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My child is afraid of dogs - any tips?

238 replies

longforasnooze · 11/01/2010 13:12

Hi, my nearly 4 year old has been afraid of dogs for as long as I can remember, though he has never had a bad experience, and certainly we are not fearful so no nervousness from me. He would cross the road when he saw one coming, leap into my arms if one got close and make a lot of fuss. Any kind or size of dog, doesn't matter, he panics. I know fear is irrational but....no reasoning will placate him.
My partner wanted a dog for his birthday and has always wanted one and we felt my son was now old enough to cope, and we decided to get a puppy so it would be totally unthreatening. We reasoned that once the unknown element was gone he would warm to it and think it was fun.
We are now 4 days into him being at home, he is a gentle and quiet little dog and very curious about the children. The baby doesn't care, but there is no improvement in my 4 year old, who will barely be in the same room as it, climbs up to the highest point from it if he is, and is generally being panicky and squealy. We have confined it to the kitchen so he feels safe in 'his' spaces, offered endless rewards for stroking it, or being friendly, struggling to find behaviour towards it we can praise, reasoned on all logical fronts, watched Scooby Doo!!
Does anyone have any experience of helping their child through their fear of dogs so they can become friends. I would hate the dog to get older, see his fear and then think he was the boss. Any helpful hints greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
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ruebenjames · 11/01/2010 13:21

My daughter who is 6 has suffered with this fear for about 4 years (although her grandparents had a dog she doted on when she was tiny)
It came about because of 2 incedents of poorly controlled dogs in the past.

Anyway, grandparents dog died about 3 yrs ago and last year they felt the time was right to get another. DD was petrified of going to nannys for months even though its her favourite place to be.
So they started shutting it in another room, but that gets you no where, so they put a muzzle on it whilst she was there, which calmed the dog down.
Also they found out the dog is frightend of carboard tube?? (like you get in wrapping opaper)
So with a combination of something to hold that kept the dog at bay(no threats or hitting involved) and the muzzle she is now fine with him.

Don't know if any of this would work for you? But its something to try if nobody has a better suggestion.

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dreamingofsun · 11/01/2010 13:25

my children are a little older. i do notice some parents of children who dislike dogs make it worse by making big scenes when we approach - but you don't sound as if you are making an issue. how about appealing to his grown up big boy status and let him choose a lead and be in charge of something - maybe giving the dog's tea? Or does he have some friends who like dogs you could invite round - if he sees them playing with the dog might give him confidence? our dog snapped as a puppy - i was told they did this as a way of play with other puppies so assumed they could do it with us - watch out for this as it might put him off more - so best to keep excitement minimal

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ThePinkOne · 11/01/2010 13:33

DH's family all have badlybehaved dogs and DD (3) gets a bit wary with them. His family have always picked her up when she gets frightened and/or put the dogs away. They say 'ah, she doesn't like them'. Totally counter-productive I think!!

I will get down on my knees with her rather than lifting her away and I hold the dog firmly so she can stroke it without it turning to sniff her or jumping about or anything. I tell her to say 'NO dog' or 'get down' firmly and I tell her that she is in charge. Then if she says sit or get down I make sure they do it.

Hope you find a solution.

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claw3 · 11/01/2010 13:40

Its not an irrational fear, dogs are very big when you are only small and can bite.

I wouldnt recommend a puppy, as they are playful, still a bit late for that now.

Try introducing them slowly and dont push your ds to stroke the puppy. One step at a time, praise for even being in the same room as puppy, then praise for not wanting to be picked up when puppy is the same room. Then praise for letting puppy sniff his hand etc, etc.

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lucyellensmumagain · 11/01/2010 13:40

Ah, i was going to say get a dog! but i was only joking!! You have him now - four years old is old enough to take some responsibility, um, what i mean is, enjoy responsibility - so could you possibly ask him to feed the puppy? to give him his food and water? That way it makes him fall all grown up. Thing is, once that puppy finds his feet he is going to be a great big ball of trouble Puppies go through a stage of play biting, they all do it and they very quickly learn not to - but let me tell you - those teeth are like needles, and it certainly taught my DD a healthy respect! She was completely the opposite.

Anyway - i would say, give your DS lots of attention when the dog is IN the room, dont lock the dog away and THEN give DS attention - great that he has somewhere to go, i think cage training is brilliant, but you just need to be as "normal" as possible - so when the pup is in the room, read to ds, maybe the puppy might come and sit with you when he does that - they sleep loads when they are wee.

These are just ideas but i can't emphasise strongly enough that you need to get this sorted ASAP as dogs are pretty sensitive and you really don't want the dog to become wary of your son - thats a one way trip to the dogs home

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dreamingofsun · 11/01/2010 13:40

what about taking your son/dog to training classes. if he can see thats he's in charge and can make the dog sit etc might this help? obviously with a bit of help from you.

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lucyellensmumagain · 11/01/2010 13:45

rueben, i have to say, your post scares me! You mean to tell me that you muzzle your mums dog and get your DD to hold something in her hand that he is frightened of? are you INSANE? Please please stop this - you are creating a time bomb - dogs learn by association, so everytime your DD is there, he is restricted by a muzzle (if the dog didnt bite why did it need one, if it did bite why did they keep it?) and dogs hate this - it makes them vulnerable. I had a rottie that we took as a problem dog from battersea - when we first had him, i kept him muzzled on walks as we didnt know how he would be with other people, he always reacted badly when he was muzzled - once we knew he would be ok, the muzzle came off, and he was much more relaxed around people.

If you carry on the way you are, if that dog is ever unmuzzled around your DD, there is a bloody good chance hes going to bite her

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claw3 · 11/01/2010 13:58

Rueben, did i just read that right?

The dog is muzzled and threatened with something, so the dog can interact with your dc?

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lucyellensmumagain · 11/01/2010 14:05

oh and dogs dont just happen to be frightened of inanimate objects like cardboard tubes - usually something happens to make them so! my dog loves cardboard tubes, they are der der ders (music of course) makers and doggie bashers - you know, gently, like a GAME! I could only imagine him getting frightened of them if he was hurt by them in some way - not suggesting of course that anyone in your family would hurt the animal of course..........

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ruebenjames · 11/01/2010 14:07

no i'm not INSANE
Nor am I an expert on dogs. I was just saying how my ex IL's dealt with my daughters fear.
I'm not saying it was the right way, the cardboard thing was not present every time, the muzzle was though to reassure dd. And as I say, he would be calm with that on.
Do you have nothing that in your house that frightens your dog? A hoover or whatever?
She just held it in her hand, she didn't wave it at him, she didn't raise it at him.
She is not in fear of the animal anymore (who no longer wears the muzzle) and is fine with him, as I said in my previous post.

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JHKE · 11/01/2010 14:08

When my ds was 4 he was nervous of dogs..My brother got a cavalier king charles puppy who was very playful and was in the biting stage. At first ds would only stay on chairs and run from one room to another when puppy was not in sight or be carried. After a while he got down on the floor with puppy. He now plays with it and loves him. It proberbly took a few weeks.

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lucyellensmumagain · 11/01/2010 14:09

no, i have nothing in my house that my dog is scared of! And yes, its very apparent that you or whoever dreamed up such a stupid idea is no dog expert - how cruel. And no, dogs are not calm when muzzled, they are subdued, and yes, i AM an expert on dogs.

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lucyellensmumagain · 11/01/2010 14:10

OP - give it time, im sure your wee lad will be fine and they will be the best of friends at your new puppy - pictures please?

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ruebenjames · 11/01/2010 14:12

The dog was not threatened.

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claw3 · 11/01/2010 14:12

Rueben, i know it was your IL's and not you, but letting your dd threaten a dog who is muzzled is a recipe for disaster.

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UndomesticHousewife · 11/01/2010 14:12

Ruebenjames, it' sgreat that your dd is not frightened of the dog anymore but I think there could be an issue with the dog becoming frightened of your dd and reacting badly to her one day.

The dog will not like her if anytime she comes over it's muzzled and she's holding something scary. She will then become something to fear, and all the associations the dog will have over being muzzled when she's there.

Now that your dd is not scared, get the dog used to her and see her as a nice thing by giving the dog treats etc.

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claw3 · 11/01/2010 14:13

Rueben, if the dog has a fear of something and your dd is holding it, the dog was threatened!

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Morloth · 11/01/2010 14:14

I don't think it is irrational for a small child to be afraid of dogs, I think it is a perfectly rational response.

Agree with the posters who say try to get him involved with his puppy. Get him to feed him and praise like crazy if he interacts with the dog.

It is DS's home though afterall so I think if he doesn't get over this fear then the dog will have to go. He shouldn't have to be afraid at home.

Also agree with the previous two posters that reuben you are setting that dog up to associate your DD with fear and danger. Not a great idea.

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lucyellensmumagain · 11/01/2010 14:18

dogs have long memories for bad things my old rottie, we think was beaten with sticks as whenever we threw sticks for him we had to throw them underarm as if we raised it he would hit the deck and cower. He didnt just wake up scared od sticks one day

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ruebenjames · 11/01/2010 14:18

Ok, well if I had been a member of MN when the whole issue came about I would probably have done the same thing as longforasnooze and asked advice.
I am just telling you what my ex IL did, they have kept dogs, I have not, they would never purposely put my daughter in danger and were obviously only doing what they thought would solve the situation.
I am sorry for posting.
And I'm sorry for being so naive as to not know the solution to every situation in life brings up

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lucyellensmumagain · 11/01/2010 14:21

that clearly goes to show reuben how wonderful mumsnet is then - they were wrong, not your fault, whats done is done - you'll know for next time I know loads about dogs me, i don't however know how to get a child of four to go to bed on her own!

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midori1999 · 11/01/2010 14:24

TBh, if your DC is scared of dogs and you already have a puppy, I thinkl the best thing you can do is to prevent the puppy from leaping all over said child, either by seperating or keeping on alead when DC is up and around and then just ignoring the issue. You have the dog now, and the more fuss you make, the more the child will think it's a big deal.

My DS3 absolutely hated the dogs when he was little. He refused to even look at one, and if you held him so he was looking in the direction of the dog, he would turn his head. He went ballistic if we wanted him to touch the dogs. We just ignored it and he gradually got used to the fact the dogs were 'just there' and weren't interested in him. He loves them now.

If you want to do something pro-active, then get in touch with Pets As Therapy and ask if your son can meet a steady older dog that will quietly meet your DC.

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claw3 · 11/01/2010 14:26

Rueben, only trying to point out that its not the best advice for OP.

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ruebenjames · 11/01/2010 14:31

Ok I accept that! I said "I'm not saying it was the right way"
And as I keep saying Claw3 I was sharing my situation, until I had it pointed out to me I didn't know the things you have all told me about the way the situation was handled. I am sure the OP (whatever that means) can see it wasn't the right advice.
I said sorry for posting!

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UndomesticHousewife · 11/01/2010 14:32

Reuben, it's not about that, sorry for upsetting you - just didn't want your dd to come to any harm - as I'm more than sure you and your IL's don't either!!!!

And no one has the key to every life problem we all just do our best and muddle through and we all get it wrong most of the time anyway

Agree with claw though, that it just might not be the best thing for the OP to do.

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