to expect more than a text message as a thank you?

[DaydreamDolly]

I am willing to be shot down here, am just interested in people's opinion's, perhaps I'm old fashioned.
In the past month, I have bought 1st birthday presents for 5 children, and attended all their parties where by you never get to see them open the presents, you just leave them behind.
Anyway, I have received, to date, 1 written thank you, 2 text message thank you's (round robin ones at that, not personal ones) and have had nothing at all from 3. Not even an acknowledgement that a present was given.
I just feel a bit like no one really appreciates presents anymore in the throw away society we live in. I'd just like a little thank you note really, a text is a bit impersonal, but to have had nothing back whatsoever from 3 has got my goat I must admit.
Am I being unreasonable? Or is it just good manners?!

[misdee]

1 written

2 texts

3 say nothing.

so is that 5 or 6 parties?

i always say thank you at the end of parties.

[Alambil]

I think text is alright - the art of writing thank yous is dying, it seems

but to say nothing and no acknowledgement is just disgusting manners

[Mingg]

YANBU

[PrettyPirate]

I think to say nothing is very rude but I personally don't mind if it's text or written thank you note. So YNBU.

[DaydreamDolly]

misdee, 6 parties, apologies.

Lewisfan, I think you're right.

Mingg, thanks

[PrettyPirate]

YANBU even

[AgentZigzag]

A text is good if the alternative is sweet FA.

DD1 went to a friends party not long back and she got a lovely 'thank you for coming' card back with a piccy of them all at the party stuck to the front

I was right impressed!

[muddleduck]

IMO if they said thank you when you gave them the present then they have already said thank you.

perhaps you are really wanting them to congratulate you on your fabulous taste in presents?

my friends/family and I are all equally crap at formal thank yous and I would never judge someone with a 1 year old for having other things on their mind.

[DaydreamDolly]

muddleduck I already said that I left the presents behind and there was no acknowledgement. I have a 1 year old myself but I do not have too much on my mind to say thank you if someone spends money on my child.
My issue is really that 3 of them have not even verbally thanked me or even acknowledged that I bought their child a present. Not nec. judging them as they are all friends was just interested in opinions.
Am sad that thank you notes seem to be out of fashion

[Jamieandhismagictorch]

I would expect to be thanked there and then OR by letter or by text or email.

[muddleduck]

ok - I misunderstood. Even at big parties I would expect a verbal 'thank-you' when putting a present down.

I do my best with thank you cards, but sometimes I don't get them all done. They are just one thing on a VERY long list of things that I know ought to get done.

[hopalongdagger]

I also think that a thank you at the time is sufficient and would only tend to expect thank you notes when I haven't seen the recipient.

But in your case, as you didn't get a thank you (or even an acknowledgement)at the time, I would definitely expect something, I wouldn't mind a text but would be a bit miffed at no response.

I would also expect presents to be opened at the time so that the giver can see the reaction, especially with really young children who won't know that 'this is a present from x'. I know it's not always practical, but personally I think it's much nicer.

[dolphin13]

My son went to a party at the weekend. When he got home and looked in his party bag there was a note written by the party child thanking him for coming and hoping he had a nice time. I liked that.

[Ryuk]

I'd expect a verbal thank you when handing them the present. Just leaving the present anonymously would seem strange.

[snigger]

I really would like to subscribe to Saki's thank-you methodology, but like the sheep I am I tend to send a note

[5DollarShake]

Had similar recently at the 1st birthday of an NCT friend - the presents were all left on the table, and no word of thank was issued, let alone a card.

But then again, the Mum did provide little party bags with small gifts in them for all the children to take home, as well as put on the party (food an even an open bar briefly), so I'm not too miffed.

We sent thank you cards to all who bought DS presents for his birthday, but it was just a party here at home.

I am expecting DC 2 shortly, and have already bought the thank you cards and stamps (for overseas as well). Easier to get them bought now and fire them off as and when, then think about it in the newborn haze.

[JohnPeelwasmyhero]

I'd be OK with a text or a direct thank you at the time.

I often have to send presents and would really like to get some sort of acnowledgement so that I know that it arrived. Sadly, I don't often get one.

FWIW, I make my DC write thank yous, however simple for all preaents given.

[Condensedmilkaddict]

YABU.
I would be grateful to receive a text.
I don't expect thank you notes for birthday presents. This is 2010. A text is the modern equivalent of a thank you note.

Also, they have a one-year-old. They probably have their hands full!

[Hullygully]

Fings ain't what they used to be

[Galena]

DD was 1 a couple of months ago. We opened her pressies at her party and thanked everyone then and there. I bought thankyou cards to send, but they are still sitting here unwritten! Friend's DD was 1 a month after, they also opened pressies at the party and thanked people. However, they then sent thankyou cards with a piccie of birthday girl on - I felt a tad guilty that I hadn't sent mine, but 2 others have had their 1st birthdays since and have opened pressies there and not sent cards.

shrug Depends whether you're really that bothered.

[Hazeyjane]

I just can't get that worked up about thankyou cards. It really doesn't bother me if people don't send/txt thankyous. Also nearly every child's party I have been to, the presents are left on the table, and not opened in front of the giver.

I kind of hope that thankyou cards disappear!

[Sn0wflake]

All I would expect is a thank you at the time but if they were too busy running the party i would understand. I just don't understand all these thank you notes you have to send. Bloody hell. What with tidying, running round after child, shopping, trying to keep in touch with friends, family issues, work issues I just don't have space in my head for poxy thank you notes. Sigh.

[NestaFiesta]

I keep a batch of cheap blank notelets in the drawer(The Works do great ones). It takes no time to dash one off if you don't have to buy them specially. Thank you cards go down so well, but I don't get them back very often. I'd be happy with a thank you text or a thank you email though. Better than nothing.

Incidentally, I often find thank you cards are still up months later when I visit people, so the effect they have on the recipient is not to be underestaimated.

YANBU Daydream. Good etiquette seems to be a dying art.

[MrsC2010]

I still write thank you letters every birthday and Christmas (at 29 yrs old). The throw back to childhood is just too strong, there was even the rule that my Christmas thank you cards had to get there a week before my birthday (mid Jan) so that people didn't think they were only going to receive one.

So YANBU.

[Pancakeflipper]

I like getting a thank you letter. So I send them out where appropiate. I often get my ES to draw a piccie and I turn that into card.

And someone here made a lovely and correct point that thank you cards are often on show for ages.

The last one I got was from ES's teacher and TA's thanking me for assisting them on a topic they were doing and how successful it had been. Obviously I will be generous if they ask again because I felt really chuffed to get a nice thanks ( with a bar of chocolate!!). It was on the shelf for a month.... A birthday card only gets a week!

A thoughtful note can really have a lovely impact on someone - don't underestimate their cheering up power.