to think 5 is too young to play out alone??

[groundhogmum]

I have a 5 yr old DD and we live on a small estate but are quite near a busy ish road.

My DD is a sensible, well behaved (most of the time) girl and has noticed lately some of her school friends playing out alone.

She has had friends calling for her asking if she can go out to play but I keep making excuses as I feel she is way too young to be out alone.

Am I being unreasonable and/or PFB?? How old is ok and any suggestions on how to explain this to my DD who feels punished when I say no?

[oldandgreynow]

Your kid -your rules.Everybody's child is different, everybody lives in different locations ,Everybody has a different perception of risk, and the point where risk out weighs the benefits of independence.

[Surprise]

I'd say do whatever you're comfortable with. My DS is 7 and still doesn't play out alone, bascially because we live near a busy road and his friends are some distance away. I would invite friends round to play in your garden - make it a place they want to be and then you know they're all safe. Although they can be a bit of a pain, I think they have just as much fun. There are parents round here who let their 6 year old go to the local shop with their 2 year old sister in tow... so each to their own I suppose.

[diamondsandtiaras]

I think I would let a 5yo out to play if she was literally just in front of my house and I could see her from the window. otherwise no.

[pointydog]

You can carry on thinking 5 is too young. However, others will think 5 is fine and that's ok too.

There is no simple answer to this. You've just got to go with your own opinion.

[vicbar]

I agree your daughter your rules. My dd(5) ds (4) and dd2 (3) play out the front together but we have a bay out the front and a v.quiet street. Although I know if I read that in the papers Id be .

[groundhogmum]

Thanks everyone! My house looks out onto a path and we are right next to the road but nowhere near any grass/open spaces so to play out she would be well out of sight.

I have suggested to my DD that we talk to her friend's mum and see if he can come and play in our quite large garden over the weekend and hope this is a compromise that will keep her happy for while.

We do live on a council estate with a whole variety of colourful people living here, some with drug or alcohol problems and there are gangs of teenagers hanging around.

Due to all this, letting my DD's out unsupervised is something I hope to avoid as much as possible but I am aware my girls will need some freedom as they get older. Trying to strike a balance will be interesting

[firstaibu]

I think it depends entirely on your DD and how safe you perceive the situation to be, vs the benefits you think there are to her playing out.

When DD was 5, we lived in a cul-de-sac; not much traffic but the odd car. All the children in the street would play out, the older ones (about 8yrs old) looking out for the younger ones. I did worry about the cars, but I loved the fact that the doors could be open and the children in and out of each other's houses, and that they had the freedom to play in the street together. The houses faced the street (they don't where we live now, although we're still in a cul-de-sac), so we could all keep a reasonably close eye. Having said that, it takes a moment for something awful to happen, and that isn't necessarily the moment you're looking out of the window. I took the risk though, because the benefits were worth it to me. DD was also allowed to go unaccompanied to the far end of the cul-de-sac to call for another child. When playing out, she was under very strict instructions that she could only go a certain distance towards the end of the road (to allow for cars swinging round the corner), and she was good about sticking to this.

Where we are now (cul-de-sac again but you don't have a clear view of the road), the children don't play out as a group so much. I'd be less comfortable about her doing so, although I'd still let her. The kids do all go between houses though (crossing the road).

It has already been established on another thread, though, that I am at the 'lax' end of the parenting spectrum...

[seeker]

But do be careful of the "your child-your rules" attitude. I think it sometimes replaces proper consideration of the circumstances.

I would have though that one of the advantages of living on an estate would be the playing out possibilitites.

[mumto2andnomore]

5 is far too young ! madness ! I agree let them come and play in your garden

[piscesmoon]

You can't have a hard and fast rule, it depends on the DC, their friends and where you live. Mine had a definite patch they had to stick to at that age. The other option is to have them all in your garden.(if you have one)

[pointydog]

of course it's not madness

[GeekOfTheWeek]

We are at the bottom of a very quiet cul de sac. My dd(5) plays out but isn't allowed past our house. There are loads of children playing out here including her elder brother.

[Oblomov]

how old are the other children ? and do you like them/their mums ? if they are all 8 or so, but if they are all similar ages, then why are the other mums letting them out ?

[groundhogmum]

My DD is 5 and the little one she wants to play out with is also 5 (reception age).

I actually don't know the family because they only moved into the area and started at the school this week. The little lad seems very nice and polite and I would have no issues with him coming to play if my DD wants him to.

My DD has struggled a little socially at school, being shy, so I have made sure to attending all the parties, disco's etc, anything to help her make friends a little easier.

I'm just not comfortable at the moment with her playing where I cannot see her but want to avoid doing the "well they can so why can't I" argument with her at 5!

I know this argument will come eventually as round here some 3 yr olds and younger can be seen playing out (supervised only by 6/7 yr olds, if at all), so my DD will always be slightly behind some kids on what she is and isn't allowed to do.

I fully admit I am a little over protective as she is the PFB. No doubt by the time DD3 reaches this age I will be chucking her out

Thanks for all your responses

[smokinaces]

We live on a council estate, and are lucky to have a small area of green between our garden and our road. Its often got boys from the road playing on it or round it on their bikes or with their balls. They have knocked for DS1 a couple of times (he's nearly 4) and he's desperate to play out with them but i have said no. I have told him he needs to be 6 (the age the 3 boys are now) and when he is 6 I will reasses. He thinks all his birthdays have come at once if I let him play out for 2 minutes when talking to the neighbours!

I dont think YABU, but I equally dont think the other parents are either. Its a decision based on your child and your comfortable limits.

[BaresarkBunny]

There are children from ds pre-school who play out where I live. They are just on their own, no older siblings etc

[NormalityBites]

We live on a slow road but it gets a fair amount of through traffic, kids up and down it play out. I had to do an emergency stop yesterday when I was turning the car around as the 4.2 year old from up the street ran out into the road after a ball He comes to call for my DD completely unaccompanied at up to 8.30 at night, and I am the talk of the street for not letting DD (3.8) out of the garden to play with him and/or the others. (He is the youngest but is often out alone and well out of sight of his own house/knocking on other peoples doors etc)

YANBU - individual circumstances may differ but as a general rule, I think 5 is too young.

[Gigantaur]

My DD is almost 6 and she plays out the front.

I live on a pedestrian access street and i leave the front door open. we know every family in our walk and she knows not to go beyond the end of the road.

It works for us where we are but different family and different setting and i wouldn't.