AIBU to want to throttle DH for breaking our pregnancy news on Facebook

(32 Posts)

What a moron!

StrandedBear Mon 05-Sep-11 20:10:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Vallhala Mon 05-Sep-11 20:11:37

I was expecting more to the tale, nearly spat my drink out when I read the post! grin

YANBU, I guess though he's just a bit excited, bless him.

Congratulations to you both, now that the whole world knows! grin

cleanteeth Mon 05-Sep-11 20:14:42

yes, great idea strandedbear! just comment saying something like "haha...imagine if that was true!"

WoofToYouTooLady Mon 05-Sep-11 20:16:51

get him to delete ?

I've deregistered both accounts, but it was up there for nearly 24 hours so picked up a few 'congrats' from randoms.

Thing is, I'm super not happy over it, because I've yet to tell my bosses. Was just saying the other day about how 'I hope no one gossips behind my back about how porky I've got, before I have the chance to dicuss it with XXX directly'.

No one from my work is on my DHs account, so I'm hoping no one saw it, but still. Not Clever.

I resisted my urge to post something straight back, because that would flash it up to my (preen much larger and more influential preen) circle of friends.

Arghhhh. Bozo.

WoofToYouTooLady Mon 05-Sep-11 20:26:13

obv stab DH too [joke]

I guess I started it, because I suggested that his Mum might like to know before the first scan so she didn't feel sidelined (she lives abroad).

I think he got punch-drunk on breaking the news, because in a period of 12 hours circle of knowledge has gone from:
me, DH, doctor, DMum, DDad


me, DH, doctor, DMum, DDad, DDHMum, DDhSis (+family), facebook randoms and a selection of old work mates via a round robin email.

AIBU to have expected him to mention what he was doing busy busy busy busy on the pC last night?

(and breathe. and breathe).

But seriously...

... I can't get into perspective if it's one of those comical things people do, or if it's seriously way out of line for him to unilaterally take away my control over how this news is released.

e.g. for most of his friends the news is of peripheral relevance - whereas from pov of my professional and social circle it obviously will make a much bigger impact (e.g. like the way I've been sick and pathetic and antisocial for weeks and months already now).

purplepidjin Mon 05-Sep-11 20:41:14

I think I'd be fuming in that situation. I take it you're not at the magic 12 weeks yet?

Very lovely that he's so excited that he's ignored the consequences, though. I suggest that you roast him thoroughly but don't leave it too long til you forgive him wink

SouthernFriedTofu Mon 05-Sep-11 20:47:41

TBh personally I'd give it a 7 out of 10 for really bastard things to do. Shoudl have discussed it with you 100% first should have discussed it with friend etc in person before FB all and sundry and then you should have discussed it with boss before it ever got on FB! You are bound to have crossover friends and if someone had posted on your wall you woudl have been fucked. I'd want an apology- a grovelling apology and really good chocolate

I'm 11 weeks - not had the first scan yet.

DH just phoned with grovelling apology. He reckoned "#4 on the way!!!!" was a cryptic clue that would have everyone scratching their head hmm , and that there was no cross talk between our FB (to which I say "i damn well hope that if you annouce an impending baby on FB that everyone assumes I'm the mother!!!").

purplepidjin Mon 05-Sep-11 21:23:12

Tell him not to attempt the Telegraph crossword anytime soon hmm

Congratulations, btw grin



Oh dear, a bit over excited. But deleting his account? Will you be boiling flopsy later? wink

Northernlurkerr Mon 05-Sep-11 21:54:04

Oh dear he has stepped way over a line but it sounds like he knows that now and was genuinely excited - which is nice. Dh told one of our friends we were expecting dd2 without consultation. It was ok but with dd3 he was given a clear briefing!

AnaisB Mon 05-Sep-11 21:55:38

Oh bless him, dead annoying but sounds like he meant well. Congratulations though!

Ooh! If my DH did that, he'd be in BIG trouble....But then at least he probably just said it. I had an EX-friend on there who broke the news like this:

week 1: I know something you don't know (Really? Who gives a fuck)

week 2: I can hear the pitter patter of feet! (Are you sure? Coz your hobbit feet hardly make a pitter patter sound)

week 3: I have a secret that no one else knooows! (Erm..whatever)

You get the gist....carried on for weeks until at around week 6 she finally announced she was pregnant....ugh..saddo!

ChippingIn Mon 05-Sep-11 22:08:36

I was having a wee smile, thinking this was a very very very stupid thing to do and that you would not be unreasonable to make it impossible for him to father any other children when I read that he thought '#4 on the way' was crypic - I did nearly, actually, pmsl. Men.

I hope it hasn't done any damage work wise - I really cannot believe he was so stupid.

SouthernFriedTofu Mon 05-Sep-11 22:14:33

Its hardly cryptic if you have 3 children. If you have 2 and are expecting twins...maybe. I might have written underneath it, "the bus takes ageeeeeeeeeeeeees around here" or something like that so people think he is making a joke.

Facebook accounts never die. They just go into suspended animation, and if you absentmindedly log in with your old username and password they miraculously spring back to life. Removing both of our profiles & walls etc from the public domain was the only way I could see of just killing the conversation stone dead.

Thanks for congrats. smile

I think maybe it doesn;t help that he sees nothing but upside in our growing family, and I'm seeing all the downsides (sickness, tiredness, worrying about whether pregnancy is progressing as it should, telling my boss, sorting out mat leave through my hopeless HR department, SPD, PIH, PPH, sleepless nights, people muttering under their breath about breeders, neighbours complaining about the noise and being just so fecking prominent and public property as a larger family trotting along on the school run). Whereas DH thinks the new baby will be just so super cute and super great to add to the existing super great kids. Which is a great attitude - and baby was 100% planned and all - but I'm not quite there yet.

Whatisitthistime Mon 05-Sep-11 22:19:09

Sorry I'm not sure why you get to control who's told or not?

And there's a good reason not to have work boss on FB.

GreatNorksOfFire Mon 05-Sep-11 22:38:05

Am quite shocked that MNHQ have linked this thread on FB tbh. Seems a really odd thing to do.

But Footprints, massive congratulations on #4 (that would be your 4th child I assume) grin

SouthernFriedTofu Mon 05-Sep-11 22:43:01

Whatisitthistime Because it's her uterus? A doctor couldn't announce your pregnancy to he world because it affects your body. Until she gives birth when to tell stay 100% her choice. If the OP miscarried or decided to abort do to health reasons she would now have to tell everyone about her body. This was her decison. Sorry for being morbid OP I'm also pg and waiting for 20 week scan so have all the above on my mind!

hardcolin Mon 05-Sep-11 22:48:55

He thought '#4 on the way!!!!' would be cryptic?? smile only a man could think that!

My dad told all of his friends, including family friends before we even had chance to tell MIL. I was 6-8 weeks along, so can definitely understand where you are coming from.

YANBU, and Congrats!

ChippingIn Mon 05-Sep-11 23:40:44

whatisitthistime - because it's her job it would affect. She may not have her boss on it, but she may have workmates on it - he should have more bloody sense.

Footprints - it's really sweet he's so excited and positive. I hope you feel the same soon <and fuck the neighbours & the 'tutters'! - well, not literally but you know what I mean grin>

frazzle26 Tue 06-Sep-11 07:28:21

Mrbloom, I hate people that do that. It's my pet hate on fb. Just says what u want to say fgs!!

vmcd28 Tue 06-Sep-11 08:04:50

Id have been furious. Really furious.
I can't see how an intelligent human being with 3 kids already thought that's how (or when) the news should be announced. Jeeez.

vmcd28 Tue 06-Sep-11 08:08:51

whatisitthistime regardless of all the reasons people have already given, it's not "up to her" to decide when people are told, but it's bloody well not up to him either! It's up to THEM to discuss it together, surely?!!

Whatisitthistime Tue 06-Sep-11 08:09:27

Southernfriedtofu that's a sad way to look at it. A doctor can't tell anyone due to patient confidentiality like anything else.

But to say that it is her uterus her baby, therefore hers hers hers, no wonder some men feel excluded throughout pregnancy.

I hope when she's getting up in the middle of the night to do the feed, or is changing the fifth dirty nappy of the day, that at no point she says to dh your turn, as the baby is hers not his.

Chippingin but he doesn't have her workmates, boss on it.

I stand by it's his news as much as the OPs.

L8rAllig8r Tue 06-Sep-11 09:21:48

My ex did this. We waited until after the 12 week scan to tell family and friends, or so I thought. It emerged later that ALL his friends knew, when I was 5 weeks. I was bloody livid, as we weren't living in the biggest town, and my family could easily have found out by accident. He was lucky I didn't find out til I was about 14 weeks, as I think I'd have been even more cross, although there was not much I could do.
He was the same with the name, we agreed to keep it secret til the birth, and then he told me he'd told EVERYONE. That really did make me angry, especially as when I was overdue, one of his friends posted on my FB, 'hurry up <DS name>!' when NONE of my family or friends knew what the name was to be. Luckily I saw it and deleted it after about an hour. No one ever said anything but I was so so angry.
More reasons I'm glad he's my ex!!

MrBloom - that's funny! Facebook really does bring out the worst in some social situations, doesn't it.

Tofu, I think you hit the nail on the head. And there is a natural hierarchy in the order you tell people - depending on how involved they are likely to be in the new baby and/or with any difficult pregnancy issues. It's not his friends vs my friends - it's close friends versus randoms.

DH is quite affronted that his cryptic clue has caused so much amusement. grin . What a plonker.

Thanks again for congratulations.

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