to expect DS to be invited back after I have done a playdate in Jan

[digusted]

??

[ConnorTraceptive]

YABU

[ABatInBunkFive]

YABU

[CarGirl]

YABVU

You don't have playdates with the expectation of them being reciprocated.

[pjmama]

Why is OP BU? I think I'd be a bit if this happened? I wouldn't feel entitled, because of course that's not why you do playdates, but I would wonder if we'd done something wrong to not get a reciprocal invitation by now.

[piscesmoon]

Just invite your DSs friends around-don't expect anything back and then you won't be disappointed. Not everyone a, wants to do playdates b, can do playdates.

[CarGirl]

It could be for a dozen reasons.

What do you see the purpose of having children around then?

To me it's because my child would like x to come over and play at our house it has nothing to do with them being invited back. We've certainly got a few friends where it would be extremely difficult for them to reciprocate and it doesn't bother me at all.

[ABatInBunkFive]

Well then there is the difference pjmama OP said was she BU to expect, yes it is nice if it is recipricated, but not why i have a child over to play.

[usualsuspect]

yabu

[SuSylvester]

never expect it

[BAFE]

yabu

[pippylongstockings]

Eeeeek - I might well fal into this bracket - I didn't realise some-one would be keeping count! My DS has cerainly been on playdates to friends that I have not yet 'paid' back.

I work so it is hard to squeeze in an evening when I can pick up from school and so therefore weekends are precious catch up time as I am sure they are for most families - I am waiting for half term when I have a week off to repay the favour - but clearly I may be waiting too long.

I thought they were all friends who played with each other all day every day at school. I didn't realise that the other mums would be keeping count.

[CarGirl]

pippy don't worry about it.

Some families both parents work,
Some they have several younger siblings and a tiny house so it's a bit of a nightmare,
Some children actually have to share their bedroom with their parents,
Some families don't have parents that speak English that well.

I don't mind at all if my dc don't get invited back - I certainly don't keep count!

[leavingonajetplane]

Eh? Is this AIBU by stealth, without the stealth?

[dizzydixies]

lordy, I'm guilty too. DH and I work opposite shifts so if he's here when I am he is normally sleeping off a nightshift and therefore we do other things with the kids as opposed to inviting even MORE round.

on top of that I work long shifts and when I am here I'm catching up with seeing the DC, doing the shopping or general housework etc etc. My kids are also younger than DD1 who is invited on playdates and any we have had haven't been particularly successful as DD2 has felt left out having waited on DD1 to return home only to be 'ignored' if her friend is here too - the eldest 2 share a room and the baby naps in the afternoon as well

Lordy - we're just a shit option for a return playdate - roll on summer holidays and we'll be having to have everyone round as an apology

there are many reasons I never get round to it, being far too busy and not thinking that it was a tally scored activity is one of them

[GlastonburyGoddess]

YABVU
people have different commitments etc
ds1 has been on several playdates with one particular child, I currently have not had child back to mine because a) ds1 is v v v hard work so adding a playdate will be challenging to say the least b)we are still trying to decorate so currently have walls stripped and the place looks pretty terrible.Ive actually explained this to other mum incase she was wondering why I havent had her son back

[DramaInPyjamas]

Unreasonable. Don't do playdates if you get so easily wound up at not being invited back.

[mangoandlime]

Yabu. It doesn't work like that.

[Ripeberry]

My DD2 went to a playdate before Xmas and I don't like the other child. The mum of the other child invited my DD and even then I was not happy about it as she spent most of the time at the grandparents house with a 'big scary dog'.
Since then that girl has been nasty to my DD2, keeps getting into trouble at school.
Don't realy want to invite her back as her mum uses people all the time and foists this girl on others almost every night of the week and I don't want to be one of the 'babysiters'.

[missymousie]

it only matters if it is a best friend and it is all one way - if with close friends it basically evens out but you don't keep score the odd playdate that isn't returned shouldn't even come on the radar

however there is a little unreasonable miff in the back of your mind if it does happen I reckon especially if you know they play a lot at school or wherever and your dc wants them back again

my advice - invite them back again all happily/brightly and say "....it's been so long since we've had dx over"

mmxx

[Earlybird]

gosh ripeberry - wondering why you accepted the playdate invitation if you don't like the child or the mum? In your shoes, think I would have made excuses why dd2 was unavailable.

[Earlybird]

and to answer OP - yabu after hosting one playdate. I could make a case on your behalf if you had hosted 3 or 4 unreciprocated playdates, but one is not enough to be miffed about.

Fwiw - I have a friend who never reciprocates or initiates playdates, and i have hosted her dd many times. But if I call and ask if my dd can spend an afternoon or spend the night (so i can go to a meeting/go out), the answer is always 'yes'.

[Pancakeflipper]

I "owe" a few play dates for my ES. I know one mother was acting sniffy around me because of it as her boy and mine do get on. And I like the mum.

But my YS has had ill health since Christmas and we've not known why so not felt able to invite people to a vomit poo house. We are knackered from no sleep etc... Fed up with cancelling plans.. I've been struggling.

Last week I spoke to the mum and explained why we'd not invited her boy over again. She was abit off hand with me. But hey ho. We've not been living a carnival lifestyle. But this week she came over and asked my ES to go to their house.

I wish I'd been honest earlier on how I am struggling.

So there are lots of reasons why playdates aren't offered.

[pigletmania]

YABU so what! get over it! I would though worry that we did something wrong, mabey they are not best friends anymore, friendships can be fickle at that age. Best friends one week not the other.