To Want to change my daughters primary school?

(19 Posts)

First time on AIBU but pretty sure I'm not so taking my chances grin

So heres the situation DD is seven loves her school its actually a decent school if a bit lax in keeping up with her reading as shes advanced beyond her year and the next but today was the last straw for me.
There was a mother in the playground picking up her son from my daughters class swearing constantly about the lovely headteacher we have because this 'mother' had been dropping her child at school early and picking him up late with no arrangement with the school and was told by the headteacher that school is not a babysitting service.

So on the way out this mum is behind us and suddenly I hear the headteacher shouting at her "Right now thats assault I don't want you on the school premises again!" It turns out the mum had thrown something in the heads face as she was walking out. She didn't even apologise just carried on swearing and laughing.

I found this really disgusting and sad and unfortuntly it does represent what a lot of the parents round here are like so I'm now considering removing my DD from a school and friends she loves because I don't want her growing up seeing this sort of thing as she clearly saw what happened today as they were just behind us. sad

junglist1 Thu 20-May-10 17:58:25

Seeing things is part of life so she will learn not everyone is nicey nicey. That's good IMO

That could happen anywhere though so unless you plan on home schooling YABU

coppertop Thu 20-May-10 18:00:20

I think that seeing the Head standing up to this kind of behaviour will teach your dd far more than taking her away from the situation.

If you are otherwise happy with the school I would keep her there. There's no guarantee that there won't be similar parents at a different school.

scurryfunge Thu 20-May-10 18:01:56

There will always be objectionable people wherever you go.

Teach your daughter to be assertive and confident about such people and create a supportive environment for her.

Talk through any fears she may have about incidents such as this help her understand what was happening and that she is safe.

I would not want to teach her to avoid all issues that are difficult.

ZZZenAgain Thu 20-May-10 18:04:09

never encountered parental behaviour like that at a primary school personally. Would hope it is not that common. Wouldn't send my dd there if I had another choice. Do you have a choice?

Theres another school 20 minutes walk up hill this one howevers at the bottom of the road.

To be honest its not even the school its the whole area, I just want better for my DD like I grew up with way back at the seaside in Norfolk instead a council estate sad

flibbertigibbert Thu 20-May-10 18:07:36

I can understand you wanting to change schools if that really is representative of the majority of parents. As others have said, there will always be a few parents like that, but if it's an overwhelming number then I wouldn't want my DD growing up thinking that this sort of behaviour is the norm.

ZZZenAgain Thu 20-May-10 18:15:25

20 minutes walk away is nothing dramatic if the school enviornment is going to be hugely different, but will it be?

Investigate by all means and maybe you have to figure out if you can realistically move away. If you simply cannot, hard as it is you must make the most of the situation you have. At least dd has nice friends at school, it doesn't always work out that way.

ZZZenAgain Thu 20-May-10 18:18:20

maybe those nice schools in Norfolk near the seaside are not so very different from what you have now. Things may have changed there quite a bit since you were at school.

Cogitoergosum Thu 20-May-10 18:19:44

Thing is, if you think that's bad (and it is, obviously) then you're going to have to shield her from all sorts of people, and what will you do when she goes to secondary school? Teenagers from all walks of life behave appallingly and there are very few secondary schools that only have lovely nice students exclusively.

My kids went to a very nicey nicey school in primary, but even there, there was the occasional parent with a big gob/just been released from prison/a drug habit. I think it's all good training for being a well rounded individual in adulthood and learning how to deal with people who aren't necessarily what you'd like them to be.

Thing is when you walk into this school you get the swearing, the smell of drugs and people even talking about dealing!

I spend 2 weeks in Norfolk with my Nan every year and its still as beautiful as I remeber plus I have good friends there still so maybe I am BU and its really just homesickness. I've been suffering with depression for a while now and it tends to make me gloss over my own childhood and get rather PFB too. I didn't see this sort of thing growing up so to me its a bit of a shock but after being here 8 years I really should be used to it I guess.

ZZZenAgain Thu 20-May-10 18:28:05

well it sounds nice, why aren't you in Norfolk? Can you move back there?

You could move to the school up the hill if it is better in your view, but the parents at your present school are your neighbours really, aren't they? They'll be around you all th time, your dd will be playing with their dc etc.

I can imagine how you feel though, my own childhood was amazing with hindsight I have to say it was brilliant and I do feel guilty at times that I cannot offer my dd anything like that, but I muddle on the best I can in the circumstances - as we all do.

LynetteScavo Thu 20-May-10 18:33:28

My children have only attended "nice" state schools. And in all of the schools there have been parents that I would rather weren't there...or anywhere near my child.

I decided pretty early on after choosing to send my children to state schools that there would always be some "undesirable" parents, but that's real society, isn't it?

If they were at a private school there would be a parent who was equally obnoxious, but in a different way.

Funnily enough, the worst parents seem to have lovely children, and the scariest children have the nicest parents.

Lonnie Thu 20-May-10 18:36:41

it comes down to this one thing

Are you comfortable with your child in that school

if the answer is no then move her..

It doesnt matter what any other reason is you have to be comfortable with your choices for your child.

Personally I chose to not send my child to a school where I know such behaviour occurs (recently that school send home a letter asking parents to stop swearing at home as the children were swearing to much at school) and yes the 15 mins in this case difference makes for a huge difference in the school the children and the behaviour I know 4 parents that have moved their children to the school we have ours in and well we are happier with that choice

LittleSilver Thu 20-May-10 18:44:55

If that parent's behaviour is not a one-off (either from her or by others) then no, YANBU.

Poor head teacher.

radstar Thu 20-May-10 20:38:35

Theres plenty of shite schools and horrid people in Norfolk believe me, I've lived there! grin

I think the poster who said she will learn from the headteacher not standing for such behaviour has a good point, unfortunately there will always be a point when she realises that some people are just not very nice.

queribus Thu 20-May-10 20:45:20

You'll get dreadful people and behaviour wherever you go, even (dare I say it) in private schools <ducks>.

And I don't think 'council estate' is the problem either - I've lived in some VERY well-to-do areas and encountered some of the most foul-mouthed, ill-mannered life forms ever to walk the planet.

No generalisations here!!

porcamiseria Fri 21-May-10 09:04:41

yabu to remove her from a nice school becuuse of a bad parent, you cant guarantee that the next school wont have the same problem!
you are overeacting a bit, kids will see life in all its nuances

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