to feel insulted that DH work wants a letter from me saying he is my childs father?

[nymphadora]

and therefore entitled to parental leave?
We are married & he has a copy of my MATB1 so not like there is any issue over name etc.

Is it normal for me to write?

[catinboots]

seem strange to me

[LisaD1]

WTF? That sounds so bloody rude and intrusive, why the hell would a WIFE have to confirm her HUSBAND is the father of her child?!

I would tell them where to go and not politely either!

[tutusare4]

It may just be his works policy.

[minipie]

Not sure what a letter would prove anyway. Even if he weren't your child's father you could easily write a letter saying he is.

Sounds like they are just trying to make it as difficult as possible for him to take the leave

[runnybottom]

I would tell them that legally as your husband he is the father of his wifes child, even if you know that not to be the case.

And to fuck right off.

[TrillianAstra]

Maybe standard procedure so as not to discriminate against unmarried couples. You know, one of those things tht only makes sense in the mind of an administrator.

(just 'an' administrator - just the one - not making generalisations about all administrators here)

[elportodelgato]

is there not a better way of establishing that he is entitled to paternity leave? this seems really odd. I can't remember what my DH had to give his work last time around but I certainly didn't have to write a letter! We have different surnames, oh imagine the consternation [hmmm]

[nymphadora]

How do they know its really me that writes?

[flowerybeanbag]

Is he on the birth certificate? He could provide a copy of that if so.

[nymphadora]

Trillian- I assumed that that was why they needed a copy of the MATB1

[nymphadora]

Baby isn't born yet!

Flowery- still having trouble over his Union though too!

[Mingg]

How odd - your MATB1 should suffice

[RibenaBerry]

I suspect the fact that you have different surnames has triggered them treating you as unmarried (sigh).

I'd get him to respond that he's sent in the MATB1 and you're married, so why do they need anything further.

[JacobBlacksBitch]

policy or not - that sucks, is rude, invasive & overly concerned of them. If they have doubts re your partners fathering of the child, they should at most take it up with him & leave you well out of it. The cheek! Actually I'm enraged on your behalf.

YANBU

[islandofsodor]

I process men's paternity leave forms.

He does not actually need to be the biolgical father anyway - just in a relationship with the mother.

Will find out the exact wording. He can print the form and declaration off the internet himself - he doesn't even need to take in the MATB1.

[nymphadora]

Same surname!

[Doodleydoo]

God how rude nymphadora, can't believe that! Does he work in a very old fashioned industry?

[islandofsodor]

"SPP and Paternity leave are available to:

a biological father
a partner, husband or civil partner that is not the babies biological partner"

www.hmrc.gov.uk/forms/sc3.pdf

This is the form he needs

The only thing I guess is that if his work offerens enhanced pay or leave they may have their own conditions.

[cantthinkofagoodname]

my DP got paternity leave when I had my baby in March, and she definitely isn't the baby's father!

[RobynLou]

that's ridiculous, we weren't married when DD was born, DH's work (a huge public funded organisation - he's a civil servant) didn't require any proof he was dd dad.

[nymphadora]

He has the form, a copy of my MATB1. Cant get to the bottom of what he will be paid as there is two policies and 5 different rates of pay.

[addictedishavingagirl]

i dont know if anyone mentioned this but as your dh, and the father figure in the babys life he is entitled to paternity leave regardless of wether or not he is the biological father.

I can not believe they are asking you to confirm that he is the father, thats redicilous, and shocking. Does he have a hr department he could talk to?

My dh just told his manager when he was taking paternity leave and his manager ok'd it and passed it on to admin to deal with. No one has even asked to see proof that i am pregnant!

[nymphadora]

That was my understanding addicted!

I'm fuming about the whole situation as he is v busy and none of this is a priority to him. There are lots of other issues around this and this is the final straw as far as I'm concerned. Starting to feel it would be easier if he wasn't off

[addictedishavingagirl]

no, it will be so much easier with him with you.

Its hard if he has other things going on as this obvioously wont be a priorty atm, when your a week off from giving birth (when its too late) it will become a priorty.
Maybe for a quiet life you could write the letter, of course as a pregnant hormonal woman you may get a little carried away and show your anger and upset at being asked to write the letter.

[doggiesayswoof]

OK - take a deep breath and calm down OP

It will be much better if he is with you, so it's worth sorting out

Did you see islandofsodor's link?

The form you need for statutory paternity pay:

here

If his firm has its own scheme, over and above statutory entitlement, then maybe it's their own daft policy that's kicking in here.

If they want a letter, why not just do a letter? One or two lines, takes 5 minutes, job done.

Don't be insulted - it's just bureaucracy.