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Wiping cock on hand towel...

(273 Posts)
Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 10:02:36

Title says it all really. DS is fascinated by watching DH pee so he follows him off to the bathroom and the door was left open. I walked by to see DH drying his penis on the hand towel. Apparently it's what he always does, news to me though.

This is rank, right? Or is it a universal thing?

olderyetwider Wed 14-Sep-11 10:03:17

Yuk

moondog Wed 14-Sep-11 10:03:21

grin
shock

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 14-Sep-11 10:03:27

It is rank.... that's what curtains are for....

Pagwatch Wed 14-Sep-11 10:03:42

Oh. Dear.God.

Oh God please tell me this is not universal! Does he wipe his cock on the curtain after you have sex?

Urgh.

Chundle Wed 14-Sep-11 10:04:45

Ewwww yuk yanbu make sure u tell ds that this is not the done thing

coccyx Wed 14-Sep-11 10:04:51

did not know men dried them! better than the tea towel i guess

TurkeyBurgerThing Wed 14-Sep-11 10:06:03

Yuck! My DH pisses in the toilet without bothering to put the toilet seat up so then there are drips of piss all over it which he doesn't like to wipe up.

freesiaLiliy Wed 14-Sep-11 10:06:15

does he rinse first or just wipe the drip? if the second then URGGHHH people wipe their hands on that shock

squeakytoy Wed 14-Sep-11 10:06:19

I always thought men just gave it a shake confused

maybells Wed 14-Sep-11 10:06:27

dirty sod! do u mean he washes his penis then uses the hand towel or does he just generally wipe piss on it?

bemybebe Wed 14-Sep-11 10:06:57

"tea towel"???
[boak]

ihatecbeebies Wed 14-Sep-11 10:06:59

You should get a special cock towel for him grin

Elderberries Wed 14-Sep-11 10:07:11

biscuit

StrandedBear Wed 14-Sep-11 10:07:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HairyGrotter Wed 14-Sep-11 10:07:26

Urgh, rank. That'd piss me right off, I wouldn't wipe my fanny with a hand towel!

Skippyboo Wed 14-Sep-11 10:08:11

Leave him.

kat2504 Wed 14-Sep-11 10:08:25

Urrrgh!! If he wants to dry it what is wrong with bog roll?
That is rank.
<reminds self to wash all towels in house in case this is a universal habit>

<also reminds self to dry her hands on her bath towel, not any hand towels that are in the bathroom>

AtYourCervix Wed 14-Sep-11 10:08:37

How many years have you been drying your hands unaware?

I also thought they shook. shock

<off to wash towels just in case>

moondog Wed 14-Sep-11 10:09:14
kat2504 Wed 14-Sep-11 10:09:19

Cock towel!!!! Brilliant!

Would it have a special "Picture" on it to set it apart from nice hand towels?

knittedbreast Wed 14-Sep-11 10:09:48

my dp used the towel the other day. its in the wash now.

Deflatedballoonbelly Wed 14-Sep-11 10:10:00

Wow grin

BellaneyMimphus Wed 14-Sep-11 10:11:13

ihatecbeebies is right
Here's one

CocktailQueen Wed 14-Sep-11 10:11:33

grin

boak!! Nope, a wipe with loo roll works for my dh...... bleurgh.

ripstheirthroatoutliveupstairs Wed 14-Sep-11 10:11:58

I would be furious with my DH if he did that. I am another lucky ducky, he does sit down to pee (although I think he treats himself to a stand up pee if he's out).
OP, if your DH is concerned about having a moist helmet, he could always dab it with toilet roll.

Cheaptrick Wed 14-Sep-11 10:12:03

That is gross

diddl Wed 14-Sep-11 10:13:05

Why do you even ask?

Of course it´s rank & no it´s not universal-you´re married to someone disgusting!

PeneloPeePitstop Wed 14-Sep-11 10:13:24

oh em gee.
At least DS1 uses toilet paper.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls Wed 14-Sep-11 10:15:44

That's disgusting!
Get a flannel with a hook and sew something on it for him "Cock" might do the trick grin

Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 10:15:57

Wow that was fast.

He rinses first, would never wipe cock on curtain after sex, would wash and then I'm presuming drys it on the hand towel...

AtYourCervix Wed 14-Sep-11 10:17:34

realy? after a wee he washes his cock? what does he do in a public loo?

MrsBuntysStrangeCuldeSac Wed 14-Sep-11 10:18:01

Well if he rinses first that makes it ok then hmm

Icelollycraving Wed 14-Sep-11 10:18:04

Oh sweet Jesus! Grim,I really hope this isn't universal!
Wanders off to boil wash towels....

Shutupanddrive Wed 14-Sep-11 10:18:06

Rinses where? In the sink that you use to wash and brush your teeth? shock

Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 10:18:54

He's just so clean normally I'm still shock

Oh and DS is nearly 13 months so I have a while before he starts copying his Dad....

discobeaver Wed 14-Sep-11 10:19:02

Wouldn't a rinsed cock then drip all over trousers?
I think houses should have separate urinals, would solve all dripping, towel wiping and seat up or down problems.

BelleEnd Wed 14-Sep-11 10:19:14

I challenge you to start a thread on Netmums with this title grin

MrsBuntysStrangeCuldeSac Wed 14-Sep-11 10:19:40

If there if no hand towel in the toilet does he wonder into the kitchen and use the dish towel?

BellaneyMimphus Wed 14-Sep-11 10:19:50

I'm impressed that he rinses his penis after peeing, but a little intimidated by too.

AtYourCervix Wed 14-Sep-11 10:19:56

and this is why in the Cervix household we have 2 bathrooms. One for females and one for the male. Gender devision working at it's very best.

Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 10:20:01

I assume he'd shake and leave in a public loo...

MrsBuntysStrangeCuldeSac Wed 14-Sep-11 10:20:41

Sorry, wander

Youremindmeofthebabe Wed 14-Sep-11 10:21:11

He washes it after every wee? I am astounded. There's only shaking goes on in my house, as is testament by the fact I have to clean the toilet daily to remove DS's 4 year-old splatters.

Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 10:21:23

It was the downstairs loo so not the sink we brush our teeth at and the sink is too high upstairs hopefully and we have our own towels in the main bathroom

Pendeen Wed 14-Sep-11 10:22:44

OP that is utterly gross

If that were my DP I would put some chilli powder on the towel!

MrsBuntysStrangeCuldeSac Wed 14-Sep-11 10:23:28

Tell him the clue if in the name 'HAND towel', otherwise it would be universally named 'cock towel'. Can he be allocated his own special cock towel? <shudders>

Shutupanddrive Wed 14-Sep-11 10:24:08

I bet he sometimes uses the upstairs loo though? And rinses it in the sink <boak> I would kill DP if he did this

RedVelvetFudgeCake Wed 14-Sep-11 10:24:38

<boak>
LOL@Cogito

Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 10:25:34

We used to have separate bathrooms in the last house which is maybe why I never noticed.

Would never wipe cock on a tea towel in his defence

you know, there's a thread on mumsnet nearly every day which confirms, again, that being a lesbian is just better...

I would actually want to kill him if my DH casually announced to me one day that he'd always wiped his cock on the hand towel.

How can you not have discovered this before?

Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 10:28:00

Lol Pendeen I may save that as a last resort grin

diddl Wed 14-Sep-11 10:28:16

I wonder why he feels the need to wash rather than just wipe with paper?

Hullygully Wed 14-Sep-11 10:28:58

Lovely

MrsBuntysStrangeCuldeSac Wed 14-Sep-11 10:28:59

I would put money on the fact he uses the tea towel too. Sounds too odd not be a strange fetish thing...

sorry x-post on how you've not noticed before.

knittedbreast Wed 14-Sep-11 10:29:03

my dp washes it after he has had a wee, i wash my blush after i have done a wee, all women do dont we so why is it odd for a man

BellaneyMimphus Wed 14-Sep-11 10:29:37

I don't wash after weeing, I wipe.

AtYourCervix Wed 14-Sep-11 10:31:46

Surely Nobody at all in the entire civilised world washes their tuppence after a wee?

MajorBumsore Wed 14-Sep-11 10:31:47

Eh? All women wash after weeing?

Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 10:32:10

Constance I don't normally watch him pee. I was just coming by and the door was open, it's normally closed.

We've always stayed somewhere with two loos so it's not like he comes and uses the loo when I'm in the shower etc.

DH actually said "I can't believe you didn't know that I did this already" but I didn't!

knittedbreast Wed 14-Sep-11 10:34:03

you wipe? i wipe after ive washed to get rid of excess water.

why wouldnt you wash it? if you had wee on your arm you wouldnt wipe that off would you?

feel ive been decieved all my life sad

Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 10:35:04

He definitely would not use the tea towel! Wiping on the hand towel aside he's very hygenic.

knitted can I ask where your from? DH is a Brit but spent a lot of time in the desert and I'm wondering if that's where he picked up the habit.

Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 10:36:26

in the desert abroad

CeliaFate Wed 14-Sep-11 10:36:29

If you need to wipe then that is what toilet paper is for. shock Or you could get him this

AtYourCervix Wed 14-Sep-11 10:36:32

What do you do at work breast?

tyler80 Wed 14-Sep-11 10:38:06

Completely ignoring the original question I'm curious about why people think it's gross that he washes his penis in the sink. Weird yes, gross no. Hands touch penis for wee/wipe bum after poo, wash hands in sink = ok. Wash penis in sink = gross. I don't get it

Theala Wed 14-Sep-11 10:39:25

I always wondered why other women were taking so long in public loos. Obviously, they were busy washing their fanny. hmm

Anyway, I may be a bit odd, but I don't see what's wrong with someone drying their cock on a hand towel if it is clean. The cock, that is. Although the hand towel should probably be clean as well. I have no problem using the same bath towel as my beloved, and I presume he uses it to dry off his cock as well as his other body parts. Unless he's doing some sort of spin-dry action that I've never noticed. hmm

knittedbreast Wed 14-Sep-11 10:42:10

i work in customer services!

lol at desert, i was born here but familiy is from afar.

you are right though in certain cultures it is normal too wash instead, like in the middle east. but everyone woman i know, who i have discussed this with, also washes.

i guess you could use a sponge, lol!

whackamole Wed 14-Sep-11 10:42:53

Didn't even have to read the whole of the OP. The title should simply end......'is vile'.

AtYourCervix Wed 14-Sep-11 10:47:06

not your job! what do you do about washing your fany after a wee at work? grin

ViviPru Wed 14-Sep-11 10:47:35

I just did a straw poll of all the men in the office (consisting solely of my DP) and the verdict was:

"EURGH that's rank - why would anyone do that? And why are you asking me that?"

Tanif Wed 14-Sep-11 10:47:52

I'm puzzling over washing after every wee knitted

Do you... I don't know, have a quick rub down with a wet wipe, or do you have a desinated fanny flannel?

PeneloPeePitstop Wed 14-Sep-11 10:50:12

How do you wash your bits when in public?
* amusing visual image of woman squatting over sink *

ViviPru Wed 14-Sep-11 10:51:44

I was about to ask the same, PPP

knittedbreast Wed 14-Sep-11 10:52:15

oh i see! sorry!

no wipes or flannel. i have a little cup... blush

at work i have a little lid i use. i fill it with water and pour it over, then i pat it dry.

really, im waiting for someone else to say they do this too.

have i been lied too by mother my whole life??

blush

Skippyboo Wed 14-Sep-11 10:52:49

Oh lord, I'm feeling paranoid and oddly dirty 'cos I don't do a full wash and blow dry after a wee blush

Have never washed after peeing.

Wahing cock in sink is not rank.

Drying clean cock on towel is not rank either.

AtYourCervix Wed 14-Sep-11 10:55:04

not exactly lied to. maybe just misled? misdirected? grin Maybe I'm just filthy.

AngryFeet Wed 14-Sep-11 10:57:59

It is just weird sorry. I understand in some cultures washign after using the loo is normal but they tend to have a hose type system in their bathroom. Sticking it in the sink is odd. If I caught my DH doing this I would be shock. I am feeling dirty now though after reading knittedbreasts posts...

BellaneyMimphus Wed 14-Sep-11 10:58:48

knittedbreast it sounds very clean but practically, hard to achieve!
Do you take your little cup into the loo with you at work?

knittedbreast Wed 14-Sep-11 10:59:27

i wouldnt sugget a hot blow dry on your bits!!!

ive just always thought if i had wee on my arm i wouldnt just wipe it off id wash it, why do any differently down there? its not about smelling just feels clean.

some women i know dont use cups, they wet tissue paper and dab (theres an image for you ;) )

i do the same when i poo too!

way tmi

Skippyboo Wed 14-Sep-11 11:00:18

My husband's in a meeting at the moment, but I'm dying to text/call to ask what he does with his cock after a wee!

I NEED to know!

BellaneyMimphus Wed 14-Sep-11 11:00:19

But wehre do you get the water to wet the tissue? I mean, if there isn't a sink in the cubicle?

PizzaEmpress Wed 14-Sep-11 11:00:46

Rinsing it and drying it is is yuck and weird. Very off-putting. Sorry OP!

bemybebe Wed 14-Sep-11 11:00:50

never heard of washing after a pee. hmm how strange. urine is sterile unless someone has a uti. really no need to use any water...
i have moist toilet tissues on me to use as necessary.

knittedbreast Wed 14-Sep-11 11:01:52

you take the cup into your handbag and into the toilet.

we also have a little pot with a spout that looks like a kettle, you fill it with water and pour it over.... but thats just at home. much preferable to the cup.

you should try it, it feels very clean and fresh smile

Sorry haven't read all replies but if he washes it under the tap first then dries it, then fine. If he's wiping pee on the towel he's disgusting!

BellaneyMimphus Wed 14-Sep-11 11:03:12

No, urine is sterile but the ureter isn't and the vulva/glans isn't, so it gathers germs when it comes out.

I like the idea of washing actually and am off to try it out for practicality grin

I also would like dh to wash his penis and am happy to provide him with an embroidered cock towel.

knittedbreast Wed 14-Sep-11 11:03:33

you get loo roll, pour water over it and take it in with you. use an needed and flush smile

peterpan99 Wed 14-Sep-11 11:04:38

man thats all kinds of nasty!

MrsSleepy Wed 14-Sep-11 11:04:53

Sounds very time consuming Knitted

MrsSleepy Wed 14-Sep-11 11:07:05

Just asked the husband... He shakes... So does DS

Icelollycraving Wed 14-Sep-11 11:08:00

Knittedbreast,are you really telling the truth?!
You wash after every wee? You have a teapot for this purpose?!
Oh my,I thought I was fastidious about cleanliness but this is something else.
Haven't your partners ever said anything about this as it's pretty unusual to say the least.

passmethebucket Wed 14-Sep-11 11:10:45

Just for info AtYourCervix - dh is from Turkey. Whether you consider that 'civilised' or not, I don't know, but believe me, they ALL wash after weeing or pooing - have little spout things on the back of their loos for just this purpose - and they are all utterly disgusted when they learn that we don't. Their reaction to the British 'wiping' is <boak>. Most of them don't know that we don't - they simply can't conceive of a culture that would be so unhygienic - my dh positively gagged when he realised that British people were coming out of the loo without washing.

bemybebe Wed 14-Sep-11 11:11:00

Oh, please, not the tea pot! My cup of tea will never be the same! grin

MrsBuntysStrangeCuldeSac Wed 14-Sep-11 11:12:05

I've heard it all now... Cock towels, fanny teapots. I think you're having us on knitted...

Skippyboo Wed 14-Sep-11 11:14:49

I'm starting to feel unclean.

<fights urge to look for fanny teapots and cock towels in Argos>

Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 11:15:37

Thanks knitted maybe tis cultural then...

Empjusa Wed 14-Sep-11 11:15:53

This thread has totally made my day! Is anyone else going to be looking for people in public toilets carrying cup of water now? grin

ViviPru Wed 14-Sep-11 11:17:12

I'm struggling to imagine how any of this cup/teapot/lid fanny douche business actually plays out - gravity dictates surely that the water is pouring down from said receptacle, but the parts to be washed are up. <shakes head> Baffling, frankly.

Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 11:18:28

Maybe I should wash too blush

kat2504 Wed 14-Sep-11 11:19:03

I think it's a Muslim thing. They have these little pots with a spout in most islamic countries. In posh toilets there they have a jet inside the bowl, when you turn a tap it squirts water up at you!! I had one in my appartment when I went to Turkey on holiday recently.

In an Indian restaurant I went to last week there was an empty 2 pint milk container next to the loo in the ladies. I did wonder if this was a makeshift fanny teapot!

bemybebe Wed 14-Sep-11 11:19:23

passmethebucket

I wonder if there is a relative statistics for relevant infections "down there" due to one method of self-cleansing vs the other.

Maybe it has something to do with cultures in hot climates? After all these "pork is dirty" belief is most widespread in the hot climates too (pork goes off quickly and does not give a characteristic whiff, so poses more dangers to people further down South)... Just a guess.

BelfastBloke Wed 14-Sep-11 11:20:07

HIL-arious thread.

All determined that a MAN who WASHES then DRIES is disgusting.

But when a woman does it, it's starting to make some of you question yourselves.

Rosa Wed 14-Sep-11 11:22:25

Bidet towels..... But a bidet is another discussion. In most some european countries hand towels, bath towels and bidet towels ...simple..

Skippyboo Wed 14-Sep-11 11:22:39

BelfastBloke, as a basic rule of thumb, I tend to determine that ANYTHING a man does is disgusting.

It's a useful starting point grin

Knitted do you take teapot into bathroom everytime, or does it just sit on the window ledge/shelf?

bemybebe Wed 14-Sep-11 11:23:25

I actually think it is more hygienic not to pour questionable water (usually it is not drinking water in the public loos) from questionable containers onto sensitive bits. Urine itself is sterile. Daily showers (with or without full soap) are more than adequate for normal people... me thinks.

PeneloPeePitstop Wed 14-Sep-11 11:24:57

Surely washing properly morning and evening is hygienic enough?

Skippyboo Wed 14-Sep-11 11:25:11

Look, the way I see it is that I've never washed after a wee, but have always thoroughly washed my hands. I seem to have survived this method, am very healthy and haven't died from it yet.

Job's a good'n.

bemybebe Wed 14-Sep-11 11:25:25

by "normal" I mean "healthy"
(quickly before someone accuses me of cultural insensitivities)

Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 11:27:10

Belfast it's not the washing and drying it's more of the use of the hand towel which is for hands surely?

tyler80 Wed 14-Sep-11 11:27:56

I would have thought that splashing a bit of water from a cup! around is more likely just to spread the germs about.

If anyone's starting a study, I wipe after wees and poos although I often have a shower straight after the latter. I've never had a uti, thrush or any other sort of vaginal infection.

MrsBuntysStrangeCuldeSac Wed 14-Sep-11 11:28:22

Logistically though it's easy to stick your cock under the tap for a quick rinse, which I'm assuming is how OP's DH does it. The whole fanny teapot thing sounds like hard work. Does he use the hot or cold tap, OP?

BelfastBloke Wed 14-Sep-11 11:28:33

Hands, noses and penises.

Come on. Everyone knows this...

BellaneyMimphus Wed 14-Sep-11 11:29:51

I bet it's quite nice sticking your cock under running water <small reverie about shower heads> but you'd want the temperature to be just so, wouldn't you? Our sink has freezing or scalded-glans temperature, nothing in between.

MrsBuntysStrangeCuldeSac Wed 14-Sep-11 11:31:44

You've lost me, Belfastbloke, is it a song?

Isn't the plural 'peni', anyway?

Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 11:32:46

It's a mixer tap, I suspect cold though as DH isn't patient enough to wait a minute for water to run hot. I think it's more head than whole Penis though tmi sorry

discobeaver Wed 14-Sep-11 11:35:14

This talk of bidets reminded me that Beyonce called one of her albums B Day.

SnakeOnCrack Wed 14-Sep-11 11:35:37

HAS HE HEARD OF TOILET PAPER?

Dirty dirty bastard. I feel sick.

MrsBuntysStrangeCuldeSac Wed 14-Sep-11 11:37:01

blush I suppose I did ask...

BelfastBloke Wed 14-Sep-11 11:37:12

Lol at Gracie apologising for tmi at THIS point in the thread!

Hand towels are for hands, yes. But also for noses and penises, surely? And feet.

Skippyboo Wed 14-Sep-11 11:38:54

BelfastBloke, you're disgusting.

Noses and feet are bad enough...

Bleurgh!

MrsBuntysStrangeCuldeSac Wed 14-Sep-11 11:39:17

I am NEVER going to use a hand towel again.

How do you pour water over your bumhome after a poo? Do you have to hang upside down? Seriously thinking about logistics of bumhole washing

BellaneyMimphus Wed 14-Sep-11 11:40:44

But would there be different germs on a hand towel even if it wasn't used for penile drying?
Aren't they all roughly the same germs, on hands, noses etc?

knittedbreast Wed 14-Sep-11 11:41:26

no more complicated or time consuming than washing your hands, it dousnt take long.

im not having you on, i just wash after using the toilet, all my family does it. no partners have ever mentioned it, in fact my dp now always washes aswell, and not from me telling him.
its not that washing morning and night isnt enough, thats for a seperate reason, due to sweat etc..
at home the kettle/pot thing is next to the toilet, obv i wouldnt take that into work.

i dont understand why you wouldnt, especially after a poo. if you got poo on your hand i suppose you would wash it? so why just wipe after the toilet? its still there you just cant see it etc...

Theala Wed 14-Sep-11 11:42:02

Clean body parts are clean body parts. What is the freakin' problem with which clean body part gets wiped where?

pengymum Wed 14-Sep-11 11:44:29

Water bottles with sports cap are quite handy for this actually! Can point and shoot, so to speak. Also discreet and don't leak in your bag!

Wipe with loo paper after washing to dry. Wash hands dry with towel at home or loo roll/paper towel elsewhere.
grin

Can't say I fancy using hand towels in anyone else's house now though, after this revelation. confused

LDNmummy Wed 14-Sep-11 11:44:45

I totally object to using the hand towel to dry, but I completely agree with washing your bits after doing your business.

I also agree with KnittedBreast about another culture not getting that they don't do that in Britain.

It is so much cleaner and nicer to wash yourself instead of just wiping. My house will have a Bidet fitted as it is also normal on pretty much all sides of my family (mixed heritage household) to wash after going to the bathroom.

The difference is, in houses with a Bidet for instance, you have a separate box of tissues or hand towel to dry yourself with after use. Then you don't use the actual hand towel, which is not good IMO.

SeniorWrangler Wed 14-Sep-11 11:44:59

He should leave the poultry outside.

Seriously, there was a great thing on QI about how the neck of a goose is the best possible thing to wipe your arse on, according to some 18th century poet. You should get him one of those. grin

SweetGrapes Wed 14-Sep-11 11:46:02

No no knitted , your mother didn't lie to you... I'm from India and we all do this too BUT there we have the squating toilets with a bucket of water and a mug just next to us. So, it's just a mater of sloshing a bit of water when done. And there's no flush so mugs of water are going down anyway.

But I don't do it here. Just use the tissue. Isn't that what bidets are for? Or are they actually for washing your feet. Couldn't decide if they were urinals or for washing feet when I saw them first!! grin

SeniorWrangler Wed 14-Sep-11 11:47:07

Twas actually Rabelais.
From Wikipedia:

"The 16th century French satirical writer François Rabelais, in Chapter XIII of Book 1 of his novel-sequence Gargantua and Pantagruel, has his character Gargantua investigate a great number of ways of cleansing oneself after defecating. Gargantua dismisses the use of paper as ineffective, rhyming that: "Who his foul tail with paper wipes, Shall at his ballocks leave some chips." (Sir Thomas Urquhart's 1653 English translation). He concludes that "the neck of a goose, that is well downed" provides an optimum cleansing medium."

knittedbreast Wed 14-Sep-11 11:48:24

seems im not that odd then smile

bidets are for bottom cleaning too. although i do always think foot spa when i see them!

BelfastBloke Wed 14-Sep-11 11:49:51

I always use the neck of a goose if there isn't a hand towel.

pengymum Wed 14-Sep-11 11:49:53

Methinks the goose would object somewhat...

pengymum Wed 14-Sep-11 11:53:15

knitted - you aren't odd
We are washers too. Or should I say Wash'n'wipers.
My brother would never use the loos at school as there was no way of washing!
Just wiping is not enough. Unless you have the moist wipes, but even then, I like to wash.

ZacharyQuack Wed 14-Sep-11 12:01:39

I'm intrigued by the logistics of cock-washing.

How would a short bloke wash his cock in the sink? Would he need one of those toddler step-stools?

What about public toliets? Are blokes lining up at the sinks having a wash? What if there's no paper towels, just one of those hot air dryers? I suppose a Dyson Blade drier would be just the right height.

heleninahandcart Wed 14-Sep-11 12:03:48

Of course some women wash after. What do you think a bidet is for?

AbsDuWolef Wed 14-Sep-11 12:06:04

shock

particularly at the Dyson blade comment.

ReadRideABikeSwim Wed 14-Sep-11 12:09:18

I think it's fine if washed . Better that than nasty drips shaken on loo and floor then drizzling into pants

How do those who wash after wee/poo feel about the use of wetwipes as an alternative? Also, where do you get the little teapot fanny-washers please?

knittedbreast Wed 14-Sep-11 12:11:27

if you needed too, but wet wipes dont disintegrate and you cant flush them. just find a little tea pot you like and use that?

anyone converted to washing now then? smile

tyler80 Wed 14-Sep-11 12:11:36

Bidets are for bottom washing not fanjo washing. I can see that someone might choose to wash their fanjo when a bidet is available but carrying little cups of water about is something else.

Bidets are for bottom washing not fanjo washing. I can see that someone might choose to wash their fanjo when a bidet is available but carrying little cups of water about is something else.

MrsBuntysStrangeCuldeSac Wed 14-Sep-11 12:11:41

<swiftly exits thread unable to erase from mind image of distressed willy being blown around violently in Dyson hand drier, small man struggling to get cocks under tap whilst singing "I'm a little fanny teapot"...>

Roffle @ the image of a cock being dangled into a Dyson Blade grin

BarmyBiscuit Wed 14-Sep-11 12:13:15

My DH shakes as I have seen him loads of times. I taught my 3 year old to shake as well. Also, I hate to see men pee sitting down. It doesn't look right. I'm probably in the minority though.

knittedbreast Wed 14-Sep-11 12:13:34

haha! mrsbunty- i love that ! smile distressed willies being blown around violently, thatl keep me going all day... smile

I'm more shock at the goose, they are mean bastards and I wouldn't want one of those near my nether regions! THe potential injuries could be eye watering confused

Empjusa Wed 14-Sep-11 12:14:42

"singing "I'm a little fanny teapot""

<spits out drink>

TangerineQueen Wed 14-Sep-11 12:16:28

We are utterly disgusting in our house then. If there are no guests we just have bath towels hanging in the bathroom, used interchangeably by me and DH for body drying after a shower, hair turbans and for drying hands. We are always clean when we come out of the shower and equally would be happy to directly touch naked bodies so indirectly must be okay too! Towels are washed regularly.

Overnight guests are provided with their own towels to do as they wish with.

I guess daytime guests just have to brave it though. Maybe I'll think about putting a hand towel in there ...

CeliaFate Wed 14-Sep-11 12:24:50

TangerineQueen read this,
"We have between two and ten million bacteria between the fingertip and elbow and the number of germs on the fingertips doubles after going to the toilet. However, up to half of all men and a quarter of women still don't wash their hands after spending a penny. Germs can stay alive for up to three hours and there could be as many hiding under your ring as there are people in Europe. A 1mm hair follicle can be home to 50,000 germs. Keep germs at bay by washing and drying hands thoroughly, especially after going to the toilet, before preparing food and after handling raw food. Use warm water and rub vigorously for 15 seconds, making sure you wash both sides, between each finger and around and under nails. Damp hands spread 1,000 times more germs than dry hands because bacteria love wet, warm places. However, using a dirty wet towel can make matters worse. Bacteria on a hand towel can multiply from one to three million in four hours."

BellaneyMimphus Wed 14-Sep-11 12:26:46

And yet we are still here!
Plainly, having bajillions of germs around is just fine.

ColdSancerre Wed 14-Sep-11 12:27:17

My DP always washes after a wee too. I have found it odd but never queried why. He's from Surrey going back many generations so I doubt it's cultural as far as he's concerned. Unless it's a custom in Surrey?

ColdSancerre Wed 14-Sep-11 12:28:47

By the time you're counting germs in millions having one million or 3 million doesn't make a great deal of difference surely?

LDNmummy Wed 14-Sep-11 12:30:23

Tyler they are certainly not just for bottom washing, they are actually multi purpose (so yes, you could wash your feet in it I suppose). They are primarily for the use of genitalia, perineum, and anus but they have historically been used for other parts of the body as per users needs.

Insomnia11 Wed 14-Sep-11 12:34:26

Can't imagine DH doing this seeing as he would have to traverse the bathroom to do this rather than use the loo roll, which is funnily enough, next to the loo.

knittedbreast Wed 14-Sep-11 12:34:55

bidets are wonderful after birth, when all the blood makes you feel yucky, and the warm water helps with stitches.

bigTillyMint Wed 14-Sep-11 12:37:55

I can't get the image of DH wiping his cock on a towel out of my head nowangry

YUK! Yet it's OK for us to do it after a shower/bath.....

I'm with you TangerineQueen, though I do put a clean hand towel out when guests are here (God knows what it gets used for!)

LDNmummy Wed 14-Sep-11 12:39:14

Just for a bit of humour

Fill Up The Lota!

grin

LDNmummy Wed 14-Sep-11 12:40:29

A normal towel would be fair enough, its just the fact that it is the hand towel IMO. Guests will use that FGS!

Well of course his bits would be clean, but it still isn't nice.

TangerineQueen Wed 14-Sep-11 12:41:56

I live a kind of polar life. I work in a hospital where I use alcohol gel on my hands and stethoscope before and after I talk to any patient. Properly wash my hands at regular intervals and before and after any examination/procedure. Wash my work clothes at high temperatures after one wear etc. These are the rules and they are important. They are tree for a reason, I would never consider not sticking to them.

But at home I don't want such a clinical environment, I do believe in the hygiene hypothesis. Obviously there's a line between pig sty and operating theatre which is optimum. I don't think my house is filthy but I don't want it sterile. We are as yet unaffected by our disgusting lifestyle.

kerrymumbles Wed 14-Sep-11 12:42:52

this is right up there with my American brothers coming here (ireland) for first time and remarking how irish men never ever wash their hands after using toilet.

squeakytoy Wed 14-Sep-11 12:43:37

My husband is from Surrey, and I have never seen him sloshing his cock about in the basin... confused.... thank god!

TangerineQueen Wed 14-Sep-11 12:43:43

As a child my mother's bidet was the perfect swimming pool for my Barbie. It had a little fountain and everything!

Caron1968 Wed 14-Sep-11 12:45:48

"Germs can stay alive for up to three hours and there could be as many hiding under your ring"

Made me spit coffee all over my keyboard. grin

squeakytoy Wed 14-Sep-11 12:50:09

If you wash your hands in a public loo, then push the door open, or use a stair bannister or lift button right afterwards, there is every chance that the person before you didnt wash their hands, so you have picked up the germs anyway.

I do wash my hands, but I also dont expect to be in a sterile environment. We do need germs and bacteria to build up our immunity.

GiantUnderCrackers Wed 14-Sep-11 12:54:52

UGH & UEW!

Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 12:54:54

lmao <swiftly exits thread unable to erase from mind image of distressed willy being blown around violently in Dyson hand drier, small man struggling to get cocks under tap whilst singing "I'm a little fanny teapot"...>

TangerineQueen Wed 14-Sep-11 12:58:09

I think I will go for that hand towel. Most of our guests are folk who are
are like family anyway and pop in all the time so I hadn't really thought about it before! Clearly an error on my part. Thanks MN. Everything else is staying the same though!

Fun fact that has always amazed me: there are more bacteria in a healthy human colon than there are cells in your body. Amazing, no? I still remember from a lecture in 1st year!

Insomnia11 Wed 14-Sep-11 12:58:58

Yet it's OK for us to do it after a shower/bath.....

Of course it is, our bits are clean then!

BelfastBloke Wed 14-Sep-11 13:02:59

Well Insomnia, surely this bloke's cock is clean after he's washed it in the basin? What's the difference?

unreasonableme Wed 14-Sep-11 13:04:11

Am I the only one not to be grossed out by this? My OH does this and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. He'll wash himself over the sink then dry. Tis clean, so what's the problem? He told me ages ago that it's probably best not to dry my face on the towel, and I don't. Easy.

And I love the fact that I know he's always clean if I want to go down on him!

bemybebe Wed 14-Sep-11 13:08:35

My PIL have a neatly arranged mountain of clean small cotton cloths (20cmx20cm or so) that go to a small laundry basket under the sink after use (in the manner of the posh restaurants)... I think I will pinch this idea after reading this thread. Looks good too.

carabos Wed 14-Sep-11 14:10:20

I have been conducting a small scale private survey for my own interest when out and about regarding hand washing after using public loos. This came about after using a loo at Dover ferry terminal this summer where out of a very long queue of women and children, almost all of them left the facility without washing their hands - that's right without washing! I was very shock and I'm sorry to have to tell you that now its caught my eye I notice that is pretty much the norm.
On the point of the cock towel though I'm just glad we have a separate loo and bathroom so the only thing DH and DSs can wipe on is loo paper - phew!

bemybebe Wed 14-Sep-11 14:13:52

I don't believe you carabos! wink Unless the toilets were so filthy that people have no desire to touch anything unless absolutely necessary.

I carry a small bottle of desinfectant/sanitising solution in my purse when travel abroad. Could it be that they have the same?

BellaneyMimphus Wed 14-Sep-11 14:16:21

Was the ferry about to leave? grin

bemybebe Wed 14-Sep-11 14:17:15

Never travel via Dover, but my personal experience of the toilets in Eurostar trains are that they are properly filthy. I do not wash hands there, yuk, I pull my little bottle of disinfectant if I absolutely must go there.

Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 14:20:47

Nice to know I'm not the only one unresonableme and yes there are benefits to DH being so clean smile

Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 14:22:56

The Thalys (European Eurostar after Paris) has the nicest/cleanest toilets of any train I've been on and they have a proper separate baby change.

bemybebe Wed 14-Sep-11 14:34:36

Sorry, I mean Eurotunnel (where you travel in your car)...
Apologies!

Bugsy2 Wed 14-Sep-11 14:42:00

Wept with laughter reading this. Sometimes there are things about the people you live with, you should just never know! Imagine if that door hadn't been open at that very moment, Gracie would never have known about her DH's cock wiping habits. However, it has given me the best laugh ever - so thank you Gracie for asking. I'm sure I saw a secret camera programme of hotel chambermaids wiping down the handbasins, taps, tooth mugs with the same cloth they wiped the bog with - now there's a yukky thought.

Snorbs Wed 14-Sep-11 15:00:07

I genuinely don't see the problem of drying a (washed) cock on a hand-towel. Shaking can only get you so far. What else are you supposed to dry it on? The dog?

TastyMuffins Wed 14-Sep-11 15:19:24

Think I work with Knittedbreast ( glancing round office). Had not thought about the blokes using the sinks in the cubicles for cock washing.

Loving the mental image of a cock in an airblade.

TooImmature2BDumbledore Wed 14-Sep-11 15:23:38

God, it is hard to read this with a straight face! I knew I shouldn't have clicked on it at work.

Have emailed DH to clarify - he does not do this, he shakes, and FWIW, toilet roll leaves little shreds in uncomfortable places, and it is better for the male member to be slightly moist, as dryness leads to flaking!

carabos Wed 14-Sep-11 15:42:56

bemybebe the toilets weren't filthy but the passengers were IMO! One woman actually went into the cubicle with her two DDs (aged about 9 & 11ish) so all three squashed in there using the loo, then walked straight out without washing confused. It was a very long queue so I had plenty of time to spy on and judge people-watch while waiting. The worst part was how many small grubby children went in and out without bothering the washing facilities. They may well have small bottles of disinfectant about their person ( I do too), but that would make them in the majority and that I don't believe.

Whatmeworry Wed 14-Sep-11 15:43:17

Sorry, I just don't get why its a problem with drying on hand towel if its washed in the sink first.

Whatmeworry Wed 14-Sep-11 15:44:24

sink/washbasin/commode/etc.

Ladies you have given me the best laugh all day, thank god all the bosses have gone home or i would have some explaining to do re my laughter x

Andrewofgg Wed 14-Sep-11 16:27:04

You mean that little towel is for hands too?

Put down the flame-throwers, folks, I am taking the piss again . . .

SnakeOnCrack Wed 14-Sep-11 16:40:05

Well it's better if he soaps up, gives it a good wash (under the foreskin too etc) and then rinses, but if he's just giving it a quick rinse under the tap and THEN drying it on the hand towel - NO, just NO.

SnakeOnCrack Wed 14-Sep-11 16:40:26

so op- does he lather up his cock? is what I'm asking..

diddl Wed 14-Sep-11 16:47:26

Unless washing properly, would a quick rinse under the tap achieve much/any more than wiping with a piece of toilet paper?

KeepInMind Wed 14-Sep-11 16:52:49

Makes note never to wash my hands in your house grin

Butkin Wed 14-Sep-11 17:02:38

Washing in sink is surely more acceptable than shaking it around! Drying on his own bath towel would preferrable to hand towel though. Toilet paper sticks!

dicktowel.com/dicktowel.html

You need one of these...probably best not to click with dc around grin

MrsBuntysStrangeCuldeSac Wed 14-Sep-11 17:23:36

Maybe a couple Dragon's Den ideas could have been inspired from this thread:

'The sani-rinal': A urinal with the facility to wash cocks via a little cock shower then blows them dry afterwards, rendering bouffant pubes

or

The fanny teapot, in a range of finishes including leopard print and diamante

pengymum Wed 14-Sep-11 17:36:23

MrsBunty: Lotas are for universal use not just females but I like the idea of decorated ones.

MissTapestry Wed 14-Sep-11 18:49:28

Actually crying with laughter at this thread! Just asked my DP and he says he's never done it but doesn't see the problem with wiping on the hand towel <boak> and now I'm afraid he's going to try it sad should have kept my mouth shut....

Whatmeworry Wed 14-Sep-11 18:51:58

So...how many of you who <boak> at wiping a washed cock on a hand towel will happily stuff one in your gobs?

Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 20:11:14

I just manged to catch up with this thread, so funny, thank you for all your replies. Especially for fanny teapots and dyson airblades! <wonders if we have room in the loo for a Dyson airblade>

squeakytoy Wed 14-Sep-11 20:19:40

I interrogated asked my husband about this when he came through the door...

He thinks everyone on here is barking mad.. and also says he cant believe I am asking him this sort of question... grin

What is worrying is he wont even give me a straight answer...

* goes to change towels to His n Hers ones *

Andrewofgg Wed 14-Sep-11 20:25:06

Well, Whatmeworry, as long as it's only one at a time . . .

Behave, Andrew. Break the habit of a lifetime and behave!

Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 20:25:53

Welcome to my world squeaky grin

Soups Wed 14-Sep-11 20:36:01

I've only flicked through a few responses but am I right?

Bloke does a piss.
Shakes
Waddles over to sink (his trousers won't be done up properly)
Rinses in sink, I'm interested in the logistics of this. Are the sinks low, or are are the men tall? Are the sinks narrow rather than deep. I'm imaging a scene where Great Aunty Zelda visits at Christmas, the door isn't locked and she walks into see a man thrusting his dick towards some taps.
Grabs hand towel to dry.

It seems like a whole lot of work when you could grab some toilet roll. *scratches head and wonders whether the thread is worth reading".

Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 20:44:13

Ah soups well it's a very small loo so more of a turn than a waddle, the sink is low and we don't have a great Aunt Zelda smile It is a very funny thread though...

Soups Wed 14-Sep-11 20:47:11

Ahh I get ya, one of those small hand ones. I'll let my dp know, he was also very confused grin

Dick in a dyson airblade= pmsl. Im fairly sure on dropping it into the airblade it would fly back up distributing little bell end wee drops into ones own eye.

pigletmania Wed 14-Sep-11 20:52:02

ewwww envy, even if it was clean its still disgusting knowing someone wiped their cock on the hand towel. Would rather use my trousers to wipe my hands.

jamaisjedors Wed 14-Sep-11 21:21:00

To carabos - I don't honestly think that running a titchy bit of cold water over your hands after going in one of those Eurotunnel loos is going to make any difference to your germ levels.

Lots of places only have a bit of cold water and nothing to wipe on, so I wouldn't bother in that situation - I might wipe the DS's hands when we got back to the car with a wet wipe or I might not...

soverylucky Wed 14-Sep-11 21:37:14

1. Dh shakes then pats with tissue. There are no other men around me to ask. He does not rinse in basin then dry with handtowel.
2. How does one wash oneself with a teapot spout?
3. why do bidets not have a comfy seat? Do you squat over it or what? Have always wondered but never had the opportunity to ask till now.

HerHissyness Wed 14-Sep-11 22:07:40

oh squeaky, I was dying to tell you to text him.... but pouncing on him has caused WAY more resultant mirth!

EXCELLENT THREAD!

dementedma Wed 14-Sep-11 22:17:14

so how does the teapot thingy work then? if you are sitting down and pour the water down between your legs, then the water is just going to go straight down the loo no? Or else it's going to to run all over you, messily.
Can't believe anyone would bother to do this.

ChippingIn Wed 14-Sep-11 22:35:50

I've never known any man to wash after weeing - very odd. But really drying on the hand towel which guests will use is not on. Especially as I assume it's a quick rinse and not a thorough wash - your probably better germ wise not to rinse & just wipe it on the towel.

Public loos are frequently so revolting that I'll use hand santiser once I've left the toilets - ickkkk. I don't care if people think I don't wash my hands - the 'quick rinse' brigade are far worse as they then put their wet hands on the door etc.

pengymum Wed 14-Sep-11 22:41:05

It is a bit of an art but easily done with a bit of practice.

left hand for washing, right hand for holding lota now aka fanny teapot grin
Use right hand for clean things (eating, writing)
Use left hand for dirty things (washing nether regions)

One of the reasons why left handed people were not well regarded (-because they used the 'dirty' hand for eating etc) and forced to use right hand.

cecilyparsley Wed 14-Sep-11 22:46:55

In support of knittedbreast (several replies back) I use a jug of water to rinse after most wee's, often also rinse with salt water.

MissVerinder Wed 14-Sep-11 22:51:32

My DP also wiped his cock on the hand towel until I caught him and hit the roof.

I know he's not done it since because he told me he hasn't... hmm

Jenn1982 Wed 14-Sep-11 22:54:18

So gross.

Graciescotland Wed 14-Sep-11 22:54:52

MissVerinder grin

doublestandard Wed 14-Sep-11 22:55:05

I'm feeling paranoid and oddly dirty 'cos I don't do a full wash and blow dry after a wee <<wheezes>>

Dyson Air blade?? <<keels over>>

eurochick Wed 14-Sep-11 22:58:57

I am lolling at the idea of a cock in a dyson airblade!

I just checked with the husband and he confirms that he does not dry his cock on the handtowel after peeing. Thankfully.

I think using water to wash after using the loo is arguably cleaner (and I personally prefer only to poo once a day when I can shower afterwards as I don't feel properly clean otherwise). BUT when I have been in countries that have the little hosepipe for bumwashing in the cubicles there seems to be water everywhere. Presumably containing bits of shit and piss sprayed all around the cubicle. So I think that method is dirtier than just wiping. And those countries for the most part are the countries where almost everyone gets sick when going there (I'm thinking of places like North Africa, India, Pakistan, etc) maybe there is a hygiene issue with the bumspraying system.

As for knitted breast's fanny washing lid, er......

NQWWW Wed 14-Sep-11 23:02:18

Now I remember why I love MN.

I rumbled my sis trying to teach the boy to wipe after a wee.

I told her to sod orf, the boy is a shaker, alwys has been, always will be.

I was then informed that wiping is the right, and bil wipes too. confused

Ok........im off to bleach the brain now. wink

LegoStuckinMyhoover Wed 14-Sep-11 23:28:17

So not universal.

I don't think my ex either shook or wiped. Or washed.

Hence he is my ex.

envy <-- boak face

wildhairrunning Wed 14-Sep-11 23:34:34

NO! Not normal!

LegoStuckinMyhoover Wed 14-Sep-11 23:36:28

@ cocopopsaddict grin

M0naLisa Thu 15-Sep-11 00:11:43

Cocopops did you go out with my ex lol

billysolloxx Thu 15-Sep-11 00:21:47

get him to upgrade to wiping willie snot on the curtains temporarily doubles up as hidden tie-backs grin another money saving idea courtesy of billy

billysolloxx Thu 15-Sep-11 00:25:23

get him to upgrade to wiping willie snot on the curtains temporarily doubles up as hidden tie-backs grin another money saving idea courtesy of billy

billysolloxx Thu 15-Sep-11 00:33:11

only jesting lol maybe he was just showing him the proper way to look after himself think the handtowell may have been a bad idea, hope you didnt use it on your face prior to finding out how it was being used

aldiwhore Thu 15-Sep-11 00:34:33

Both my boys wee in the same way as DH, exact routine.... fortunately it doesn't involve wiping it on a towel!! That is grim!

GothAnneGeddes Thu 15-Sep-11 09:03:03

Knittedbreast - You are not alone. My DH didn't even know there was such a thing as people who didn't wash after going to the loo until he came to the UK. Most Muslims I know do it, but I think it's widespread in other religions/cultures too.

It is much nicer to have a wash afterwards. I think once you've tried it, you'd find it very hard to go back to not washing.

Graciescotland Fri 16-Sep-11 15:57:17

billy I've been trying not to think about that confused

Malemum Sat 09-Mar-13 21:26:03

Hand towel or Curtains?

I can understand why many think its gross, how many of you lot actually keep wet wipes beside the bed?

PedlarsSpanner Sat 09-Mar-13 21:42:43

odd choice of thread for resurrecting doncha think?

YouTheCat Sat 09-Mar-13 21:44:48

Very hmm

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 09-Mar-13 21:49:38

How odd.
Zombie thread, but why, just why?

YouTheCat Sat 09-Mar-13 21:50:20

I think Malemum must be a towel wiper. grin

LemonPeculiarJones Sat 09-Mar-13 21:50:33

Urgh revolting!

Fine if he wants to wash his willy after a wee. But he should have a dedicated dick towel.

I wouldn't want to be rub-a-dub-dubbing my face dry with a towel my DH had used to wipe his potentially only half-heartedly rinsed willy!

LemonPeculiarJones Sat 09-Mar-13 21:51:11

Oh bloody hell only just seen its a zombie thread!

I rinse my fanjo after I pee. For the following reasons... It smells of wee in my pubes if I don't, especially in the summer if it's hot. I wee massive horse pisses about six to eight times a day cos I drink plenty of water. I've got a jug at home and the sink is close to the bog... tiny batch room. If I'm at work or a mate's house I'll do a quick dab with loo roll then I wet a small wedge of loo roll in the sink and sit back on the loo to squeeze it over my parts and dab dry with loo roll. Sounds like a lot but takes seconds and it means I feel fresh and clean all the time. I'm english, and I discovered this myself. blush

LadyBeagleEyes Sat 09-Mar-13 21:51:39

I think Malemum is a creepy troll.

bathroom not batch room!

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot Sat 09-Mar-13 22:06:08

Weirdo thread reviver

ToothGah Sat 09-Mar-13 22:18:01

Weird Zombie threadishness hmm

But trashcanjunkie, in all seriousness, if your wee smells enough to make your pubes smell after a wee you do need to get that checked out by a dr. It shouldn't smell, especially if you drink a lot of water.

CuttedUpPear Sat 09-Mar-13 22:36:43

What shocked me about this thread was that hardly seemed to realise that washing your privates after pee/poo is the norm for many other (large) eastern cultures.

It's why cutting off a hand for stealing (although obvs a terrible thing anyway) was extra bad because you would have to eat with the same hand that washed your bits.

Fallenangle Sat 09-Mar-13 22:44:28

The thought of possible reasons for thebresurrection of the thread bothers me more than the thought of where my DH might wipe after peeing. But then I don't have curtains.

Might have something to do with this

Areyoumadorisitme Sun 10-Mar-13 12:54:11

I haven't read he whole thread but didn't have hand towels in the bathrooms for several years after I once caught DS1 doing this and then wipe wee off the floor with it. I immediately took all towels out! I am pretty sure DH doesn't do it though!!

We only put hand towels back a year or so ago and DSs are 9 and 12 now! grin

Mrsrobertduvall Sun 10-Mar-13 13:47:32

* fanny teapots* oh that's funny

cumfy Sun 10-Mar-13 14:58:19
VioletCherry Mon 11-Mar-13 14:43:38

WTF! YANBU, and I hope this is not universal.
Our 2yr old ds often follows dh off to the bathroom for pee supervision. Next time I hear them having a right laugh in there I will suspect rank towel wipeage...boke
Maybe I should start following dh into the bathroom too?

fififrog Mon 11-Mar-13 15:03:47

I don't care if this thread is old I am off sick, in bed, bored as hell and this has given me my first laugh in a week! Tears of laughter, no less grin

I love this thread, where was I when it happened first time round?!

TiggyD Mon 11-Mar-13 17:33:31

Some people are disgusting.

Wiping your hands on a cock towel. Yuk. Poor cock.

Saggy I couldn't access your link. Any chance of a summary?

Otheregos Mon 11-Mar-13 19:59:47

I need to read at a slower pace. I thought the title said"whipping" not wiping!

HardlyEverHoovers Mon 11-Mar-13 20:00:55

Not got time to read the whole thread so someone might have already said this BUT is this a cultural thing? My DH washes with water after weeing and THEN dries on a towel. I clicked onto this pretty quick and now leave a towel right next to the loo, different size and colour than the hand towels, washed regularly! The joys of intercultural marriage. And we have a watering can next to the toilet. grin a small one obviously

It's a big thread over in chat. Called Muntersnet.

ChocolateBridesmaid Sat 16-Mar-13 09:02:21

This was one of the first threads I read when I joined Mumsnet, it had me crying with with laughter -Willy in a Dyson too funny smile

cleanhelmet Mon 17-Jun-13 10:37:03

A Guy's Perspective

I feel that you should all have this from a guy's perspective, i am a guy, and I'm here to set you all straight. There is nothing wrong with wiping your penis on the hand towel. I know it sounds pretty bad but when you think about it, its actually not. This is the sequence of events that occur when I go for a pee.

Step 1: Wash hands as to not contaminate clean penis...hands are actually dirtier as they come into contact with a lot of stuff during the day, however the penis rests happily in clean underwear.

Step 2: Pee. I'm house trained so i do indeed lift the seat and close it, but only because it has a mechanism that allows you to close it without it slamming, it practically closes itself. Google: 'soft close toilet seat' for more info.

Step 3: Shake, then rinse penis head, this isn't something that you need to spend a lot of time on, just a splash of water will do, i like to think that my Mrs could surprise me to a BJ at any given moment, so i like it to be 100% clean for her, also i don't want any residue to get in my boxers. I do this at home, if i'm in a public loo, i just leave it, no big deal.

Step 4: Dry/dab on hand towel, the reason we don't use toilet paper is because it sticks to the water and then sticks to our helmet, also you have wet hands, and you cant really grab the loo roll without wetting it all, so the towel is more convenient.

There is nothing wrong with wiping a clean penis on a towel. Unless the towel is not clean.

Zombie thread.

CajaDeLaMemoria Mon 17-Jun-13 13:16:29

I have sobbed laughing at this.

Everyone now thinks I am very drunk and the waiter is giving me funny looks. I'm resisting the urge to try to work out how to ask him if he wipes on the hand towel in Spanish.

wash hands as to not contaminate clean penis
Oh dear god, he registered to post this little gem

margaery Mon 17-Jun-13 14:04:46

cleanhelmet i really do think that one could do with an absolutely clean towel to wipe clean willy on, as oppossed to the dirty hand towel. Could call it The Willy Towel. It would have it's own special rail to hang on, with a sign above stating "Towel for clean willies only", just incase visitors with unclean willies felt tempted to wipe on your willie towel.

I'm so glad you decided to sign up for mn just to post that beautifully written piece of "cock on towel" prose. Just lovely.

also, overuse of word penis.

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