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AIBU?

to stick to my guns about DD's party?

32 replies

OrmRenewed · 09/03/2010 13:11

She's 11 in April. Last party in primary and she's worried about losing touch with her class. So she wants to make a big deal fo this party. She suggested a meal out and then sleepover. I said OK. Then she said she wanted 5 guests. I took a deep calming breath and said OK (we have no room and we basically will lose the sitting room for the night but it's OK)). All was well. Until last week she suggested that I take her and her 5 mates out to the hill for a BBQ and a general mess about in the stream etc. And then have them all back to sleep.

Now I think that is above and beyond. 5 extra DC for 24 hours. A 10 mile drive to a muddy place (with only one adult as the car is a 7-seater), followed by home (6 sets of muddy clothes and boots), food, sleepover and no sleep for anyone

So I suggested either 1. sleepover or 2. trip out followed by pizza and a DVD then everyone fucks off goes home.

But this it seems makes me some sort of modern female Herod and she went to school with a face liked a smacked arse.

Was that really such a terrible suggestion?

OP posts:

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paulaplumpbottom · 09/03/2010 13:14

You did originally say she could have meal and sleepover so she probably got her hopes up.

compo · 09/03/2010 13:16

Just stick to meal and sleepover, not on to change her mind IMO

allaboutme · 09/03/2010 13:16

muddy trampling and stream etc bit much for 5 extra on your own but you did say meal plus sleepover so i'd at least offer her pizza out or pizza plus dvd girly night in as well as the sleepover...

Mowgli1970 · 09/03/2010 13:16

What about take away pizza, dvd and sleepover. It'll give them something to do, no mess to wash up and hopefully keep dd happy!

nannynobnobs · 09/03/2010 13:19

I wouldn't do both. Stick to your guns and do one or the other- her choice. When you're ten you don't get everything you want by sulking

nannynz · 09/03/2010 13:23

They might just exhaust themselves at the stream and sleep well. And they're old enough to do the majority of cleanup of themselves and cook the BBQ. My siblings and I often made damper ourselves and cooked sausages and had melted marshmallows after. You could just sit and watch - my parents did!

OrmRenewed · 09/03/2010 13:29

The meal was always on offer. Last year I took them to Prezzo before the sleepover. But not the 5 hrs out rampaging round the hills before the sleepover.

Personally I'd rather take them out for the day and get rid at about 7 or 8pm.

OP posts:

defineme · 09/03/2010 13:33

If you have the time to spare, and I assume you do as you'd be there whatever you she was doing, then the BBQ/ hill/ sleepover thing with 6 kids doesn't seem to bad tbh. It's not that many kids and it doesn't seem that different to what you were suggesting. Sorry- it just doesn't seem like that much hard work.
Perhaps it's just that I would far rather do her idea because it's cheaper (well I would ensure it was) than a meal out and I prefer being outside to being inside. The muddy boots and so on sounds like you're just making up reasons to say no tbh.

Perhaps because I'm in the mindset of 8 yrold and 5yrold parties that your dd's idea doesn't sound unreasonable!

alicet · 09/03/2010 13:33

Personally I don't think the BBQ and hills is that much more work than taking them out to dinner at age 11? I would just ask them to come to party in old clothes that wouldn't be spoilt by doing that and then just package them up for their own parents to clean up when they get home. Ask them to bring something to change into when they get home - they will be able to wash themselves at that age surely?

If the big issue is that you think it would be too much to manage them as one adult because of the car do you have a second car to take some in so 2 adults can go? Or ask a friend to come with you to help?

Having said all this I don't think YABU to say that you had agreed to dinner out and sleepover rather than this and you want to stick to that but I think her idea sounds like a lot of fun!

alicet · 09/03/2010 13:35

great minds defineme

OrmRenewed · 09/03/2010 13:36

Oh I quite agree her idea sounds fun. I'd love to do that and ditch the sleepover. In fact we have done it several years running when she was younger. No we have no other car.

OP posts:

OrmRenewed · 09/03/2010 13:37

Added to which I wouldn't be able to take either of my sons, the youngest of which would be seriously upset.

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diddl · 09/03/2010 13:42

I also don´t think it sounds much more fun than a meal out.
They can get into PJs when they get back,dirty thinks straight into plastic bag for parents.
Then settle down with a DVD.

seeker · 09/03/2010 13:43

I think it sounds brilliant and MUCH cheaper than taking them out. And if you have a sleepover you'll have to feed them anyway - wouldn't a barbecue with paper plates and so on followed by a sleepover with children tired from being outside rather than hyper from being inside with DVDs be a better bet? Could you borrow another parent for you to chat to and to help with the transport?

OtterInaSkoda · 09/03/2010 13:43

YANBU. And I do think that mud is a good reason to avoid a sleepover - unless you have at least three bathrooms. If you did have three bathrooms a post-muddy fun sleepover would be fab, though.

OtterInaSkoda · 09/03/2010 13:46

at your suggestion that 11yo girls might have dirty thinks, seeker!

Hassled · 09/03/2010 13:46

Meal and sleepover is what you first said - a bit harsh to retract that now (sorry I've misunderstood). Meal and sleepover seems to be fairly standard around here - but you're being very generous having 5 guests. My threshold would be 3.

Agree re hills and streams though - it sounds hideous. And someone would fall in - there would be tears before bedtime.

OtterInaSkoda · 09/03/2010 13:47

or diddl even, soory.

DaftApeth · 09/03/2010 13:48

Couldn't you just do the rampaging through stream/bbq bit and get all the guests dropped off and collected from the bbq.

You can then ferry all the refreshments and siblings.

OrmRenewed · 09/03/2010 13:54

daft - that is what I would like. It was my suggestions no 1.

We have a very small house, one small bathroom and DD's room isn't big enough for them all to sleep in hence losing the sitting room all evening.

I don't think I ever suggested I wasn't going to give them a meal! But a BBQ starting late am and going on until late afternoon is a lot more hassle than an evening meal.

OP posts:

OrmRenewed · 09/03/2010 13:56

Oops I did say just sleepover in the my OP. Didn't mean that - either 1. meal followed by sleepover or 2. BBQ and rampage followed by pizza and then home.

OP posts:

pooka · 09/03/2010 14:02

What about 2-6pm outside, with barbecue supper. Followed by sleepover?

Advantages: they'll knacker themselves out running around. They can help with the supper. Is cheaper.

I don't see why you have to do the late am/lunch/meal/sleepover. An after lunch meet up followed by birthday stuff would be fine, with advantage also of having the morning to prep for the evening bb1.

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DaftApeth · 09/03/2010 14:03

Both are good suggestions.

Hopefully after a day at school, she'll see that it is not such a bad offer!

Maybe...

alicet · 09/03/2010 14:04

I had taken it to be bbq / rampage in afternoon (so no more food needed at home) then sleepover. Agree whole day then sleepover much bigger deal!

And about your 2 sons - presumably they wouldn't be able to come to meal either if space in car is an issue? Unless you are all walking

Merrylegs · 09/03/2010 14:12

You don't need to do bbq AND pizza! Are you mad, woman?

You need DH to take girls to stream and do mad running about and bbq from 5-7.

Then they come back home where you will be waiting with popcorn/m+ms/pjs/dvd, and lights out at 9.30

Tough for your boys, but hey, their turn will come.

(Better still, DH and girls sleep out ALL NIGHT at stream!)

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