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AIBU?

was my friend beng UR to not take her child to nursery

17 replies

LittleMrsHappy · 27/01/2010 11:39

My friend has a 3.11 year old, and started back work 2 months ago (maternity leave).

In that time she see her DC for a hour in morning, and 2 hours in the afternoon, when he comes home from nursery. she then goes to work 3 days a week and also sat and sun, till 3pm till 11pm.

She has kept DC if Nursery today, as the DC was very very upset that DC never spends time with mummy anymore and just the baby does. (which is sort of true, due to nursery and work commitments) so I have the youngest child, and friend has older child at home doing some very much needed one to one time with each other.

But other friends say she is being totally unreasonable and he needs to know that school is important (but to me he is not in school, hes in Nursery and its not compulsory)

she feels awful, but due to finance and her hubby being made to take a contract cut, she needs to do these hours to make ends meet.

Is she being unreasonable?

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TubbyDuffs · 27/01/2010 11:41

No, she's doing what she feels is best for her child and its no one else's business.

claricebeansmum · 27/01/2010 11:41

It doesn't hurt, of course not.
He'll enjoy his one to one time and then can go back to nusery tomorrow.
It is not school - quite a ridiculous comparison.

LaDiDaDi · 27/01/2010 11:41

Not at all. I think that she's doing the right thing tbh.

Hulababy · 27/01/2010 11:43

It in;t shool. It is nursery.

He is 3, still a very little boy, no much more than a baby himself.

I think she has done a lovely thing today - giving him some one to one which he is obviously craving. And lovely of you too to have the baby for her.

The other friends are definitely being unreasonable.

ShinyAndNew · 27/01/2010 11:43

Of course she is not BU. Dd1 spent time off nursery when dd1 was born and I didn't work. To help her settle into the new routine of having baby around and for her to realise she is still important.

Are the other friends one child families? Or non parents?

wannaBe · 27/01/2010 11:43

no. "he needs to know that school is important" he's three fgs. Perhaps her other "friends" have children in nursery and are saying this to justify them not taking them out?

onagar · 27/01/2010 11:45

She is not being unreasonable. It's sad that she can't be with her DC more.

As for the 'school is important' that's become an article of faith that we are not supposed to question. In fact school is just one part of development. And as you say it's not even school yet.

gorionine · 27/01/2010 11:46

I think she is definitely doing the right thing. Although I thing nurery is great, I am pretty sure that your friend's DC will in this instance benefit much more from staying with his/her mum than the 2.30 hours of nursery.

WRT school is important , yes, it is but child emotional developpement more important still!

thedollshouse · 27/01/2010 11:47

Of course she isn't being unreasonable. Nursery is not mandatory if she wants her to have the odd day off for good reason it is up to her.

LittleMrsHappy · 27/01/2010 11:55

sorry, my little man needed nappy change.

No she has children at nursery and school age.

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witchwithallthetrimmings · 27/01/2010 12:09

I don't think she was being ur but if child knows that nursery is something that is optional it may be harder for him to accept going. This happened to my ds after his baby sister was born. I would take him out on an ad. hoc basis and I think it made it worse. Makes it seem that mum is sending him away rather than it being something like rain that mum can't change. So my advice is that if you do take child out make it a regular thing OR put a chart on the fridge or something so that he can think that it is fixed in advance

Allidon · 27/01/2010 12:13

SINBU. Her little boy is clearly missing out on some much needed one-to-one with her, so this time today will benefit him far more than his nursery session.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 27/01/2010 12:17

Definitely not being unreasonable. It was the best thing to do in the situation.

Booyhoo · 27/01/2010 12:21

her child has expressed something to her and she has listened and responded.

who wouldnt want a mother like that.

at 3.11 he is still very much a baby (i know not technically) but in terms of emotional dependancy.

she did the right thing and sod the rest of them.

gosh, there is plenty of time in the future for her to feel guilty.

sb6699 · 27/01/2010 12:21

I think she is being a rather lovely mummy tbh and others really should mind their own business.

Nursery is not school and as someone else pointed out he is little more than a baby himself and spending some quality time with mummy is just as important, if not more so, than going to nursery.

StealthPolarBear · 27/01/2010 12:24

Nursery is childcare, school is school. I would like to think I won't keep my DCs off school apart from a very good reason as it is important, but although continuity at nursery can be a good thing it;s not really comparable.
Mothers can't win, no doubt there are also people judging her (and it will be her, not them) for sending him to nursery as well

LittleMrsHappy · 27/01/2010 13:07

Aw Thankyou Ladies, I will show her this thread as other friend told her she was BU, and she looked rather upset by it.

But shes phoned and they have made us a cake, to have tea with (kids hot chocolate) .

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