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AIBU?

To think about misplacing his appointment letter?

19 replies

onlygirl · 15/06/2010 13:41

Dh went to see GP about having a vasectomy they have sent him the letter with his password so he can make the appointment BUT I don't want him to go for it as I think at some point I will want another baby as I'm feeling quite broody at the mo.
He was supposed to ring up on friday but he forgot and I didn't remind him. TMI but we are not being careful by using any protection.
Do you think I am right in thinking that if he was serious about doing it he could have taken the letter to work and booked from there and he would be more bothered about using protection??

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scurryfunge · 15/06/2010 13:44

Sounds like you both need to talk properly about the issue, as it seems neither appreciates what the other wants.

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BessieBoots · 15/06/2010 13:45

What?! He wants a vasectomy but is not bothered enough to use contraceptives in the meantime?!

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singsinthebath · 15/06/2010 13:45

I think you need to communicate with him more.

How many kids do you have BTW?

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singsinthebath · 15/06/2010 13:45

I think you need to communicate with him more.

How many kids do you have BTW?

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compo · 15/06/2010 13:47

Yabu

you both sound childish

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luciemule · 15/06/2010 13:47

You have to go to a counselling session together first anyway so they wouldn't want to go ahead without you wanting to.

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onlygirl · 15/06/2010 13:52

compo I do in a way agree with you but we do have 2 boys and before I miscarried in Feb I didn't think I wanted any more children but since then I do and It is hard to talk about with DH. How can we both compromise?

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scurryfunge · 15/06/2010 13:53

You need to speak to eachother, no matter how difficult it is...for you to get pregnant without discussing it would be just as deceitful as him having a vasectomy without discussing it.

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Mingg · 15/06/2010 13:56

"You have to go to a counselling session together first anyway so they wouldn't want to go ahead without you wanting to" - do you? What happens if the partner is totally against the idea? Eventually they just go ahead regardless?

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OutOutLetItAllOut · 15/06/2010 13:56

scurry, its not like she is conning him to get her preg. she isnt lying about being on the pill. he could wear a rubber...he knows the risks.

but i think yabu hiding the letter, its a situation you need to talk about.

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AMumInScotland · 15/06/2010 13:57

If this is a man you have children with, and think you may want more children with, then you need to be able to talk to him about these issues. The compromise is simple - he doesn't have a vasectomy yet, and you use contraception until you can reach an agreement.

When you say it's hard to talk to him, is this something just since you miscarried? Men have feelings about those too, and he may be struggling to work out his feelings - he maybe doesn't want you to get pg again because of the pain of loss, or the pain to him of seeing you deal with your pain IYSWIM? You really do have to deal with this and not just "assume" what each other feels.

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luciemule · 15/06/2010 13:57

Don't know Mingg - perhaps it's just certain trusts but Dh saw GP, then got app letter for us both to see cousellor and said they wouldn't see him alone and wouldn't go ahead without me agreeing to it first.
2 friends in 2 other counties also said they had the same.

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HousewifeOfOrangeCounty · 15/06/2010 14:01

We didn't have any counselling before dh had it done, I think he was asked if I was happy about it.

You need to talk to him, how are you going to feel if you get pg now? You may be happy, but you need him to want a baby too - this sort of situation has split friends of mine in the past, be careful.

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Mingg · 15/06/2010 14:01

Thanks - I didn't know that. I suppose it makes sense as it affects both of you but on the other hand it is the man's body...

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squeaver · 15/06/2010 14:01

How can you compromise? Use a condom until you've both made up your minds, that's how.

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Squitten · 15/06/2010 14:06

YABU - it's a mess, isn't it?

He wants a vasectomy but is content to get your pregnant in the meantime if it happens and you have decided to sabotage the vasectomy? Sounds like a conversation is required ASAP.

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bleedingheart · 15/06/2010 14:10

How can you consider having another child when you can't talk about this? Did you discuss the vasectomy before he made the appointment with GP?
You must talk about why he isn't bothered about contraception but wants the snip, talk about mixed messages. How do you think he would react if you got pregnant now? Would he be pleased? I hope you both sort this out. I'm sorry you miscarried, do you think this has had an impact on his decision?

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Lynli · 15/06/2010 14:16

I think he does want another but is frightened. I had the same with my DH after my MCs. He would say he didn't want to try again but would forget condoms or lose them. when I asked him after I was pregnant he said he didn't want it to be his decision, if all went wrong it was then his fault. You need to talk.

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onlygirl · 15/06/2010 14:16

No, the vasectomy wasn't discussed he mentioned it to the GP when he went for his holidy jabs. I am confused and it is definitly mixed messages. Will try to sit down with him tomorrow and sort it out thank you.

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