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AIBU?

To be so angry

26 replies

xstitch · 25/04/2010 14:30

I have been feeling guilty about my dd's chicken pox and who may have been exposed, mentioned in another thread. Have just found out that she had definite known contact while with her Dad. I am really annoyed that he didn't tell me I know I couldn't do anything about her getting it but forewarned and all that.

What is really making me want to blow my top is her Nan's birthday dinner tomorrow. I have said she will have to pull out as she is still infectious and the dinner is at a restaurant. Her dad my XH says I am being unfair and spiteful. I say she could put the health of others at risk if they are exposed and I will not allow that. My dd has now told me that her dad has said that I have stopped her going to the party to be nasty. DD is not crying her eyes out and won't speak to me

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Condensedmilkaddict · 25/04/2010 15:05

YANBU your ex is BU.

If your DD has chickenpox, you can't take her out in public.

Tell your ex that if he can find any health professional who agrees with him, then she can go

Make sure you and DD have a great girls night in. Get a DVD, eat chocolate and take good care of her.

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MadamDeathstare · 25/04/2010 15:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsSawdust · 25/04/2010 15:12

The whole chicken pox / dinner party issue aside, the thing that really riled me in this was your ex bad mouthing you to your dd. Not on. I would be having serious words with him about that if I was in your shoes.

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drinkyourmilk · 25/04/2010 15:14

Can you speak to her nan and ask her to reassure your dd that she shouldn't come, but would love to have dinner when she's better- just the two of them?

It may also help to read out/get your daughter to read about just how dangerous cp can be to others.

Freakin' spitful ex-h. What a prick!!

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drinkyourmilk · 25/04/2010 15:15
  • spiteful. Not spitful ahem
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xstitch · 25/04/2010 15:31

Thank you madamdeathstare and condensedmilkaddict. MY ex has been increasing his frequency of putting me down recently, I can't do even the simplest things right apparently, kind of lost my confidence a bit.

I have seen the effects of chicken pox in someone who is immunocompromised and it wasn't nice . I wouldn't want to knowingly put someone at risk of that. I did consider telling him to call NHS direct but I don't want to waste there time as he wouldn't listen to them. In the past he has just accused professionals of being biased towards me and talking rubbish. He just won't consider that I may be right from time to time.

I am going to phone the dr's surgery tomorrow though and ask them to put a note in her file about her having chicken pox so there is an official record.

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Shoshe · 25/04/2010 15:40

xstitch print this off and give it to him!

Horrible man.

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Coldhands · 25/04/2010 18:37

That is disgusting that your ex would say that to your DD about you. What a prick. Of course you don't want to take her out with chicken pox. My DS has been exposed this last week but doesn't have it yet. However I cancelled a visit to my cousins DP as she is pregnant and I was taking no risks.

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LunaticFringe · 25/04/2010 20:34

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Pozzled · 25/04/2010 21:26

YANBU.. Not telling you about the chicken pox could be just thoughtlessness, but to bad mouth you to your DD like that- inexcusable.

How old is your DD? Will she be able to understand the reasons once she has got over the disappointment a little? I think the idea of a special girls night in is a good one, and making arrangements to see her nan another time.

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lisbey · 25/04/2010 21:35

It is unforgivable of your Ex to tell DD she can't go because you're being nasty, but are you absolutely certain you haven't done it because you were annoyed he didn't tell you?

How long has she had it? Is she really still infectious? Is she well in herself? If it was a family party for your family would you still have cancelled?

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outnumbered2to1 · 25/04/2010 21:41

explain to your arse of an Ex that chicken pox in elder people can become shingles and that is some sort ofshit you really don't want to mess with.

Can you call her Nan and explain that you really don't want your DD passing the infection on to her.

oh and your ex bad mouthing you to your DD is seriously not on

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lisbey · 25/04/2010 21:48

outnumbered, You can't catch shingles from a person with chicken pox - shingles is a reactivation of the chicken pox virus in a person who has previously had chicken pox. You have to have previously had chicken pox yourself to get shingles.

here

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outnumbered2to1 · 25/04/2010 21:56

yeah i was aware of that just assumed that Nan would have already had chicken pox (cos i did that to my mum with my DS1)

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lisbey · 25/04/2010 22:09

But if she has, being exposed to chicken pox in someone else will make no difference at all to the likelyhood of her getting shingles now.

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xstitch · 25/04/2010 22:10

Actually I said she couldn't go before I found out about the chicken pox contact. She only started with the spots yesterday and as can be confirmed from the link posted by Shoshe she will; remain infectious for five days after the appearance of the rash. So she will definitely be still infectious tomorrow. I can say absolutely that I would still cancel if it was my family. In fact I have cancelled plans I had. As I said in my previous post I have seen first hand what exposure to chicken pox can do to people with supressed immune systems. It is not nice and can be fatal. Not a good idea for pregnant women either. I could not live with that on my concience.

I agree that shingles can be very bad but you cannot get that from contact with chickenpox although you can get chickenpox from shingles.

I have told her she can do something fun with her nan after she is better.

My ex bad mouthing me to my dd is pretty much common place unfortunately. To the extent I am at the end of my tether.

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catsdontscreetch · 25/04/2010 22:23

OMG you can't take her out. My DH caught chicken pox off our DD the other year (how he had avoided it previously I don't know) He had complications and we ended up taking him into A&E in an ambulance.

He was covered in spots from scalp to the soles of his feet. There was no-where he didn't have them. I'm itching now just thinking about it!

It is just too risky to take your DD out.
Your ex is an idiot.

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mamas12 · 25/04/2010 22:31

Good idea about the phone calls

  1. to your GP
  2. to the restaurant.
  3. to the family.
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Gashtray · 26/04/2010 01:28

Good for you for being socially responsible enough to stay in.

It makes me so cross when people are selfish enough to risk others' health.

Cannot believe your ex-h, using your daughter to get at you. What a cock.

Stick to your guns - if only everyone had your attitude. YADNBU.

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Condensedmilkaddict · 26/04/2010 01:36

Agreed.

I had chickenpox when pg with DS. Twas awful.

I wish everyone was as thoughtful as you are being.

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ChippingIn · 26/04/2010 04:05

Can you get her Nan to call her and say that's she sorry to hear that she has CP and it's sad she has to miss the party so that she doesn't make anyone else really poorly and that they can do something special, just the two of them, when she is better...

Independant confirmation that going to a restaurant when you have CP is not on, rather than you being mean...

What have you tried so far to stop the EX bad mouthing you to your DD? Is it worth speaking to his Mum?

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xstitch · 26/04/2010 08:39

chippinin, I have tried speaking to him and he just laughed at me. His mum just laughs and says "kids say thing" Hi SIL just said I should go to the Drs because I am obviously delusional about my abilities. As you can see his whole family hate me and help in bad mouthing me.

Gashtry I get really cross when people are selfish with enough to risk others' health to. One of the reasons I am being so stubborn about this.

I can't phone the restaurant because I don't know which one they were going to . All I knew was when not where.

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fiveisanawfullybignumber · 26/04/2010 09:36

Personaly, I would be talking to my solicitor about ExH badmouthing me to the extent it's affecting relationship with DD.
Mine was a member of the family panel, and sent ExH solicitor a couple of harsh letters about appropriate behaviour, and how if he couldn't be civil and verbally non agressive in front of me & DC's he would reccomend we go for family counselling before he saw the DC's again.
This kind of behaviour is not acceptable from him or his family, you don't have to put up with it.
As for the CP, well done you, it can be a horrific illness for some. DD2 (18m at the time) was sooo poorly with it just after Christmas. Infected spots, spots in her mouth & ears, antibiotics etc. Not nice at all.

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mamas12 · 26/04/2010 09:40

welldone xstitch for standing up to them it sounds awful
Also poor dd

Look get advice from solicitor on the emotional abuse of your dd by your ex he needs pulling up on that and it sounds as if (like my ex) he won't take anything you say seriously.

I would say once more that she is not going to the restaurant and why and then just disengage and wait for the fall out I'm afraid.
You know your dd is worth it.

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ChippingIn · 26/04/2010 18:34

I agree with the others re talking to your solicitor re your Ex bad mouthing you - it's really not acceptable...

It sounds like his whole family is a nightmare.

I hope your DD gets over her CP quickly and over the disappointment of not being able to go to her Nan's Birthday Hopefully you can make her see that it's not fair on other people for her to go and maybe make them poorly.... and that's it not, as your F'wit Ex said, about you being mean/nasty....

Little creep needs a good kick up the arse talking to.

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