in thinking MIL should not expect to be waited on ?

[boatgirlie]

Just had the MIL up, don't see her that often as she lives a distance from us. Our DS is 12 months and I'm 16 weeks pregnant with no.2. MIL sat on sofa with her book all weekend, didn't make one cup of tea, clear plates after dinner and even sat there reading whilst I'm trying to tidy the usual pre-dinner choas and DS is throwing his drinky around! Even had the cheek to say " Oo you do look tired its been a busy weekend hasn't it" Oh and forgot to mention I've had morning sickness from hell and whenever she comes back into the house after a fag I run to the loo cos I can't stand the stench! DH is in agreement that she was being completely unreasonable in not pulling her weight. She's not snotty just bone idle and don't even thought it crossed her mind to help! How can we tell her without offending or without me blowing my top next time?

[coldtits]

She wasn't 'not pulling her weight' - she had no weight to pull, she was your guest.

[chiccadee]

Book yourself in for an R and R weekend at hers next time you fancy a break. Take a book, ensconce yourself on the sofa and enjoy being waited on hand and foot. Tell her at the outset how much you're looking forward to putting your feet up - like she did last time she was at yours.

[boatgirlie]

I didn't invite her! She asked to visit as she wanted to see her grandson, but didn't even give him a hug until she left??!

[bumpybecky]

she's only a guest if she's invited

[southeastastra]

maybe she feels awkward to start cleaning, making tea etc in your home.

[mamaduckbone]

coldtits - do you expect to wait on family members hand and foot if they visit you then? I don't, and wouldn't expect to sit on my backside at their houses either. IMO someone else's house is not a hotel.

YANBU, especially as you are pregnant and feeling rough.

[JustMyTwoPenceWorth]

Perhaps next time you ask her to do things.

"Would you just set the table while I finish up in here?"

"Oooh, your turn for the drinks I think"

Generally a guest in your home doesn't expect to have to pitch in. If you'd like some help it's up to you to ask.

tbh, imo, it's a bit rude to ask, but I suppose if it's a close relative or good friend you can be more relaxed and get them to pitch in.

[boatgirlie]

Thanks for all the feedback peeps, I'm just tired and peeved cos she used to help on previous visits - I'm not asking alot just the odd cuppa or entertaining DS for 10 mins, this time tho her book seemed far too interesting!

[Shaz10]

Is she ill?

[Pronoia]

If she invited herself you do have some cause for complaint, but yes, in my house my guests are my guests, I don't expect them to do my housework (because I don't put myself out hugely to please them)

[jennymac]

I remember being really annoyed with my SIL for a similar reason. We had dd who was 15mths, I was heavily pregnant with ds, she comes round for dinner, arrives about 3pm, takes herself off to our bed for a couple of hours and plonks herself on the sofa with our remote for the rest of the day. When she finished her dinner after not once offering to help she didn't even get up to leave her plate in the kitchen. I was fuming. When I came into the living room after finishing the dishes she barely looked up as she said "I suppose I should have offered to wash up". I couldn't stop myself saying "yes you should have!". I mean, she is 31 not 15. You would think that it would have crossed her mind to lend a hand.

[piscesmoon]

MILs can't win! There has just been a thread where someone was upset because she was heavily pregnant and MIL wanted to do the work while she gave DIL a rest! Poor MIL was flamed by many posters!! People need to swap!