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AIBU?

to want give up work & sell the house?

8 replies

worldgonemad72 · 08/01/2010 15:34

HI all

Ive just started back work since being on maternity leave for 9 months. I dont hate my job, its ok but im so tired all the time and i hate leaving my ds with the childminder (no reflection on her - she is lovely)
The only way we could afford for me to give up work is to sell the house and my car and rent somewhere cheaper. My dh is against the idea because of our security when we retire and also the area where we would have to rent which i know in my head are valid reasons. He says it will get easier for me once im used to it, which is easy for him to say as when he gets in from work he just plonks himself on the settee (a whole other thread) and his idea of helping is to occasionally make me a cup of tea and put the dishes away.
Argh im so stressed about it and im getting more resentful of him with the lack of help, btw if i do ask for help of him, he'll do it but with an attitude, the only way to describe it is like asking a stroppy teenager to clean his room. Am i mad to want sell the house so i dont have to work? is it me that is being selfish by not thinking of our future? honest replies please i can take it.

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justaboutandhernewbaby · 08/01/2010 15:37

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ginnybag · 08/01/2010 15:42

Agree - the issue here isn't that you've just started back at work. It's that you've just started back at work and you're still doing everything you were doing whilst not holding down that job.

You have, effectively, taken on a second full-time position and it's no surprise that you're tired.

Do you and your DH work an equal no of hours outside the home a week? If so, make a list of everything that needs doing somestically and split it down the middle however will work best.

A lot of women seem to slip into this trap whilst on Mat leave, because they're home and it always causes issues when they have to go back.

Give your DH a kick, and see if he realises the pattern you've fallen into.

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Earlybird · 08/01/2010 15:46

Could you afford to have a cleaner for a few hours a week? It doesn't cost that much, and could drastically reduce a big source of stress in your home life.....

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worldgonemad72 · 09/01/2010 10:24

Hi
Thanks for your replies, yes the housework is an issue, ive done it all since being on maternity so have definately fallen into that trap, im not sure about having a cleaner, id probably want to clean up before he/she came lol.
i work 1 hour more a week than my dh but he works about 20 mins drive further away. i dont want to give up homeowning altogether ive just been feeling so tired an missing my ds that i couldn't see an alternative. Going hhave a chat with him this weekend to hopefully make him understand that i cant do it all.
Thanks again everyone

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Tryharder · 09/01/2010 10:29

Could you not go part time or 4 days a week? I think employees are obliged to consider a request for more flexible ways of working.

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llareggub · 09/01/2010 10:35

Is there any way in which you could reduce your hours? This will resolve the issue of you missing your DS so much. I have to say that I hated being back at work at first but once I got into the swing of things it got better. But it was horrendous at first.

The others are right. Your DH has to pull his weight around the house. We haven't got it entirely perfect but when I am at work (I'm on maternity leave at the moment) I tend to do the laundry, ironing and general cleaning whilst DH picks up shopping, cooking and household maintenance. Not having to think about cooking is a real bonus for me!

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violethill · 09/01/2010 10:48

Agree with the others. Think about the following:

  • you have only just returned from ML. You are settling into a new routine. It will get easier.
  • sort out the housework situation. Play for a cleaner, shop on line, share the other jobs equally between you.
  • agree some 'you' time each week - long bath, massage, go for a walk. Likewise for your DH
  • I would really not advise selling up and renting. It would only be a (very) short term solution. And even then you might be miserable in the house, or area. How would you get back into the housing market?
  • think about your long term security with a pension. I am truly shocked by the number of women I know who have no pension provision, and wrongly assume that if their DH dies first, the whole wodge will automtically pass to them.
  • Look carefully at mortgage deals. Mortgage rates are so incredibly low now. You may be able to switch deals, go interest only for a while.
  • If all else fails, consider reducing your working hours. I wouldn't do this lightly, because it would probably mean a permanent change of conditions, and if you then wanted to increase again, you could be stuck. But worth thinking about.


In short, there is a lot that can be done before the drastic measure of selling your home and security.
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mamas12 · 09/01/2010 10:55

Just one other small but important point. The money to pay the cleaner is a joint bill okay. Not yours as the housework is a joint thing.
Look after yourself and I hope you manage to delegate the household duties to whoever you both decide is fair and less stressful.

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