to think nursery staff should go to crying child

[BBW]

Grrrrrrrrrrrr - O.K. I know I'm hormonal as 19 weeks pregnant but...

Just dropped my little girl 17months at nursery this morning. New nursery as we moved at start of Nov, so she has settled in now, no tears in the morning, itching to get her jacket off before the door has closed - all positive. She goes 2 days a week. Previous biting incident on her face, and her arm, but all seem to be sorted now.

Anyway she had her swine flu jab on Mon evening, she's been a bit clingy from it, and generally not herself, but all in all you'd have barely noticed. Dropped her off this morning and she was upset, nothing to bad but tears. The team leader was there who she likes, and she went into her arms. I could see behind her that there was one other little girl, and one other staff member I havn't seen before sitting at the activity desk on the little kiddie seats.

So left, feeling bad, thought we were over crying stage, blah blah. Carpark is at the back of the cottage, so after about 20 seconds I pass the back windows and can see in her room. I could hear her as I came up the side of the path, she was BAWLING, I peeked in, and she was standing totally by her self, isolated from other little girl, bascially plonked down exactly where I left her in team leader arms. She was all red, upset, no team leader in sight, and other staff member still wedged in kiddie seat a bit away from her, not even paying attention to the other little girl. She then caught me out the corner of her eye - realised who I was, and made a crappy attempt to remove herself from the seat to go to her.

So I'm sitting back in the car, howling, thinking I'm a crappy crappy mum for leaving her there. I feel guilty I'm leaving her somewhere that could possibly treat her like that.

So came home, husband then all worried becasue I'm crying - so he says he speak to them. Cringe - do not want that to happen - he's not the most diplomatic.

I know deep down that she is gueniunly happy there, and she has come on leaps and bounds since attending her two days, but I really really want to chinese burn that horror woman who didn't go and give my upset litle chick a cuddle !!!!!!

Will I say somehting when I pick her up ? ' She's usually very good at drop off time, so if she does cry, can you just make sure she's back to normal before leaving her, I think she and I would prefer it'

Anyway long rant over. Sorry, had to let it out.

[jelliebelly]

If you are going to say something, best to ring the nursery and say it now tbh - if you wait until collection time the staff will have forgotten all about it. Talk to them while fresh in your and their minds.

It is always upsetting to see your child crying like that but you don't know why the team leader may have been called away. If the other member of staff had several children to supervise they don't always get the chance to comfort every one. I am not excusing the staff but think you should get their side of the story.

FWIW if this had been me I would have gone back in to see what the problem was there and then. IME nursery staff will have forgotten all about the situation by pick up time and may also be too busy with other parents to discuss it.

[BBW]

I know I should of gone back, but I'm not good at situations like that at the best of times, and I oculd feel the tears welling already. Thought I would be best to leave it.

There was only one other little girl in the room at the time, who was playing at the sandpit, so the other staff member could have gone to her iyswim.

I think maybe that is more what is making me uupset - she could of gone to her - she choose to ignore her crying. Thats not something I could of done for any child, never less my own.

Thank you for replying.

[kreecherlivesupstairs]

Good advice from Jellie.

[JoeyBettany]

Write down what happened, and leave it for the manager .

Seriously, what you described is not right and someone that cold should not be working with such young children IMO . The fact she got up when she saw you definitely indicates that she wasn't doing anything more important!

Go straight to the manager; that member of staff needs a talking to, if nothing else!

[JoeyBettany]

I say write it down. because you sound a bit like me, and I know that I would quickly get overly emotional and upset talking about it in person.

Writing it down, makes it much clearer and more factual and also provides a record, (I would actually keep a copy)
should you ever have to complain again.

[Chrysanthemum5]

I had a similar situation once with DC2, I took her in and she was a bit upset as were a couple of other children in the room. One staff memebr was cuddling them, and the other one was just standing around ignoring the tears and then she told one little boy to be quiet! So, I waited until cuddly staff memebr was free and gave her DC2 (to be fair most of the staff are lovely and very good with cuddles). I then saw the manager and spoke to her - I figured if this person was ignoring crying children with parents in the room, what was she like when there were no parents?

Anyway, explained clearly why I felt it was wrong, and the manager listened and acted upon it. Really, they need your feedback in order to work - there is no point knowing you are not happy but not telling them.

[junglist1]

Tell them straight that you don't expect a child that young to be left in distress. How could anyone ignore a child that young and still think they're capable of working in that environment? She's only a baby FFS

[MrsGravy]

I would ask them about it definitely. But don't hang draw and quarter them before you've given them a chance to explain. When I worked at a playgroup we got accused of leaving an upset little boy to cry by his grandmother. He'd only just been dropped off but wouldn't let any of us near him (he got VERY distressed if we tried to pick him up) - so we carried on with the activities we were doing, at a small distance from him, but chatted to him the whole time i.e 'come and see this jigsaw, it's Thomas the Tank', 'do you want to play with the cars with me' etc etc. Of course his grandmother couldn't tell this from outside the window, all she could see was her little grandson howling while we all sat around. She really laid into the playgroup leader at the end of the session, which was such a shame as if she'd just walked back in at the time she'd have seen what was really going on.

[mollythetortoise]

I sympathise competely. It si horrible and staff member should have been consoling your daughter if they were not busy with another child. There is no excuse for that.

I would ring now rather than mention on pick up. I hate confrontation and find it easier to complain by phone plus pick ups are so busy and just not a good time for anything other than a quick chat.

I would speak to manager and just mention your concerns and what you saw and why you weren't happy.

Don;t send dh round if he is likely to cause a row as that won't be good for anyone especially if your dd does like the nursery usually.

[dopeydoot]

If you do talk/write about it, remember to say that you could have understood it if the other person there had been in the middle of changing a nappy or comforting somebody else or seeming to be do anything but that as they weren't there really doesn't seem to be any excuse for it.

That way you can show how reasonable you are and show that the other person wasn't doing anything for anybody and your child had obviously been bawling for more than a couple of moments from your description.

Even if the person had been doing something else like changing a nappy you would have expected them to at least be looking over and talking to your child to comfort them verbally.

It also shows that the other person there wasn't doing anything - even if your daughter wasn't crying, I wouldn't be happy if I'd just left a child at nursery and the person in the room with just two children wasn't interacting with either of them. Or even if it was in the middle of the day and they were ignoring whatever was going on in the room!

[BBW]

Thanks everybody so much.

I've phoned!, and just played the pregnancy card, said I was probably being hormonal and over emotional but that I didn't like it.

Gave them an out of saying that I only saw from behind a window etc, and maybe she was getting talked to etc. but she responds to cuddles and touch etc.

They were very good, and said yes, she was probably getting spoken to it's just I couldn't see. (she wasn't - I could see) but at least it's been brought to their attention.

Thought when I drop her off on Friday, I just say I'll stay a bit behind the scenes just to check she settles O.K.

Thanks again everybody you've made me feel better by making me feel reasonable, instead of over emotional, over protective mum.