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AIBU?

To be peeved with mother who 'forgot' arrangements for her dd to come over to play

70 replies

hmc · 30/06/2010 19:49

Ha ha! - feel like I am taking my life into my hands asking you lot if I am being unreasonable.

Arranged with mum of a newish girl in class (think she started after Easter if I remember correctly)for her dd to come after school to play with my dd - since both girls have established a firm friendship. I would pick up her dd from school at the same time as mine - so she wouldn't have to turn out with her toddler in tow.

Am not entirely without fault - on the day in question it occurred to me - Holy crap! dd has her dyslexia tutor straight after school! (tutor sees her at school when school finishes) so dd wouldn't be available until 4pm, not the usual 3.15 departure time.

Decided I must ring the mum of other girl - was going to give her some options (1) I would pick up her dd at 3.15 as pre-arranged and she could hang around with me and ds for 45 minutes for my dd to finish with her tutor, or (2) we could reschedule if her dd would prefer (3) she could pick up her dd at 3.15, and I would subsequently collect her dd from her house (short distance from mine) at 4pm when dd had finished with the tutoring.

Didn't however have her phone number so rang school office - who understandably wouldn't pass on her number, but rang on my behalf and left a message on her answer machine asking her to phone me (they left her details of my phone number).

Well she didn't phone me all day - so I had little option but to go to the school at 3.15 to collect her dd (at the back of my mind was the fear that she hadn't checked her answer machine all day or had been out and about a lot - and I didn't want her dd left forlorn and not collected)

So I schlep up to school just to collect her dd (mine - remember, is still being tutored until 4pm)....to be told by the form teacher that the other child "isn't in today - planned absence" wtf?

Now everyone makes mistakes - but shouldn't the mum concerned have made grovelly apologies to me next day or so? She hasn't said a thing!

Dd is pushing me to invite the child again - but I can't quite bring myself to talk to the mum (I should just get over myself, shouldn't I!)

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activate · 30/06/2010 19:51

nah

you're over-reacting

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TheFallenMadonna · 30/06/2010 19:52

Considering you forgot your own arrangements, you should cut her some slack I reckon...

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littleducks · 30/06/2010 19:52

To be fair you both forgot, it would have been better if when you called school they had said then the girl wasnt in school

I think you need to get over it, rearra\nge with contact details

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gingernutlover · 30/06/2010 19:52

you shd talk to the mum, ask her what happened

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hmc · 30/06/2010 19:53

Well done on reading my very long OP activate. It was a bit 'epic'

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thisisyesterday · 30/06/2010 19:53

she can't apologise for something she forgot can she? on account of... she's forgotten about it!

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Hassled · 30/06/2010 19:53

I'd be pretty damn hacked off in your shoes. Probably just dippiness on the mother's part, but annoying for you.

Don't rush to talk to the mum if you're still cross about it - wait till you've calmed down a bit.

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hmc · 30/06/2010 19:54

Considering you forgot your own arrangements, you should cut her some slack I reckon...

I do see your point - but did I not make fairly significant efforts to sort it on the day?

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Flibbertyjibbet · 30/06/2010 19:54

So its ok for you to forget your own child's arrangments but not ok for other mums to forget?

YABU.

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hmc · 30/06/2010 19:54

But thisis - she would have been reminded on finding the answer machine message later that day?

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minipie · 30/06/2010 19:54

Well, I do think she should have returned your message

but she probably got your message and thought "oh thank goodness, she forgot as well" and so doesn't think she needs to apologise

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TheFallenMadonna · 30/06/2010 19:56

Yes. When you remembered

And if it turns out to be something like a funeral or something which may have pushed this out of her mind you might feel pretty bad.

Just re-arrange.

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HecateQueenOfWitches · 30/06/2010 19:56

Maybe they didn't pass the message.
Maybe she hasn't picked up the message (I've got 1571 thingie and although the phone makes that funny noise when you've got a message, I never remember to check so don't notice until the next time I go to make a call)

Maybe go to her and say, with a smile, shall we have another crack at getting the girls together after school? Sorry about the confusion the other day.

I know it wasn't your fault, but apologising in such circumstances makes things go very well! The other person will (well, probably ) reply no no, sorry, it was my fault... and you have raised the subject and got your message across without being seen as a stroppy cow

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thisisyesterday · 30/06/2010 19:56

ahh but maybe she didn't get the message? maybe they forgot to ring her, or maybe she had a stupid virgin message service that hardly ever works, or you forget to check it?
maybe she forgot so thoroughly that she just thought "but i don't know who this person is, must be a wrong number"

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hmc · 30/06/2010 19:56

I am going to be one of those posters who argues when people say YABU

No it wasn't okay for me to forget - but I remembered in the nick of time (that morning) and made efforts to remedy it

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hmc · 30/06/2010 19:58

Okay, okay! - I am going to go with Hecate's suggestion. Good to get some sense of perspective - pass me a ladder so that I can dismount this high horse I have been sitting on

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ronshar · 30/06/2010 20:01

I would be a bit peeved but having forgotten yourself you are exactly in a position to moan.

I would just approach the mum in the morning and simply apologise for not double checking, with her the day before. That should be enough for both of you to sort it out like adults.

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HecateQueenOfWitches · 30/06/2010 20:03

here you go

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mumofthreesweeties · 30/06/2010 20:13

Hecate - you are brilliant, so funny

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HecateQueenOfWitches · 30/06/2010 20:18

why thank you

(your cheque's in the post)

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GoodnightNobody · 30/06/2010 20:28

I've forgotton to take dd to someone's to play .

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AliGrylls · 30/06/2010 20:39

A bit shabby but everyone can be forgetful at times. Maybe you should both buy yourselves diaries.

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hmc · 01/07/2010 11:41

Saw her this morning. Said 'Hello' - she barely managed to reply (looked like it almost killed her to say hello back). Reckon she is a bit short on social skills!

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toccatanfudge · 01/07/2010 11:44

she's maybe mortified that she forgot and to embarrassed about it.........

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hmc · 01/07/2010 11:46

Oh okay! - I'll stick with the sunny hellos (I really need the life coaching that MN at its best can sometimes provide)

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