to think DP needs to grow up?

[LettingOffSteam]

OK, namechanger, because I do love him and he is usually lovely, he is just so...volatile...

Last night and today would be a good example.

He spent some of the rent by accident last month (no idea how you do that, but now the rent comes out of my account, and his wages go in my account, he has a card for it, but only to be used with my permission, and he gets "pocket money". i resisted doing that, but again and again he would spend vital money, often on useful things, but he just doesn't seem to understand money at all) so we have been trying to catch up. However, yesterday the landlord let us have until the end of the month to pay off the remianing £105, so we weren't as desperate as we thought. We are big Labour types, so when the announcement came through yesterday I sent him a text (he was working till 9pm) to ask him to pick up a cheap bottle of wine on his way home for us to share while we watched the news.

I went up to settle the baby just before he was due back from work and fell asleep on the bed.

Got woken up at half past midnight with DP wailing and shouting and generally being massively OTT about everything. (The man is not the type to get loudly upset, we was obviously just crying for effect, if he was really upset he would be quiet). He logged on to the computer in our room and I had to stop him sending death threats through facebook to various Lib Dems that we know. He stormed off downstairs and I could hear him crashing about.

This morning, I got up with the kids (as per usual) and found an email on my blackberry saying my facebook password had been changed, so I asked him if he knew anything about it, he just rolled over in bed muttering to himself. Luckily nothing had been done on my facebook, still no idea whether it was him or not.

Then I checked my online bank, to discover an unexpected bill had gone out (well, it was expected, but a couple of days early) and so the account was empty. I saw that DP had taken out £60 yesterday, I knew he had been intending to pay it to the landlord but we had decided to work out how much we could afford to pay off if we bought bus fares to work and a bit of food to last us till tax credits day. Plus obvioulsy the bottle of wine that he was meant to be getting.

There was a bag on the floor of the living room with a bottle of wine and two of beer.

I went back upstairs to ask him how much money he had left of that £60. After much swearing and muttering he said he would look in his pocket later, he had only spent £15 last night apparently and that was only because he had nipped in for one pint but there was loads of people in the pub who wouldn't let him leave. I said that I would need the remaining £45 to pay a bill, get bus fares, pay some money we owe his mum for Avon stuff (which wouldn't be a problem if it wasn't for him messing up the budget by spending the rent, and was mainly for things like suncream for our very pale children and a budget bottle of bubble bath which is pretty much my only luxury) and so on. Cue loads of muttering about me wasting all our money on stupid things and he earns the money so why can't he spend it, etc...

Then he finally storms (he was actually stamping) downstairs, and chucks £30 at me and glares at me. I asked him (trying to keep my voice light, as the kids were there) if that was everything, he said no, he needed money to get to bloody work to earn money for me and the kids to waste. (He has two days of work till money comes in. Bus fares are £3 a day).

He then slammed (with all his strength) all the doors as he stormed upstairs.

Later on (I was out at surestart) I got a text saying "sorry for being an arse before. I made tea, it's in the fridge, off to work now".

Meh. When he is like this I feel like I have a stroppy teenager on my hands. If I tell him to watch his temper, particulary around the kids, he denies even having a bad temper.

Plus, he works 1-9, with a half hour commute. AIBU to expect him to get up before 11am? I ask him to be up, breakfasted and dressed by 9am. He says that is like asking someone on a normal work pattern to be up at 5am.

[estuardo]

He sounds stressed. Those work hours are a killer .

I would not expect him to get up at 9 am.

It's stressful for you too, having a baby to take care of.

[Yorkshiretea71]

No, you're not being unreasonable - it sounds like he is maybe stressed about the money situ but i think sometimes men remember the big things that need paying for
but forget that - oh yes! we HAVE to feed the kids!!!
Think maybe a sit down at beginning of bottle of wine with pen and paper to list all that needs paying and see if you can hold off paying something until rent has been paid

[onepieceoflollipop]

I have to say that (imo) he sounds irresponsible, bad tempered and generally not very nice.

fwiw I often work a 2-10 (pm) shift, so similar to your dp. Often I am then on call overnight and back on duty the following morning. I have 2 dcs (one not yet school age) and a dh who works ft.

Yes, the work hours are difficult. The reality for us is that dh gets up at 6.30 and starts work v early. I get up at 7am to do a full morning's work (i.e. housework/school run/childcare) and set off for paid work at 1pm. In the meantime dh finishes early evening, then picks up the dcs and does the tea/bed/bath routine.

So please excuse me if I say that (imo) your dp is lazy in not getting up until 11am.

he (and you) need to decide whether he should pull his weight and be part of the family or not.

[onepieceoflollipop]

p.s. you want him to be up and dressed by 9am!? Why does he deserve a lie in every day. Bet you are up hours before that every day?