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AIBU?

not to let DD travel in dad's car?

43 replies

fingertoes · 27/05/2010 10:48

Hi ladies, I have just joined mumsnet and this is my first post, although I have been lurking and reading for ages.
So, nice to meet you all and I would be really grateful for your opinions on this.

I have a 6 month old baby girl and when I was pregnant with her, my dad informed me that he would not be giving me and the baby a lift anywhere when my DH is at work (I can't drive, have tried to learn but didn't end well!) as he didn't want the baby making a mess in his car.

Then the other week he rang and told me has has bought another little runaround so that he can take me, my mum and the baby shopping, out for lunch etc. Obviously I thought this was really kind of him.

So, we arranged to go out for lunch on Monday but when they turned up to pick us up, DD's car seat would not fit in as the seatbelts were too short to go around it. Dad said "you can just hold the seat then" and I said I wasn't going to do that. Cue much huffing and puffing and in the end he managed to force the seatbelt to click in but the carseat was not sitting flat on the backseat of the car as it's meant to so it didn't feel solid. Dad said "that's ok, I'll move the front seat back to help hold it in place and we'll just go like that". I said that I was still not happy it was safe and didn't want her to travel like that.

My mum jumped straight in as she knew he would get annoyed and suggested we just go somewhere within walking distance instead. My dad said we were being over fussy and we weren't going far and weren't going to have a crash and I just said "well, we'll have to go somewhere we can walk to today and I'll just buy another carseat that WILL fit the car".

We are due to go out again in just over a week, but the trouble is I have looked on the internet and can't find any car seat which will fit and apparently the car in question (Daewoo Matiz) is notoriously impossible for this. So now I will have to tell my dad DD is not travelling in the car he bought especially and I know he is going to go mental, say I am fussy, ungrateful etc. But what else can I do? She is my baby and surely as her mum it's my responsibility to not let her do anything I think is dangerous.

The thing is, I am older for a first time mum (mid thirties) and my daughter was desperately wanted for many years. I do sometimes wonder if that makes me a bit over protective of her.

Anyway, sorry if I have rambled but what do you think?

OP posts:
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jenroy29 · 27/05/2010 10:52

I'm with you on this.
He may be a careful driver but he isn.t driving all the other cars on the road is he???
Also if you get spotted he as the driver will be the one in trouble.
Can you get to a shop like halfords where they can try different car seats in his car?

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faerie07 · 27/05/2010 10:53

YANBU - just say 'You know what dad? It's ok for you to be so protective of your other car, but then I am allowed to be even more protective of my DD'.

Don't even CONSIDER letting her get into the car without a properly fitting car seat. Nobody PLANS to have accidents for heaven's sakes.

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TinyApeInBigPants · 27/05/2010 10:54

You are not being precious about this and you are absolutely doing the right thing.

If he gets angry and calls you precious, just remind him he cares more about a mess in his usual car than the safety of his grandaughter.

(don't misunderstand me, twas v nice of him to get the runaround car but he surely cannot expect you to put your daughter at risk?)

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azazello · 27/05/2010 10:55

YANBU at all but if you move her into a forward facing seat in 6 months or so would that fit in? It might only be a short term problem.

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abbierhodes · 27/05/2010 10:59

Does the carseat fit in the front? If so you can have the airbag disabled and put the seat there.Or have a bigger seatbelt fitted in the back.

Buying an extra car so your first one won't get messy is really weird behaviour, btw. Serious issues here I think.

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TheBossofMe · 27/05/2010 10:59

Have a look at the Britax site here:

www.britax.co.uk/car-seats/fit-finder

It allows you to find a Britax seat to fit the Matiz - gives different options by childs age etc.

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Plumm · 27/05/2010 11:02

Is she still in a backward facing seat? You might find a forward facing easier to fit (when she's ready to move into it).

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silverfrog · 27/05/2010 11:07

Is it a new car he's bought? (also agree that the mess/new car thing is a bit odd- cars are cleanable!)

ANd it is "just" the seatbelt thatis the problem? ie is there actually room for the rear-facing seat behind the front passenger seat?

you could try an isofix seat, in that case (they do tend to take a bit more room, which is why I asked about space behind passenger seat) as if the car is new, it should have isofix points in it.

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IsItMeOr · 27/05/2010 11:12

YANBU.

There's a good reason why the law requires your DD to travel in a correctly fitted car seat, and your Dad was a bit of a wally to buy a car without checking the car seat issue out first. He will know this, but will be feeling annoyed with himself and take this out on you, I suspect.

I don't believe that you can't buy a car seat for the Matiz. You'll just need to shop around carefully for it, and others have given links.

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faerie07 · 27/05/2010 11:24

abbierhodes- Rear facing car seats can't be in the front seat of the car.

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abbierhodes · 27/05/2010 11:26

Yes they can! Where did you get that from? The only problem is if there is an airbag.

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faerie07 · 27/05/2010 11:30

Sorry, you're right. He'll have to get the airbag disabled. I still wouldn't want to have my child in the front seat.

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scurryfunge · 27/05/2010 11:30

Ask him what he would rather clean off the car...baby sick or baby blood?

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UndomesticHousewife · 27/05/2010 11:36

I'm sure you could find a car seat that will fit the car, try contacting Daewoo see what they say. They will be missing out on a huge market if baby seats can't fit into the car!

See if you can disable the airbag, though there may be something that unless it can be turned on and off as a feature, the car garage can't disable it because of safety, I think I remember my friend having this problem.
What about a forward facing car seat which is suitable for her age/weight? Not sure if there's such a thing.

At the end of the day, her safety has to come before your dad's feelings. It was nice of him to get another car, but most likely he's annoyed because he bought that car and now the seat won't fit!

Is there a reason why you cannot drive? Have you considered taking lessons?

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dizzymac · 27/05/2010 11:36

Do you have the type of carseat that has a base you could connect with a seatbelt, like cabriofix. I ask because I have a Ford KA and the only way a seat could fit in my car was to attach the base with belt( which is very effective) and then attach the seat to the base. The seat is VERY secure.

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UndomesticHousewife · 27/05/2010 11:37

Sorry just seen you said you tried to learn. Would you consider trying again?

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potoftea · 27/05/2010 11:40

I think its really odd that he bought a car for this reason. He obviously expects your dd to be fairly dirty, you must've been a filthy child .

Could you let your mom mind dd while you and your dad go buying a seat in a shop that fits them. Hopefully the spiel he'll listen to from the shop assistant will convience him of the importance of it fitting correctly.

But the longer term issue here is that stuff like this will come up over the years ahead, and you must believe in your judgement to do what's right for your dd. Her happiness and safety is your responsibility and don't let your strong-willed father make you doubt yourself.

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CantSupinate · 27/05/2010 11:41

I have a very lax attitude about risk -- and tbh, if it was a one-off essential journey I would probably just grit my teeth and go along with his suggestion. But beyond that, totally YANBU, you'll just have to stand your ground very civilly.

If the car was stopped by traffic police and it was observed that a proper car seat wasn't being used, wouldn't the driver be the one who was fined?

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TheBossofMe · 27/05/2010 11:43

Britax have at least two baby car seats that fit the Matiz.

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UndomesticHousewife · 27/05/2010 11:47

And just wondering, as you're in your mid thirties why is your dad treating you a bit like child? Is he like this with other things? I don't mean that rudely, but if you tried to do your test again then you wouldn't have to be in this situation. You could come and go as you please.

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Bunnyjo · 27/05/2010 11:49

OP - of course YANBU. Your DD's safety is of paramount importance. I like the idea by potoftea - take your dad along with you to go shopping for a car seat, hopefully the sales assistant will convince your dad of the importance of having a correctly fitted carseat.

Here is a link to another MN discussion about the Daewoo Matiz and carseats, I am sure there was a couple of recommendations on it.

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FabIsGoingToGetFit · 27/05/2010 11:52

YANBU.

Your baby is more important than anything.

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Glycine · 27/05/2010 12:01

I agree with you. Your childs safety is the most important thing. I wouldn't use your dad's car until you found a properly fitting seat.
I too am an older mum with a dd that was much waited for. I think people have to let you make your own decisions regarding your child's safety. So what if they think you are being overprotective ( which I don't think you are in this case).

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fingertoes · 27/05/2010 12:10

Hi everyone, thanks a lot for all your replies. Don't worry, she will not be getting in the car until a solution is found.

I know how weird the whole mess/car thing is, but trust me if you knew my dad you wouldn't be surprised. UndomesticHousewife, he's always been like this, as a child/teenager he would just bulldoze over me, but I don't fall for that anymore.

abbierhodes, I never thought of having the seat belt made longer, perhaps I could offer to pay for that.

TheBossofMe, thanks very much for that site, there is one which will fit forward facing but no good till she weighs 20lbs.

silverfrog, it's not a brand new car but fairly new, not sure about isofix points but could look into that.

I do wish I could drive, but I've taken lessons twicw and I just hated it. I found it really hard and just didn't have the confidence.

OP posts:
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TheBride · 27/05/2010 12:18

The Matiz does have isofix (front and rear)unless it's truly ancient and I dont think they've even existed for that long.

I think you're NBU but I'd also give your dad a bit of a break- he has bought a new car just to accommodate you and car safety is slightly a generational/cultural thing so what seems totally outrageous to you probbaly seems reasonable to him.

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