Oh I know I am but I have an irrational dislike of online wedding lists

[OrmRenewed]

Got one for a wedding in May. Am very fond of bride and groom and wish them the very best and I would have bought them a gift willingly. But receiving a wedding list card with the invitation made me slightly bristly. But tonight I grumbled a bit but got the card out to a ctuallychoose something. And got the message 'Sorry we are not open yet. Please try later'

!!

Look it's your bloody list not mine. Why aren't you open? Am I going to have to dither about for weeks before I get the right to buy you a present?

I know it's convenient and sensible and I do like John Lewis but FFS I am doing you a favour not the other way round.

Am seriously considering buying them a toaster just to make my feelings clear.



But I won't.

Probably.

[mamasparkle]

I got a wedding invitation once with the brides's sort code and account number. She said on the invite that they already had everything they needed for their home, but cash gifts would be appreciated.

We got her a goat from Oxfam.

[BelleDameSansMerci]

Honestly, I'd be miffed if a list wasn't online but not half as miffed as I'd be if I couldn't access it! YABabitU but understand how you feel.

[Cadders1]

I'd be more upset if I got them a gift they did not want. You don't have to get a gift off the list - but it is good for those people that like to get something practical for the home as a gift - as otherwise you are bound to buy something either that they already have or someone else buys for them aswell!

YABU

[damnedchilblains]

Don't know how it works but maybe they have to pay to have their list open for a certain amount of time and are trying to cut costs. It's more likely people will buy gifts closer to the wedding day no??

[damnedchilblains]

mamasparkle - love it! I hate the barefaced cheek of someone asking for money, I don't mind lists as long as there is a financial range from £5 - whatever

[JaneS]

Ring the bride and tell her there's a fault with her internet site?

I think it's rude too. Not all of us have money on tap all month round - I buy stuff when I can sort out the cash flow, and not when I can't.

[confuddledDOTcom]

It could be she's not added her items yet because they don't open it until acertain amount of time before to prevent there being sold outs on the list.

[OrmRenewed]

I think part of my issue is that I think the whole wedding gift thing is a bit outrageous these days. When my mum and dad got wed they were setting up home together - their first home away from their parents - and they had nothing. Wedding gift made it possible for them to start life as a couple. Most couples now have everything they need already - they may well have been living together for years anyway. It all seems too much somehow.

But hey ho... it's they way it goes.

[OrmRenewed]

x-post sugarmouse!

[MrsC2010]

John Lewis will only 'activate' the list a certain time ahead of the date...they must have sent invites out quite a way in advance to be in advance! (I think it is 6 wks or something?)

[SloanyPony]

John Lewis lists dont open till about 5 weeks before the wedding, or something along those lines. If its months or even too many weeks before, it's impossible for them to manage their stock levels and they either have to store bought gifts somewhere (because if they are not on the shop floor or in the purchaser's home, they have to be SOMEWHERE) or risk not being able fulfil the Bride's order when it comes time to supplying the gifts people have bought.

Its not the bride's fault, so YABabitU.

If you dont like wedding lists, either dont buy off the list, or dont buy a gift at all - despite having a list, I'm sure the Bride really just wants you at the wedding.

[pigletmania]

YABU I would much rather a wedding list of things that the bride and groom want, than buy something that they dont. I am about brides/groom giving out invites with the account number and sort code, how pretentious, if i got an invite like that I would buy a gift of my choosing that I felt that the bride and groom might want or give them a gift card.

[5DollarShake]

YANBU.

If the list doesn't open until X months/weeks before the wedding, then don't send the list with the invitation. Simples.

Of course, I am of the opinion that gift lists should never be included in the invitation, regardless of when the list opens - it really is quite rude to invite people to something, and so blatantly expect and ask for a gift. If people want to buy you something, you can then say. 'my list is at X'.

If you're inviting people to your birthday, so you include a list of what you'd like them to buy you? Hardly.

But again, I know I am probably in the minority on this....

[FakePlasticTrees]

• you don't have to buy from the list. You can just go get something else, but the list is a list of things they want. And ok, they might not need it all, but if you want to buy a gift, why not something they will want rather than something they might not? Also, it kind of saves face if you don't want to get anything/forget, no one walks in holding a gift so it's not obvious that you haven't...
  
  But then I've no idea of what to get people who don't have lists. do you buy practical items (like bread bins and mixing bowls) risking that they already have them/will get 5/the one you pick not match anything else in their kitchen or just get something like a vase or a bottle of champagne?

[paisleyleaf]

I feel the same way as 5DollarShake about the list in the invitation. Like I'm seen as a cheque.
The list not being accessible until just a few weeks before the wedding is a PITA.

[ImSoNotTelling]

YABU I like wedding lists, takes the fuss out of things.

Still if it's someone close I prefer to get them something more personal that's fine and no problem too.

Never been to a wedding where everything on list was expensive or anything like that.

hate hate hate cash requests.

[ImSoNotTelling]

5dollarshake gift lists are so ubiquitous that if one wasn't included I would assume that there wasn't one, and would get them something quite random that they might possibly hate/end up with 15 the same etc.

Honestly they are there to make guests lives easier. you don't have to stick to them. I don't know why they make people so angry.

[TrillianAstra]

Well I love them, and I'm just about to go look for SIL's wedding list, so thanks for reminding me!

I just love to snoop

[MPuppykin]

Hate wedding lists. Friend of DH's had a wedding list from Harrods of all places. 5 of us clubbed together to buy a single caviar spoon as it was all we could bloody afford. I resent it still. I always think it is a gift grab too. Mind you, my cousin asked for cash.

[mrspooh]

our list opened 6 weeks before wedding but the card had a space to put that date on. we chose a plain, cheap dinner service and than things that would be nice to have eg games, deecorative items etc. theres no expectation to buy anything off the list or at all but it gives people a guide if they want to buy something and also shows what type of thing you like. i remember what people bought even practical things like my friend got the butter dish i use daily etc. i got invited to a wedding last yr where they said bring your presence not your presents... now that i dont like!! we also had only lived together for 3 months before the wedding so the list was the old fashioned way of choosing things for us to start a home with.

[StrictlyKatty]

I hate the lists where evrything is really expensive. I don't think people should have a list where there is literally nothing under £50-£60.

DS's Godfather had a wedding list with a £300 duvet on... we were at all the stuff they wanted.

[StrictlyKatty]

Mrspooh you DON'T like being asked to be there without needing a crazy expensive gift under your arm