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AIBU?

to prefer it when my dp is not here.

18 replies

cleanandcomfort · 04/05/2010 12:14

Been together along time, he has never got round to marrying me, we have been engaged nearly 5 years but tbh I dont want to marry him anymore.
He works all the time 8am till 8pm which is great he provides for us, which I love tbh,but i may as well be a single parent.

When he is home I hate it, he takes over the tv,lays in to midday,the kids play up,I feel like giving up as I have no structure to our dc routine,he never helps with the kids, I feel he is very selfish.

Im no longer attracted to him as the thought of sleeping together repulses me, he just doe not care about the way he looks and Im not attracted to him but dont know how to tell him.

I try and plan babysitters but he just wants to go to the local,he never comes up with any ideas and if I ask him what he would like to do? he just says I dont mind?.

The other day I was poorly had an upset tummy but still went out, had to come home in the end as I was sick and felt unwell, he just accused me of being drunk, when everyone knew I was generally ill. he also invited everyone back I shouted and said he was out of order and went to bed,hence they did not come back.

I have started to plan a few nights out with my girl mates, he goes out twice a week,which I never do but I cant spend my life being with a miserable fart.

I deserve a life, I care for our children and rarely get a break,cant even get a job as he works 8am till 8pm so would have no childcare, I work one day a week, I love our ds dearly but im not happy and feel unloved and unappreciated, aibu.

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smallishsheep · 04/05/2010 12:17

It sounds liek a shitty relationship tbh.
But why does him working 8 til 8 mean you can't get a job? It sounds like you'd get a lot out of having somehting going on outside of the home and earning your own money

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SloanyPony · 04/05/2010 12:21

Dump him, seriously.

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cleanandcomfort · 04/05/2010 12:24

I could get a job but in the holidays only otherwise I would have to pay two lots of childcare. I really rely on the money he gives us, scared we will be worse off if he was to go,dont want children to suffer.

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cleanandcomfort · 04/05/2010 12:25

Sorry get a job in termtime and not work in the holidays.

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smallishsheep · 04/05/2010 12:26

'The money he gives us'
It's a partnership. Or supposed to be. Does he make a show of handing money over to you?

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cleanandcomfort · 04/05/2010 12:29

He pays for everything a lump sum goes in my bank , I ask for more to cover the rest and pay it in.

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cluckyduck · 04/05/2010 12:33

You could get a bar job or supermarket job and just work evenings?

It really does sound like a horrible relationshipe - do you plan on never having sex again? Or being happy again?

Start thinking of escape plans, I would. (sorry)

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smallishsheep · 04/05/2010 12:33

How many children are involved here? YOu mention dc but only 'our ds'. Are there dc from a previous relationship?

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cleanandcomfort · 04/05/2010 12:39

Sorry we have a dd and ds both his.

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Bonsoir · 04/05/2010 12:41

He sounds as if he behaves like an overgrown teenager around the house - albeit one with no parents to keep him in check!

It sounds as if the only contribution he makes to your life is money. Can you divorce him and take him to the cleaners?

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Mouseface · 04/05/2010 12:42

Sounds as though you have already made your mind up here.

If you don't find him attractive and feel so unloved why stay?

Does he know how you feel or are you just bitching about him moaning behind his back?

YANBU to want to be loved and happy, YABU if you stay in this relationship as it is now.

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Pepsiginn · 04/05/2010 12:45

Um - maybe i am being naieve - but have you tried talking to him?
And just telling him how hurt you feel by his actions? Telling him that you really appreciate how hard he works - but it means that your relationship has suffered? That you wish he would be more thoughtful towards your situation?

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cleanandcomfort · 04/05/2010 12:56

Bonsoir you are right the only thing he contributes is his wages, we are not married.

Mouseface we have a holiday booked together, it was a last chance to see if our relationship could change.

Pepsiginn I have tried to talk to him but nothing has changed and it never will I doubt.

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cranbury · 04/05/2010 13:16

Will the kids miss him if he left? Doesn't sound like he spends much time with them.

I think you have to come clean about how you feel about him. There doesn't seem much hope if you find him repulsive.

You are only dependent for him for money there is no reason you can't earn that yourself.

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Pepsiginn · 04/05/2010 13:25

Oh - i am sorry to hear that he isn't responsive.

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cleanandcomfort · 04/05/2010 13:29

Yes I think they will miss him , however they would adjust, its sad but I have been unhapppy for a long time, its just a matter of when I can not see how we can save our relationship.

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Mouseface · 04/05/2010 13:38

A holiday won't fix this.

And besides, it'll all be the same when you get home won't it?

Try posting about this in 'relationships', there are some very experienced ladies who post in there, it could help?

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cleanandcomfort · 04/05/2010 13:45

Thanks Mouseface I have,thanks everyone.

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