To be a bit pissed off with bloke

[McSnail]

I rarely feel moved to post on AIBU, but in this instance I'm genuinely wondering if I AM being an unreasonable and horrible twunt.


Been with man for about eight years. In all the time we've lived together he's changed the bedding maybe three times (no joke) and isn't the world's tidiest person - long story short, I do most of the cleaning etc, and I've done all the (shoddy) DIY in the house.

Generally, I don't really mind, although sometimes I'll voice my dissatisfaction with his slobbiness. Blah blah.

Lately, we've been getting the house ready to put on the market, and bloke has been doing some painting, papering etc. Also, I work and he looks after the baby. He's suddenly come over all stroppy about how much house-work he does. Sometimes he'll make a big show about tidying up my stuff, going all thin-lipped and passive aggressive
(when I ask him what's wrong he says 'Nothing' while slamming things around the kitchen)

So anyway - am I being unreasonable to think he's being a drama queen? Should I have it out with him, or just laugh it off? I'll probably just laugh it off and bring it up when we're both drunk but he has a very selective memory these days about the division of labour over the last eight years, which is irking me...

[BelleDameSansMerci]

YANBU. He's being an arse.

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

YANBU.

[ChickensNeedOpposableThumb]

YANBU. I'd point and laugh. Maybe then he'll realise he's being ridiculous.

[SeaTrek]

YANBU

My DH does this. Well he used to - it took several years of me pointing out to him, forcefully, how utterly ridiculous he was being.

[mountainmonkey]

YANBU. If I were you I'd make a fuss about cleaning up after him and point out every bit of housework you do (bit petty and childish, I know, but he started it!). It seems to me that he thinks up until now there've been cleaning fairies in your home.

[choufleur]

YANBU. I'd go so far as to write down what you do and what he does. Worked with DH when he was being an arse

[Lucy85]

YANBU.
You can either:

1. Explain and have a grown up conversation
2. Do nothing
3. Go on strike and then say 'see, this is how it feels when you have to clear up after me'

I think the grown up conversation option should include that you are both working towards the same goal, ie moving house.

He's being childish and pathetic in my opinion.

[Downdog]

YANBU.

I'd deal by lavishing him in praise for what he's doing as he is prob feeling a bit taken for granted. Not that I agree he is justifed in this, but you want him to keep going, not give up in a huff. Make him feel appreciated - no one likes to work in house all day, looking after baby & not be thanked. If you don't do that no one will.

(BTW I rarely get thanked for all the things I do for our family, but I do praise OH & he responds well - sometimes I think WTF why don't I get the praise, but fact is I know I am appreciated and by giving thanks, it helps achieve the end result. Rather than churlishly withdraw the thanking, I stick to the old adage of GIVE WHAT YOU WANT TO RECEIVE)

[BadPoet]

YANBU, definitely, but as a natural slob myself I would consider the possibility that he's really feeling the strain of having the place viewer - ready all the time and he's taking it out on you. Which is not great, obviously and I think you should try and discuss it calmly if at all possible. NOT when you are both drunk, you have a baby, if you have the opportunity to be drunk together then please enjoy it!

I'd let the previous slobbishness go, really. It's in the past and presumably he has some redeeming qualities or you wouldn't be with him . Moving is hellish enough, harder if you have small children so maybe you just need to cut each other some slack for a bit...

[Cretaceous]

I agree with BadPoet, as I'm the slob in our house! Moving = keeping house tidy = nightmare = me being very grumpy and stressed

[McSnail]

QUOTE: "Well, you've let him act like a looked-after child for this long. "

Haha, well - that does have a grain of truth, I suppose... You reap what you sow, etc.

[McSnail]

Thanks for all the other opinions - yes, it's a fairly stressful time and both of us are up to high dough.