to have cried all evening over this stupid comment?

[ConnieComplaint]

Dh works in a very male environment, about 10 of them work in a group on a daily basis.

Anyway, they were talking about the weekend just gone & dh said he had taken the kids to see a Santa at the local shopping centre as I was having a day out with my sisters & friends as a treat for another friend.

They asked what we had got up to etc... and dh said actually, they all went pole dancing!

So one man (who isn't married, has never to any of their knowledge ever had a girlfriend) said to dh "Is your wife not quite big to be up to stuff like that?"

Dh told him no, I was actually just 4ft 10" (deliberately misunderstanding him) until he kept saying, No, I mean heavy, fat?

Dh said no, she's a size 12 - that's not fat!

Well, dh repeated the conversation to me at home this evening, as he was asking me if I had ever met this man, I said no, don't know him, then he told me what he said, adding that he thought he may have met my work colleague & got us confused.

But I burst into tears - my weight has always been n issue for me - I have lost almost 2.5stone since January last year & had finally built up some confidence, wearing soze 12 jeans for the first time in years etc...

I feel bad for Dh who is gutted he ever said anything to me in the first place, I feel sorry for myself too, but even more determined to lose this last stone.

I have been so looking forward to Christmas & I know I am hyper sensitive & my period is due so I more than likely am being a little bit unreasonable....but I really want to kick this man in the nuts.

[SleighGirl]

he needs kicking in the nuts for being so rude.

He needs double kicking for being so rude about someones wife!!!

[MrsMattie]

Your DH is an idiot for even telling you! Why did he think you needed to know that some random at his workplace called you (or someone he thought was you) fat?

I'm really sorry you are feeling so upset about this, though. Try to put it out of your mind. Who cares what some loser who's never even had a girlfriend thinks about you? He'll never get a girlfriend if this is his attitude. Stupid fucker.

[Wineonafridaynight]

YANBU to be really angry and this idotic fool! But you need to try your best not to let it upset you. And I know that is easier said than done - I'm someone who can not let nasty comments go when they are made about me!

Don't less this ruin the confidence you have built up!

[benfmsmum]

He doesn't know who you are if he thinks a size 12 is fat!!! Take no notice of him. Your dh said you weren't fat and you've done really, really well loosing all that weight already. You know you look fab now so ignore anyone else who doesn't think the same!!

[mumblecrumble]

You are skinny and gorgeous. That collegue is a twat. Probably with man boobs and no sex life....

Your DH sounds lovely.

I am twice your size (literally 2 x 12) and I am very pleased for your weight loss but I';d like you to focus on your gorgeousness rather than his twat-like comments

[Moresproutsplease]

KICK

There you go - did it for you

He's a knob. And you are not being unreasonable to be hurt by his insensitive, stupid comments. And how untrue - size 12! (wish I was!) You've done really well, please try to get past this - some people just don't engage their brains before they put their mouths in gear. Good for your DH to defend you, he sounds lovely. His 'friend' isn't. He's the one with the problem, not you.

[ParkBench]

Kick him in the nuts.

Then slap DH round the chops for good measure.

Feel better now?

BTW 2.5 stone is what i need to lose so bloody well done!!!

[ConnieComplaint]

Oh, Dh thought I would find it funny, especially as I have lost that weight in 11 months & have just one more stone to go... he didn't for one second think it would have annoyed me the way it has done.

MrsMattie, you're right...why should I let him upset me.. I should draw comfort from the fact that his colleagues call him a troll & that he drinks tea from a cup with moss growing in it.

Thanks for not thinking I'm stupid to get so upset.

[WeThreeNinks]

No way are you being unreasonable, YANBU, you hear!

2.5 stone is fecking marvellous too

[Georgimama]

I don't understand why your husband told you about this.

[TheCrackFox]

Kick them both in the goolies.

You are not fat but your Dh has a fat head.

[Wolliw]

YANBU
If you were a size 22 then that comment would still be unbelivably rude and offensive. Your DH should make an appointment in his diary to go and kick him in the nuts.

[ineedalifelaundry]

What a complete arse. I'm sure he wasn't talking about you op (wish I was a size 12 ) BUT what the hell is wrong with pole dancing if someone is on the larger side anyway? Just because I'm a size 16 does that mean I need to hide under flanelette nighties and keep the lights off in the bedroom? Wanker. No wonder he is single.

Why would you let such a tossed upset you?

Your dh sounds lovely btw.

[Brunettelady]

What a total prized prat!!!!! I am a size 12 and I never been happier with my size now. My friends and I were discussing this with our DHs before as my friends sister is a size 8 and looks very thin. ALL of us including DHs said that size 12 was the ideal size for a woman.

I can only think that this man was thinking of someone else if he has never met you. And your DH shouldn't have told you!

Don't let it worry you for another minute and be proud of the weight that you have lost .

If I do start to think I look a bit over weight, a picture of Victoria Beckham ALWAYS makes me feel sooooo much better about myself.

[verytellytubby]

DH shouldn't have told you. Bit thoughtless. Don't waste any more tears on stupid comments and the bloke sounds like a total wanker and I bet he's fat. You should be so proud of your weight loss.

[GrendelsMum]

I think you might be being a little unnecessarily upset here. This man you've never met didn't think you were plump, he thought someone else was plump. Your DH told him he must be thinking of someone else as you weren't plump. No-one at any point is thinking that you are plump. Because you aren't plump. It's like someone saying 'oh yes, ConnieComplaint has long blond hair', and your DH saying 'no, she has short dark hair', and then you wondering if perhaps you do have long blond hair, even though you can see in the mirror that you hair is short and dark.

I do think that the PMT may be kicking in a little bit here!

[SleightiesChick]

Good chance that he's gay, but hasn't acknowledged it, and has issues with women's bodies. And no, there's nothing wrong with being gay - and it's not the norm for gay men to be like this either - but there is something wrong for him in terms of sexuality if he imagines that perfectly normal-sized women (in fact, well below the average dress size) have problems with their weight. I have known someone exactly like this.

Very understandable for you to be upset (and yes, your DH has made a cock up telling you!) but don't let his problems with people get pushed onto you. He is the one with the attitude problem.

You go - you've done so well! Personally I find it's best to put losing weight on hold over Christmas and attack it again in Jan. I'm under 5ft myself and size 12 on the bottom half so I know you don't have to worry about urgently losing more! You're fine just the way you are.

[Brunettelady]

Oh god!! I didn't mean to offend anyone who is over a size 12!!! Its just what we were talking about when we thought my friends sister was very thin, then our DHs said 12 was ideal (maybe as their wives are that size and didn't want to upset us).

[Rindercella]

What a twat. And your DH should never, ever have repeated the conversation with you - I assume he knows that you have a issue with your weight? Oh, not that you should have btw - you have lost a whopping 2.5 stone this year. That is incredible. Size 12 is not big, it is a lovely size slim yet slightly curvy.

[Heated]

Fugly, unfunny blokes say this sort of thing; they never realise they are single/divorced/dumped for a very good reason. Muppet.

It's a sort of reverse compliment from your dh though, he probably shared because he knows you're gorgeous and believed you'd find it amusing, since you're very clearly not fat.

[ConnieComplaint]

Aw, thanks, all of you, I thought maybe I was a bit hormonal & going mad.

And you really need to know my dh to know he never ever would have told me this to upset me.

When he saw me tearing up he was astounded. He said he didn't think I would be upset as he had figured out that he mistook my colleague for me (not that that's any excuse as she's a lovely girl & what has her size got to do with him?)

I have my runners in my bag for lunch time tomorrow...so his stupid thoughtless comment might do some good.

Oh and to whoever said about not having to be slim to poledance, you're right! Of all of us there we varied from a size 8 right up to about a 22, and we all had a fab laugh!! The dancing was just one part of a memorable day.

[Buddleja]

I think the problem is that some men think with their dick. Which means in some cases, such as this man, the think things are bigger then they actually are. Tell you husband that and see if he reports that conversation back to his colleague.

I don't know if I can say if YABU or if YANBU because it's more of an self confidence thing.

Your husband is right you're a size 12 - that is not fat. Your period if due and it is making you feel more sensitive about things.

Take your little tush to the bathroom wash your face and go have a cuddly with your husband who evidently loves you and thinks you're hot as I can only assume the reason he told you about this conversation is because he simply CANNOT believe it was you this plonker was talking about

ps did you and your sister really go pole dancing? Was it fun?

[ConnieComplaint]

GrandelsMum - thanks!! You've made me laugh....really laugh!! And it's not the 4 glasses of rose wine I've consumed in the last hour!!

I never thought about it like that before!!

There's nothing like a group of women to boost your moral

Thanks all!

[JjandtheBean]

why on earth did dp tell you, rather insensitive imo!