appropriate clothes for 11/12 year olds?(72 Posts)
Im looking to see whether I am being too strict here.
DD1 is in first year of senior school and had her first school disco recently.
She wore a lovely Ted Baker at Debenhams dress, which is nice and quite trendy (imo anyway) but not revealing at all. She had however arranged to borrow a dress from a friend which was a Lipsy dress.
She came back to say that half the girls were wearing Lipsy dresses. I had managed to defuse the situation about her wearing one by being too busy to collect the borrowed dress, but even if not, I think she is far too young to be wearing that sort of dress and I cant help wondering what these other girls mothers are thinking. Apparently they were in very short skirts, cutout tops, one shouldered etc. I have no objection to that in itself, they are lovely dresses in a nightclub, but I just think that at that age, its far too young to dress like this www.lipsy.co.uk
So what do you think, am I being hopelessly oldfashioned or not? AIBU not letting her wear one of them?
I doubt it was anywhere near half of them, DD is 11.5 and average size - she doesn't fit in Lipsy clothes, they're far too big for her
Im open as to whether they were all actually from there (seems quite expensive for a school disco to me but maybe Im tight AND oldfashoined) its the style I was asking about.
For the record, DD1 isnt 12 yet, and fits perfectly well into Lipsy, she has a trench coat, as does the friend who offered to loan her the dress, DD1 is very sporty and the friend is a beanpole, they start at a size 6 I think.
I dont think you are being old fashioned.I dont even know what a "Lipsy" dress is lol.
My eldest is soon to be 11 and I like to give input in what I think is appropriate.They like to think and act like they are Adults,but they are a long way away from being that.
I also like to encourage my Girls to be independant thinkers and not follow the crowd.Although I understand how they like to feel inclusive by doing as thier peers do.x
What's a Lipsy dress? I have an 11 year old dd so I am interested, I just can't visualise the dress to pull on my judgy pants .
My children go to a no uniform school, and dd often wears very short skirts, she loves dresses but they have a no spaghetti straps rule, so they have to be quite demure (it gets very hot here so there are quite good reasons why they might not want to wear lots of clothing, although ds seems to wear the same clothes regardless).
dd is very tall and wearing mostly adult clothes now. We got her a little black number for her Guides disco, it probably was a bit adult, but finding something that she liked and could fit was very tricky as she has no breast development yet, and by the time we found this dress she was in a bit of a state.
Sorry I tried to put a link on but it didnt work. Ill try again
I suppose on an 11 year old they might be just about an appropriate length. They come up impossibly short on average sized me!
I had a look at the site and you anbu, the label is clearly aimed at adults not pre-teens. I think you are right not to want your daughter to dress too grown-up as it can lead to so much unwanted attention. I do think it would be a good idea to have a chat with her about why you don't want her to dress like that so that next time the dress issue comes up she will be able to make an appropriate choice herself. Also Ted Baker is a great choice for that age group
I don't think they are particularly terrible (or very nice either). Although some of the poses from the models are very tarty (IMO). I wouldn't be buying any of them for dd though, because they are clearly for adult women and dd wants clothes for teenagers (plus the breast thing would probably be an issue).
Having said that I wouldn't be particularly surprised to see dd's friends wearing dresses like that at a dress up party.
But even the 6's are too big for DD, and they've got too much room for bust and what have you.
I know because I got her to try one on to show her how ridiculous it looked, lol
I had a look at Ted Baker but it only came up with children's clothes. Is that right? I wouldn't expect to buy dress up clothes for dd from a children's range any more. She'd not be at all happy, and at a first high school dance I imagine that the girls will very much be wanting to look like teenagers not children.
It's a very tricky age I think. I went shopping with dd and one of her best friends last weekend. For dd it's about buying tops that work with her shape, whereas for her (much smaller) friend it's about getting teenage clothes in her size. Both had grown out of children's ranges. dd because of her height (she's 5'5") and her friend because of her style.
I've never heard of Lipsy
My 11 year old fits into a size 8/10 (including the bust) but she still doesn't wear clothes an adult size 8/10 would wear iyswim
She's got a few nice skirts/dresses from m and s and primark and h and m that fit her quite well tbh and some t shirts from uniqlo/h and m etc
I mean an adult size 8-10 she fits into. She's almost the same height as me. How did that happen!
YANBU - too grown up and faaaar too expensive ! I recently bought myself a dress for a wedding party and didn't spend as much . Clearly I am also old fashioned/out of touch and tight ! Having said that I work in a secondary school and this type of dress is what the senior pupils (17/18 yr olds) were looking at for the senior prom - so again too grown up for 11 year olds.
(sorry just watching x factor - I think as long as none of ours turn out dressed like that, we'll be fine )
YANBU - they are vile, too short and too grown-up for a 11yo.
If theyre wearing dresses at 11/12 that 17/18 year olds are wearing at other schools, perhaps they WILL end up wearing a flashing leotard by end of school.
Seems to be mixed views. She's a good kid, hasnt been complaining to me or anything, I just wanted to make sure I wasnt being too hard on her.
Had never heard of Lipsy till I came on here tonight but oh my word! Do people really dress 11-year olds in those?
I am obviously completely old-fashioned dressing my 10-year old DD in dresses from Next and M & S!!
I bought DD's Prom Dress (for the Year Six one - don't even get me started on that) from Ted Baker at Debenhams. Aqua, tight bodice but not low cut and a floaty knee-length skirt.
She was very interested in the adult size 6 "occasion-wear" however
YANBU. What would there be to leave
to the imagination until they are older if you let children wear what they like whenever?
My dark thoughts have never roamed as far as flashing leotards though
DD is 11 and just started high school and TBH I can't imagine her (or any of the girls from her previous primary school) wearing any of those Lipsy dresses.
However I am very aware of how girls and their awareness of fashion etc change in those first weeks and months when they move up to 'big school'.
DD has already shown a new awareness of Pauls Boutique (which thankfully she thinks is hideous!!) and Jack Wills.
A few weeks ago she'd never been aware of them at all.
I would not be happy for my dds to dress in that style at any age let alone 11 or 12. Cheap and nasty, I hope my dds will grow up to have more respect for themselves and understand this is no way to dress if you want to be taken seriously.
You needed to have X Factor on for the flashing leotard thing, it was erm quite a sight.
Lipsy dresses are not vile, nor are they cheap or nasty, but they certainly are not suitable for a 11/12yo, in fact I would say they are a bit much for anyone under 16 to be quite honest.
I agree that Lipsy dresses are not cheap...
Thats quite tame ... you wait till mufti days - it's like a hookers parade @ Kings Cross
They are vile IMO, at least some of them are. They look like the types of clothes that strippers would wear. I quite like some of the smocky ones with long sleeves though.I wouldn't buy one for my 11 year old. There again I would allow her to wear something 'teenagerish' just for the special occassion.
"Had never heard of Lipsy till I came on here tonight but oh my word! Do people really dress 11-year olds in those?
I am obviously completely old-fashioned dressing my 10-year old DD in dresses from Next and M & S!!
Not sure you're completely reasonable talking about "dressing" a 10 or 11 year old! But yes, I agree that those dresses are too grown up and too expensive for most 11 year olds.
The style is a bit cheap-looking for a child though, which makes the cost of them somewhat infuriating if one's DD is insisting that everyone has one...
You know - I wonder if the problem is that we think anything goes with DDs up to a certain age: we gladly buy the harmless Disney Princess dresses with the fake silk and satin and lace (which we NEVER had) and then they have an expectation that it will just continue when there should be a gap between a child in dressing-up clothes and a soon-to-be-grown young person wearing real ones.
There were no bought Princess-gowns when I was growing up and as my DD has grown the upper age-limit seems to have been extended from 6-7 to 10-11.
It's not even just a matter of age. TBH I would never have worn most of those dresses as an adult, even though I used to have a slim figure. I just wouldn't have felt comfortable wearing that type of dress in public.
Oh I quite enjoy dressing like that in public at the right event
It is for a one off occasion though, really fairly equivalent to dressing up. I'm quite happy for my dd to pretend to be an adult for an evening, so long as she's back to wearing shorts/jeans etc the next morning (just like me really). It's not as if anyone is going to be thinking she is actually a grown up at a school disco.
I am very careful about dd's clothes (as far as I think is reasonable) as she is so tall and could easily be mistaken for being several years older. But for a one of I'd be more bothered about the cost.
No lipsy here
..... All Jack Wills and Hollister.
I have two teenage dds and it is very tricky; fortunately at that age they did not like bras showing (different at nearly 16 ...) so was able to steer away from anything too overtly sexy; or else t shirts or cami tops underneath; also seemed to prefer black tights which helped on the non-tarty front. I would also go on the simply can't afford it tack ...
Blimey. My DD is 12.5 and I don't think she'd be seen dead in any of those - (not that they'd fit her - she's only about 142 cm tall but quite plump). She's like yours, whiteT - must wear a bra and it mustn't show - she wouldn't even wear perfectly decent strappy sundresses this summer.
She chose to wear jeggings and a really nice tunic top to her yr8 disco this friday - most of the others seemed to be wearing short, often strapless dresses. As far as I can tell she was perfectly happy with her choice (whew!) - we hadn't found anything she liked in New Look which is about the only store with 'teen' range she like.
Where else is good for kids this age though? She's going to need something a bit dressier for a primary school reunion bash in a couple of months time - she hates shopping and I'm frankly clueless!
I do think they look a bit tacky - surely there has to be amiddle ground, i.e. short, but not too short?
School discos do get very, very hot so you need to adjust for that. I always drop DD off in her winter coat (if it's winter, obviously) and then pick her up again in the same way so that she doesn't catch her death coming out.
I wouldn't want my DD in one of those (she'll be 11 in January and is 4.10) but I wouldn't object to something that shows her off a little as long as it isn't too revealing.
Last year at her first school disco there were some Yr8s who were dressed like kerbside professinoals, one of them dropped something in front of us and bent to pick it up and you could see her cheeks, as it were. Fortunately DD thought it was gross.
For last yrs disco (yr7) DD had a perfectly OK dress from new look - jersey top, scoop necked but not too low, skirt above the knee but well below the bottom! The only really short skirt she has she always wears with leggings - she wouldn't dream of wearing it without.
Grimma what we do without leggings! Eldest is 13 and wears them under all dresses which is ideal imo. Op is NBU but some pre- teens still look like children whilst others look like and have the hormones of a much older person! went shopping with DD1 today and it is really tough finding something i am happy for her to wear to the disco and that she wants. the leggings compromise won again. do find New Look teen section and Primark ideal. OP take your DD out on a girly shopping trip and see if you can find compromises
Grimma my 12 year old is like yours, tiny (under 140cm tall), but very slight too, and must wear a bra which mustn't show. This, thankfully, cuts out a whole load of tarty stuff, plus the fact that she's still mostly in age 9-10 stuff.
It must be harder if they are more adult sized, so OP, YANBU. My 15 year old went through a tricky phase a couple of years back where adult clothes just looked too grown up and children's didn't fit.
I really dislike short skirts etc on 12 year old girls. I like Primark; they have loads of stuff in a size 6 or 8 which is nice for teens. My 15 year old dresses mainly from there (lack of money prohibiting the Jack wills/ Hollister trends!) and always looks like a teenager but without looking tarty.
My 12 year old looks 15/16. I was only posting about this earlier today on another thread.
I am more impressed that your DD's school is organising a disco at the start of term.............
Lipsy have a shop inside the local Next. Says it all really. Nasty!
I think lipsy dresses are fine for a school disco. Not my taste - but I would let my dd wear one.
I think I'll be taking all my Lipsy dresses to the charity shop after reading this thread, I feel too old for them now.
Kiss - and that could solve the problem for those who think spending that much on a dress, which will almost certainly only get one wearing before its outgrown, is barmy!
Tartsville dresses I'm afraid!! Not at all suitable for 12yrs olds at a school disco LOL.
Like rubyruby my 12yr old would look 18 in one- no way!! We are trying to teach her to look "sophisticated" if she wants to dress up... and to disco in shorts and, leggings + a sparkly top (and if she takes the leggings off actually she looks more like a dressed up 12yr old rather than an 18yr old which is interesting!)
At my DD's yr 7 parties/discos last year, all the girls wore short black skirts and assorted strappy tops. DD loves her opaque tights, so she was quite decent. All the boys wore boring clothes and Justin Beiber fringes.
No-one was leering at the girls I don't think, they just all wanted to wear the same stuff. Good old peer pressure. I think Primark is their favourite shop at the moment.
If my DD wanted to wear something that I really thought was inappropriate, I would have a talk with her.
My dd (12) bought a tight black mini dress (she was shopping with friends) that was just hideous.
I just said oh, ok, if that's what you want to wear and you'll be comfortable in it.
She said, don't you like it?
I said, it's not me that has to wear it. If you like it, that's all that matters. I wouldn't wear it because I think it looks like you're going to go and work the streets, but hey, up to you.
She didn't wear it - but it was her choice.
YANBU. I am very glad that we live in a country that's a bit backwards fashion-wise and where kids still dress like kids if that's what 11/12 year olds are wearing in England these days. The 18 year olds I know dress more tastefully than that!
My 12 year old and her friends wouldnt feel comfortable in dresses like that. We find H and M, New Look and M and S teenage ranges good for clothes we both like !
OMG, there's NO WAY I would allow an 11 year old to wear something like that. My oldest dd is 10 so not far off. She's starting to like more trendy clothes now which is fine but not clothes designed for adult women. There's something quite freaky about pre-pubescent little girls dressing up in women's dresses which are designed to be sexy and I would go so far to say it's irresponsible of parents to let them.
If that makes me old-fashioned so be it.
Hang on folks, I accept that the Lipsy dresses are over priced and many of the low cut and strapless ones would not fit even my size 12 thirteen year old because they need more bust, but what did you go out in aged 12/13.
I'm 40+, a child of the 80s and I remember vest tops ( no bra straps though) short rara rara skirts, and incredibly tight jeans and straight skirts you couldn't walk in. Summer shorts were just that short and leggings were worn without bum covering long tops.
We never wore today's ridiculously short skirts to school, but I'm sure the generation of girls before me did.
Thats why I was asking star. I had a very conservative mother (thats one way of putting it anyway!) and I think if she had had her way Id have gone out in burkhas - and we arent even Muslim.
I dont want her to be too out of touch with what other girls her age are wearing. But neither do I want her to have to deal with things that arent fair on her at her age (for example, some of the girls in her class wear full makeup including foundation every day to school, get up early to straighten their hair, etc - Ive told her that shes got plenty of years ahead of her to have to do all that and to enjoy not having to while she can!)
Theres something that doesnt sit right with me about girls so young dressing like that. And of course we all wanted to be older than we were, and get dressed up, I get that. But neither do I want her to be out of touch - to me its about teaching her how to deal with situations slowly and in a controlled way which she can handle without putting her under stress.
And btw - we dont live in England either, so its not just there. I think I will just be sticking to my guns about what I feel is suitable for her -thanks for all your comments. Its so difficult - this is why I wanted boys!!!!
I was never allowed to go out in stuff like that at 12, startail. 15, yes, after a lot of battling with my parents over it, but not 12. At the time I thought they were unreasonable but now I respect why they were strict on those things.
I'm with dancergirl. 12 is just too young. Maybe the fact that my 12 year old still looks like a 9 year old in size makes it easier for me. I do see girls in my daughter's year and think "they can't possibly be Year 8!", which they obviously are, so maybe I'm somehow in some sort of cloud cuckoo land! But my 15 year old was much bigger and I never let her dress like that either.
Adopting the same style is another way to put older children and teenagers off something I'm told. I have plans for DH to wear his trousers around his arse when DS is of an age if necessary.
startail -I'm over 40 too and although I can't remember too many specifics about what I did wear as12/13 year old I certainly don't remember quite as much flesh being on show as there seems to be today, or the ultra padded bras, high heels, mini-adult clothing in the childrens dept etc. that seem to be everywhere.
(I wasn't a 'conservative' dresser as a teen or in my early 20s either believe me!)
Yup - what startail says. I did wear some absurdly short skirts though (with very thick tights. Or fishnets.).
Wow, I always thought Lipsy dresses were priced around the same as Jane Norman or something. Amazing that so many of the girls mothers would fork out so much to make them look so cheap.
YANBU - Let Girls Be Girls and all that.
No not as much flesh, our tops weren't as low or tight, but our skirts and trousers certainly were revealingly tight.
I don't think we ever thought of them as revelling or sexy, just as fashionable.
The lipsy dresses are very expensive, so I would never spend that on an 11/12 year old. But Ted Baker is also very expensive - so money obviously isn't an issue for the OP.
I wouldn't let my 11/12 year old DDs wear lipsy around town - I would be worried about boys/men thinking they are older than they are, or my DD's pretending to be older.
But at a supervised school disco I really wouldn't have an issue. Yes they are not my taste, but I wouldn't expect my DDs to have the same taste as their mother. And I remember some of the things I used to wear which I now think are hideous.
And at 11/12 my DD's had breasts and were going through puberty. So these wouldn't have looked daft on them.
Although round hear the fashion seems to be for shorts and coloured tights.
Lipsy dresses are, imo, for older girls (15/16+) at the least.
Even as an adult, I wouldn't wear one as I think they are too skimpy, and even at 5'2", too short.
I think you must be feeling a little uncomfortable about them too, as you have asked.
Say no, you are allowed.
I think perhaps the difference when I was young is, that while I did wear shorts and small top, it was nothing like what adults or older teens wore.
I don't remember going to discos till I was about 15, and as far as I can remember no-one dressed up particularly - certainly you wouldn't get parents shelling out for an expensive dress just for a disco!
My 2 are 17 and 20 now so have been through that "difficult" phase where they seem to want to dresss like a hooker.
I was pretty strict, but also knew I had to compromise a little.
At 12/13 I would usually shop with them and would let them try on most of what they wanted and add a few things which I really liked.
I would say a big fat no to anything which was too revealling/sexy etc and then let them choose from what was left.
As someone else said you are the parent and it is allowed to say No, if you feel it is the right thing.
tbh I don't really see an issue with a girl this age wearing a short dress at a school disco. I was going to school discos regularly from 11/12. Although we wouldn't have spent a lot on a dress, we did wear short skirts - in 80's. Our mums would veto anything too short and then we would roll them up shorter at the waistband as soon as our parents weren't there.
Girls would also wear very very tight jeans - the fashion was to wear them in the bath new so they shrunk even more - with most waiting until our parents were out. Also ra ra skirts, halternecks, etc.
Although also some bizarre fashions like the starsky and hutch cardigans.
I would talk to DD about how girls can be judged on what they wear e.g. easy if wear short skirts, but also about how this is a double standard i.e. feminist slant. But I would want her to know that a lot of boys will judge her on what she wears.
I am interested in what the OP things is a trendy Ted Baker dress? Would you link to it?
Them Starsky and Hutch cardigans are back aren't they?
There is also a big difference between a 10 nearly 11 year old and a 12 nearly 13 year old imo.
At DD yr 6 leaving "prom" all the girls wore Tammy Girl prom dresses which were not too grown up . My DD is now 14 and yr9 and has not worn a dress since. She lives in skinny jeans and band t shirts.
I used to run the design room - ie head designer/tech - for one of their competitors, so know the brand very well & there is no way my own DD would be wearing anything like that at that age, despite it being very much my own design style - - we used to say - I designed for barmaids & trannies- & I know their designer at the time said the same sort of thing - I would be horrified to think of DD going out looking like that at 11/12 & I'm gobsmacked that some parents will - if any at all I bet its a lot less than your DD is telling you
Oh, my goodness, I remember shrinking my jeans in the bath - I'd forgotten that. I think I was about 13. I never thought I was being revealing, though, just that it was the fashion. My mum thought I was absurd but let me do it!
I thought it was just the fashion as well, but it was pretty revealing.
And lipsy has prom dresses/shift dresses, etc. Yes there are some very tarty dresses, but I doubt these are the lipsy dresses that the girls were wearing.
I have 4 DDs, DD3 is in Year 7. I wouldn't let her wear a Lipsy dress yet, its just too grown up.
DD1 (15) has some similarly revealing dresses (strapless, short style ones), which she puts with massive heels and backcombed hair. We let her start wearing them probably around the start of Year 10, after we discovered she'd spent the latter half of Year 9 borrowing even more revealing stuff from friends. To be honest, even her wearing them now at 15 sits uneasily with me, so no way would I have let her at 11/12.
DD2 (13) is much more body conscious, and hates showing bra straps etc, so we haven't had as bigger battle with her on this front. She's more your Jack Wills/Hollister/Abercrombie/H&M kind of girl.
DD3 (11), who is just into Year 7 is already starting to push for more 'grown up' clothes. We've spent a small fortune in Jack Wills already, most of which doesn't bloody fit as she's so small still. Lipsy stuff would hang off her, thank the lord!
Is anyone else finding the jump to secondary huge? At the end of primary, DD3 was absolutely a child. She wasn't particularly brand aware, and was happy to dash off to school with half her breakfast round her mouth. 3 weeks into secondary, she's already getting up to 'do' her hair, worrying about what she's wearing at weekends, pushing for makeup (NO WAY for school), and I've caught the school skirt creeping up a couple of times as she's left the house. All 3 of my girls were the same - it's like secondary morphs them into teens. At least DD4 is still low maintenance!
GGI - I'm lucky to have a daughter who doesn't seem to be in a rush to grow up too soon. Apart from being embarrassed by the basic Nokia phone which she'd been perfectly happy with when it was bought just before she started secondary - she seems more or less oblivious to labels. And actually wants her hair in two plaits for school still, bless her little cotton socks
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