Husband and his hobby

[femalevictormeldrew]

Hi,
I have been snooping round here for a while but this is my first post. Am looking for some advice. We are married a year, I have a Daughter from previous relationship (7 years old) and together we have a three month old baby.
Hubby has a hobby with a group in the area. He attends meetings at least 1 - 2 nights a week, from 8pm-10.30pm. Sometimes this can be more than 2 nights e.g this weekend is a full weekend of it, and as the year goes on he will need to spend quite a few Sunday's at this hobby too.
So now there is a (completely different) committee that my MIL is involved in, and he also wants to join it. This would mean at least one more night a week, and some weeks more. I have put my foot down, asked, pleaded and fought about it and told him it is just not on. IMO he has enough on his plate with first hobby and his family, without taking on more, and being away several nights a week.
(Some background info: There is no love lost between myself and my MIL. She ruined my wedding day, and has to involve herself in every decision hubby makes [this is more his fault I guess than hers]. I spend my days feeling that I am in second place to her.). So to summarise (what has turned into a long and boring piece ) - do you think I am wrong to try and prevent him from doing this, or am I just being nasty because it is involving his mother?

Apologies for this turning into a rant, and I hope I will contribute something better to this site when I get used to it!

[Holly29]

I don't think you are being unreasonable. My DH plays footie once a week and occasionally has another night out but if it was weekends and more than that I think I'd start saying no way, especially with a 3 month old. I think you need to sit him down and explain why his support/presence is so important and say you don't begrudge him his hobby, but something else is too much for you.

[3cutedarlings]

YANBU at all!! ask him how he would feel if you were the one out enjoying yourself several time a week.

FWIW i feel your pain totally!!! my DH has a hobby that takes up hours of his free time every week and cost a bloody fortune! However he had this hobby when i met him so i should have know what i had let myself in for really i guess

I have 3 DC btw DS is just 12 mths and my eldests DD has SN's!!

[SolidGoldBrass]

How much free time do you get, to do things that you enjoy? You need to explain to your H that the family does not revolve around him, that you are not there purely to do the housework and childcare while he pursues hobbies.
I do actually believe that everyone is entitled to a hobby/leisure interest, but it's important to negotiate the time spent on it so that everyone else in the family gets leisure time too.

[Sweetpeasmum]

I don't think you are being entirely unreasonable as the hobby already takes up a lot of his spare time.

I am a firm believer in each person having their own time and space in a relationship but it has to be fair and acceptable for all concerned. We have a DS of 2 and another on the way and have found that this, combined with both working full time, has reduced the time available to devote to a hobby and made us selfish about time spent together as a family.

You might wish to discuss this side of the problem with him and try and reach a compromise that you are both happy with. I do remember feeling quite resentful while on maternity leave as DH's life seemed to go on as normal and I was left holding the baby - literally. This was soon sorted out, but not without a few tears from me!

Hope this helps.