to wonder what they want me to do about it?

[schmontilidrop]

Picked DD up from nursery today and they pulled me aside and told me there was an incident and that DD hurt another child.

Fair enough, i said i was sorry and that i hoped they told her off and that we would speak about it at home.

Then they told me that she hadnt listened when they told her off and faced the other way. I told them thats what she does when she is told off. She doesnt like it and turns her head away.

They were really grumpy with me about it. LIke it was my fault. They made DD say sorry. They told her off, ive spoken to her about it, what am i meant to do, its not my fault.

Was a bit miffed, shes come home plenty of times saying so and so has done this or that..... surely its all par of the course, not excusing the behaviour, but its the first time shes done anything like that...

[PrettyCandles]

in general my rule is that if nursery has dealt with the incident then it is closed. I hope they don't expect you to discipline her as well over this incident?

[paisleyleaf]

my brother used to giggle when he was told off. It was a nervous thing, but obviously it drove teachers bananas.

[SilveryMoon]

How odd.
Although I am all for having strong relationships with teachers etc in order to over-come more serious behavioural issues, but surely as qualified child carers, they should be more than able to deal with this in an appropriate manner on their own while your dd is in their care?????????
FWIW, I'd agree with PrettyCandles and leave it after the nursery had told her off.

[blackflyinyourchardonnay]

Agree with PrettyCandles.

I don't know why they were grumpy with you. They should have informed you, and let it be.

[schmontilidrop]

well. i would have thought that they would know that too. especially as she has been going there for over a year.

They just said that she was not listening when they told her off. They just stopped and looked at me.

Ive spoken to her about it and she said she didnt know the little boys fingers were trapped. She was pulling a floor out of a dolls house or something saying it was hers. ( prob should have been sharing.. but shes 4) and his finger got caught. Nursery said she continued to pull even though she knew. surely if they could see all this and see that his fingers were trapped they should have stopped it before just watching her pull.

in any case , i doubt that, supervision is not that close.

im just a bit baffled what they expected me to say/do about it?

[schmontilidrop]

well - she does do it all the time.

She does it when i tell her off too.

[seeker]

I thin - going against the tide - that 4 is actually old enough to understand that if you're doing something that hurts someone else, you stop. And presumably she realized his fingers were trapped when he started yelling?? And if she didn't she would presumably say sorry as soon as she realized, not have to be made to say sorry?

And I wouldn't accept a face turned away - I would (and did - dd did this too) make her look at me.

But I am ancient and old fashioned and strict.

[diddl]

I agree it is probably more likely about her turning away.

That is very very rude-and there is no way they can force her to look at them, so I guess that they want you to tell her she shouldn´t do it.

Hopefully it´s a moot point as she won´t be getting told off again!

[piscesmoon]

I think that they were doing you a favour in telling you.
DCs have to get used to the fact that things you allow them to get away with at home are not something that other people will put up with. I can think of 4/5 yr olds who have strops that work at home with mother, but look silly with others, you can actually see the DC stop and look to see the effect!
I don't think that you can discuss todays incident-it is too late, but next time you have to tell her off you need to make sure that she doesn't face away. It isn't doing her any favours to let her get away with it-the older she gets the more people will find it an inappropriate response.