To be fuming with my sister (again)

(66 Posts)
Rindercella Wed 21-Apr-10 21:38:17

I have posted on here about my relationship with my sister a few times, the most recent of which was about her wedding date clashing (to the day) with my due date with DD2. At the time of that thread, she had nothing booked, no firm plans, heard I was pregnant and decided that was the perfect weekend for her wedding! Eventually I managed to persuade her that it was in fact far from ideal (especially as she wanted DD1 to be a flowergirl - she actually said that if I couldn't make the wedding then DH would still be able to take DD1 shock) and she - in fairness - semi graciously rearranged to the end of May.

Great. DD2 is now here - born the day before the original wedding date and all's well. But sister has managed to really piss me off again, this time about her hen weekend. She emailed me with the details a month or two ago - for a spa break, dinner and overnight if you want to stay. I said I'd love to go, thanks v much for inviting me, would be longing for a nice massage/facial by then, blah, blah, wouldn't be able to stay overnight though - let me know the details and exact date and I'd put it in my diary. I heard nothing else about it until the other day when my Mother (set up by sister) muttered something about there being no treatments left.

Basically what happened, although sister is too much of a coward to actually admit this, is that I have been left out of all the arrangements - deliberately or not I don't know - and that all her other guests are sorted but now I am expected to turn up for the dinner, as that's the 'important bit'.

So I am expected to turn up somewhere 70 odd miles away to meet a group of people who have been pampered all day and fit right in and be the life and soul?

I have actually said to her that I will go to the dinner, but I am minded to just blow her out with a text (her preferred method of communication, not mine) to say I can't make it and go out dinner with friends of mine instead (to celebrate my 40th b'day which will be a few days before).

Right, I am knackered, hormonal and full of flu (really, not just a cold, tis horrible). I have a beautiful, but very very hungry nearly 4 week old baby and an hyper active and gorgeous toddler, so I need you guys to tell me whether or not IABU to firstly feel pissed off by this slight and secondly whether I should just bite the bullet and go to the dinner, politely tell her before the day that I won't be going, or just blow her out on the day?

FiveGoMadInDorset Wed 21-Apr-10 21:40:18

Tell her you won't be going.

MamaG Wed 21-Apr-10 21:40:35

You're sister's being a cock
you're knackered
take the high ground adn go for the meal
enjoy baby and put it to back of your mind
know that you're the BEST sister

margonbread Wed 21-Apr-10 21:40:53

don't go

Pozzled Wed 21-Apr-10 21:41:24

YANBU to be pissed off, she sounds very selfish and has no consideration for you.
However, I think Y would BU to not go to the dinner, as you have already agreed to attend. Go, smile, be polite and look forward to getting home to your family.

CarGirl Wed 21-Apr-10 21:41:40

I would just tell her now, better to have the row (if it turns into one) now than just before the wedding?

How about dh has stupidly arranged what was supposed to be a surprise meal out with friends on the same day?

whywhywhydelilah Wed 21-Apr-10 21:45:01

Just tell her you won't be going and tell her why! YANBU she is.

outnumbered2to1 Wed 21-Apr-10 21:45:11

your sister sounds like a total bitch and probably left you out of the spa day as she reckoned everyone would be asking you about the new arrival and that would obviously take the focus off her.

Don't go. Wait till about three hours before you are due to be there and text her to say something has come up and unfortunately you won't be able to make it

Petty? yes but it'll make you feel better

PigeonPie Wed 21-Apr-10 21:45:37

YANBU. Cancel her now and say that you have to change your plans because of your DD2 and forgetting how tiring it is with a newborn when you said you could go.

BitOfFun Wed 21-Apr-10 21:47:10

Definitely don't go. She sounds like a right piece of work.

aSilverLining Wed 21-Apr-10 21:51:20

I wouldn't go and I would be saying so now rather than nearer the time (at least you can blame hormones for your behaviour) wink. She sounds very self centred.

TheCrackFox Wed 21-Apr-10 21:52:21

Don't go. She sounds like Bridezilla x 100. What sort of twonk tries to arrange a wedding on the same due date as her sister? One who can't bare not to be the centre of attention. She didn't include you in the Hen Day because you would have some very cute baby photos so she wouldn't be in the spotlight.

Rindercella Wed 21-Apr-10 21:54:03

Thanks for your replies smile

I am verging on being a petty bitch about this, but will probably come around and give her a call and explain that I won't be going - I really can't see me being happy about turning up there on the evening and why put myself through that if I really don't have to? If she had considered me at all in her plans I would have been more than happy to go.

See, I have got it in my head now about going out with some girlfriends that night instead...I'll go and get my hair & nails done and then have a nice chilled out dinner with people I actually want to spend time with!

Strangely enough, DH and my brother are dreading her BF's stag do too. The day DD2 was born, DH said, oh I had a text from the BF just now. I asked if it was to congratulate us on the birth of our daughter. He said, err no. It was to ask me for 200 quid for the stag weekend! PMSL.

CarGirl Wed 21-Apr-10 21:55:28

Please tell my your dh isn't going!!

outnumbered2to1 Wed 21-Apr-10 21:58:56

wow sister and BF sound like a match made in heaven........

Sn0wflake Wed 21-Apr-10 21:59:42

I think you should tell her that your not going and why. Your not willing to go out of your way for a sister that shows you so little regard. You will be there for her when she starts to treat you with respect. End of story. Then stand your ground.

Rindercella Wed 21-Apr-10 22:01:32

He is Cargirl, but he and my brother have booked into a different hotel so that they choose exactly how long they stay with the party and what they do. He most certainly hasn't sent him a cheque for any amount of money. The idiot bloke paid up front for everyone without giving full details...he's had loads of drop outs.

Just so you know, these people are in their mid 40s and it is the 2nd marriage for both of them.

CarGirl Wed 21-Apr-10 22:02:34


I think they have ishooooooos, self centred ones!

outnumbered2to1 Wed 21-Apr-10 22:03:06

seriously? from the way you were talking i reckoned they were a lot younger.... wow

compo Wed 21-Apr-10 22:04:42

Ooh I remember your original thread
congrats on your dd smile
you must be knackered and full of flu too, sounds like you deserve to do something you want to do but what if she finds out? It could really ruin your relationship for good

TheCrackFox Wed 21-Apr-10 22:05:03

They are in their mid forties? shock They both sounds like they are 18yrs old. Weird.

Sn0wflake Wed 21-Apr-10 22:06:15

confused 40's? Well at that age I don't think either of them are going to improve so it's probably best that you emotionally disengage. Let it all wash over you and hang out with people you like.

Doodleydoo Wed 21-Apr-10 22:09:24

Don't go, but the higher moral ground is to let her know now that you won't be going. I think its pretty off that neither she or your mum reserved a slot for you. Would be mega pissed off myself but really she will care more now than a couple of hours before the dinner I reckon when they have all been having a nice day all day I think she would probably care more now then you can go with full gusto with your plans for your own night out.

Hope that makes sense!

Rindercella Wed 21-Apr-10 22:13:23

I'm actually seeing her next week as DD1's flowergirl dress has come in and she needs to go for a fitting. I will look her in the eye and talk to her then. I really like Snowlake's approach actually. It'll be hard as she's sensitive as fuck.

No one in my family dared to challenge her about the original wedding date, even though not one of them was happy about it. That was left to me to do (so I looked the bad guy about asking her to do it). Apparently after I got off the phone to her, her BF said to her that she should just tell me that they can't change the date - it's his decision & that's the end of it hmm My brother was there to witness that. This is despite the fact that my daft bloody parents are paying for the wedding (their choice I guess, but I know Dad's not happy about paying for his daughter to get married a second time). It is costing £000s and £000s.

<<I have two sleeping DDs at the moment - tis a miracle and I should really be sleeping!>>

CarGirl Wed 21-Apr-10 22:17:43

It does sound like payback for you "making" them change the date.

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