to give myself a 3 hour daily commute?

[NicknameTaken]

I used to live within walking distance of work. Last summer I left my H and took DD to live in a different town, although I still work in the old place. H still lives in the old house. It takes me 90 mins each way to get to work, incl. nursery drop-off. Should I move closer to work when my lease is up in June?

Considerations:

1. I originally moved away because the split was acrimonious and I was afraid H would grab DD and refuse to hand her back. We have court orders in place so this is no longer a risk, but I still don't want to bump into him all the time.
   
   
2. Rent would be the same, but I'd save £150 per month in commuting costs.
   
   
3. I don't mind the commuting so much. We go by bus and train and I read stories to DD or we talk or look out of the window.
   
   
4. I love my new town and my new flat.
   
   
5. I hate the hassle of moving.
   
   I want to stay where I am, but AIBU to spend such a big chunk of every day commuting?

[MitchyInge]

think you have answered own question - you are happy where you are

is someone criticising your choices or are you feeling tired from all the commuting?

[MitchyInge]

is a job closer to new home an option?

[NicknameTaken]

No, job change not an option.

I'm just thinking about it as now is the time to start house-hunting if I am going to move.

[addictedtothefirsttrimester]

ok so you dont like moving, you dont mind the commute and get to spend quality time with dd on the train and bus, you love your new town and new flat.

sounds to me like you want to stay where you are.

[NicknameTaken]

Thanks, addicted and Mitchy, you're both right. For some reason I just wanted to hear from someone else that I'm allowed to make this choice!

[LIZS]

how old is your dd ? If it works ok now fine but what about when she starts school ? Have you got any system to cope with before/after school while you commute or would it be better to consider now lining up a job more locally.

[TrillianAstra]

LIZS makes a good point. For now YANBU since you like it better this way, but you may have to reconsider when your DD id not at that nursery any more.

[NicknameTaken]

Yes, that's an issue. DD is 2.5. I was planning to spend another year where I am and then move in June 2011. She'll turn 4 in November 2011. I want her to go to school in the town where I work.

Really, job change not possible. It'll have to be me that moves, not my job.

[LIZS]

In that case I think you should think about moving closer now, as at best you could do this for only another year. I'm sure you could find somewhere else you could be happy and it woudl enable you and dd to make some friends who could perhaps help you out.

[Chandra]

Stay where you are but keep your eyes open in case some nice house/flat gets in the market near the school you want her to attend.

I did a lot of driving with DS to take him to school, and I think that made wonders for our relationship. I really enjoyed those times, but now that I have the school across the street... it is heaven. It is not only less expensive in terms of commuting costs but, the main advantage is that if you live near the school, you develop a very important support network around you, the child gets a more active social life, and so do you.

[NicknameTaken]

Okay, that's a helpful perspective.