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AIBU?

to take things that belong to me? (prob. v. long)

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SentiMental · 24/01/2010 12:05

Long back story so will give you this in a nutshell. DHs dad and Grandad were so so close - lived together alot as Grandad divorced, then I guess saw eachother daily and did everything together. DH was as close to his dad and Grandad, they were like three peas in a pod. Over the years there was alot of things hand made by his Grandad, collected, collected by his dad, collected by himself, presents exchanged usually relating to militaria/cars/aeroplane type stuff but it was all very personal and meaningful, not just heirloom antiques. Some has real value, most is just sentimental. Grandad died unexpectedly, DHs dad obviously inherited everything and it was all in the house and DHs dad died not many years later. DHs mum and dad weren't married, this stuff is meaningless to her and legally and morally it's DHs. (Please remember this is not about money and we haven't ransacked tthings of value, money or sentimental, to her). THis was fine, never an issue but bit by bit some items got sold, we gave MIL half the money, as there is just so much. What's left is basically what DH wants to keep, maybe a few bits here and there to be sold. MIL has been selling bits though and we have only found out by suddenly thinking "I am sure there was a painting hanging there" etc. THe final straw was yesterday - she told us she was getting some items valued, but it transpired she was on that "Real Deal programme". She had taken some items but had told them about a barometer she had at home (DHs grandads) and they said it was worth about £300. She rang and told DH (we were origionall supposed to go to this "valuation" place with her but she went on ahead) and DH begged her not to sell it. She actually put her foot down and said it was being sold. DH got there and she left, and thankfully the producers were understanding and allowed him to buy the barometer back for what it was sold for, and told him she has a box of items with an auctioneer (DH looked through it and it actually contained alot of his own items that were gifts from friends (!) but mainly car items from cars of his, his dads and Grandads). She didn't even tell us about this, and we could not buy it as she had signed a form to say it was hers to sell and it was still hers (he hadn't bought it for auction, but auctioning it for her). Thankfully he isn't putting it in until this is sorted, but unless she gets it back there is nothing we can do short of going down the fraud route Added to this, the auctioneer said he was going to the house to do a clearence on the rest.
We have taken some things out (we didn't in the past as we didn't want to raid her house, even though 99% of it is in a closed room, never looked at etc.) We took one item of high value, but never ever to be sold as it's the one absoloute thing DH wants to keep no matter what. We took other items of little or no value but she went straight home, looked for this clock and threatened to call the police. So it's not the items she is concerned about, it's the money. She wants to sell the lot, even his grandads handmade models (which were once in a museum) and she will unless we get the lot. SO, are we being unreasonable to just go and get it all? I am so sorry this is long and waffly, I do want to stress is means nothing to her, she doesn't need the oney and we have in the past bought our own items from her, allowed her to have all the money from some high value items, didn't press her about the items missing (one was the last gift Dh bought his dad). We were looking through some photos we took last night and time to time some of these items popped up in the background, with a story to tell and DH has been in tears because he doesn't want it to come to this, but once these things are gone they are gone. Even DHs grandmothers brothers photos and scans of war medals (died at 17 in WWI) were strewn to one side as they held no value to take to this "real deal" place.
To clarify we have begged her not to sell these last items, she is going ahead with it. One question I have is is it illegal to get your own items from someones house (Dh said it was but I said if I parked on someones drive it doesn't mean they now own my car) and two, should we? I would never if I thought any of these had an ounce of meaning to her, but it really doesn't. Not even the photos (some of which were dropped and torn (accidently) around the room. So sorry again this is long, we just don't know what to do.

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SentiMental · 24/01/2010 12:07

Long back story so will give you this in a nutshell. DHs dad and Grandad were so so close - lived together alot as Grandad divorced, then I guess saw eachother daily and did everything together. DH was as close to his dad and Grandad, they were like three peas in a pod. Over the years there was alot of things hand made by his Grandad, collected, collected by his dad, collected by himself, presents exchanged usually relating to militaria/cars/aeroplane type stuff but it was all very personal and meaningful, not just heirloom antiques. Some has real value, most is just sentimental.

Grandad died unexpectedly, DHs dad obviously inherited everything and it was all in the house and DHs dad died not many years later. DHs mum and dad weren't married, this stuff is meaningless to her and legally and morally it's DHs. (Please remember this is not about money and we haven't ransacked tthings of value, money or sentimental, to her). THis was fine, never an issue but bit by bit some items got sold, we gave MIL half the money, as there is just so much.

What's left is basically what DH wants to keep, maybe a few bits here and there to be sold. MIL has been selling bits though and we have only found out by suddenly thinking "I am sure there was a painting hanging there" etc. THe final straw was yesterday - she told us she was getting some items valued, but it transpired she was on that "Real Deal programme". She had taken some items but had told them about a barometer she had at home (DHs grandads) and they said it was worth about £300. She rang and told DH (we were origionall supposed to go to this "valuation" place with her but she went on ahead) and DH begged her not to sell it. She actually put her foot down and said it was being sold.

DH got there and she left, and thankfully the producers were understanding and allowed him to buy the barometer back for what it was sold for, and told him she has a box of items with an auctioneer (DH looked through it and it actually contained alot of his own items that were gifts from friends (!) but mainly car items from cars of his, his dads and Grandads). She didn't even tell us about this, and we could not buy it as she had signed a form to say it was hers to sell and it was still hers (he hadn't bought it for auction, but auctioning it for her). Thankfully he isn't putting it in until this is sorted, but unless she gets it back there is nothing we can do short of going down the fraud route Added to this, the auctioneer said he was going to the house to do a clearence on the rest.

We have taken some things out (we didn't in the past as we didn't want to raid her house, even though 99% of it is in a closed room, never looked at etc.) We took one item of high value, but never ever to be sold as it's the one absoloute thing DH wants to keep no matter what. We took other items of little or no value but she went straight home, looked for this clock and threatened to call the police. So it's not the items she is concerned about, it's the money. She wants to sell the lot, even his grandads handmade models (which were once in a museum) and she will unless we get the lot. SO, are we being unreasonable to just go and get it all?

I am so sorry this is long and waffly, I do want to stress is means nothing to her, she doesn't need the oney and we have in the past bought our own items from her, allowed her to have all the money from some high value items, didn't press her about the items missing (one was the last gift Dh bought his dad). We were looking through some photos we took last night and time to time some of these items popped up in the background, with a story to tell and DH has been in tears because he doesn't want it to come to this, but once these things are gone they are gone. Even DHs grandmothers brothers photos and scans of war medals (died at 17 in WWI) were strewn to one side as they held no value to take to this "real deal" place.

To clarify we have begged her not to sell these last items, she is going ahead with it. One question I have is is it illegal to get your own items from someones house (Dh said it was but I said if I parked on someones drive it doesn't mean they now own my car) and two, should we? I would never if I thought any of these had an ounce of meaning to her, but it really doesn't. Not even the photos (some of which were dropped and torn (accidently) around the room. So sorry again this is long, we just don't know what to do.

(sorry, 1st was hard to read)

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