To be hacked off from the guilt call I just received from mil re her lack of get well card/flowers?

[MilaMae]

Mil just rang,she stayed with us at Easter,was unwell and got pneumonia on her return.

Dp has rang a couple of times.

Anyhow she just rang,had what I thought was a chatty conversation then just before we said goodbye she said that one of her daughters had sent her nothing in the post no card or flowers whereas the other had sent both. I asked if she'd rang(knowing full well we hadn't sent anything but had rang a couple of times) oh yes she said things then a bit awkward.

Said daughter that sent flowers and card is loaded and works from home intermittently with her husband. We can't afford flowers and I know I should have sent a card but I've been single handedly entertaining the 3 dc this hols,recovering from mil's Easter visit and basically just haven't got round to it.

I'm peeved to be honest, it was bloody hard work having both sets of parents at Easter and we're not neglectful we've both just had masses on since(dp is snowed under at work).I do feel bad though but also fed up with constantly hearing how thoughtful said loaded dd is-they also gave them a weekend break for their anniversary which gets mentioned-a lot!!!!!

[activate]

oh let her moan and don't take it personally

seriously I think people nowadays feel that nobody talks about things other people do or haven't done to their friends. But they do, all the time.

And your MIL obviously wasn't thinking anything about you, she was thinking about her daughter - so was embarrassed when she realised her shot hit you too.

loaded DD is thoughtful - many people with money don't do stuff like that - that's nice isn't it? you've got a thoughfrul SIL and a MIL who is happy to gossip with you during her recuperation

[tablefor3]

And why should it fall on you and not your DH to send his mother a card!?

Grr... sorry you are on the receiving end of this. You need to tell DH about the phone and get him to call his mother just generally like, not nec to apologise for lack of card/flowers.

I make it a point of principle to tell everyone generally that we divide present responsibility/Christmas card sending etc between us depending on who is closer to the person in question. If DH's friends don;t get Christmas cards because he is slow to write them (although I will happily buy cards/stamps etc) then so be it.

[MillyMollyMoo]

I might send flowers if somebody was in hospital but pneumonia ????
She sounds spoilt tbh.

[DaisymooSteiner]

Was she hospitalised? Nobody in this family gets a card for anything less than full hospitalisation and no flowers until it's been confirmed that they're not going to die and waste them

[MilaMae]

Table I agree totally, I always sort my mum out with mothersday cards etc on time but dp being a typical bloke is sometimes late. I often feel I'm thought as the neglectful one somehow even though it's not my mother. Think sometimes she expects me to be the same as her dd. Think I am feeling a bit guilty and pressured to be honest.

[agedknees]

Ignore mil. You have enough on your plate. It would also be up to your dh to send the card/flowers anyway.

Am with millymollymoo. Might send flowers if someone was in hospital, but not if they are ill at home. Where would you start? Flowers for colds, flowers for aching joints etc etc.

[MilaMae]

Thanks Daisy and Milly (that was my stance re flowers too).Feeling better now. Thanks!!!

Was just relaxing and enjoying the hols,karma got spoilt a bit, reminded of all the jobs I've let slide whilst we all chill a bit.

[MarineIguana]

It does sound as though maybe she actually wasn't trying to guilt you. Maybe she expects her DDs to do something but knows her DS wouldn't be organised enough. Sexist, but at least it lets you off the hook.

Let the loaded SIL be the one to be in her good books, it's not your problem. I bet that relationship isn't perfect either (is loaded SIL the older one by any chance? Maybe she has an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, been there done that and it's hard too)