AIBU to consider breaking contact?

[stopcopyingme]

hi there, i have a sister who's a little bit older than me who seems to copy everything i do, and I'm getting so tired of it I'm considering just not seeing her anymore.

(sorry this is really long)

It all started when I fell pregnant with my first, i told family at 4 months and within a month she was pregnant too. we both had the baby's and she insisted on comparing then all the time, if I did baby yoga she did etc. she seemed to follow me with every desision i made regarding, BF, weaning, discipline etc.

when my little one was 8ish months i told everyone we were trying again, within a month or so i was pregnant, so was she (accident apparently),

I put it all down to coincidence until DD2 was born, hers within 2 weeks, since then I brought a new car she brought exactly the same make/model/year a few weeks later, she brought the same baby sling as me, toddler reins, pushchair (its quite a uncommon one and I was the only one in town with it) she uses the same clothing company as me, including buying the same outfits for the little ones after i've brought them, she adds all my friends on facebook, uses my little sayings on there and in person. aargh! just writing about it is getting me annoyed! people have started noticing and commenting on it.

now i'm considering baby number 3 and am thinking about breaking contact with her for a while to let her find her own feet/personality/parenting style and so she won't know I'm trying.

Is this mean or am i justified in this?

[pjmama]

She's your sister, have you tried talking to her about it or are you just planning on disappearing from her life with no explanation? Does she have any idea that she's irritating you so much by following your lead? Perhaps you should be flattered that she looks up to you?

[FluffyForLifeNotJustForXmas]

Have you tried talking to her? She sounds incredibly insecure. I don't blame you for wanting a bit of space though, it must be really irritating for you. I really do think you should talk to her though and try to get to the bottom of why she does this, she's probably very unhappy.

[FluffyForLifeNotJustForXmas]

Sorry, x-post with pj.

[foxyjbro99]

I can understand how this might annoy you, if it was anyone else, but your SISTER!!
She obviously looks up to and admires you, I'd take it as a compliment. It doesn't sound like she's in competition with you, just that she wants to be like you.

[foxyjbro99]

Sounds like we were all thinking and typing the same thing at the same time

[Batteryhuman]

Just don't tell anyone you are trying or when you get pregnant for the first 3 months.

[wanttostartafresh]

I have 2 younger sisters and they sound just like you and your sister. The middle sister copies everything the youngest one does! Including where to buy a house, what sort of house etc etc. I just observe them from the outside and often wonder what youngest sister makes of it, whether it annoys or if she feels flattered. I am sure middle sister is deeply insecure, youngest sister has certainly always had more confidence out of the two of them.

One day I hope middle sister finds and forges her own unique path but there's no guarantee.

[KimiLovesHerFamily]

If you go for Baby #3 do not tell her keep it a secret until you can no longer hide it.

[stopcopyingme]

I've spoken to her countless times about how important it is for me to let the girls be individual re the clothes. I also have told her how annoying it is when we turn up to the same thing, in the same car, with the same pushchair and girls in the same clothes(it has happened) and that people comment on it. and that i really think its benificial for my daughters to grow up with a sense of identity.I've also had sit down chats with her and our mum about it and how it makes me feel but she just apologises, says she didn't mean to and carried on doing the same thing.

the thing i don't understand is my sisters always been the bright one, social and done really well for herself. when we were little it was me looking up to her, wanting to be like her

[EmilyStrange]

it really does sound like your sister is depressed or suffering in some way. What does your mum make of it? And your partners?

[FluffyForLifeNotJustForXmas]

Just because someone's bright and social it doesn't mean that they are not insecure and unhappy.

Your daughters will have a sense of their own identity, this is how you will raise them. Just because your sister dresses her children in the same clothes this does not mean that your children will be 'twins' IYSWIM, you nurture your children differently, they have their own thoughts and experiences, they are completely different to those that your sister gives to her children. There are some things that you don't have to share with your sister, cinema/panto/plays/days out/chats etc, all of these will shape your children, not having the same clothes as their cousins, surly they are too young to realise this yet!
It really sounds frustrating for you, rise above it/buy clothes online and cut the labels out if you must. In the years to come she will see how pointless her actions are.

[stopcopyingme]

my OH is getting really annoyed and wants to break the contact for a little while and see what happens. her OH says "oh isn't it funny we brought that too" so i don't think he's aware that shes copying us as he works very long hours and we don't see him often.
i don't mind them doing some things together/the same as i also think it will mean the children grow up with a consistency, and some things are because its a good product but she always buys the same colour/design etc and some times they already have a perfectly good item i.e. pushchair but waste money on then buying the same. I would just really like to go through one pregnancy on my own and its the only way i can see it happening.

[FluffyForLifeNotJustForXmas]

So tell her you are trying and make it a while before anything happens if you see where I am coming from. If she copies you and starts to try when you are 'trying' then she'll have hers before you, her baby will be older so there's no chance of her buying duplicate items.

[stopcopyingme]

fluffy thanks for the reassurance that they won't be some weird cousin twins! i've started buying there clothes off ebay so they are last seasons/years items and harder to copy.

the thing is i have very strong views about the parenting of my children (that i keep to myself and only parent my children with i.e. i believe it isn't a one size fits all kinda thing) and know she didn't agree with i.e. i don't believe my children would benefit from being cared for outside the home enviroment, hers go to nursery but now she has decided the same thing and is trying to convince her husband not to send there's to nursery after the eldest has been going 1 1/2 years. I feel hes gonna be very confused!

[FluffyForLifeNotJustForXmas]

There's loads of fab places to buy childrens clothes from online, just tell her they are from the charity shop (not saying there's anthing wrong with this, you could do this and it will save you a fortune). She will end up confusing her children, they will react to this, normally through bad behaviour!! Children benefit from stability and firm boundaries, if she chops and changes to fit in with your views then she'll be making things really difficult for herself.