to be annoyed by lack of RSVP's

(84 Posts)
wildmutt Wed 16-Jun-10 10:22:48

Ok, so my dc is having a party and all the class have been invited (30 kids). It's at a place where they'll do all the food and we need to pay for this a week before so I clearly put on the invite if they could kindly RSVP by such and such a date. That date has now passed and I've had no reply from 9 of them and 3 who mentioned they'd let me know for def nearer the time??? Can I just assume these 9 won't come or am I supposed to chase these people up in the playground. Or, what if they just turn up on the day. Am I being unreasonable to think that a quick text to let me know either way is not too much too ask?

FER1 Wed 16-Jun-10 10:30:13

I'd be very pissed off at that. Have they never tried organising a party themselves?

ItalyLovingMummy Wed 16-Jun-10 10:37:50

That is incredibly rude, but we had that with our wedding four years ago so I'm not surprised. I just think manners have gone out the window these days. I don't understand what is so hard, look at the calendar and if you are free then accept asap and if you don't want to go to an event, decline. If it wasn't for your DC I would feel like cancelling and doing something else (go to the zoo with just a couple of friends or something), but its difficult if your DC is expecting a party.

brennannbooth Wed 16-Jun-10 10:44:09

YANBU

wildmutt Wed 16-Jun-10 11:19:45

Thanks for replying. Glad it's not just me then - I thought maybe my expectations were too high. I'm trying hard not to let it bother me as I know in the great scheme of things it's not that important and am just going to go ahead and not include the 9 that didn't reply. If they turn up on the day will work something out confused.

My best friend did warn me off doing a 'whole class' thing but me being normally laid back thought she was being a drama queen. I know now what I won't be doing next year!

ILM, It's very bizarre that I am starting to get a stressed out feeling I last had before our wedding!

Please tell me kid's parties get easier with age hmm

YANBU, unrealistic yes, but not unreasonable. I have had this time and again, DD had her last whole class party this year. From now on it will be 8 friends and the cinema I think.

hattyyellow Wed 16-Jun-10 11:23:26

I would chase them up sadly. It shouldn't be your responsibility to have to do this, but some people are exceptionally rude.

I wouldn't go ahead excluding the children as in my experience half of them will turn up and then will feel hurt that they don't have lunch/going home bags etc - and their parents rudeness will then be visited upon the childrens heads.

As for letting you know nearer the time, that's just dreadful - what in case something better turns up? The whole RSVP thing makes my blood boil - how hard is it to reply to an invitation!

coffeefestival Wed 16-Jun-10 11:56:12

YANBU

ABitTipsy Wed 16-Jun-10 11:57:47

They could be like me, just very scatty and forgetful. Just chase them up, don't assume they are being rude.

hoppershopper Wed 16-Jun-10 12:25:06

if you had 9 RSVPs already, then i would maybe pay for the 9 plus 5 or 6 more, but write the names who had RSVP'd down on the list for them to be ticked off when they arrive at the reception.
When so-and-so arrives with mum she wont be on the list, and maybe the reception can tell her to come and have a word with you, where you can politley say that you had assumed they werent coming due to the lack of acknowlegement of the invite?
Obv if you have actually paid for more, said child can play, but might make mum squirm for a moment! grin

coffeefestival Wed 16-Jun-10 12:34:13

You could phone them to say that you're just about to finalise numbers with the venue so wanted to confirm either way?

extension Wed 16-Jun-10 13:36:08

Its very annoying. But, I would just mention it to the parents and ask them for a definite decision. I suppose its possible that some of the dc didnt show the parents the invite, or mislaid them.

You will probably find that next year, rather than inviting the whole class your child will just pick a few of the friends he/she is closest to.

wahwahwah Wed 16-Jun-10 13:38:52

Hold on... did I write this one...?

I know how you feel. It's when the parents look at you when you ask of they are coming and say 'oh, we didn't get it'.

It's in your kids bloody tray!!!

it is especially annoying when you need to confirm figures to the venue and buy the cake.

funnysinthegarden Wed 16-Jun-10 13:41:15

YANBU, they are being rude. I would assume that they are not coming.

GiddyPickle Wed 16-Jun-10 13:44:22

ABitTipsy - it is rude to be so scatty and disorganised that you forget to reply. Its saying that your life is so much busier than everyone else's and therefore you should be excused your rudeness.

Of course if the invite never came home in the first place that's not your fault.

Anyways - I think you should chase them and get a defintite yes or no even if you have to track down phone numbers.

It is especially rude in this case as from the invite it should be obvious that its not a church hall or a garden party at home where the numbers matter less. If its a venue you pay for its often payable in advance and not all venues give you a refund for kids who don't turn up (in fact quite a lot of them don't anymore).

diddl Wed 16-Jun-10 13:46:05

I would also assume they are not coming.

That´s also a reason only to invite children´s really good friends-chances are you would know the parent well enough to check with them.

LynetteScavo Wed 16-Jun-10 13:46:59

YANBU - I'm so fed up of this, that I've organised DD's party sop it doesn't matter how many people turn up. I'm doing a load of food, and a load of very cheep party bags (only sweets, and only ones that I like, so I know they won't be wasted)

I'm going to lay the table for how ever many reply, and if anyone dares to turn up with out replying, the parent will receive a a comment from me about me not expecting people who didn't RSVP (Actually I won't say anything, as I'm a whimp and too well brought up, but I would like to . grin)

pagwatch Wed 16-Jun-10 13:51:20

I would chase up
I always invite all of DCs class mates and going back over the years a variety of things happen.

Sometimes the reply doesn't get to the parent. I didn't believe this until I found DD in her bedroom with a week old invitation which she had found in her bag and pulled whilst at after school club. She has also got to the postman before me since so even posting isn't fool proof.
Some people think they have replied - genuinely. This has happened to a couple of reliable types and i believe them. Mis sent texts, answerphone messages that didn't reach me etc etc

And then there arethe astonishingly rudse ones. The ones who ignore you and don't turn up are bad, but the worst are the ones who ignore you and then do turn up without batting an eyelid.

Some people are rude but you have to chase unfortunately

funnysinthegarden Wed 16-Jun-10 13:51:56

LS, you could just hmm at them

lazarusb Wed 16-Jun-10 13:53:02

YANBU!!! My dds birthday party was a few weeks ago, one girl accepted initially then cancelled when she got a better offer, another said it depended on the weather as if was nice she would go to the beach instead!!!! One of them then asked if she could still have a party bag. How I didn't swear I don't know. It's extremely rude and bloody annoying. If children just turn up on the day I would say 'Oh, glad you could make it, we weren't expecting you!' and make a fuss of rearranging tables etc...

LynetteScavo Wed 16-Jun-10 13:56:11

'Oh, glad you could make it, we weren't expecting you!'

I will definitely use that!

wildmutt Wed 16-Jun-10 14:07:14

Thank you all, thinking on it I suppose it's possible they never got the invite so I'll try and track them down and ask. It's just a pita as I'm not 100% who they are and also feel a bit like I'm pestering. Will plaster on my best smile this afternoon and go for it.

Seona1973 Wed 16-Jun-10 14:17:02

I accosted parents at the school gate when trying to get replies from dd's classmates - I looked out for who the kids went to and then asked the parent if they were able to make it to the party. I always make a point of replying to invites as I know how annoying it is when people dont get back to you.

expatinscotland Wed 16-Jun-10 14:24:29

YANBU. it seems a very common form of rudeness here, though.

even worse, it seems this also happens at weddings!

well, my aunt went to one wedding reception (this is in teh US, where a large, Hispanic wedding usually consists of a Mass in the early evening followed immediately after by a buffet dinner and then a dance) where there was a member of the venue staff stationed at the start of the queue for the buffet.

She asked each person if they'd RSVP'd and their name. If they were on it, she checked them off and issued them a plate.

If they hadn't RSVPd, they didn't eat!

Bride wasn't at all fazzed by the 'outrage' of those who hadn't bothered to RSVP as those dinners were $80/head.

pagwatch Wed 16-Jun-10 14:26:20

I love that! grin

if your not on the list you don't get a plate..

I am going to do that. Brilliant

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