to be thinking about stopping taking DD to these groups because of this other mum?

[NarabugHitWindscreen]

Ok, I know I'm going to sound like a PFB mum (which in a way I am, but not as bad as some I know!)

I take DD (almost 1) to a couple of groups a week, she enjoys them and its a chance to chat with other mums.

But there is one other mum at the groups who turns up every time with her DD (close in age I think) who is ALWAYS ill. I don't just mean colds, in the past few weeks it has been norovirus, chickenpox, RSV, chest infection, flu, d&v (x3 seperate weeks). This week she had d&v, and was on antibiotics for something, it was obvious that she was very temperature-y. She does stil seem quite bright, and joins in the play.

I know the mum, and have asked(politely) on a few occasions if she is well enough to be there, I usually get replies like "its fine she is on Dyoralite", or "its ok cos she doesn't have any chickenpox on her face so you can't tell".

I've offered her my help when her DD is ill, such as picking shopping up for her, or just being a listening ear. And I do 100% sympathise with her as it must be horrible for her to see her baby poorly all the time. She is a good mum and does take good care of her DD, just seems to be a run of bad luck!

I may be being overprotective of DD (and the other babies there, some of whom are only a matter of weeks old), DD has picked up an upper chest infection in the last few weeks, which she passed on to me, causing me to miss 2 days of my 2.5day a week job, which I've only just gone back to after mat leave. I'm anxious about taking her to the group as I don't know what she will bring home next, I know babies and children always catch things from each other and thats not a bad thing, but it seems a pretty safe bet that she will pick things up when she is in such close contact with a poorly baby so often.

For the record, its a condition of the group that infectious babies are kept away to prevent infection spread, but the group leader seems at best oblivious.

What would you do?

Release the biscuits!!!

[merrymonsters]

YANBU. She shouldn't be bringing a child with chickenpox or norovirus to a toddler group. It would be different if it was just ordinary colds.

[tortoiseonthehalfshell]

I'd have a word with the group leader. If it was an organised daycare, they'd exclude the sick child for good reason.

But otherwise, I'd also be tempted to stay away, sadly.

[rubyslippers]

speak to the group leader

those things you mention are horrid and contagious

i would be really cross actually

[Firawla]

i would speak to the group leader

[CirrhosisByTheSea]

Yes, agree she shouldn't be bringing a child that ill to a playgroup. colds, ok you have to continue to have a life or you'd never go out; but the other stuff is just so anti social to take out.

I would approach the playgroup leader but to be honest if no joy I would stay away. It's a shame if you enjoy the mum chat but personally I'd concentrate on maybe having playdates with one or two other mums.

[LittleMissHissyFit]

It's just not on to drag a sick child out to a group, Colds and sniffles kind of OK, but norovirus? D&V? CP????

You don't need me to remind you how it gets on here if a thread talks of taking DC out with active CP!

Of course when children start mixing in groups, they do pick up and pass things to one another, but this mother seems intent on her DC attending the playgroup no matter what. Potentially passing it on to all and sundry, and her without a care. Illnesses such as CP can be very dangerous, lethal even. She is being highly U.

I think you ought to be having a quiet word with the group leader tbh. If she doesn't do anything about it, then I'd be looking for a new playgroup.

Her irresponsibility has affected your work. unacceptable.

I hope you didn't lose pay over it?

[Eglu]

YANBU and not PFB at all. I would be furious.

Last year I stopped DS1 going to a friends brithday party as in the space of 12 hours DS2 and I had come down with D&V. I knew it was only a matter of time before DS! became ill too. He was devastated at not being allowed to go to the party, and usre enough by 6pm he was throwing up everywhere. My friends were very grateful that I kept him away. Even though at the time of the party he ws totally fine.

As others have said, speak to the group leaders, if no luck I would be tempted to go elsewhere.

[Coldhands]

I would also have a word with the group leader if she seems oblivious, although how she can be if this child has all these different illnesses, I don't know. This mum is being irresponsible.

[sunnydelight]

YANBU, you need to talk to the group leader. I would be SO hacked off if anyone brought a kid with D&V anywhere near either myself or my kids, it spreads like wildfire. Also, you never know who may have a weakened immune system for whatever reason so there's a risk of her behaviour being more than just annoying.

[seaturtle]

YANBU Ever since me and DS started hanging out at baby and toddler groups we've had lots of coughs and colds. This spring we have been constantly coughing and sniffing. Last spring, when DS and almost 1 and we didn't go to toddler groups we were never ill. The general consensus among the mums is that the odd runny nose is ok. Chickenpox, flu, D&V and norovirus- NOT OK! Bear in mind with this feedback that I'm a probably a PFB mum too.

[NarabugHitWindscreen]

I think I will have a word, although I'm not sure what she would be able to do, there are signs on the door about not bringing in contageous children, but I really can't see the group leader turning her away. They are free groups, designed to promote inclusion and opportunities.

Unfortunately there aren't any others in my area that I can get to (no car) on days when I am not working, so the options are: go to these, take DD to payed activited with money I don't have, or don't go to any.

Happy to say, LittleMiss, that I didn't lose pay, but it did nothing to improve my reputation in the office, when I was pg I had a lot of time off at the end with high bp, and got a reputation for taking lots off sick days and generally being useless. I could do without that as work have already warned me (informally) that they wanted me back 'on top form, not pregnant form'

[sunnydelight]

Wow, I appreciate it's difficult for employers to have people off sick a lot but I think I would take serious exception at the "not pregnant form" comment

[LittleMissHissyFit]

Argh narabug, I'm glad you didn't lose money, but losing reputation is really not on either. Fingers crossed that you have a good run of rude health so you can recover! that's the last thing you need when you have the pressure of going back to work, is to worry if they are looking at you as a lightweight.

FWIW, none of you are PFB mums if you are objecting to CP/Noro/Flu or D&V. If it were a state school the child would be sent home.

As for the group leader, if it were paid, I could understand, but as the mum has not paid for it, being turned away for having a wildly contagious illness is absolutely essential.

Do other mums in the group know what is going on? If you aren't feeling brave, then could you go and chat with the leader with another mum, for solidarity?

The group leader has a duty of responsibility to all participants. CP is dangerous, D&V, and Noro too, especially to those with suppressed immunity. If the mother brings an obviously sick child to the group, someone HAS to say something.

It's one thing promoting inclusion, quite another to pass around infectious and potentially dangerous illnesses.

[NarabugHitWindscreen]

I did a bit, but I do sympathise with them, I was a total mashed potato brain when I was pregnant so they have a point!

[Downdog]

well YANBU on the one hand. And the group leader should have a word with this Mum.

On the other hand when DD started going to play groups (from aged 8 months with childminder) she picked up every bug going - and we often did too. I think it's quite normal once babies, who have immature immune systems, start to socialise that they will bet sick. Winter of 2008/9 was horrendous for all of us.

Then we turned a corner ........... HOORAY

And fingers crossed, DD & us were pretty much well all winter - she barely had a sniffle, just a couple of vomiting incidents.

So while this child may be visibly ill, it could be that your DD would be getting ill anyway - without this child present.