to fear all the time that something bad will happen to my baby?

[mavideniz]

I had a baby boy only 20 days ago and I find motherhood painful, because I love him so much that sometimes it makes me cry... I often worry that something bad will happen to him and it reduces me to tears... I don't understand why I am like this and I just wanted to know if anybody else felt like me before? I don't think I show other signs of any kind of depression but before having my baby I was constantly worrying that I would somehow lose my husband... I am very happy in my marriage and in my life that I think I fear this is too good to be true... Can anybody help?

[Minshu]

I'm sure someone with more experience will come along - you are really not alone! I've been a worrier in the past, too.

You are going through massive logistical, emotional and hormonal upheavals, while dealing with sleep deprivation. It is very difficult to be entirely rational at this time.

You WILL get back to "normal" (or, more realistically, you will find a new normality after becoming a mother). In the meantime, tell your husband how you feel and speak with your HV and/or GP.

I'm 7 months in, and getting there now

[memoo]

Hi, What you are discribing is really normal. Becoming a mum is a really emotional period and its certainly very common to feel the way you discribe. Its such early days for you and you might find that things settle down a bit as time goes on.

I might not be the best person to give you advice as I am struggling with PND myself. It might be a better idea to post in the Mental Health section as there are lots of people over there who could better advise and support you.

[WidowWadman]

It's perfectly normal to feel the way you do. Your hormones will be all over the place at the moment, which causes this emotional rollercoaster. I remember crying big fat tears when watching Mary Poppins at that stage...

It might help if you mention to your health visitor how you feel, or just try to find a group - my breastfeeding support group was fantastic for everything re adjusting to motherhood, not only the boob-related stuff. If you don't breastfeed look for a playgroup, some start from a very young age.

Hope you feel better soon, you're surely perfectly normal from what you describe.

[tethersend]

I had this...

Once I realised that the worry was never going to go away, that it would always be there, it was ok.

I'm not sure that makes much sense, sorry...

[thinker]

My son is 10 months old and I am still a bit like it. I am receiving treatment. It sounds like a form of anxiety to me. I am no expert though. if it continues I would mention it to HV/GP. You say you had it about husband before you had the baby. I had hypnotherapy recently to try and sort it out and it made me realise that I had it about my dogs before I had children. They were the first ones that I was fully responsible for and had nurtured from puppyhood. Now its babies. Was also my Dad too but he recently was very ill and I had to help resuscitate him, he survived and it kind of burst the bubble, I am over it now. It is so sad, I can appreciate what you are going through. itis almost like you are scared to love and cherish them.

[xstitch]

mavideniz I am so sorry you feel this way. It is not unusual to feel this way with a new baby and remember your hormones will not have settled down yet. If you are feeling really distressed speak with your HV they are there to support you. I hope you are feeling better soon.

[MaryAnnSingleton]

poor you- it's horrible - but I think it's a naturalo reaction that has got a bit out of hands, if that makes sense. It might be that some Cognitive behaviour Therapy might help you address your feelings and reactions to them

[LadyBiscuit]

Absolutely normal. It does get better as your baby gets older but you might want to talk to your GP about anxiety in general because it does sound like you might need some tools to help with that. Congratulations too

[hairymelons]

It is natural to worry about a newborn, they are so teeny tiny and helpless, ah! I did suffer with anxiety after DS was born though so if it feels excessive or that you can't cope with it, do talk to your GP. I had hypnotherapy which was v successful.

Give yourself a bit of time to adjust though, 20 days is no time at all to get your head around your new situation.

Hope you're feeling a bit more relaxed soon. Don't worry if not though, there's plenty of supprt on here and on the NHS!

And congratulations

[SirBoobAlot]

20 days is nothing to try and take in everything that motherhood is. It takes time to adjust - and yes, its a bloody scary thing! The first time I left DS for a few hours I cried and cried and called my parents every half hour

Six months in, its a lot easier, and although I still worry (I get up several times during the night to check he is still breathing etc) I'm generally much calmer.

The first 12 weeks are really hard. Try and talk to your GP or HV (or your MW if you got on better with her, as you are covered by them too till 28 days) if you're having a bad time of things. They are always very supportive, from what I've found. And come and chat on here about whatever you're worrying about; from my experience there is always someone who has felt it all before

Congratulations on your son. Be kind to yourself.

[SpiderObsession]

You're still adjusting mavideniz, give yourself time and don't be too hard on yourself.

I had nightmares around the birth of my second DS, both before and after. All were about my family being badly hurt. I loved them so much I was worried they'd be taken away from me. As I am a natural worrier, and combined with those naughty hormones, I'm not surprised at this. After the birth they morphed into nasty daydreams for a while too.

They do pass. Take one day at a time and try to relax. If you do start to worry deliberately turn the bad situation into something good.

[RunawayWife]

It is normal, speak to your health visitor.

[Morloth]

Have a cry. Welcome to motherhood. Part of your heart is now outside your body.

It is very very dangerous loving people, it gets better but never goes away. Your heart will still stop everytime something could happen, but you will learn to control it a bit.

All teary now...

[BouncingTurtle]

Oh yes, I still have that feeling and, ds is 2.4yo! I often look at him and feel overwhelmed with love for him.

Your hormones are still all over the place, which is why you probably do feel teary and vulnerable, but it will get easier, but as the others have said it stays with you. However you develop a coping mechanism for it!

Do chat with your HV though, she'll be used to listening to new mums offloading to her

And congratulations on your new arrival.

Let me tell you something... MIL confided in me that she still feels that way about DH and his brother - and they are 33 and 30!

[BelleDameSansMerci]

I went through this too and I don't think some of it ever completely goes away. It will get better, it really will.

Congratulations and, really, very soon (even if it hasn't already) the wonder and joy of your child will very soon outweigh all the worry. x

[porcamiseria]

I was similar to you, I think its very normal. 20 days is nothing to get used to either

when the negative thoughts came my way I would try and think of them as items that I could tell to "go away", its hard to explain but its a simplistic way to deal with a scary issue. just tell the bad thoughts to fuck off!

Its very very normal, so dont be too hard on yoursel;f and try to be disciplined in batting the nasties away, its get easier

I still get the "fear", just not as badly

[Morloth]

It is probably evolutionary, designed to make you keep your baby close and as safe as possible.

[Longtalljosie]

Morloth - I think you're absolutely right. I think it also takes time to "bed in". I remember taking a walk in the park with my family and suddenly being assailed by a really vivid mental image of the relative who was pushing the pram letting it go into the lake! It was all I could do not to wrestle the pram from her, although I'm glad to say I didn't. It calms down, it really does - although you're always a bit tense near busy roads etc.

If you read What Mothers Do by Naomi Stadlen it covers all this. You should read it anyway - it's immensely reassuring...

[mavideniz]

Dear All,

Thank you so much for responding and reassuring... I was embarrassed to ask anyone I knew; thinking I must sound pathetic but I already feel better now. This was my first post here and I think it's a wonderful place to be!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

[ShowOfHands]

Oh I'm glad you're feeling better. Those early weeks are so consuming. You feel it swelling up inside you uncontrollably, the love, the fear, the protectiveness. Wait until routine injections when you'll in all seriousness having never been violent in your life, consider thumping a very lovely nurse for daring to hurt your precious baby.

I remember imagining so many terrible things. DD was a few days old and lying on a rug in front of my parents' bookcase that had stood happily for 20 years housing their books. I started idly considering the possibility that it could fall over and crush her. Then worrying a bit. Then being absolutely convinced it was going to happen in the next 5 seconds and snatching her up whilst crying that I'd put her at such risk. I was bonkers of course but we all are to some extent in the early days.

Once you sleep more and they laugh and giggle and play with you, the overwhelming love becomes more joy and less fear.

But if you're struggling, there's help out there.

Don't worry that you're abnormal though. Motherhood's a great leveller. We all end up a bit crazy for a time.

[potplant]

Morloth - "Part of your heart is now outside your body." That's so lovely.

Its still early days for you remember, you wont feel like this forever. Most of us have been there - my DH took my DTs to my in laws when they were 2 weeks old. i cried for the whole time they were gone (abut an hour) cos I was convinced that something terrible was going to happen.

The worry never realy goes away, but you learn that 99% of the time its completely irrational so you can cope.