bruxeur, but as I said, thank you for your concern. My view is only that, mine. I'm not the OP and neither am I pregnant so it's irrelevant and we really could be here for days (and derail the OP's thread) if we keep going back to how dreadful you think my POV is. I told you back up there ^ that I knew it would be unpopular but that won't change how I feel so there's no point in screaming YABU at me! Is there really any value in harping on about it just to have a bitch at me because I don't conform to your views? Let's move on, please.

IAmBooyhoo Fri 13-Apr-12 14:12:05

i agree whatme.

fotheringhay Fri 13-Apr-12 14:14:04

It's a shame you made that promise, but now you've got to put your daughter's best interests first. Will it be an almighty row?

LoopyLoeufdePaques Fri 13-Apr-12 14:16:33

Horrible name, but tbh. I prefer it to Jacob.

claraschu Fri 13-Apr-12 14:16:46

I think if the father gets to choose the last name (his family name), the mother should choose the first name. However, nobody should choose a name the other parent hates.

LadyHarrietdeSpook Fri 13-Apr-12 14:17:16

Karma's advice is not only the best so far but really your only option at this stage. it might just win him round (if this isn't a wind up.) In which case, count your lucky stars.

Iggly Fri 13-Apr-12 14:24:31

soup I phrased it badly. What I meant was that even if he changes his mind, he'll probably stick with it regardless if he's that stubborn. I don't care either way about the name TBH - I can sort of see it could be nice. Nice to use the GM name though - we've done similar for our DCs.

I've been thinking about this, and I suppose if I'm honest I do remember what a surprise it was when DH didn't like the same names as I did. I could hardly believe that just saying them louder wasn't changing his mind about them. Even at the time I realised that this was going to be the first in a line of attitude adjustments and compromises - it's an easy starter project for new parents, really.

GravyHadALumpyMashBaby Fri 13-Apr-12 14:30:07

If that's what you agreed (and your Dh has to live with Jacob's name) then I'm sad for him that you would then want to go back on that agreement.

Very horrible for your DH. You refused to compromise so why should your DH?

Names aren't horrible btw, they're just personal taste surely? hmm

Inertia Fri 13-Apr-12 14:34:14

Blanche is fine as a name. The issue is that the whole baby naming plan that the two of you have agreed is so confrontational, there isn't an easy way round it. You set this up. The best time to put forward other suggestions would be immediately post-birth, when you'll feel more like a united team and DH has had a first hand reminder of what birth involves- not that that gives you first dibs, more that you may both be in a better mood to find a compromise.

And I came on to post what RubyRed has already suggested- you could practise using the name by doing lots of cooking that involves vocal blanching of vegetables, blanching at the cost of things, etc.

bruxeur Fri 13-Apr-12 14:36:56

I'm not sure the "silly homonym" approach is going to work when her son's called Jakey

Sorry, i think yabu. If your dh had to learn to living with a name he hated you can do the same.

You should have compromised in the first place.

You forced dh to go with a name he hates. for that yabu and good on him for finding a name which causes you to feel how he did about jacob. you must stick to your word. there is always the chance that he may change his mind.

Inertia Fri 13-Apr-12 14:44:18

Bruxeur- I've never heard of that definition before!

(am scared to look at whether my own children's names are slang for something unpleasant)

Merran Fri 13-Apr-12 14:46:59

You have to, you promissed!

His son has a name he hated, he has learnt to love the name as he loves his son.

You will have to do the same.

I like Blanche, its a classic and dignified name. Hard to put a middle name with tho.

Did you let him chose a middle name for DS?

ohmygosh123 Fri 13-Apr-12 14:48:40

Choose her a different style morenormal middle name so the poor child can at least change what she is known as. I knew quite a few people like that at secondary school. We crossed any names off the list either of us didn't like (even if just because they reminded us of someone truly horrid.) Made it to a short list, and chose from there.

How about finding out what his grandmother's mother's name was - then is still a mark of respect to the grandmother if you both like it. Also ask him if his grandmother actually liked her name - mine loathed it (Ethel) and so I wouldn't name my child after her IYSWIM.

HappyMummyOfOne Fri 13-Apr-12 14:51:21

YABVU, you promised so now have to follow through. Given you were quite happy to treat your DH badly and name your first child something you knew he hated I think its quite fitting you hate the next name now. You sow what you reap.

anewmotivatedme Fri 13-Apr-12 14:52:07

Are you sure he isn't teasing you?

anewmotivatedme Fri 13-Apr-12 14:53:27

Can we think of a similar name, as a compromise name. Blanche inspired?

theDevilHasTheBestMNNames Fri 13-Apr-12 14:53:57

Blanche - It does grow on you.

I wasn't that keen on DD1 first name - old grannies name but liked the reason DH pick on it and thought no-one else would have the same name. DH went to school with 5 people in same class with same name while mine is more uncommon which I've always liked.

She has grown into it though family were initially very taken back. Unfortunately another girl in her year with same name as it turn out is was one coming back into fashion. Had the same with DD2 name - old one coming back. DS name hasn't had that issue.

Am a bit shock that you haven't looked for compromises with DC names. Surely that part of early parenthood going through lists and finding ones you both like?

LetsKateWin Fri 13-Apr-12 14:54:25

I would really hate any of my DCs to have a name that I didn't like.

However, you insisted on Jacob when your DH said he hated it, so I really don't think you've got a leg to stand on I'm afraid.

anewmotivatedme Fri 13-Apr-12 14:54:30

Beatrice begins with a b?

theDevilHasTheBestMNNames Fri 13-Apr-12 14:54:47

With DD1 - I gave her a middle name I liked more and DH liked- just in case.

AlmaMartyr Fri 13-Apr-12 14:55:13

Blanche is alright. I knew a Blanche at school and she was never bullied or teased.

Tbh, if you went ahead using a name he hated then you've put yourself in a difficult spot now. If I was you, I'd apologise profusely to my DH for my behaviour, admit I've seen that it was a mistake and hope he'd be a bigger person and compromise.

anewmotivatedme Fri 13-Apr-12 14:58:52

If you pronounce it the french way, its blahnsch

Its how you would say Carte Blanche. Not so bad?

LetsKateWin Fri 13-Apr-12 15:04:49

When I first read you post, I thought your DH must be messing with you. However, reading through all the posts, the name is really growing on me the more times I hear it in my head. I think the French pronunciation sounds quite lovely. It can sound beautiful or harsh, depending how you pronounce it.

Spuddybean Fri 13-Apr-12 15:05:00

Oh dear OP. I think you are just going to have to suck it up. You have written a cheque and now it needs cashing.

Personally no matter how much i loved a name, i couldn't name our child that if its father didn't like it. It would cloud the name for me knowing my DP wasn't happy with it.

At the mo' we are choosing our babies name and while DP loves Victor, i hate it. And he hates Edward/teddy which i love. So we are having neither.

I know someone called Ian who is actually named Robert. His father went against everyones wishes and registered him Robert. Everyone as punishment called the baby Ian (which the father hated). It caused a huge rift. I also know of 2 similar cases to this.

I would suggest you try to come up with a suitable alternative which you both are happy about and genuinely apologise at your insistence on Jacob. Or just accept Blanche.

xkcdfangirl Fri 13-Apr-12 15:05:25

I hate to say it but I think YABU. Your DH has had to learn to live with a name he hated for DS, and presumably he has got used to it now. It's your turn now, and he's not asking you to do anything that he hasn't already done for you. This moment could only have been avoided if you had compromised before and found an alternative to Jacob for DS. Let her be called Blanche, make sure she has a middle name that anyone can live with, and if she ever expresses dissatisfaction with her name make sure she knows she can always choose to be known by her middle name - many people I know use their middle names as their known-as name. Meanwhile, you can use a pet-name for her (most children I know are actually addressed as sausage/pickle/cupcake etc and very rarely called by their name). But you never know, you may learn to love the name Blanche as you get to know the lovely young woman who your DD will become.

(it is also possible that if you wholeheartedly and willingly agree to the name Blanche, explaining to DH that you really don't like the name but are willing to accept it because he did the same for you, he MAY (if he's that kind of guy) decide out of the goodness of his heart decide not to make you go through with it)

Spuddybean Fri 13-Apr-12 15:09:23

anew how else could it be pronounced? That's the only way i know it to be pronounced and it's still not nice imo.

thegreylady Fri 13-Apr-12 15:12:02

Oh dear Blanche is one of the worst baby names I have seen on here-so many awful connotations too: 'she blanched with fear',blanche the cauliflower in boiling water and of course the awful Corrie Blanche.Your dh couldn't be so cruel surely.

My DH hated the name Jacob for DD (who we were convinced was a boy) and I loved it. I wanted a J name and he hated Jake, Jacob, Joe etc. We settled on Malcolm because we AGREED neither of us hated it. She ended up a girl and he loved the girl's name I picked so it all worked out but that was our system. Your system was to get a kid each. Suck it up. And in 10 years no one will remember the Golden Girls or Blanche Dubois.

squoosh Fri 13-Apr-12 15:15:34

I'm on a one woman mission to make sure people do remember the Golden Girls. One of the best comedies to feature a strong all female cast.

Thank You For Being A Friend, squoosh

I can barely remember which one was Blanche - was it the high maintenance one?

ScrambledSmegs Fri 13-Apr-12 15:21:43

I like it. I thought of the golden girls at first, but it's really growing on me.

You made a deal with your DH. You can't go back on it now, especially as you insisted on a name he hates.

Bluegrass Fri 13-Apr-12 15:24:17

In a couple of years time some sleb will call their daughter Blanche and the world will be fawning over it (like any one of a number of names which have gone from derided to popular).

Names are subject to fashion and like any fashion you start with the pioneers who go against the flow, people laugh and point and then like sheep they all end up following along! Be brave and proud that you're not following the herd OP.

kittyandthefontanelles Fri 13-Apr-12 15:26:09

Blanche is a cracking name! Blanche Dubois! I imagine he still hates the name Jacob, so why should you be able to welch on the deal? You promised so should accept whatever he chooses. Or perhaps shouldn't have insisted on Jacob in the first place

kittyandthefontanelles Fri 13-Apr-12 15:28:41

Surgeonsmate, yes Blanche was the maneater. It's typically a popular name for a Southern belle in the deep south in America.

puds11 Fri 13-Apr-12 15:30:22

could you... let him name her blanche (bleurgh) but, create a nickname that she is always called by?
Or have a middle name something nice she is always called by quite a lot of people do that.
That way you keep your promise, but get rid of the awful name smile

kittyandthefontanelles Fri 13-Apr-12 15:32:53

But puds her husband wasn't allowed to do that with Jacob. Very unfair. I really don't like it when mums think they have sole rights over naming children

puds11 Fri 13-Apr-12 15:35:08

thats true, but blanche is an exceptionally bad name.
Op maybe he's joking because he knows you hate it?

squoosh Fri 13-Apr-12 15:35:38

Yes SurgeonsMate Blanche was the high maintenance one, funnily enough she was a Southern Belle. A hit with the gentlemen callers grin

HeartsJandJ Fri 13-Apr-12 15:35:52

Someone who calls their son Jacob is likely to want to call their daughter Ellie. Nothing wrong with it but it's pretty average imho and almost guaranteed to be as ubiquitous for our age as Sharon and Tracey were in the 70s.

Blanche otoh is a much better name, sounds beautiful, lovely meaning and great historical references. Anya Seton, yay. And kudos to Kungfupanda for excellent family connections!

The only possible reason for not having it would be if the family last name was White.

Dozer Fri 13-Apr-12 15:38:39

YABU and so is he.

Blanche dubois might put him off it - see the wikipedia entry. Hardly a positive association.

You could try underhand tactics, eg sneakily registering the name of your choice, but clearly that'd be bad for your marriage! Or stand your ground and refuse to register her as blanche.

Are you and DH this competitive over other stuff?!

Dozer Fri 13-Apr-12 15:39:54

Blanche dubois (among other things) is raped and loses her sanity.

YonWhaleFish Fri 13-Apr-12 15:40:58

Just go with it, I have an idea he'll change his mind when she arrives.

marmaduke has been threatened by friends of mine

BoneyBackJefferson Fri 13-Apr-12 15:43:21

So posters think that its ok the undermine the DH by trying to destroy the name of the person that brought him up, thathe loves and wants to remember in the form of giving the name to his DD.

jamdonut Fri 13-Apr-12 15:47:19

I think Blanche is really classy. And different. Without being pretentious. And, no, I don't know any Blanches.

I gave my kids slightly old-fashioned, but, in my opinion,unusual names that will sound just as good when they are older as they do when they are children.

To be fair, you DID promise he could name the child. And seeing as he hated your choice so much, I don't think you've got a leg to stand on.

piellabakewell Fri 13-Apr-12 15:48:02


I'm so glad my parents didn't name me after my grandmas...I'm not sure which is worse, Margery or Matilda.

kittyandthefontanelles Fri 13-Apr-12 15:48:15

Dozer, I know. Blanche Dubois was mentioned as a literary reference, not a role model. Actually, she doesn't lose her mind, Stanley just has her committed. Men had the power to do that then of course. I still think its a beautiful name. Blanche White is so cool! She could be a crime fighting jazz singer!

januaryjojo Fri 13-Apr-12 15:48:37

Could be worse, my SIL wants to call the baby she is pg with Rainbow if its a girl or Storm for boy confused

LetsKateWin Fri 13-Apr-12 15:52:18

In worked with someone called Rainbow Blue Surname

kittyandthefontanelles Fri 13-Apr-12 15:52:44

See January, they ARE awful. I hate names which aren't names. Love old fashioned unusual names. My daughter has such a name but I reckon it will become popular soon, Grrr. Whenever people hear it they ooh and ahhh. I don't want it to take off.

blubberyboo Fri 13-Apr-12 15:54:52

i actually think Blanche is lovely - i especially like the suggestions that Reallytired gave above

Sophia - Blanche

and kids at school won't think of it as a "granny" name - they won't remember blanche from Corrie

Your Blanche will be the only Blanche they know so to them it will be a young pretty girls's name

blubberyboo Fri 13-Apr-12 15:58:13

...and no matter what name you choose there will be people on mumsnet and in real life that don't like it

1. You overrode your husbands feelings when naming your son
2. You promised this time he could choose

You need to suck it up and let him choose the name he wants, how you feel now is how he felt then, you're fault for not finding a name you both loved for you son. Can't believe anyone would name a child something their partner hated, and everyone who said to just register the baby with a different name - unbelievable what a nasty thing to do.

MerryMarigold Fri 13-Apr-12 16:02:08

Blanche is better than Mabel

januaryjojo Fri 13-Apr-12 16:02:22

Names definitely go in cycles of popularity

There is tons of alfies, archies, stanleys, I know of a few Florries/florences, gracies/grace.

proper/classic names are making a come back, so blance wouldn't be that out of place.

It's just in our heads blanche = old lady, when the baby is in school in 6 years time everyone will have old lady/man names in our heads, but to tehm it will be normal.

kittyandthefontanelles Fri 13-Apr-12 16:04:49

I LOVE Mabel! It's on my list for my next child!

Spuddybean Fri 13-Apr-12 16:08:31

For me it is not the connotations (they come second) the main reason i dislike Blanche is the awful combination of sounds in a short space. So the BLaar sound reminds me of vomit sounds, and the aaarNCHE bit sounds like a plumbing term (like flange).

I suppose it depends on the accent, but in my southern/RP accent it just sounds nasty. Like a medical term for a rash.

Could it be abbreviated to Bea?

BadDayAtTheOrifice Fri 13-Apr-12 16:11:10

Are you sure he's not just winding you up and getting his revenge OP?

SomebodySaveMe Fri 13-Apr-12 16:13:19

Jacob is worse than Blanche!

YABU - you really shouldn't have insisted on calling DS Jacob. But I think you know that now.

However, I don't like Blanche at all.

So....a bit of a stretch but do your DC (and you) have your DH's surname? If so could you argue that you should get a say in DD's first name, otherwise her whole name will have come from him?

Alternatively, get a pet, say a stick insect, and name it Blanche. When DD arrives, he won't possibly be able to name her after the stick insect, will he?

[Sorry, Friday afternoon silliness has taken over]

blonderthanred Fri 13-Apr-12 16:14:58

Hearts glad I'm not the only one who made the Anya Seton connection!

DinahMoHum Fri 13-Apr-12 16:21:18

i like Blanche, i think its quite cool.

How about call her Blanche but you give her your own nickname, or middle name?

kittyandthefontanelles Fri 13-Apr-12 16:24:12

I wouldn't say blarrnche is say Blanche with a dull ann in the middle. Blan to rhyme with plan. Northern, see?

ABigGirlDoneItAndRanAway Fri 13-Apr-12 16:27:20

Blanche has grown on me while reading this thread, I didn't like it at first but now I think it's ok, at least it's a real name and not a "made up to be unique" one (saw a birthday card the other day on cbeebies for a child named Kitty-Woo hmm). I loved Blanche in corrie, I could think of worse characters to be named the same as.

So what we're left with now that the OP has gone and GrahamTribe has resisted an attempt to make the thread all about her instead is just a group of MN-ers coming to the realisation that Blanche is an under-appreciated name about due for a blossoming in popularity. I'm certainly going to be adding it to my list. No doubt DH won't like it though wink.

Spuddybean Fri 13-Apr-12 16:37:35

kitty still sounds like a vom sound effect to me, sorry. It's the BLah part albeit does sound just slightly better in your accent

freerangeeggs Fri 13-Apr-12 16:37:47

I think Blanche is a bit cool too. Jacob and Blanche. It kind of works, IMO, and it's nice that it has a family connection.

I imagine a Blanche would look like something like this.

However, it is a shame that you hate it so much. I'd leave it for a while - don't mention it - then when the baby's born just suggest that she doesn't look like a Blanche. Perhaps suggest Bianca instead, which is similar and pretty but easier to say (Jacob and Bianca are lovely together).

YABU as you made a promise, also you forced a name on him that he hated. Suck it up.

FWIW I know a Scarlett, her little sister is Blanche, I think its a lovely name

Bluegrass Fri 13-Apr-12 17:13:03

Can't believe some people have suggested "Bianca", talk about out of the frying pan...[shudder]

Oh look, all names are subjective, who'd a thunk it!

kittyandthefontanelles Fri 13-Apr-12 17:16:37

Spuddy don't be sorry! Other names have such an effect on me so I know what you mean. Slight thanks for marginal accent compliment!

TeWihara Fri 13-Apr-12 17:24:32

You could have Ann as a nickname too Blanche is growing on me too

oopsi Fri 13-Apr-12 17:31:09

1Why would your want your child to be saddled with a name his father hates.Do you think that is fair on your DS?
2 How does your DH feel about Jacob now?

GrahamTribe Fri 13-Apr-12 17:31:51

Dammit, it's growing on me too, TeWihara!

birdsofshoreandsea Fri 13-Apr-12 17:37:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChaoticAngel Fri 13-Apr-12 17:40:41


I have to admit to thinking ewww at the beginning of the thread but it is growing on me now. Having said that I still don't think I'd give a child of mine that name. Then again I wouldn't insist on giving a child a name that my H/P hated.

sparkina Fri 13-Apr-12 17:44:22

Not with a hideous name like blanche yanbu. You'll have to go back on your word but worse things have happened. Don't even fight or get upset just tell him its not happening end of. If he doesn't back down just bubble and say you can't believe he's upsetting you so much when your pregnant with his child!!!!! Pathetic i know but needs must!!!!

arghhhhhhhhh Fri 13-Apr-12 17:45:29

You could go with Blanche and just call her Ann for short Bl AN che then she can just use her full name on certificates and legal things no one at school has to know.

skybluepearl Fri 13-Apr-12 18:26:05

Blanche is a bit like Belch sorry.

Bellanca is the italian version of the French name Blanche. From that you can get Belle or Elle. Lana, Briar and Blossom start in a similar way. Bea, Bess, Tess, Rose, Pearl, Kate are all one syllable names too.

Or you choose the middle name and always introduce her as it.

skybluepearl Fri 13-Apr-12 18:39:03

names that also mean pure - Agnes, Caitlin, Cathrine, Catarina, Kitty,

Aribura Fri 13-Apr-12 19:10:00

"saw a birthday card the other day on cbeebies for a child named Kitty-Woo"

Are you sure it wasn't a little girl called Kitty with the last name Wu? Because I find Kitty-Woo a little out there to take as gospel without confirming. grin

ragged Fri 13-Apr-12 19:38:31

My great-gran was a Blanche & she was very classy. Still not sure I'd ever ever use it, though.

GateGipsy Fri 13-Apr-12 19:38:35

I love the name Blanche, it sounds lovely. The two of you on the other hand ... why would you inflict a name on your child that your husband hated? I loved the name Jacob too, it was my favourite, but gave up on it when I saw how much hubs hated it.

One thing hubs and I did when choosing a name was shout it out in the accent of where we live (south east London), as it might be shouted out by the kid's mates. That knocked one of my favourites out of the race as soon as I did that (hubs hated it, but it did end up as a middle name).

What does Blanche sound like, if it was being shouted across the playground?

kittyandthefontanelles Fri 13-Apr-12 19:49:43

Agnes means lamb as in Agnes Dei, lamb of God. Also on my list. My daughter has a toy lamb called Agnes. By the way kitty-woo was NOT me. My daughter is not called kitty.

TidyDancer Fri 13-Apr-12 19:56:50

Well it's a horrible name, admittedly, and I wouldn't consider it for one of my DCs in a million years. But you were being massively unreasonable in forcing on your DH a name he hated.

I don't know what you can really do tbh. If you agree to call your DD Blanche, you may forever hate the name and resent your DH for it, but if you force your will on him a second time....well it's deeply unfair on him isn't it?

There's no good answer here.

I like Blanche smile and tbh what's sauce for the goose and all that....

StellaNova Fri 13-Apr-12 20:15:58

Re: Kitty-Woo, a CBeebies card is not a birth certificate so I suppose it could be a nickname?

Then again I have come across a child called Reasonable name-Bubbles - like Kitty-Bubbles, except not Kitty.

GertrudeJekyll Fri 13-Apr-12 20:26:18

I like Blanche.

ABigGirlDoneItAndRanAway Fri 13-Apr-12 20:26:25

It was definitely Woo not Wu, suppose it could have been a nickname but sadly I suspect a poor child is actually saddled with it.

SarahStratton Fri 13-Apr-12 20:28:11

I think Blanche is a lovely name. smile

MamaMary Fri 13-Apr-12 20:31:59

YABU for calling your son Jakey.

Jacob is okay. Jakey is not.


kittyandthefontanelles Fri 13-Apr-12 20:35:16

Let's all call our next-borns Blanche and swamp the playground with tiny Blanches. Even the boys. Reclaim Blanche! My husband loves the name.

well, now you know how he felt last time don't you?

interesting how it's ok that he has to put up with a name he really dislikes, but when it's the other way round then you have to "not let him" hmm

v. bizarre IMO.

However, are you SURE he isn't just winding you up?

MrsBovary Fri 13-Apr-12 20:45:21

Blanche isn't so bad, though I don't know anything about the Coronation Street character.

that would be ironic, if the OP inadvertently started a boom in baby Blanches

And indirectly, they'd all be named after her DH's grandmother grin

kittyandthefontanelles Fri 13-Apr-12 20:52:23

I honestly reckon that's going to happen! What a lovely nod to the granny

BellaOfTheBalls Fri 13-Apr-12 20:55:42

Could you use any other forms of Blanche as a compromise? Blanche literally translates as white, but means purity I think. Blanca, Bianca or Alba could be suitable alternatives?

Noqontrol Fri 13-Apr-12 20:58:06

Although Jacob is a nice name I wouldn't have gone with it if oh didn't like it. Naming is such an important thing and if one person really doesn't like it then it can be detrimental with bonding with the baby, especially in the early days. Oh and I agreed on a name for ds when I was 20 weeks pg. The night before ds was born oh told me he had changed his mind. I was hopping mad as I had been calling my unborn baby by this name all that time, dd also had got used to that name. Even though I was annoyed though I wouldn't have gone ahead with calling ds the name we had originally agreed, it's got to be a joint thing. We finally agreed on another name nearly 6 weeks after ds was born. It was all a bit of a mess really, but I love ds's new name now, and so does oh. Having said that, I think Blanche is quite a pretty name really, and it's quite unusual.

Chocaholics Fri 13-Apr-12 21:00:57

YABU, personally think it is a really nice name. I don't understand why it was ok for to call your DS a name your DH hated, I think if one of you hated the name it is off the list. Unfortunately I really think that you are stuck with it as it is only fair. Although cant believe you went ahead and called your son a name your DH hated anyway.

JustHecate Fri 13-Apr-12 21:09:07

I take it the OP ran away screaming or is now sulking because most of us don't agree with her grin

poor thing. She's probably all hormonal and grumpy and she knows she's being totally unreasonable here

VILE name! but you are screwed in the fairness stakes.

I have no morals so I would go for tears grin

Wake him up 'accidentally' in the middle of the night in a fit of tears, barely able to catch your breath, nightmares of the baby being called blanche, you just cant cope with the thought of naming your precious DD that name and utterly horrified that you have done this to him with your DS if you could take it back you would rah rah rah....if you do it right he will be a bit panicked at your pregnant nutter state and relent to ''lets find another name darling''

Good luck smile

MrGin Fri 13-Apr-12 21:16:38

We never considered naming dd till we actually met her...

... not that that helps you.

I don't mind Blanche at all tbh.

You promised him and he agreed you could have Jacob.

The more you protest the more he'll dig his heals in.

mayorquimby Fri 13-Apr-12 21:19:34

completely unreasonable.
You acted appallingly in the first instance and you're continuing in the same vein now.

MrMiyagi Fri 13-Apr-12 21:38:26

You were very unreasonable to insist on Jacob, and if you were going back on your promise now because you wanted to choose a certain name again, that would be doubly unreasonable, but to be fair to you, I'd be very uneasy about Blanche too.

kittyandthefontanelles Fri 13-Apr-12 22:18:59

Just bumping Blanche. Such a lovely name it shouldn't be forgotten

aquashiv Fri 13-Apr-12 23:38:39

Dear God Blanche! What kind of name is that to give a poor defenceless child?
I would enter any kind of conversation and scream at him with my hands over my ears - you are pregnant so you can get away with itsmile.
Say he can name the third.....

aquashiv Fri 13-Apr-12 23:39:11


bemybebe Sat 14-Apr-12 00:18:07

Yeah, say he can name the third...

CrumpettyTree Sat 14-Apr-12 00:27:38

I suppose your Dh felt exactly the same when you insisted on Jacob as you are feeling now. I quite like the name Blanche, although wouldn't name my own child it.

CrumpettyTree Sat 14-Apr-12 00:37:49

What about saying that you have decided you will go with the name Blanche, but that you will pronounce it Blon-chay as you quite like that. Might that put him off?

CrumpettyTree Sat 14-Apr-12 00:38:48

Or Blayncher? Anything that sounds silly and horrible really.

CrumpettyTree Sat 14-Apr-12 00:39:21


SoupDragon Sat 14-Apr-12 07:27:29

Or she could sit down with her DH and apologise profusely for making him accept a name for their DS which he absolutely hated and that, now it is happening to her, she realises she was a complete bitch. Then perhaps they can reach a compromise.

ChippingInLovesEasterEggs Sat 14-Apr-12 07:35:57

Soup - that's a really good suggestion smile

I have a friend who has a DD Blanche - I thought 'That's bloody horrible not to my taste' but she actually really suits the name. She's a teenager now and I can't imagine her being called anything else or why I thought it was 'horrible' in the first place!! (other than Blanche off of Corrie!!). It could be far worse Hilda/Gertrude/Fanny - I wont go on as I'll only upset another MNer I'm sure smile

Hopandaskip Sat 14-Apr-12 07:47:43

We did this, DH named our first born and I said that if we ever had another it was my turn. However.... we also gave each other power of veto. I really liked Zachary but DH did not at all, so that was vetoed. It worked well for us smile

Coralanne Sat 14-Apr-12 08:03:07

Are you sure he's not just "having a lend" of you. Maybe he is just enjoying your reaction and when your DD is born he will suddenly come up with another name.

theresafire Sat 14-Apr-12 08:19:00

I had the same situation, if it was a girl I wanted Ruby Rose and a boy James Douglas. I had told DH he could name baby if he was a boy as he wasn't entirely sold on Ruby Rose.

Yes baby was (is) a boy and DH wanted to call him Reith (Wreath) WTF?

I dug in my heels pulling rank (since it was ME who did the pregnancy and natural birth not by choice with no epidural!)

DH was relatively well placated by the facted that I really not wanted to use his name (Brian) as baby's middle name.

Problem solved, all happy, good luck OP.

theresafire Sat 14-Apr-12 08:21:28


So I lost Douglas but still got James.

theresafire Sat 14-Apr-12 08:31:27

My mum and I decided we might add Clancy to his name as well after meeting a lovely boy of that name. DS is 18mo, DH didn't seem too concerned by the prospect. I'm over that now though.

DC1, DD was called Amy Lee for three days and mum and I changed while DH was at church to something that suited her much more. Poor DH, he took it very well. It was his great grandmothers name (exotic) and we used his (late)
father's name for another DC2. So he may not have hand picked the name but each DC has been named after a family member of his and has his surname.

OP can you trawl through all the other womens name in his family history, there's a good chance of finding something you like history can go back a fair way .

sunnydelight Sat 14-Apr-12 08:40:53

Agree to Blanche, insert a middle name that you want then just use her middle name. Very common in cultures where first names are traditionally family names. Sorted!

YABU for all the reasons mentioned, plus for making out that it is for the sake of your DD, when clearly it is all about you. Blanche is a perfectly normal, if slightly unusual, name and I'm sure your DD will carry it off with no trouble.

By the way I love the idea of lots of little Blanches all indirectly named after OP's DH - genius observation! grin

QuickLookBusy Sat 14-Apr-12 08:56:13

I do think yabu but I think if you really really hate the name there should be some compromise.

Anyway I would wait until you are in labour and start discussing it, he'd have to be made of stone to disagree with you thenwink

Whateveryousaymustberight Sat 14-Apr-12 09:14:24

I like Blanche - sounds like a southern belle. Very Gone with the Wind. I don't watch Corrie though.

kittyandthefontanelles Sat 14-Apr-12 10:23:20

QLB- Nooo! Her poor husband truly hated the name Jacob but she didn't care and just ploughed on with it. People shouldn't be giving her ways out. She should've respected her husband in the first place. I honestly can't believe she didn't. Now it is indisputably his turn. Blanche all the way. It's about naming the child after the woman who brought him up, not some random historic female relation.

IAmBooyhoo Sat 14-Apr-12 11:12:35

where the hell is OP?

namechanging perhaps? wink grin

Sorry but I doubt that your DH is joking with you, as he had picked a perfectly nice name for a baby boy (Adam).

Please please please can we have an update if anyone does actually name their baby Blanche inspired by this thread?

anonacfr Sat 14-Apr-12 11:32:39

It's rather insensitive of the OP to trash the name of the person who brought up her DH.

It's a nice name too. And she made a deal.

No doubt she was thinking that he would in time get over Jacob and allow her to have her way again.

YABVU. I guess as a compromise you could suggest some other names but as agreed he should have veto and final say.

kittyandthefontanelles Sat 14-Apr-12 11:33:37

I've just blanched some purple sprouting calabrese. Does that count?

anonacfr Sat 14-Apr-12 11:34:52

Btw OP you wouldn't be going back on your promise 'for the sake of your DD' you just don't like the name.

Just like your DH didn't like Jacob and offered alternatives that you ignored.

Whatmeworry Sat 14-Apr-12 12:20:08

Is it just me whose thinking that if the Op is this manipulative at this level, what must it be like living/being friends etc with her?

fedupofnamechanging Sat 14-Apr-12 12:27:12

Some people will promise the earth, in the hope (assumption?) that they'll never to be called upon to fulfil their promises. It's very much a worry about tomorrow when it comes, attitude. Well, tomorrow has come for you OP.

I think she must be pretty fucking cold to have gone ahead and insisted on calling her son, a name that her dh really disliked. You do wonder, where is the love, in that relationship? If he insists on sticking with Blanche, then it's no more than she deserves. Weird relationship though, where they are happy to ignore each other's feelings like this.

bemybebe Sat 14-Apr-12 12:35:59

"Weird relationship though, where they are happy to ignore each other's feelings like this."

Agree 100%. I can't imagine doing this to my dh, father of my dc and my trusted partner. Not in a million years do I expect to be treated this way myself.

Doesmybumlookbiginthiss Sat 14-Apr-12 14:30:29

He's probably just winding you up!

tinkertitonk Sat 14-Apr-12 18:36:36

"I had my heart set"

"He's stubborn as hell"

Maybe you have problems (such as being selfish and inflexible) that go beyond any child-naming issues.

Hopandaskip Sat 14-Apr-12 18:47:13

"Oh darling, we blanch vegetables, not babies!"

SoupDragon Sat 14-Apr-12 19:09:48

Gosh yes, ridiculing the name of the woman we raised him is obviously the way to go. hmm

AKMD Sat 14-Apr-12 19:15:38

YABU, now you know how he felt with your DS.

I quite like Blanche.

DH is trying to persuade me to let him choose the name of the baby we're expecting if it's a girl, and I can choose if it's a boy. No way is that going to happen!

JustHecate Sat 14-Apr-12 20:04:21

over 300 messages and the OP legged it right at the start grin why are we still here?

Jamdoughnutfiend Sat 14-Apr-12 20:10:36

YABU - a promise is a promise and I think you were a bit mean insisting on naming your son a name your DH hated

MrGin Sat 14-Apr-12 20:29:39

Stop Press.

A name some people like and some people don't shocker.

Not like it's Medusa.

kittyandthefontanelles Sat 14-Apr-12 20:43:44

Medusa?! Now that's an idea!

wigglybeezer Sat 14-Apr-12 20:59:39

Theresafire, my DS2 is James Douglas grin. Only problem was that I then had DS3 and had used up Douglas so gave him an emergency name that I don't like much now (planned to use the short version but the long one has stuck).

Ps I like Blanche too (also fan of Katherine by Anya Seton).

YABU, you made an agreement and if he is serious then you should stick to it.

I like Blanche and I think a little girl with that name would turn out to be quite cool and ahead of the pack at school.

fedupofnamechanging Sat 14-Apr-12 21:41:40

Where is the OP? Sooo tempted to PM her and tell her to get her arse back here grin

kittyandthefontanelles Sat 14-Apr-12 22:57:35

Do it karma! Do it!

Maryz Sat 14-Apr-12 23:09:51

Go on Karma.

She is being totally unreasonable.

But, to be fair, given the option of Blanche, I suspect her unreasonableness is reasonable, and if I was her I would continue to be unreasonable and name my child without letting my husband have any input whatsoever grin.

fedupofnamechanging Sat 14-Apr-12 23:15:31

I hope she comes back with an update, once the baby is born. Would love to know how this pans out.

larks35 Sat 14-Apr-12 23:41:03

I had a similar situation with the naming of our DCs. DS1 was born without us having any name list prepared and DP wanted to call him Kit shock! I pushed for Daniel and got my way in the end nearly got fined for late registration.

We found out the DC2 was going to be a girl and DP decided that he should be the one to name her. His first suggestion was Coco and I hated the name, made me think of the clown. I suggested Collette and Coco as a derivitive, he hated Collette. We had several arguements discussions and downright stupid interesting suggestions - Canti!?!

The name DP finally settled on was not one I liked much and I really struggled to come to terms with it, but had no real argument against it. She's now here and has that name, I gave her a second name and overall I'm liking it more and more.

So OP, if you're still reading. I think YABU in considering rescinding on your promise to allow your DH to name your DD, but you have some time on your hands to come up with either a viable compromise or a second name that she could adopt if she wanted. You will find that whatever you call her will make sense when she is here.

BTW I think Blanche is a great name!

MarianneM Sun 15-Apr-12 00:12:38


My DD is called Blanche - a beautiful name. I never wanted to choose a popular name.

Marianne it might be about to enjoy a revival!

Psammead Sun 15-Apr-12 08:57:49

I like Blanche.

YABU, you should have considered his feelings with your DS.

oopsi Sun 15-Apr-12 10:10:19

This is ridiculous! Naming a child is not about point scoring against each other! That's just horrid and doesn';t bode well for how you are going to co-operate over her upbringing.
You were wrong to inflict a name on your DS that your husband hates.Did you really want your DS to be named something his own father despises? I suspect your DH is winding you up but if not, then you need to talk as adults not silly kids, about whether he values his daughter enough to name her something her mother loves.I'd go for Blanche as a middle name,
(Not keen on it myself, It makes me think of belch, but that's just weird me!)

BoneyBackJefferson Sun 15-Apr-12 11:45:05


"about whether he values his daughter enough to name her something her mother loves"

the OP didn't
value her son enough to name her something his father loves

and to TBH (in these circumstances)I can't think of a greater value being put on a child than being given that name of someone you truly love, in this case the woman that brought him up to be the man that the OP loves.

Oopsie I'm shock by the suggestion that the OP calls into question whether her DH values their daughter! That's very manipulative and underhand. If OP values her DH, she needs to learn to live with whatever solution they find and neither of their DC need ever know that either parent was ever anything other than delighted with their names.

sleepyover Sun 15-Apr-12 12:05:05

I think you have to stand by your agreement.
Blanche makes me think of the Golden Girls. hth. smile

Pumpster Sun 15-Apr-12 12:07:54

Hmm I think I quite like it.

Hopandaskip Sun 15-Apr-12 23:49:13

Soupdragon, it was a joke.

ComposHat Mon 16-Apr-12 02:17:46

Should have compromised on the first child's name. He hates Jacob, but his first born is called that. Now I'm afraid you'll have to suck up Blanche.

I actually prefer Blanche to Jacob in the name stakes, I don't think it is dowdy or grannified at all. Both Blanche in Streetcar and Blanche in the Golden Girls were both southern belles with insatiable appetites for men.

ComposHat Mon 16-Apr-12 04:56:54

Talking of unfortunate connotations Jakeymom

Jakey, it is Scottish slang for a hardened street drinker.

So others could see your choice of name as having very negative connotations that being that your son is a steaming piss head.

oopsi Mon 16-Apr-12 09:20:12

'Oopsie I'm by the suggestion that the OP calls into question whether her DH values their daughter! That's very manipulative and underhand'

maybe you're right.but would the father be acting in the child's best interest to name her something that makes the mother cringe everytime she says it or hears it (to begin with at least).

ComposHat Mon 16-Apr-12 09:57:16

Equally, oopsishe clearly didn't value his opinion on the name Jacob. Was that in the child's best interest? Why does the mother's view, trump the father's? They are both parents to both of their children.

And anyway, Jacob was a merely a name she liked, he wants to call his daughter Blanche after the woman who raised him.

In an ideal world they would have put some thought into finding a name they both liked for their first child or at the very least something that he didn't actively dislike. Then this ridiculous stand off wouldn't have emerged.

Debsbear Mon 16-Apr-12 10:03:54

I rather like the name Blanche! It was my grandmothers name as well, but the "old" names are making a huge comeback as you proved by calling your son Jacob. When I was a kid there were NO Jacobs around. I think you need to bow to him in this. It was your decision to name your son Jacob and ignore his reservations and then promise to allow him his choice next time. You may not like the name yourself, but I don't think she will get bullied because of her name, and i think you'll find that as time goes on you'll get used to it and come to like it yourself as it will be HER name.

Debsbear Mon 16-Apr-12 10:05:04

Oh yes, and while it's fresh in your mind, make a promise that if you have a third child you will choose a name together!!

EmmaCate Mon 16-Apr-12 10:14:02

Yeah I'd have a bit more sympathy with you if DH had perhaps just been indifferent about Jacob; it's a bit hard on him to have a son with a name he despises. However, there are lots of Jacobs about and very few no Blanches so from that perspective YANBU; it's going to affect the child as much as you, which couldn't be said of your name choice.

I'd perhaps sneak the Golden Girls onto the telly and see how he feels after that grin

3duracellbunnies Mon 16-Apr-12 10:34:47

Dd1 is named after her grandmother, though a slightly more contemporary twist on it (which dh and I both liked), she feels special, as they didn't have the chance to meet her. Dd2 wishes she had that name too. Now (age 7), she is asking when she can change her name to be the same as grandma!

Blanche isn't great, but there will be lots of wierder names in her class. Find a derivative that you vaguely like, say he can call her Blanche, but you'll probably use x as a pet name. Next time just find one you both like.

puzzletree Mon 16-Apr-12 12:36:20

How about naming her Blanche, but calling her 'B' or Bea for short?

kittyandthefontanelles Mon 16-Apr-12 12:39:16

I actually think this is a windup now. The OP is nowhere to be seen

totallyskint Mon 16-Apr-12 12:43:44

Of course you are being unreasonable to go back on your word, but you don't have much choice, do you, Blanche is just not acceptable.

So say sorry sorry for being mean about Jacob, wish you'd been more sensitive and please please rethink Blanche.

MagsAloof Mon 16-Apr-12 12:47:05

Blanche is gopping.

Tell your DH fine, but you are having a third and it will be called Adolf (or Adoldfa if a girl).

Seriously. Blanche?

kittyandthefontanelles Mon 16-Apr-12 13:15:13

Why is Blanche unacceptable but McKenzie, kayden, Kyle, Hayden, nevaeh, etc etc blah chiz are? Who are we to say anything is not acceptable?

BrieAddicted Mon 16-Apr-12 13:19:43

Blanche is great! The only one I've ever known is 17, blonde, gorgeous and went to private school

MagsAloof Mon 16-Apr-12 15:48:08

I know a Makenzi. Unacceptable.


kittyandthefontanelles Mon 16-Apr-12 19:55:06

Here, here mags! At least Blanche is an actual name. We are talking to ourselves you know?!

I know a Kenzo and a Jaxon and a Frisk and a Kanyon. The more I read the thread the more I like Blanche.

Let's face it the parents are as bad as each other. It was ridiculous to agree to a trade off whereby they would each potentially hate the name of one of their children. The father should have put his foot down and refused to be part of it, not snatched the opportunity to secure himself sole naming rights on the birth of the second child. They should both suck it up in silence if they can't agree to put an end to it now. Either way I don't see that the children should be affected, there is no reason for them to suspect that either parent dislikes their names.

kittyandthefontanelles Mon 16-Apr-12 21:42:42

Frisk? Seriously? I despair!

Yes, Frisk goes to nursery with my DS. That was the name I was a bit shock about until I had a conversation with Kanyon's mum, who told me that she named Kanyon after Kanyon West. So she's named her child after someone whose name she can neither spell nor pronounce.

Compared to that Blanche keeps looking better and better (doesn't it OP?)

Kayano Mon 16-Apr-12 21:53:18

I just saw Kanyon and was about to kick off at people spelling my name wrong again grin

Then I realised its not all about me

AwkwardMaryHadAnEasterLamb Mon 16-Apr-12 22:48:11

Tell hm no. She made a mistake by telling him he could name the baby because she was hormonal when she said it.

Blanche! Like blanching vegetables in a pan!

Pennybubbly Tue 17-Apr-12 05:43:48

hmm at all the bloody rude people on here that are dissing the name Jacob when the OP has already named her son that and has not asked for anyone's opinion of the name.

Never agree to a trade off unless he picks first and you at least dont mind the name.

Nothing wrong with the name Jacob, at least it's a real name. Blanche on the other hand sounds awful.

Realy you have only yourself to blame. We had similar problems with ds3 and 4 but in the end compromised

Whatmeworry Tue 17-Apr-12 07:23:27

Tell hm no. She made a mistake by telling him he could name the baby because she was hormonal when she said

Must say I'm mildly shocked at the number of people on here who think it's perfectly OK to go back on your word.

exoticfruits Tue 17-Apr-12 07:33:08

It just shows that it is never a good idea to use a name that one doesn't like. You forced a name that he hated (I don't like Jacob either)and now you don't like the trade off.
It is all water under the bridge now and you should have abandoned your choice and kept going for a compromise. I have 3 DSs and they would be called something completely different if I named them alone.
You can only appeal to his better nature and try and get Blanche as a second name.

CrumpettyTree Tue 17-Apr-12 10:07:27

Blanche is a real name too! I think it's quite a stylish name. I don't watch Corrie, but then people of the baby's generation won't be familier with Blanche from Corrie either. I think it's due a revival.

CrumpettyTree Tue 17-Apr-12 10:11:07

I just went on the Baby Name board and suggested Blanche to three people! grin

crje Tue 17-Apr-12 10:13:10

Think your stuck...........

Blanche is not the worst name - could be a lot worse imo. Try to change your thinking on the name -google famous blanche's in history to take your mind off the corrie association.

knowwhenyouhavebeenbeaten Tue 17-Apr-12 10:13:51

I actually don't see what the problem is, you did this to dh. hmm Prehaps he is winding you up. I like Blanche

doctordwt Tue 17-Apr-12 10:17:01


I take it you don't live in Glasgow grin

redlac Tue 17-Apr-12 10:24:45

I like Blanche (mind you DD is Grace so I like granny names)

Jacob however is forever associated with a topless shapeshifting werewolf who can't act.

exoticfruits Tue 17-Apr-12 10:25:58

I think it is a name on par with Jacob. You love one and he hated it and vice versa-seems a fair exchange.

kittyandthefontanelles Tue 17-Apr-12 19:30:00

Kanyon? Kanyon?!!! Oh my various gods!! My dad taught a lad in the 70s called Guy. Only his parents had only ever seen it written down and didn't know how to pronounce it. They insisted it was gooey! True story.

TessTosterone Tue 17-Apr-12 20:14:46

Yabu. Anyway I actually prefer Blanche to Jacob.

ComposHat Wed 18-Apr-12 21:35:13


I know!

And she's worried about the negative connotations of Blanche. I wonder if little Jakey came out of the womb holding a bottle of buckfast.

KateSpade Wed 18-Apr-12 22:10:32

I've just read the OP and whilst i am in a shitty mood, it has made me laugh.

Not at you, OP, just the name 'Blanche'

Thankyou for cheering me up a little!

skybluepearl Wed 18-Apr-12 22:23:12

It's growing on me.

cory Wed 18-Apr-12 22:24:51

I'm with OldLady on the first page: I doubt if the children your dd goes to school with will even know that it's an old granny name. But the names that seem sensible and ordinary to you probably will get a good old snigger in the playground.

To me, the most ridiculous old grandfather name I can imagine is Oscar- that is really somebody totally doddery, probably with side whiskers- but half the kids I know seem to be called Oscar and they just don't realise it puts them in the dotard category.

But when did I last meet a Mark or Michael under the age of...well, my age, really?

ComposHat Wed 18-Apr-12 22:27:57

Oscar makes me think of a Labrador for some reason.

Funny thing is there are very few elderly Oscars in the UK due to the stigma of the Oscar wilde trial. The 'stigma' attached to the name lasted decades.

kittyandthefontanelles Thu 19-Apr-12 06:18:03

I know a really gorgeous little Jamaican boy called Stan. Now that's traditionally an old man's name. I think it's great and really suits him

fedupofnamechanging Thu 19-Apr-12 09:29:51

Cory, I have a Michael - he is 15 smile

CrumpettyTree Thu 19-Apr-12 09:40:50

There's a Stanley in my dd's class. At first i thought of Hilda Ogden's husband and my friend's elderly dad, but you do get used to it.

CrumpettyTree Thu 19-Apr-12 09:41:53

I know an 8 year old Michael. I think it is a classic name

RoloTamasi Thu 19-Apr-12 11:21:22

Jacob and Blanche are both equally awful names in my opinion, but you made the agreement and if you've got any decency you'll stick with it.

KateSpade Thu 19-Apr-12 12:20:29

Just found out that my cousin has had a baby and called him Gavin.

I think thats quite strange...

CrunchyFrog Thu 19-Apr-12 12:39:34

Our neighbour had a baby the same time as I had DD. She was a scary, scary woman, with scary dogs and no teeth.

She called her lovely little boy Derek. <neutral emoticon>

5Foot5 Thu 19-Apr-12 13:07:37

kittyandthefontanellese "My dad taught a lad in the 70s called Guy. Only his parents had only ever seen it written down and didn't know how to pronounce it. They insisted it was gooey! True story."

Sorry but I don't think it can be unless it was a very common mistake to make. I had a friend at University who said this had happened in a class her cousin (female) taught.

5Foot5 Thu 19-Apr-12 13:13:52

In fact if you do a serach just on the Baby Names forum of mumsnet for "gooey" you will turn up quite a few threads where this story is re-told...

MrsShitty Thu 19-Apr-12 13:15:26


I think Derek is akin to Roger.

When our DDs are old enough to have DC they'll be calling them things like "Jean" and "Pat" and "Ray"

You wait.

CrumpettyTree Thu 19-Apr-12 13:19:14

I always associate Derek with Malcolm for some reason. The neighbour probably named him after a rellie.
Maybe the Gooey threads all refer to the same boy the PP's dad and the female cousin both taught and word has spread far and wide via the internet?

CrumpettyTree Thu 19-Apr-12 13:20:49

It's like the story about the people who saw Chloe in a baby name book and used it, but thought it was pronounced Clor.

CrumpettyTree Thu 19-Apr-12 13:21:36

I think trendy people are already calling babies Jean.

CrumpettyTree Thu 19-Apr-12 13:22:03

and Joan

Quenelle Thu 19-Apr-12 13:40:24

At my friend's local pre-school there is a little girl whose name is pronounced "Cha-Loo".

It is spelt "Chloe".

True story.

knitpicker Thu 19-Apr-12 13:51:57

I can't believe 'gooey' for Guy surely these people were pronouncing it the french way which is Gee, the way would ywould say Guy de Maupassant

CrumpettyTree Thu 19-Apr-12 14:14:11

I think it's possible that someone would read a name incorrectly and then call their child it. Maybe someone who wasn't very bright. Although I'm sure there have been times when i have read a word and then said it wrongly. I remember in A Level English trying to be clever and using the word ethereal in a discussion, but then actually making myself look like a dick instead by pronouncing it wrongly. blush OK so i would check out a child's name before using it, but some might not do that.

squoosh Thu 19-Apr-12 14:16:22

In Dublin slang Gee means vagina. I'd find that a whole lot funnier than gooey.

Maryz Thu 19-Apr-12 14:21:08

Oh, yes squoosh.

I have fond memories of a poor sod of a French exchange student who was called Guy, pronounced Gee (with a hard G). We sniggered hysterically any time he told anyone his name, and managed to never use it ourselves for the entire 3 weeks he was here.

It doesn't just mean vagina, it is rude so would be equivalent to cunt really.

FunnysInLaJardin Thu 19-Apr-12 14:23:15

ha ha, my friend from NI can't bring herself to say Ghee for the same reason even though she travels to Inja a lot grin

diddl Thu 19-Apr-12 14:41:45


Had they never heard of guy Fawkes??!!

LadyHarrietdeSpook Thu 19-Apr-12 16:08:07

16 pages on this thread. Did OP ever come back?

squoosh Thu 19-Apr-12 16:16:51

You're right Maryz I was being unusually polite there. To me though it's even stronger than cunt. It's more like CUNT

If I met a French Guy I would snigger like a schoolgirl. And as for Indian Ghee it always, always raises a smile. My v mature friend holds it up in the supermarket and shouts 'Squoosh would you like some ghee'. Oh we crack ourselves up with our sophisticated wit grin

Not really LadyHarriet, she was with us for about a page. But the topic has struck a chord - a shy mumsnetter like myself just can't resist an easy AIBU.

Ladyharriet she hasn't been seen or heard from since page one. Perhaps she's name changed to Blancheymom.

LadyHarrietdeSpook Thu 19-Apr-12 16:48:59

Just curious whether she had the courage to resurface, Surgeons .

Poor lamb.


LadyHarrietdeSpook Thu 19-Apr-12 16:49:36

Can one 'blanche in fear'

maybe not!

kittyandthefontanelles Thu 19-Apr-12 17:04:00

5foot5- well, take it up with my dad. He told me this happened to him and I've no reason not to believe him. Not a friend of A friend etc but my dad.

StrandedOnThePodium Thu 26-Jul-12 15:55:42

OP what happened?

Ruprekt Thu 26-Jul-12 16:09:30

oooh yes ! We need to know!

RaisinDEtre Thu 26-Jul-12 16:19:29

One blenches, LadyHarriet

WildWorld2004 Thu 26-Jul-12 16:42:45

Shes probably hanging her head in shame somewhere because she went behind her DHs back & named the child something else.

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